Chapter 11

"You're the perfect mate." Ares chuckled to himself.

We had been talking for most of the night and into dawn; about each other, ourselves, what we had noticed about one another over the years, which wasn't much. I had learnt so much about Ares; how he always strove to protect his family and the pack, how he had to take on so many responsibilities from a young age, how he feared he wouldn't be a good enough Alpha as his father was. It had broken my illusion of him being a mindless puppet for his father to control, I realised he too had insecurities and worries, that he too was fighting within himself.

I scoffed slightly at his statement, shaking my head and laughing as I played with his hands. I had grown more comfortable with him here, my earlier concern about not knowing anything about each other had dissipated, and my mind was now filled with images of a young, brave and reckless Ares who was headstrong and opinionated.

"I'm not. I'm impatient and stubborn and-" I began to rattle off.

"I mean, you're the perfect mate...for me." He interjected, laughing again.

His laugh was almost enchanting, and I didn't know whether it was the mate pull or not but when I looked at him, the sun bouncing off his curls and the sunlight brightening up his face, it seemed like I could forget all the problems in my life and every negative thing washed away. As cliche as it sounded, I appreciated the break in the agony I had been constantly subjected to ever since the mate ceremony, and I was glad I could finally act like the mate I was destined to be and hoped we would eventually become together.

A pang of guilt echoed through me when he said that, though, a reminder of the moment Aether and I had shared and what that had meant to me. I had to reassure myself that it was in my time of need, that I had been in immense pain and Aether had come to me, knowing what I was going through and wanting to help me. It was a slip up, we could have been caught, but I had to ensure it would not happen again. Now that I had seemingly made amends with Ares, it would make both Aether and I look worse if we were caught together, and it would surely upset Ares - even if he was spending his moments with another female himself.

I pushed the thoughts away, wanting to enjoy my time with Ares. They would return, inevitably, our illusion of peace was only so thick and eventually we would need to return to our respective places within the pack, barely speaking or interacting, forbidden from being together by his father. I wondered then what I would do, if I would inevitably be drawn back to Aether, cast away by Ares once again and craving the attention of a male that wasn't my own.

"Oh..." I muttered, still lost in my thoughts as a small smile adorned my face. Getting to know Ares better had been something I had initially been against, given the circumstances. But now, having done it and being with him in such a close and intimate way I would have never thought we could, I was glad I did it. It was refreshing and my wolf, of course, was relishing these moments too. She had been the biggest and most fierce advocate for the forgiveness of Ares and, though she was driven mostly by primal nature, she was right in this respect.

"I'm serious, May." Ares began again, looking at me with a serious, but amused expression on his face.

He was about to continue but frowned and sat up sharply, suddenly looking cornered.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my own emotions turning at the sight of my mate slightly agitated.

He turned to me, but I already knew what it was: the pack was beginning to wake up. Our fantasy, our little illusion, was broken again. We would have to return to a world where we couldn't have contact with each other. Just like that we would be strangers again, the mate pull trying desperately to pull us together but being unsuccessful until we ourselves made the conscious decision to meet.

"It's okay, May." Ares said to me as we stood up, dusting the leaves and grass off of us.

It wasn't okay. My heart began to ache at the thought of it. I cursed and berated myself, wanting to seem nonchalant and expressionless at the prospect of having to leave Ares, but I felt myself begin to grow upset again. It was inevitable; the bond between us had grown to new heights within this embrace we had shared, and it would be even more painful to part this time.

Ares pulled me into an embrace without hesitation, burying his nose in the crook of my neck and inhaling. I shuddered under his touch and wrapped my arms around his waist, not wanting to let go for a second. It seemed the mate pull grew even more intense due to the fact we had to leave one another; it seemed to ebb and flow between us, thrum through our bodies and intertwine with one another. I never wanted to let Ares go, like a child watching their mother leave them for the first time, or the longing nostalgia one feels when revisiting past memories, I too longed for the memories I had just made, for the experiences Ares and I had just created, to never leave us, to be renewed once more soon.

