Connor Richardson
CONNOR POV
The precipitation has subsided in contrast to the tumultuous thunderstorm that preceded it. Once again, my restless mind refused to grant me repose, consumed as it was with thoughts of her. The weight of it all bore down heavily, like an oppressive burden. The allure of her smile, the endearing quirkiness of her personality, and the captivating combination of her beauty and intelligence were impossible to ignore. Her company was effortless, and even now, the lingering fragrance of her presence tantalizes my senses. The depths of my being are riddled with a repugnant quality.
As I turned to face Dawn, still soundly asleep beside me, a wriggling sensation of guilt began to take hold within me. Though I have made the conscious decision to select her over Alana, I find myself unable to shake thoughts of the latter from my mind. My messages, carefully crafted and sent with heartfelt intention, remain unopened and unanswered. It seems that she has made the decision to remove me entirely from her life. Uncertainty clouded my mind regarding my expectations following our breakup. In a sudden moment, it seems as though we have become complete strangers, a reality that I had not anticipated.
I rise from the comfort of my bed and make my way towards the table, my footsteps echoing in the stillness of the room. With a heavy heart, I pour myself a glass of water, hoping to quench the dryness in my throat that seems to have settled there since the moment I hurt her. I abandoned her, standing solitary at the altar, in the presence of a multitude of witnesses. I possess qualities that some may perceive as an asshole. My father's anger towards me remains palpable, as he adamantly refuses to entertain the idea of meeting Dawn or allowing her to accompany me to any future family gatherings. Craving a breath of fresh air, I found myself grappling with the tension in my relationships with those around me. Alana, with her effortless charm and innate likability, had effortlessly won over the hearts of all those in our circle.As I deftly donned my shirt, I took a moment to pen a note for Dawn, ensuring that upon her awakening, she would be aware of my imminent return.
Navigating our relationship has proven to be quite challenging for the both of us. She was aware of my involvement with Alana, and unfortunately, her insecurities began to escalate to a point where our time together was often consumed by arguments rather than moments of genuine enjoyment. Her apprehension is rooted in the possibility of my departure, akin to the way I left Lana. In the past, I found great pleasure in the way Dawn would cling to me, her possessiveness a desirable trait. The notion of her pouting whenever Lana paid a visit or when we were together was particularly alluring.
Recalling the number of times Lana and I engaged in conflict during our youthful romance eludes me. Our love story began at the tender age of 17 and spanned a remarkable nine years. Lana's exceptional character was marked by her unwavering understanding and lack of imposition on my life. The relationship flowed with ease. Our synchronization was impeccable. Our preferences are identical.
Regrettably, this was the very thing that left me feeling unvalued in her eyes. It seemed to me that her love for me was insufficient, as she did not exhibit the same level of possessiveness as Dawn. She never exerted any pressure on me to reciprocate her feelings. As a male, the blow to my ego is palpable.
As I sat in my car, lost in thought, I suddenly became aware that my mind had been consumed by thoughts of Alana. The admission weighs heavily on my heart - the ache of missing her is a constant presence. The pain is unbearable, a constant reminder of my cowardice. I made the choice to leave her, and now I am left with the consequences. Despite her apparent disdain towards me, she refrained from putting up a fight for our relationship. Dawn was my choice, Alana didn't even plead with me. She did not request my presence.
The yearning to be desired consumes me.
I ignited the car engine and made my way to Erik's residence. It appeared that he too had been avoiding me, much like everyone else who seemed to have taken her side without bothering to understand my perspective.The state of my happiness seems to be of little concern to anyone.
As I embarked on the drive, a sense of dread washed over me. The mere thought of encountering Erik filled me with uncertainty and apprehension. Despite my repeated attempts to reach out, he has remained unresponsive to my calls and messages. I understood the reason behind their distress; I had essentially abandoned Lana at the altar. It was my own lack of courage that led to her public embarrassment. As the sun began to rise, Dawn fell to her knees before me and my groomsmen, her desperate pleas ringing in my ears. My heart ached as I gazed upon her, and in that moment, I knew that I could not choose Lana. Without hesitation, I made the decision to take Dawn's hand. I witnessed her valiantly battling for my affection.
I positioned my vehicle along the edge of the curb, stepping out with a pack of cigarettes in hand. Leaning casually against the car's exterior, I patiently awaited Erik's emergence. As the tobacco burned, a fleeting sense of calm washed over me, but it was short-lived as my gaze fell upon Erik emerging from his townhouse.
Erik's countenance upon seeing me appears rather displeased, for he is one who openly displays his emotions. I was acutely aware of his thoughts regarding me. As I departed the church, cradling Dawn in my embrace, I sensed his fist poised to strike me in the face. I made a promise to him that I would return, yet regrettably, I failed to keep my word. Rather than confronting them directly, I opted to convey my rationale through a written letter.
He bore witness to Lana's emotional breakdown.
"What is it that you want, Connor? " With a sneer, he greeted me - no warm salutations or friendly greetings, but rather a voice dripping with disdain and contempt.
"Erik, please come on."
"Lana's intervention has been the sole factor preventing me from taking drastic measures against you."
With a sense of resignation, I flicked the cigarette butt onto the unforgiving asphalt and uttered the words, "Kill me then."
With a venomous tone, he retorted, "You want for me to comply with your request, but Lana's words ring true. You simply aren't worth the effort of becoming agitated over."
"Did Lana really say that I'm not worth it? That's all I can digest from him uttered. "I'm not worth it, Perhaps that's why she moved on so effortlessly," i mused, my thoughts drifting into the realm of uncertainty.
"Everyone saw you flaunting your girlfriend around town, I couldn't help but feel that you embody the most despicable qualities of humanity. It appears that you are undeserving of such a remarkable individual. Choosing you was a mistake on her part."
The question arises:
"whom shall she choose? YOU??"
The inexplicable nature of my utterance perplexes me, considering the longstanding camaraderie shared among us since our adolescent years.
"If she were to want it, then yes, I would be available. I vow to cherish her deeply, shower her with affection, and remain a steadfast presence in her life."
Does he truly love Lana? My mind was consumed by a fiery passion, fiercely guarding the notion that she was mine and mine alone. She belongs to me!
I vehemently oppose his proposition. I shall not yield even if it costs me my life. With a clenched fist, I struck his face with force. With lightning reflexes, he swiftly intercepted the incoming fist and deftly redirected it to the side. Unbelievable. My own friend harboring feelings for my girlfriend.
"Connor, she is no longer yours to claim. You may recall that you discarded her. You opted for a piece of glass, enticed by its dazzling allure that outshone even the most precious of gems. Alas, this decision proved to be your undoing, causing you to forfeit the affections of a remarkable woman who selflessly prioritized your desires above her own. Did you ever take note that despite her aversion to Tiramisu cake, she indulged in it solely for your sake? leave, Connor. Leave as you did before. Though I may not have the privilege of claiming her loves, I will remain steadfast in my support for her and the one she chooses to love. I hope she find a partner who would burn the world to the ground for her, for you,man are not that person."
The words pierced through me, leaving a profound impact. I couldn't help but wonder, what had I done to deserve this?She slipped away from me.Truly, I find myself losing everyone around me.As tears welled up and threatened to spill over, my knees gave way beneath me.As I stumbled forward, my body collided with the unforgiving pavement.