The Leavetaking

Thor was already there when Loki entered their father's bedchamber. He had set Gungnir on the bed beside Odin. As for himself, Thor was the image of a penitent son. He was on his knees on the ground, his head bent low as he spoke to his father. Loki shut the door with more force than was necessary to make sure Thor was aware of his presence, then slowly approached the ornate bed.

Thor lifted his head and tracked Loki's steps. 'He grows thin. The muscle's wasting away beneath his skin.'

'I think that's common in comatose patients,' Loki replied. 'He will recover his strength when he wakes.'

His brother nodded, although Loki's answer plainly left him unsatisfied. He peered at their father's unmoving face for a long moment, then rose to his feet.

'Were you looking for mother?' he asked.

'No, I wanted to see father one more time. I hoped that after seeing him, I'd find some clarity and I'd know what to say when I came to see you.'

Thor frowned. 'What don't I know?'

'I'm leaving Asgard,' Loki said.

'If this is because of Agnar and Tyr, don't. That's all in the past, I assure you. They'll rot in their cells until the end of their days. Everyone else involved will be demoted or punished according to their crimes. It might take time, but the king's justice will be done. You —'

Loki threw up his hand to silence his brother. 'I appreciate that and you have my full confidence in you on this, but it's not because of them. This is a trip I need to make for my own sake. For both our sakes, in the long term.'

'For both our sakes?' Thor reached for Gungnir and scooped the spear up. 'What are you talking about? I need you here, by my side.'

Loki bit back a wince as his mind cast back to their father's vision for him. Odin's fears for Thor's rule had become reality. With Odin lost to his sleep and the majority of the council in cells awaiting the king's judgement, Thor was desperately short of good counsel. Odin had been right then and Thor was right now — Loki's place was by his brother.

And he longed to stay and help Thor. And to gloat to Tyr and Agnar's faces. But the universe demanded a higher loyalty. Now that he had triaged the situation on Asgard, it was time to go.

'I've made up my mind,' Loki said. 'Mother will help you and father will awaken.'

I can only hope the previous weeks taught you something, brother.

Thor took a step back, a strange expression on his face. 'How can we be certain of that?'

It wasn't a matter of certainty; there hadn't been any frost giant arrow in the first timeline. More chilling – the last time Odin died, Asgard had all but perished with him. Loki didn't dare contemplate that, not when so much else had gone awry.

He sighed and slipped his hands around his father's cold palm. 'He's the Allfather. It'll take more than one poisoned arrow tip to kill him.'

'I pray you're right.'

'You'll see.' Loki offered his brother a smile and pressed his hands over Odin's, hoping to share some of his warmth with his father. 'So, I'll leave tonight, once I've bad mother farewell. You'll pass a message through Heimdall once you have good news about father, won't you?'

'No. You can't leave.' Thor pushed himself up to his feet. 'I need you here and so does mother.'

'I can't leave?'

Thor realised they had ventured into territory he hadn't intended for them to go, but was reluctant to find a way to retreat. 'I suppose,' he said in a hesitant tone, 'I have the power to make you stay.'

'And so I shall be a prisoner again? You're most kind, your majesty.'

'That's not how I meant it!'

'I know what you meant.'

Thor scowled. Loki sensed danger in that expression; furniture usually ended up broken not long after. He swallowed the juvenile comments that came readily to his mind. He could lower himself to match Thor's temper or he could try to force Thor to rise to the occasion.

'You are being selfish,' Loki said.

'No, I'm being realistic, more than I'd rather be. It pains me to admit it, but I can't rule without help.'

'What about my pain right now?' Loki responded. 'My parents are not my parents, my brother is not my brother. I'm not even Asgardian and my birth-father is a man we've been taught to despise all our lives. The people I grew up among turned on me the moment they found out, making all sorts of baseless accusations. My life has been a lie. How can I just go on like nothing has happened?'

'Is punishment for their actions not enough?'

Loki drew his hands back and shrugged. 'I… I don't know, Thor. My mind is in chaos right now, I'm angry and I'm not. I desperately want to speak to our father and at the same time, I never want to see him again. I doubt I am even in the right state of mind to be offering counsel to anyone, let alone a king.'

'I can understand that,' Thor said. He skirted around the bed until he was at Loki's side, but seemed unwilling to physically reach out to his brother. 'Mother did tell me that she suspected you were more upset than you'd let on. I just thought that after how things ended on Jotunheim, you would prefer to remain on Asgard after all.'

'Let's not discuss that mess right now.'

'If you are leaving, I think we must. The frost giants are your blood and I realise, it's natural that you'd want to explore that heritage, but I doubt they'll welcome you back.'

Loki burst into laughter. 'That's bloody obvious, Thor. I've not the slightest desire to go back to that frozen hellhole. Ever.'

'Oh,' Thor awkwardly chuckled along, as if forcing himself to enjoy a joke he didn't understand. 'Then where are you planning to go?'

'My plan is a wild, drunken ramble through the wide universe beyond the Nine Realms.'

'If only I could join you,' Thor replied. His relief was palpable.

'Maybe one day you will.' Loki patted his brother on the shoulder. 'We still have many centuries ahead of us.'

This is a waste of time.

Loki flipped back the blanket over him and propped himself up on his elbows.

