One

There's nothing on wanting to live life freely. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to shut the world, to forget everything, and just live.

That's what my life was, no worries at all. I was lucky that I got two hard-working parents that gave me everything I needed or wanted. I was lucky I got a good childhood full of friends. I never got to worry about the little things, life was simpler back then. No work, no school money, not worrying about my future. I didn't know I had to have priorities or even know which college I had to apply to. No one told me I had to stop being a child one day and suddenly become an adult. And yet here I am running towards another part-time job, to keep my tuition, my rent, and food money.

I'm busting my ass at nineteen to keep my life afloat. I'm the child of both retired parents that can't afford to play college with their only daughter, so now I have to fend for myself. I have to work and study at the same time in the hopes that I can someday pay back my student loan, with a minimum wage job.

I already work as an usher at the corner theater, I bust tables on weekends. I babysitter the neighbor's kid, I even do errands. I do it all for little money. Any money is welcomed. I also buy second-hand clothes and books, I seek the specials and sales at the supermarket and big discount stores. I walk everywhere. My savings account is low, my credit card is for emergencies only and my computer is almost at its last.

"Can you cover for me, Dolly?" I sing hallelujah in my head. I'm on a break and I take any job out there. Being an usher is the easiest job if you can oversee the grossness of people. You get to even watch free movies. And whenever Tad gets a new girlfriend I get tons of his work hours into my pocket.

"Sure." I can't believe, I will soon have enough for my new computer.

That's my goal this year, a new shiny brand new laptop. I'm afraid that by next semester I'll no longer have the one I own. I have to back up my files every single time because I don't know when it will restart itself. I learn to do that after I finished an essay I had spent half a day glued to my computer everything had been lost in one blink of an eye and I had no other option but to suck up the tears and start from the very beginning.

I hang up the phone and clean the small room I'm the proud owner of. Is small but I need nothing else, I mean I’m in college I eat poorly and I study and work whenever I can squeeze time. My room right now just books on a small bookshelf in a corner that also works as my nightstand. I use my bed as my workspace with a long piece of polished wood. I have dried food and cans in a small box under my bed and my closet is just plastic boxes where I keep everything neatly folded. I just don't decorate anymore. There's no point to do so if I don't spend enough time at home. I don't need much really, just a reliable internet connection and a bed if anything there’s the library, I can always go there to study.

This is just some bad moment in my life that I will get through and maybe someday I'll have the room of my dreams. The bed of my dreams.

The apartment of my dreams. I have everything neatly mapped out for when the time is right when I get enough money for it.

As the day grows darker and I start to get ready for work. I have a double shift at the theater tonight, mines and Tod’s so wear my comfortable shoes and my baggy pants and strut down the street with time to spare. Is a cool afternoon so I hold my small jacket in my hands and walk slowly with my headphones in.

"Ted is out on a date again?"

"Yes." Lucky me.

I'm cutting the tickets smiling politely as they come through, is a slow night. I push my braid back and stared ahead. Soon I'll have to go on my bathroom check and then back to selling tickets. My supervisor is in a cheery mood today and I hope it stays that way for the whole night. He comes and goes, checking that everything is running smooth but his eyes linger over my face today for the longest time and I begin to think that he’s out prowling again.

He always does that, he's always looking at me.

"Dolly, could you come here please." I groan low. I hope is not to ask me out again, three times is enough already.

I walk slowly, dragging my feet. Following into the small office he has if it weren’t for the desk there someone could mistake this for a utility closet. It's cramped and it smells stale, like something wet was left out too long but that's just how he usually smells. Will, short for William is married and father of six children from three different women I know, gross. He's one of those guys that you just know he touches himself when no one is watching. His receding hairline and his beer gut make him a lot harder in the eyes.

He goes around his clustered desk, which I think he keeps like that for people to think he actually does work, and plops down, I almost gag when his double chin wobbles. Beady eyes stare at me, how I wish I could poke him with my pen.

"I wanted to call you in here to thank you for your hard work this last couple of days," he starts. "As you know we are currently short-staffed and you always are the first one to come forward whenever we need someone to do extra." Yes, I do it for the money you pay me, I want to say but I clamp my mouth shut and nod. "As a sign of how grateful I am, I want to invite you to dinner." And there it is, another one. I just want to kick him, hard, on the balls.

