What Grunt is Doing

"Ah. This is awkward." I commented while looking at Kat on the bridge of my ship.

"What's wrong, Grax?" she smirked, "I thought it was good for you."

"To be fair, I thought we were never going to see each other again." I spoke, "Maybe you'd die on Reach…"

"Well, I didn't." Kat grinned, "And the USNC has assigned me and Carter to make sure that you are actually raiding Covenant targets instead of just collecting paychecks."

"You know, they could have sent an Intelligence Officer, or some kind of super spy. It would have been cooler than sending my ex." I complained.

"I think this arrangement is just fine." Kat grinned.

"So we doing dinner?" I asked.

"We aren't savages." She answered.

"What exactly is this?" Kat asked while carving into the grilled meat on her plate.

"Loin." I answered after swallowing the food in my mouth.

"Of what?" She looked me in the eyes.

"Elite." I grinned and took another bite.

I almost choked when she took a bite of the white meat.

"No wonder they fight so hard." she commented, "Everything on their home world must have wanted to eat them if they taste this good."

"Have I ever told you, you are breathtaking?" I growled.

"You may have mentioned it in that nebulous time between us becoming lovers and you revealing that you have a spouse." she responded.

"Alright." I shook my head, "After dinner I am going to blow your mind."

"We aren't having sex again." Kat denied.

"No, we are playing some old video games." I stated.

The thing about the Haloverse, is that it is essentially the world I was born into, minus Halo. Which means they have copies of the Mass Effect games in their digital archives. Games that I included in the first payment of resources from the UNSC.

"I intended to play these with the wife after she gets back from saving the galaxy, so we don't say shit about this. I am serious, this is some ONI redacted shit no one knows about." I informed her then started up the remake of the remaster of Mass Effect 2.

"Thank God they made this section skippable for the remake." I muttered as we skipped most of ME2's overinflated intro.

"Oh my God." Kat complained, "How long are you going to spend on the character creator?"

"It's important that I get this right." I muttered.

"On a scale of one to ten?" Kat whined.

"This is my mom." I answered.

"Da fuck?" she looked at me askance.

"It will make way more sense in a couple of hours." I assured her.

"And there's me. The guy in the tank. This dickhead is my dad." I explained as we met Okeer in his lab.

"Bullshit."

"Just wait."

"Holy shit!" Kat gasped as game Grunt opened his eyes and pinned Space Momma to the wall of the Port Cargo Area.

"I totally didn't do this, cause I'm the Gruntiest Grunt to ever Grunt." I put space between me and this totally uncool showing.

"You were right." Kat shook her head and looked back between me and Grunt a few times. "My mind is blown."

"Cool." I nodded, "Let's bust my wife out of the clink next."

"So you and your wife are video game characters that somehow made it into the real world?" Kat asked after we got Jack off the Purgatory.

"Nah, but everyone is entertainment for someone." I answered, "I'm a video game character, my wife is a video game character, what do you think you are?"

"No!" she denied.

"It's a damn shame there is never any evidence in verse of the universe being a video game, or a tv show or movie franchise." I sighed, "It is an even worse shame that we can't spark up Halo: Reach and watch you absolutely suck at driving a Warthog."

"I am an incredible driver!" Kat defended herself.

"Sure." I nodded, "But game you has the same absolute shitty driving programming as all the other NPCs."

"I… this has to be bullshit." Kat denied while looking at the floor.

"It's best not to think about it or let it influence your perception of reality." I rubbed her upper back, "I do have one really good way to take your mind off it."

"Anything right now." Kat nodded her head.

"Awe fuck." Kat moaned as I had her back pinned to the wall and her legs wrapped around my hips, "Look what you do to me."

She glowed in absolute bliss as she ran a hand over the slight bulge in her incredibly toned lower belly.

"As hot as that is…" I 'grunted' as I put in hard work on my super soldier partner, "Going to have to fatten you up if that is happening."

"Keep grilling the elites like that and it won't take too long." She grinned and kissed my neck.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find chicks as hot as you who are also down with cannibalism?" I was barely holding on here as I worked my hips with machine-like precision.

"It's only cannibalism if we are equals." she moaned and I came so hard I damn near lost the legs out from under me.

"I love you." I told her as we cuddled on my huge bed.

"What's the wife going to think about that?" Kat teased.

"She is going to be blown away that we found another puzzle piece that fits with us." I said as I cupped her face.

"We'll see." she said before closing her eyes and going to sleep.

After getting back with Kat, I didn't waste any time proving that I am the King of Space Pirates. I had the nav data from all the ships I had taken, including the Long Night of Solace, and the memories of a Brute who had gone as far in the Covenant hierarchy as he could.

The galaxy was full of fat pigs feeding the Covenant war machine, and I am a damn fine butcher.