He didn't end up leaving in the evening as he had planned. The conversation with his mother proved more difficult and lengthy than the one with Thor. By the end, his mind was wrung out at the effort of dredging up old hurts for the sake of his current cover story. Nor, in truth, was he in a hurry to leave.

He let his mother talk him into staying for dinner, just the three of them — Loki, Thor and Frigga. Odin's absence and Loki's impending departure imparted a melancholy mood over the occasion, but it was still orders of magnitude better than a re-hydrated meal from some rotting tavern Loki had anticipated having that evening. The three of them made a concerted effort to avoid talking about the future and instead, reminisced about the past. They lingered at the table, laughing and drinking until even Frigga's cheeks grew flush from the wine in her goblet.

It had been well into the night when they finally dispersed to their own rooms. And it was nearly dawn now and Loki was yet to find an hour of solid sleep. He seemed to drift in and out of wakefulness every quarter of an hour, his thoughts flitting between wonder at the oddness of his dreams and concerns about his journey ahead.

There was no sense in trying to find rest any longer. Loki grabbed the robe he had discarded by the bed and switched on the lamps. Squinting until his eyes adjusted to the sudden influx of light, Loki went through the motions of his morning routine.

Once he looked presentable, he made a survey of his quarters. He needed to pack. He had known this would come from the moment he decided to leave, but the reality of it left him rather puzzled. Spontaneous travel was how it usually worked out for him. He had to think hard until he remembered his last planned journey. It had been a tour of the outlying villages while he had been impersonating his father. His servants had packed everything for him back then.

'Well, it can't be that hard,' Loki muttered. 'People do it every day.'

He found an old bag once used for hunting trips on the bottom of his closet and threw in an extra set of clothing in there. The few imperative items from his bathroom followed, then his knives, his set of healing supplies, a spare notebook and a few knickknacks that Loki thought might come in handy. Loki stared at the bag for a few moments, then added two spell-books from his collection.

'Ah, the most important thing,' Loki said with a groan.

His rooms held a couple of gold trinkets, which could fetch a good price. Gold, however, wasn't an especially valuable commodity in the wider universe. Loki threw his bag on his shoulder and set off towards the Treasury Vaults.

He found a small satisfaction in the nervous looks of the guards at the entrance to the vaults.

'I am here on the king's business,' he said. 'Would you be kind enough to shuffle of my way? Thank you.'

As he gathered up some of the less dangerous, but flashy artefacts and a few handfuls of most valuable coins, Loki tried to guess how furious Thor would be when he heard about Loki's pilfering of the Asgardian treasury. Probably, no more than he would be about Loki sneaking away without a final goodbye, he decided, which didn't bother Loki much. Thor would forgive these slights by the time he returned.

Once he concluded his business at the vaults, Loki strode quickly through the silent palace and the empty streets of the city below. The sky grew lighter, but the sun was yet to show its face, so the multi-coloured gleam of the Bifrost was the only source of light.

'Good morning, your highness,' Heimdall said when he saw Loki approach. 'Come to fulfil your part of our bargain?'

'Hello, Heimdall,' Loki replied. 'No. I'm leaving.'

'Does the king know?'

'He does.'

Heimdall's lips twitched. 'And does he know what you promised me in exchange for aiding you in Jotunheim?'

'That he does not.'

Silence fell.

Loki shook his head. The missive he had sent to Heimdall had been born out of desperation. He hadn't taken the time to contemplate the practicalities of sharing with Heimdall the information he had promised and now that he had, Loki was reluctant to do so. Unfortunately, Heimdall's stubbornness outmatched Loki's. He would stand there, still as a marble statue, until Loki lost his temper.

And what then? He couldn't attack Heimdall. Robbing the treasury was unsavoury enough; robbing the treasury and then attacking the Guardian of the Bifrost started to look downright sketchy. Loki supposed he could summon Thor to demand Heimdall to move on Loki's behalf, but then Heimdall was bound to mention Loki's letter to Thor and Thor too would have questions for Loki.

Shit.

This one is purely my own doing too.

'What do you know already?' Loki asked.

'Time and space are mangled around you. I cannot say what you have done, but it carries heavier consequences than your usual tricks have accustomed you to.'

'No need for the reproachful tone; this wasn't done lightly,' Loki replied. 'I can't tell you much. Tangled timelines get messy. Here's the crux of it —there is someone out there seeking the Infinity Stones.'

Heimdall's eyes narrowed. 'Which ones?'

'All of them.'

'That is —'

'I believe the seeker has the capacity to wield them successfully. I've told my family I'm leaving Asgard in an effort to come to terms with myself as a frost giant, but it is him I am pursuing. I may need your help again.'

'You can rely on my discretion. Unless I believe your actions threaten Asgard,' Helmdall said flatly. Heimdall's expression had often been a puzzle for Loki and, to Loki's discomfort, right now was no different.

I suppose I can content myself with the thought that Heimdall is not one to lie.

'I would expect no less of you,' Loki replied. He glanced back to the city at the other end of the bridge. Its towers now glistened in the rose-tinted washes of the rising sun, inviting Loki to return and enjoy the comfort of his home just a little longer. 'It's time for me to go.'

'You didn't say where you were headed.'

Loki cringed. 'Sakaar.'