Chapter 17: The Aftermath

Natasha's POV

It's been three days.

For three days I've been locked inside my room. I don't want to go out because I don't think I can face Valerian after what he did.

Also, three days that I haven't eaten anything.

After what happened-- after Valerian let go of me, I managed to move and I quickly ran up to my room.

I didn't shut down or anything, it's just that I don't know what I'm feeling after that. I can't process shit for days. And all thanks to Valerian Fenrir.

I always hear him leave at day and go to his work-- I think-- and I actually have the chance to leave whenever he's not home but I know I can't and I know I shouldn't.

Again and again, I can't go home until I succeed with my plan. Also, one of the reasons is that Valerian told me that we will hunt me and I know he surely will. I don't want to put my family and friends in danger.

I got to get out of this mess the other way.

I buried my face in the pillow and let out a groan.

Except for the fact that I haven't eaten anything for three days, I also haven't gotten any sleep.

Every day and night, all I can think of is that stupid kiss of Valerian and it's seriously starting to get on my nerves. Not only that, but I'm also starting to get annoyed at myself because no matter how hard I try to divert my attention to other things, I always ended up thinking about Valerian and what he did.

I still can't believe that happened and he really did that.

My scream was muffled on the pillow.

The worse thing is that even though I have no idea why he did that, I can't deny that it felt good in some way that I couldn't get it off my mind.

I literally can't forget how it felt and fuck it, it felt really good.

"I hate myself," I whispered.

My mind is always on haywire the past few days courtesy of Valerian and his poisonous kiss.

I should be mad, I keep telling myself that. I should be mad that aside from the fact that he did that without asking for consent first if he can do what he did, he also hurt me.

The redness in my jaw after he let me go is the proof. Gosh, he's really giving me a lot of remembrances.

First, the bite mark on my neck that is still visible until now-- the reason why I don't tie my hair anymore so that I could hide it. Second, the bruises on my neck too and jaw. I'm glad it's not visible anymore, especially in my jaw. It already disappeared. Well, except for the bite mark on my neck that I think will forever be there just like my bite mark on Valerian's hand.

He's not only a bastard, he is a literal monster.

But, I don't know why I can't get mad at him, especially with the kiss.

I'm not even mad at him that he kissed me!

He did not only take me by surprise, he left me more than flustered.

I drew a deep breath.

I don't think I can stay a day more here inside. I feel like I'm going to get sick if I do that.

But at the same time, I don't want to go out because I know Valerian is just outside-- I mean, he might be in his room but the chances to bump into him if I go out is up to the roof.

I don't think I can face him right now. I'm not yet ready. Gosh, I don't think I'll ever be ready.

I'm thankful that I could go days without food and still be fine. I can go weeks and even months without any food if I have to. But honestly, I feel like one of the reasons why I'm not bothered even a bit by not eating is that, I can feel Valerian's presence, especially at night. I don't exactly know what is it but I feel like there's a certain connection between us. I just really can't explain what is it.

I sat up on my bed contemplating about what to do.

I feel like I already memorized every side of this room, especially the ceiling. It's like I can still see the ceiling even if I'm not looking at it. That's how long I stared at it that it is now painted in my mind.

I suddenly thought of Sayna. I'm sure if she knows something happened like the fact that I got kissed-- she will not leave me alone and will bother me all day asking about it.

But, if she also knows about it, I'm sure I can talk to her about how I feel and I will get answers and can finally shush my thoughts.

Gosh, if only I have someone to tell this thing to.

I heaved a deep sigh.

I missed my friends so much and it's sad that I can't do anything about it because when I left, my father told me to cut all communication with them so I can focus on my mission. And since, I'm not yet done with my mission, I can't get in contact with them.

Gosh, I just know they already miss me too. Especially Sayna, she didn't stop asking to come with me until the minute I left.

I blew a breath.

Now I can't help but feel bad.

My heart leaped when suddenly there were knocks on the door.

Fuck.

Is it Valerian?