"I'm just doing my job."

"And that's exactly why I want to show you my gratitude."

"Ah, well I'm happy you are happy with my job but I have to say no."

He stares at me, hard. His neck thickens and the bald spot on top of his head is red. He's angry I've turned him down now a fourth time.

"I understand." He said the before yet here we are again. The silence is awkward but I don’t move, I’m waiting until he decided that my presence is no longer required.

He starts shuffling papers and pretends that it didn't affect him at all, that a nineteen-year-old has once again rejected his fat ass. "You better go back." His eyes are shooting daggers at me and I wince. I hope he doesn't go crazy like the last time and makes me pick up popcorns with my hands again. Cleaning wasn't in my job description. We have two extra people for that but I will rather be on his good side, the rumors about him aren’t pretty, and is not like I have the luxury of losing this job.

I walk slowly and sit behind the glass. There's a small line and Lina's shift is almost done so I'm handling ticket sales for now. She smiles and attends the last three customers before she slips off the chair and says goodnight. It's easy but I'm tired by the time the theater is closed. Bruce, one of the old guys, walks me home and I can finally lift my feet up. I'm off tomorrow and that means I can sleep until very late and then maybe look for a part-time job that pays extra so I can quit this one. I make a mental note as I wash the smell of butter and popcorn in my hair as I take the stairs two at a time. Lately, I’ve been using Craigslist, sometimes they have odd jobs there and the pay is good. Or so I have heard people say that.

I'm in bed scanning on the small screen of my mobile phone. So far nothing sounds real, nothing pays enough, and the good jobs are in another city, where I'm not. I'm eating cereal without milk and reading the ads. Some even seek women to pay them for sex, the world has changed.

My neck is stiff and my feet are still sore from all the standing I did this past week. A day off wouldn't hurt me and is not like I have any plans and when I get a phone call I clear my throat before picking up.

"Let's go out." I grin at the voice on the other side.

"The only way I'm stepping out of this room is if you pay," I throw it like that and expect nothing. She's as broke as me.

"Damn, I was hoping you're were the one paying. All those double shifts you had. You’re packing money friend.”

"Not for you, Lin." She laughs.

"Right college girl." There's rustling in the background. "We need a sugar daddy or something. This life sucks."

A what? I ask and she sighs. She likes to mock me about how little I know, how hidden my parents kept everything from me.

"Well," she starts. "Is basically or most of the time is an older man that pays for your time."

"What?!"

"Is a thing my friend, I know a girl who had one and she had the year of her life."

A man that pays for my time, doesn't that make me some time of a hooker. Is really interesting but I guess, no, I think that's not for me. Is only one more year before I get my degree and maybe five more to pay off my loan. I could stay here in this same apartment and get two jobs, by the time I turn thirty I'll be free of all my debts and start saving for my retirement. I had it all planned out so no old dudes for, thank you.

It would be nice though, to have someone to just pay me a lot of money for just laying down on my back. But then again, I was a virgin, I had no sexual experience, and also there was the fact that the opposite sex hardly pay me any attention. Most of the experience I had I got from going out on dates in high school with jocks and all that got me was getting groped under my shirt and my face being sucked. I never like how immature they were and how right away they jumped into touching me under me my clothes part so I discarded the idea as soon it came into my head.

I braided my hair and made up the bed. We decided not to hang out but just to talk on the phone until we got sick of our voices. The second serving of cereal and I was almost full, I had no desire to cook, I didn't do it often because that meant that I had to clean after myself and the space provided in that small kitchen. Nope, I rather buy precooked meals keep them inside the small fridge I found online, and cooked them in the beat-up old microwave. Whose confidentially beeping sound didn't work to my benefit.

My roommates still didn't know I had half a kitchen inside my room. I debated for a while, I kept lifting my phone and placing it back on my bed. I signed onto my Reddit account and typed in search Sugardaddy. After a second the page loaded and my screen filled up with subreddits about it. I tapped the first one with more subscribers and giggled. The number of ads, the number of women looking to be in this type of relationship baffled me. I rolled down on my stomach and gasped at each one of them. From London, Alberta, Seoul, California, New York, so many options but thinking of who was who behind that little ad gave me the creeps. What if they were exactly like disgusting Bill. Ew, I didn't even want to think about that.

This wasn't for me.