Chapter Ten
If music was a world, Alan would be in it. There was no doubt that Alan craved feeling, craved the unspeakable feeling of freedom that music brought to him when he close his eyes. There was no doubt, that he would never be free.
If there was such freedom, why would Alan be in a world that is black and white? A world that is all wrong and never right? A world where humans are born to want more and die wishing they had it? A world of destruction among itself, a world of silence.
Music was a key to peace, even in history they had used music to bring people together. But as time went on, Alan had trouble hearing the peace it once brought him.
6 A.M. flashed in Alan's eyes as he groan from the shimmering sunlight that pounded his window. Birds of dawn began their daily songs next to Alan's window as he sighed in defeat, watching the birds sing together in harmony. Such dull creatures lived their lives unaware that they are only part of what was happening in the world, yet they knew how to sing to show their love. It bothered Alan that a bird could be happier than him, then it bothered him that he was comparing himself with a bird.
Alan rose, feeling just as dull as he thought of the birds. It was nothing new to him, sometimes he just felt this way. Empty and in pain, there were no other words to describe it. Like a ghost among the living, an outcast among the royal. Like someone walking a road with thousands yet never knowing that they weren't alone. Alan didn't think it was depression, just a slight wave of sadness that consumed his body more than his mind. It made him feel sluggish, weak almost. Like he had been in the sun for days without water, or a nap that felt like it was out of this world.
Alan sluggishly went to his drawers as he looked for some form of comfort, a sweatshirt, and sweatpants. Alan held them close, unsure of how to move on with his morning, his arms and hands felt weak as he clung to the folded clothes that were pressed to his chest. His eyes watered as he blinked rapidly, not sure if they were caused by the morning tiredness or the feeling of rawness that crawled in his stomach.
Alan fought off the urge to crawl back into be and began to dress as he swayed lightly, unaware that he was already late.
"Alan, you awake?" Alan heard the door opening as he pulled his sweatpants up, his heart thumping like a large hammer crashing into a wall as he panicked.
"Just a moment!" Alan was more awake now as he tried to change his shirt faster than before. Once he finished, he quickly grabbed his converse before swinging the door open to see Eric.
"Charlie has an early morning, I will be driving you. If you are ready we can probably stop somewhere and get a smoothie." Eric was typing on his phone as he spoke, not even caring to look Alan in the eye as he multitasked. "Okay bye." Eric walked away faster than Alan could respond as he watched Eric quickly walk down the hall into his own room. Alan shook his head as he thought of the bizarre way Eric was acting as he typed, wondering what could get him to type so fast before.
Alan walked out of his room and closed the door behind him, still gripping his shoes as he headed downstairs where he had left his backpack last night when he thought of studying. The thudding of Alan's bare feet hitting the stairs echoed across the silent house as he headed towards the dining room table, spotting his backpack across the table where he had left it. Once he sat down, he quickly got his socks and shoes on before grabbing his backpack and heading towards the noise in the kitchen.
"Eric?" Alan rounded the corner towards the kitchen, expecting to see Eric but instead sees an older girl. Alan froze as he made eye contact with the girl, she seemed shocked too once she saw him.
"Who are you?" She mumbled as food fell from her mouth. Her long blue hair was tied into a bun as her Blue eyes stared into Alan's shocked soul, waiting for his answer.
"Who are you?" He asked numbly. "And where are your pants?" The girl and Alan looked down at the girl's bare legs as her large shirt covered the rest of her. She quickly looked up as her face was covered in blush while she tried to pull her shirt down to cover more.
"Eric!" The girl screeched. Seconds later, Eric went flying down the stairs with panic in his eyes as he saw Alan and the girl.
"What's wrong?! What's happening?! What can I do?!" Words spewed out of Eric as he tried to understand what was happening.
"Who is this- this boy?" The girl's voice quickly lost volume as she slides to Eric's side in urgency. Alan stared with his eyebrows raised as he watched Eric's issue unfold.
"Rose, I told you that Charlie was fostering." Eric sighed at Rose, almost like her forgetting was normal. "Rose, this is Alan. Alan, this is my girlfriend, Rose." Eric introduced. Alan stared at Eric, waiting for him to realize that his girlfriend was not wearing pants. Sadly, Alan found that Eric wasn't the best at observing as Alan had thought, which led to Alan pointing it out.
"So," Alan coughed. "Did you sleepover?" Eric began to laugh as he shook his head.
"She's only visiting today." Eric smiled as he pressed his girlfriend closer to him.
"Oh, I didn't know that people walked around with no pants in this town." Alan turned on his heels as he headed for the car, hoping that Eric realized he wasn't the brightest today. "I'm going to go and wait in the car." Alan didn't stop when heard sounds that could resemble someone getting smacked violently.
After a few minutes of waiting in the car, Alan spotted Eric running towards the car as he carried a bunch of thick books in his arms. Once Eric opened the back door and threw them in, he quickly got into the front seat and paused.
"I would advise that we pretend she had pants on, for your safety and mind." Eric looked like he had run a marathon as he stared at Alan with fear.
"I didn't know she wasn't wearing pants." Alan lied swiftly, letting Eric know that he too was ready to forget.
"And another thing, Charle didn't know she came over. If you could not tell him…" Alan raised an eyebrow as he looked at the older teen who was asking him to lie to his foster parent.
"Sure," Alan said. "Why not."
Eric pulled up to the front of the school as Alan got out, grabbing the smoothie that Eric had gotten him on the way over. Hundreds of kids were filling the school as Alan paused, not ready to be another victim of the school system quite yet. Once Alan closed the door, Eric zoomed away with the rest of the parents, or teens who were looking for a parking lot, either way, he was alone. Alan began his walk towards the school, bumping through groups of kids as they all entered the rushing hallways of high school.
Alan felt the rush of anxiety as he looked around, teens of all kinds rushed through their lives as they tried to complete one of the many things that were needed from them. Alan felt overwhelmed, unsure of himself once more. Alan started to rub his palms on his sweatpants as he pulled his sleeves further over his hands. He wanted to leave, he needed to leave. But he was frozen in the middle of the hall, unable to move through the teens.
"Alan?" Brendon stood across from Alan as he stared at the frozen boy, aware that Alan seemed off. "You good?" Alan was napped back into the present, fully focusing on Brendon more than anything else.
"Yeah, I just forgot what I was doing for a second." Alan simply replied, hoping that Brendon wouldn't push further and let Alan just follow him until Alan could get his wits back.
"Where were you yesterday?" Brendon changed the subject, leading to another awkward pause as Alan opened his mouth before closing it.
"I was at home," Alan wouldn't say home, but it would have been more questionable if he had said differently.
"MayMay was asking about you." Brendon stopped what he was doing and looked at Alan with a questionable look. "That's very unusable," Brendon commented.
"I think we are friends now." Alan didn't want to reply to the unusable part but quickly made his point that they were friends.
"MayMay doesn't have friends, she has people. That's it." Brendon was now facing him, his face was solemn as he looked down at Alan. "Be careful." Alan wasn't sure what he meant, but all he could do was nod as a response.
"Alan!" A voice was heard over the roaring crowd of teens as Max stood on his toes and waved as MayMay stood next to him. Alan gave a quick bye to Brendon before walking over, still feeling Brendon's eyes on his back as he made his way towards them. "Where were you, bro?"
"At home." Again, Alan replied with a simple answer as Max squinted at him with judgment.
"Okay, dude. Be like that." Max rolled his eyes as he started walking and talking about the homework that was due and how he hadn't started it. Alan was quick to follow as he smiled down at his shoes, knowing that MayMay was right next to him as he walked.