Who could possibly it be? It's just me and him living in his house!

Darn it.

What should I do?!

I was starting to panic but I heard someone call my name outside and it was not Valerian, too much of my relief.

"I'm coming," I said as I fixed myself.

I literally look like hell right now because I did nothing but lay and roll in bed.

My hair is in a really big mess and so as my clothes.

"Ah, fuck!" I groaned giving up.

I'm starting to get frustrated fixing myself. I'll just take a bath later.

And besides, it's not Valerian who is waiting for me outside.

Gosh, what am I even thinking?! It's disgusting.

I walked towards the door and opened it revealing Elyse.

She was all smiling but her smile dropped upon seeing me.

Her eyes are widened as she looked at me with disbelief.

I don't know if I'm gonna be offended by her reaction or laugh at her face because I know exactly why she looks at me like that.

She is so dramatic.

"What on earth happened to you?!" she exaggeratedly screamed.

I heaved a sigh. "I know."

Elyse grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me in back inside my room.

She held both of my shoulders and softly pushed me to the bed making me sit down.

I creased my forehead at her. "What?"

"What do you mean what?!"

Elyse looks so stressed at me and I didn't even know what I did.

"Do you hate yourself?" she asked making me crease my forehead even more.

"What?"

"Why are you doing this to yourself? You're such a pretty woman and I don't understand why you do this!" Elyse massaged her temples with both of her hands and she seriously looked so stressed right now.

"Do what? What are you talking about?"

Elyse widened her eyes at me. "hello?! You look like a walking mess!"

Instead of getting offended, I can't help but chuckle. She's literally so dramatic. She thinks it's the end of the world just because I didn't take a shower for three days.

But, she's also right too. I look like a big mess right now and I just know the bags under my eyes are so visible.

"Don't move," Elyse commanded as she opened her bag digging something.

I raised my eyebrow at the way she command me. She's really the sister of Valerian Fenrir. No doubt.

But of course, Elyse is so much more better than her brother. She's sweet and gentle-- something I didn't expect because of our first encounter, but she really is. It's just that she can be so crazy sometimes.

Elyse grabbed her makeup products out of her bag and placed them all on my bed.

I could just heave a sigh because I know what she is planning to do.

I'm going to be her dress-up doll again and I know I can't do anything about it because she's just going to bother me and won't stop until I let her.

It's amazing how I can already read her attitude even though I still don't know everything about her.

Elyse wiped my face with a wet wipe first before she proceed to put cosmetics products on my face.

I'm not really used to wearing makeup because as much as I don't want to admit it, I don't know how to do makeup, and her doing it for me warms my heart in some way.

And I'm so glad that even though I don't wear makeup a lot, it doesn't feel weird on my skin or uncomfortable because I actually really like it. It will be such a shame if I won't get used to cosmetics.

"Close your eyes," Elyse ordered and I did as I was told.

I could just keep quiet as she does my makeup because she's still ranting about how I hate myself and what I'm doing to myself. She's also asking if I have a problem or anything that is causing such neglect to myself.

"There," she announced as she held me by the chin making me slightly lookup.

I opened my eyes and saw Elyse intently scanning my face.

"You look so pretty," she complimented. She sounds like she's so proud of her artwork-- that is my face.

I can't help but smile at her. "Thank you."

She let go of me and sassily flipped her hair. "You're welcome. Now, put on some nice clothes. Wear that red dress we got."

I quickly shook my head at what she said.

"Oh, come one!" She dramatically groaned. "You will look snatched in those! And besides, I did your makeup specifically to match that dress."

I sighed accepting defeat.

I know she will not stop at nothing.

I forgot to mention that Elyse can also be controlling sometimes. Exactly like her brother.

"Fine."

It only took one word for me to say for Elyse to squeak happily.

She ran to the corner of the room where all the paper bags are and get the dress herself.

She handed it to me with a big smile on her face.

"Go go go." Elyse pushed me to the bathroom before I could protest or even say anything.