Chapter 9

Our lips did not meet.

Aether stopped himself, pulling away slightly, the same conflicted expression that keeps breaking through his stoic facade present on his face again. I wondered what was going through his mind; to be this close to kissing a female that was not his own but couldn't decipher his puzzled expression. His wolf was present, but only slightly, and the scent of desire tinged the air.

"We can't..." He whispered, dropping his hand from my cheek.

I almost wanted to laugh, but for what reason I did not know. This was the first feeling I had welcomed in a long time, and yet I still felt an obligation to myself not to pursue it further. How would it look if I laid with a man that was not my mate, having barely known him? Even if Ares and my situation was complex and undecided as of now, the pack would surely take his side as he dealt with the consequences of my infidelity.

The warmth left my body almost immediately, my wolf retreating back as I stood there, still puzzled as to how I felt. The intimate mood had dissipated, leaving behind a sour, awkward scent that overshadowed Aether's scent of desire almost immediately.

I began to wonder how Aether must have felt to have easily let his scent of desire permeate the air. Alpha's are trained to control their emotions, not let even a hint of a scent shine through and yet, he had allowed me to smell his desire. Maybe as a reassurance to me that this was real, maybe even as a reassurance to himself.

I was still close to him; close enough to see the small specks of stubble growing through, close enough to see the small cut above his lip, close enough to see his eyes were on me. He was watching me too, or rather, observing, his wolf's eyes were shining through, and I knew he was taking a back seat for them moment. I wondered what his wolf was saying, how his wolf had reacted to our intimate moment.

I cringed in my head, hearing myself voice it over and over again, it had eventually got me feeling guilty. The mate pull again, ever present, as burdening as ever.

Aether saw my mood shifting, saw the anxiousness creep up on me, and retook control, looking down at me. He was so gentle, almost...loving, not at all how I would have expected such a large, dominant Alpha to be acting. He was constantly subverting my expectations, constantly changing the way I was thinking...

"I'll come and see you...soon." He said, hand jerking beside him as if he wanted to touch me.

I nodded, without saying anything, and he too nodded, eyes furrowing together as if he were in deep thought. Then he took a few steps back, still watching me, before nodding again and turning away, walking in the direction opposite to me. I watched his back disappear around the corner before letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding, noticing my hands were shaking slightly as I became acutely aware that someone could have easily walked out of the hall and seen us.

I didn't want to think of what would have happened if that had occurred; a part of me, without the mate pull's influence, felt guilty I had even entertained Alpha Aether, but a part of me felt...strange.

The organic attraction that had thrummed between us had completely blocked out the mate pull, it had healed my heart if only for a second, it had drawn me out of my depression and ignited a fire in me I thought had long been put out.

Strange.

After the interaction I went back to my room, laying in my bed until my mother returned. She asked me what had happened, why I had left with Alpha Aether, but I didn't respond, I didn't want to worry her with such trivial things, such things I couldn't even explain myself.

I laid in my bed for most of the night, pondering on my experience and wondering where the mate pull had gone during it. Surely it should've been at its peak at that time, raging and baring its teeth at the fact I was being intimate with a male who wasn't my mate. And yet, it was nowhere to be found, seemingly repelled by the organic attraction I was feeling for Aether.

Still, I wondered if I was feeling anything at all. Maybe this was just my way of holding on to the hope that Ares would still claim me, by igniting something with Aether, maybe Ares would see and take me as his own, discarding Riven like a bare carcass.

It wasn't hope, if anything, although hope played a small part into it. It was more longing, more desperation, although my desperation could run deeper. It was a reach for what could be, what a part of me hoped would come, and what I feared would never be at all.

-

When I awoke again the night was still young.

My lips were dry, cracked, and my throat was parched like I hadn't a drop of water in months. It was the stifling summer nights, one of the worst things about the season, that had me unable to sleep this night. But something else lingered at the back of my mind; a feeling that sent shivers down my back and my wolf perking up with curiosity.

I left my bed and padded over in the dark to my bathroom, filling a cup with water from the sink. It was cold and pierced the heat of my room, soothing my throat and allowing me to cool down. I thought back to the interaction Aether and I had had, how he seemed so vulnerable and intimate, yet conflicted and hesitant. A part of me still wondered if he was telling the truth, if he had truly been through what I was going through.

Is that truly why he had taken an interest in me? Is that really why he wanted to help me?

Nobody had caught our interaction, thankfully, but I wondered again how Aether could be so callous and carefree knowing he was with an unmated female in a pack that was not his own.

And Ares...mated to a female that wasn't his but unable to object to his father's wishes. I felt guilty for having such an intimate moment with Aether but empowered to take control of my own feelings and push aside the ones the mate pull thrust on me.

Besides, who knew what was going on behind closed doors. For all I knew Ares and Riven could be getting intimate too - I knew they had not laid together, for the mate pull would have warned me of that, but the mate pull doesn't warn of anything else.

All these thoughts and questions gave me a headache. All I had wanted ever since my father passed was a normal, quiet life for me and my mother, yet it seemed fate wanted to run a different course.

I began to walk around my room, trying to tire myself out and distract from my screaming mind. But I was lost in my thoughts, the sheer instability of it all meant I would not be able to get to sleep for a while, I knew that.

It was torture for me. Yet the two males I was caught between would not feel anything. In mate ship, the female was the more emotional one, she was the one who initially, until officially mated, felt the mate pull strongest and felt the most drawn to her male.

The room was getting increasingly hot, the lingering, strange feeling at the back of my mind had intensified. I felt if I didn't leave my room, I would go crazy.

As comforting as it was, being in the safety of my own bedroom and far from the fragmentation of my life, it was confining sometimes, suffocating.

I slipped on my shoes, tying my hair up and placing my fingers on the cool handle of my bedroom door to begin to open it. Hopefully my mother was fast asleep and wouldn't wake up to the sound of me leaving, but if she did wake up, I hoped she would let me leave and wouldn't have any questions.

I left my room, closing the door quietly behind me, and made my way to the front door. The nagging feeling, I had woken up to was screaming at me, but my wolf was tired and would not identify any scents unless she herself sensed immediate danger.

I unlocked the front door, cringing as it creaked and stepping out with one foot first, then the other. I turned back to the door, closing it inch by inch behind me and finally breathing a sigh of relief, but almost jumping out of my skin when Ares stepped out of the shadows, skin pale in the moonlight.

"Hi." He breathed out.