Ares' eyes flashed dark; he too was upset but was trying not to show it. I whispered to him as he pulled away, reaching my hand up to cup his cheek as he did to me so many times before. He seemed surprised and his eyes returned back to their normal brown colour.

I wanted so much to stay with him here, almost betraying my earlier feelings that hated Ares for what he had done to me. They seemed so childish now, but I knew it was just the mate pull, with its venomous grip on my emotions, pulling out my passionate feelings. The pack would begin to mill about the pack lands, they would go for breakfast and wonder were the Alpha's son is, it wouldn't take much to connect the dots.

"Don't forget about me." I whispered to Ares as we stood close to each other, hands still clasped and bodies close.

Neither of us wanted to let go, to take the first step of our separation and begin the journey back.

Ares shook his head, placing his hand on my hip and lifting my shirt up slightly to touch skin.

"Never, May, never."

The gesture calmed both him and I, sent an extra heavy wave of the mate pull that had my eyes fluttering closed. Ares watched me as I embraced the feelings, intense eyes boring into my body, drinking up the sensation he saw his touch gave me. It reassured him that I was still his, I knew that, his wolf and he would be appreciating it, feeling pride and satisfaction. And to me, it reassured me too. No matter how close he got to Riven, they would never experience this, and I too, no matter how close I got to Aether, we would never have this.

Still, both of us stood there, both silently refusing to leave. Ares was watching me with a faraway look in his eyes, and I, him. He wanted to mark me, I got the sense about that. I had shut down the conversation about Aether and I just as soon as he brought it up, but I could tell it was still lingering in his mind, it would always be.

"I want to mate you." He said quietly, grip tightening slightly on my hip.

Another shudder rang through me, but I held strong. How could he say that now, when we were so close to parting with no telling when we would meet again?

It seemed he could read my mind; an apology escaping his lips as fast as his confession did. It was natural for males to want to mate their females, but with Ares it must have been intensified by his Alpha genes and the instability of our whole relationship.

"You know we-"

"I know," He said, cutting me off, "My wolf just...sorry."

I nodded without saying anything, wanting him to explain but not wanting him to get my hopes up, either. As far as it was natural to want to mate this early on, both he and I knew there was a possibility it would never happen at all. This shared delusion that we both harboured - that one day, hopefully, we would be together, was just that - a delusion.

"I'll see you at breakfast." Ares stated, pulling away from our close contact.

He was embarrassed at his confession, I could tell, but saying it, and us spending this time together, had also brought it out into the open and he would now be acting accordingly. It was not a suggestion - he wanted to see me as much as he could, even if we could not speak. It was reassuring for both him and his wolf that I was not spending time with anyone who would be a threat to him, mainly Aether.

I shrugged at him, although the thought of food sounded enticing to me this time round, and watched as he nodded at me, smiling, before turning and beginning back to the pack house.

I waited until I couldn't see him or pick up his scent anymore, rubbed his scent as best I could from my body, and began to make my way back too.

We had spent the entire night together, and while it wasn't the mate experience I had imagined, it was the one I was getting for the time being. The whole thing had already healed me in so many ways; I could feel my appetite was slowly returning - for the first time in weeks I was feeling hungry, I wanted to leave the house, eager at the prospect of seeing him again, I wanted to return to training - wanting to look my best for him. Things were already looking up for me, even if our situation wasn't one hundred percent confirmed yet.

I began to unlock the front door to my mother's apartment, weighing up within myself whether I would tell her the good news, or keep it to myself. On the one hand, I wanted her to celebrate with me and be happy, she would appreciate that Ares was defying his father's orders to see me, but on the other hand she may be furious at me for potentially putting myself up to be punished if we got caught.

I decided I wouldn't tell her, at least not yet, not until Ares showed me this would be a regular thing, and he could commit to it.

"May, I was worried sick, were where you?" I heard her say as I stepped in, then saw her with concern and suspicion etched into her face.

"I went for a walk. I'm okay." I replied, not wanting to lie so only telling part of the truth.

"Well, someone's here to see you." She answered.

I frowned but my heart picked up, half expecting to see Ares. I hadn't picked up on any scent as I had entered, but then again, I had been so distracted by my time with Ares that I wouldn't have been able to pick up on anything anyway.

