I had a panic attack...

[Kiara's point of view]

I was screaming and crying at the same time. How could Simon do this to me? How could he say that this was a toxic relationship? I don't care what he said about my mental health. I am ok with being called mentally sick but I am not ok with being called toxic. Yes, I might be a toxic person. But I was never toxic to Simon. He was the only person whom I was afraid to hurt. I remember the 26 year old boy playing guitar on the street. I was barely 22 and his voice instantly got my attention. I asked Sohpie to call him. I sang my first duet with him which was called 'forever' ironically. The song was a huge hit so was Simon as a singer. I was madly in love with him. He was the only person on earth who could make me smile from my heart. The time we spent together was the best time in my life. No matter how much he hurts me I will never be able to hate him. I don't know how he changed this much. Maybe it was never love for him. He was just using me for his career and when he could stand on his own he decided to get rid of me. But he could have done it in a better way. Why is he doing all this? Does he hate me this much? Maybe I deserve only hate. It was a sin to expect someone to love me. All these thoughts started filling in my head and my heartbeat started rising. All of a sudden my stomach was getting bloated. I could feel this strange fear for no reason. I was getting chills all over my body and was sweating as well. My body started shivering and it was getting difficult to breathe. My vision was getting blurred and I was losing control. I felt like I was gonna die. It's a panic attack again. I got up from the bed gasping for air and Dora knocked at the door.

Dora: Miss, are you alright?

I was unable to say anything because of the adrenaline rush in my body. But Dora came in and could see that I was not fine.

Dora: Oh God! Are you ok?

"My…..my pills."

I said that with great difficulty. Dora immediately opened the drawer and gave me the pills which Charlie had prescribed for an emergency.

I swallowed them and Dora gave me a glass of water. I gulped down the water but my hands were shaking so much and I was unable to hold the glass properly so it fell down and broke.

Dora: Oh no! Miss, please sit down!

Dora made me sit on the bed and I was still unable to breathe. Dora took her phone and did something. Then she sat next to me rubbing my back. And within a minute Joe came in.

Joe : Kiara, what happened?

"I….I…. am gonna die."

I said in between the short breaths. My throat was really dry even after drinking water. One thing I hate about panic attacks is the unquenchable thirst that I feel.

Joe: You had your pill?

Dora: Yes I gave her.

Joe: You will be alright Kiara. Don't worry.

I lied down on the bed tossing and turning and I was feeling like I was going to go crazy any moment. And then I could hear some music playing in the background. It sounded like a guitar. I could also hear someone singing.

"Music?....Is it music? Am I hallucinating?"

I asked in a low voice. I really can't trust my senses when I am having a panic attack.

Joe: No! Someone is playing Guitar. Maybe Eugene? Should I ask him to stop?

"No!....no….I wanna hear it."

I felt like my heartbeat was slowing down and breathing was getting easier as I was paying attention to the guitar and the faint vocals that I could hear. But suddenly it stopped. I felt a wave of fear again. I got up from bed as my stomach was getting heavy as if I had swallowed a rock. It was getting difficult to breathe and my heart beat was rising again as well.

Joe: Oh God! The pills aren't working. I will call Charlie.

"The….the music. Keep playing it...I….I want to…..keep hearing ...."

I said, holding my head.

Joe: Should I play a song?

"No! The guitar…. that tune... Please"

I felt like I would die if I didn't hear that sound. I really don't know why. Panic attacks really messes up the logic function in our brain and make us do stupid things which we regret later.

Joe: ok...ok wait.

He immediately rushed to Eugene's room when he reached there Eugene was lying on bed scrolling his phone. Eugene was quite surprised when Joe entered the room without knocking. Eugene sat up immediately and looked at Joe in confusion.

Joe: Eugene, you were playing guitar right?

Eugene : Ye...yes...why?

Joe hesitated for a while. And that made Eugene overthink in a fraction of second.

Oh no! Maybe Kiara didn't like the way I started playing guitar and singing in her house without her permission. Maybe she is going to scold me for that. Why did I forget that I am in someone else's house as a staff member? Why you are so stupid Eugene!

Eugene: I am so sorry...I won't play it again. Please forgive me.

Eugene got up on his feet and started bowing to Joe apologetically.

Joe: No no! Please keep playing it.

Eugene stopped bowing and looked at Joe in disbelief.

Joe: The same tune please keep playing it.

Eugene took some time to process that.

Joe: Please….

Joe said it as it was an emergency.

Eugene took his guitar and sat on bed and started playing the song again. There were many questions in his mind but he is always hesitant to ask questions. So he just kept playing and Joe gestured to him to carry on as he left the room. He went back to Kiara's room and she seemed to calm down already. She was lying on bed and listening to music. Dora was sitting beside her and caressing her hair. Kiara still seemed uneasy and agitated but her face was less pale.

Eugene kept playing the guitar thinking why Joe asked him to do that. The time was passing and there was no sign of Joe. Is this some kind of punishment for disturbing Kiara with my crappy music? Because there is no way she would like what I played.

Joe and Dora were still monitoring Kiara and she was finally calm. She closed her eyes and was lying peacefully. After some minutes Dora and Joe looked at each other. Dora placed hand on Kiara's arm and called her softly.

Dora : Miss? Miss ….

Kiara didn't respond.

Dora: Looks like she fell asleep.

She said in a low voice and Joe sighed in relief.

Joe: Thank God!

And then he remembered about Eugene who was still playing guitar. Joe went to Eugene's room and he was still playing.

Joe: You can stop now.

Joe said as he entered and Eugene stopped playing and bowed a little with a smile.

Joe: Hope your hands are not hurting.

Eugene: No, not at all. I used to work in a nightclub before and used to play guitar all night. This was nothing.

He said with a smile.

Joe: Thank you Eugene. You played very well.

Joe said that with a faint smile and he left. Eugene was still thinking hard.

So this was not a punishment. Why would Joe say 'thank you' if this was a punishment? He seemed quite happy and relieved. But when he came in before he was really stressed. Maybe Kiara just wanted to hear some music. But she could have heard anything. I am not even that good at playing guitar. Should I go and ask her about this? No! What if she got angry and fired me. There is no way I am going back to that night club to play guitar. That was a horrible experience.

The drunkard audience used to mock and make fun of him everyday. He would have been stuck there forever if he wouldn't have gotten this job.

He got some flashbacks of the nightclub job and he instantly shook his head to forget that.

Maybe she just likes listening to guitar. It's no big deal if she asks me to play it everyday. Eugene smiled to himself as he thought about it.

On the other side Kiara was sleeping peacefully. She saw herself walking through a garden wearing a black dress. She could hear the faint music coming from a guitar. And someone was singing. She started following that music and saw a boy sitting with a guitar. It was Eugene. He was dressed in all white. Kiara started smiling unknowingly while listening to the music. Finally Eugene lifted his head and looked in her direction and smiled at her showing his dimples.