Chapter 36: Thanks

Yawn.

I woke up.

And… I was back in my body?

Huh?

Huh!?

I was back in my room. In my bed. Someone was knocking at the door. No, it wasn't someone. It was the landlord.

I was due on rent. I was due for a while.

And I was going to be kicked out today.

I looked down and well, my pants were a little red and reeked but I wasn't dead. So, everything was a dream? All those things? No, they couldn't be a dream. They were so real and-

Almost all the memories seemed to fade, as though… as though none of them were real.

"A little too elaborate, don't you think?" I chuckled. No, I laughed. I laughed out loud… yet some drops… leaked.

Tears.

But crying wasn't going to help. I was a man, and if I was going to go out, I was going out like a man. It's never too late.

It was never too late to start again.

I'd be on the streets? I'd die in a few weeks from cancer? No one left?

Pffts! Who cared!

I still had those few weeks and I was going to make most of them. One last time.

Get up.

Stand up.

Stand up!

Knock! Knock!

Sigh… so noisy… yet… it was so quiet? Huh? Wait…

So… Ah-

Light peered through the ceiling. In an instant, all that fatigue, all that dread, all that uncertainty and all that… drowsiness just died.

I woke up.

Bright. The calm sound of the carriage.

"You were moaning," Sen said. "Scary dream? Or maybe a bit exciting?" She smirked.

I groaned, sitting down. "Something like that."

I didn't need sleep. And I didn't dream till now. I didn't move my bowels and I didn't need to urinate. However, lately my desires and bodily functions were steadily becoming normal.

So, this body's the problem.

The longer I spent in these human bodies, the closer I got to being a human and going through shit.

Feelings. Memories. Ideals.

 I don't need them.

I switched. I switched to a slime. I tried shrinking but couldn't.

"This might be a bit hard," Sen said, basically kissing the wagon's wall. I was in the middle and grew in a way, I took all the space this carriage had to offer and maybe a bit more. Luckily, I was soft, probably.

Wait, wasn't there one more of us?

"Where's Josie??"

"Here," she said. Awfully muffled.

Where the hell was that voice coming from?

Down?

Huh.

Oh… I was basically sitting on her face. No, I was sitting on her whole body. "You alright?"

I switched to a goblin. Just a typical goblin. Success!

"I'm fine. The pressure was kind of relaxing actually." I was still standing on her, and particularly on her back. She kind of liked it, judging by that expression.

"Glad to hear that," I yawned. This body's pretty close to being a human too.

But now what? I needed to be a slime to not have those shit feelings. Guess, a bird was fine too.

So, I switched over to a hawk. A bit bigger than your average hawk but hey, at least birds didn't have carnal desires like humans.

"Something wrong with you?" Sen said. "You've been acting quite strange."

"Nothing, really," I said. "We need to find another dungeon. I have to check in on the girls in Lamina village."

"There should be one not too far from there. But it's in a major city up north and it's rumored to be one of the biggest dungeons in the country. I'm not sure if going there is a good idea."

"I don't need to conquer it. Just connecting to its core should work."

"And you can do that with the dungeon master just hanging around?"

"Good point."

"All that aside, why're you a bird right now?"

"Just wanted to fly," I spread my wings and caught some wind. I was immediately flung out of the carriage and I started flapping. It came naturally, and was rather easy to slowly ascend.

Wind pressed against me, as the blue sky drew near. No, it didn't go farther or come closer. It was just there. The view was kind of amazing from here. But thanks to my Birdseye view skill, I could already see this without needing to actually come up here.

Didn't mean I didn't want to fly around though.

What am I doing?

Running away?

Not facing my feelings?

The same as usual.

Then what was I supposed to do? Be human. Go screw around, have fun and-

But didn't I want that? Didn't I want to have fun in this life?

didn't I-

I honestly didn't know anymore. I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't know.

I just didn't.

***

Later that day, we arrived at a small village. No, it was small enough to be called just a settlement. They didn't have enough room for the girls, so they just parked by the roadside and slept in our carriages. The girls who didn't fit in the carriages, slept outside in tents.

Me and Sen of course had our own room at the inn where we were staying.

"You really have been acting strange though," Sen said, closing the door. "It's fine if you don't want to tell me. But at least eat?" She handed me a red fruit, which I thought to be a tomato at first but nope, it was just a persimmon.

I had to switch over to a human body here. Partly because ordinary people would think me as a monster and attack. But also, because I kind of wasn't sure what to do.

Being a human meant I was going to go through the same shit as before. And I was going to have to deal with them.

Being a monster meant I could just move on from them but I felt as though I was running away. But I was already a monster now. I wasn't human. So, it didn't matter if I was running from human problems. Because I was no longer human to begin with!

Yet…

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

"I'm fine… it's just that, I'm a little unsure what to do."

"Huh…" She flicked her tail around. "You'll figure something out."

"Yeah."

She hugged me and just stayed like that.

How much of this was fake? How much was she just plotting and faking?

Even now, I had my doubts. I could never trust people. Not anymore. So even if she was being genuine or kind or whatever, I couldn't trust.

Yet… "Thanks."

I hugged her back. And gave that tail a stroke.