"Alpha Aether." I breathed out as I spotted him sitting on the couch.

I almost laughed at the irony of it all. When Ares slid out of my life, Aether returned, and vice versa. It was like fate was playing a cruel trick on me, testing the limits of the mate pull, as well as making me feel a sense of attraction towards Alpha Aether.

His jaw was hard set as I walked over to him, wringing my hands together nervously. I realised I still had Ares scent on me - no matter how much I tried to neutralise it, a part of it would still be detected by wolves of higher ranking such as him. I cringed in my head at how this must have seemed to him, coming back with my mates scent on me after he had watched me almost breakdown at the pack dinner at seeing my mate with another female, and after we had shared an intimate moment together.

"I would like to speak to May alone, if that's possible." Ares said to my mother, and despite my look of desperation directed at her, she voiced that she was going to breakfast and left us alone.

I knew she would encourage a relationship with Aether, just to spite Alpha Warren. Although she knew how important true mates were to each and every wolf, having had such a wonderful one in my father, she also didn't want me to be left behind by Ares if he chose Riven.

I scurried to my room, not wanting to be confronted by Aether about Ares' scent, and shut my door behind me, quickly stripping off my clothes and throwing them into my hamper. A quick shower would get the scent off, then Aether and I could talk without him being so on edge. I wondered though, what he wanted to discuss with me, if it was something good or bad, but remained optimistic as I stepped beneath the steaming water of the shower.

I reminisced about my time with Ares, even if it was mere minutes ago the longing in my heart made him seem a lifetime away. I wondered if we would share fleeting looks towards one another, or if we would catch each other in the halls and share knowing looks. The whole situation was quite pitiful and painfully unusual, but I would take anything I could get.

I left the shower after scrubbing myself clean, not wanting to keep Aether waiting too long as he personally came to my apartment, but almost screaming when I found him sat on my bed, inspecting my room with a slightly amused expression on his face.

He wasted no time, his expression returning to one of slight anger when he saw me.

"You've been with him, haven't you?" He accused, eyes trained on me as I slunk around my room.

"Not in that way." I scoffed at him, horrified he would ask if I had mated with Ares.

"I wasn't thinking about that." He answered curtly.

"It's none of your business anyway." I muttered, feeling slightly embarrassed I had even been thinking about that.

Aether suddenly stood up, anger etched on his face as he shouted. "And what of when he finally rejects you? You shouldn't be doing this, it's only strengthening the mate pull."

I flinched at his harsh words, knowing he was right. I wanted so badly to protest, that he of all people should know how hard it is to stay away from your mate, but I couldn't. I felt as if I had disappointed him - all he had wanted to do was help him and here I was having completely disregarded his advice to keep away from Ares. I wouldn't feel regret though, no matter what I was glad I spent that time with Ares.

"I... know." I answered quietly.

"May, I don't want you to get hurt." He said, softly this time, stepping closer to me.

"I know. I'm sorry-" I repeated again, not wanting to say that I would try harder to keep away from Ares, because truthfully, I wouldn't.

"No, you don't know." He said, stepping closer again and shaking his head, "You mean a lot to me, but I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself."

My heart sped up, shocked by his sudden confession, and I looked up at him, realising how close he had become to me.

"I... mean a lot to you?" I asked, slightly confused.

He stepped forward again, and with every step he took I was transported back to earlier when we had shared that intimate moment. The mate pull was trying so hard for me to remember my time with Ares, but with Aether being so close, the feelings I had for him, no matter how small, stirred up inside me again.

"You have no idea." Aether said.

I couldn't take the guilt building up within me. I felt like I had already been unfaithful to both of them. I wanted to stay with Ares, to run away from Aether and never look back - Ares was my true mate, but one day he could reject me. And Aether, we could never be together in peace, Ares, nor my wolf or Alpha Warren would ever allow it.

My fate hung loosely in the balance of these two conflicting circumstances, I wanted nothing more than just to snatch it up and hold it with me, unable to take the pain of being with no one, unable to take the pain of being unclaimed.