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Masked Persona

COVER ARTIST: LECHE FLAN GLOB (She's also new in her craft so we will be growing together ☆_☆). Do you have that innocent friend that everybody just can't help but love? Do you have that excellent friend that just inspires you to work better in life and in your professional career? Technically, most of them are really as you see them as: adorable, strong, lovable, kind, a free spirit. That isn't what this story is about. Yes, the female protagonist of this story is someone who climbed her way out of hell, but it doesn't mean that this is another revenge story. If only it was. *coughs* This is the story of Yama Shizuka, a girl who has many masked personas that she has used and still uses to manipulate people into thinking whatever she wishes for them to perceive her to be. You could say that her traumatizing childhood paved the way and created this morbid mentality, a need for survival that brought about a strength different from the fictional stories (maybe that's just me shamelessly advertising her story) you and I have read but still retaining a bit of fiction. I mean, if she truly existed, wouldn't it be scary? Heartbreaking, even... This story will be a mixture of her present acts and her remembering her past. There are also important characters that will have their fair share of spotlight when needed. For those who don't like psychological torment, darlings, don't read this. I will not be held accountable. But for those of you who like understanding the human mind and how it can be quite the interesting interaction between the past, present, and future self, do read. THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE READING: PERSPECTIVE: the POV of the story changes frequently, depending on the needs of the arc. If you are not a fan of POV changing, maybe this ain't your cup of tea. STORY: There will be a lot of questions at the beginning because this is a long story. For you to understand it, you'd need to read it like 50 chapters in, then re-read it to make it more clear. I also realized I usually change my writing style. If you don't like inconsistencies, I guess Masked Persona ain't for you. STYLE: The main character, Shizuka, would have psychological episodes that is similar to the stream of consciousness. You've been warned. GENRE: This is highly fantasy. Has some future themes to. With how I've seen the story thus far, you really can't come to conclusions that quickly. Some explanations will only happen after so long and it's for a reason. I mean, when I made the timeline, that's what I felt. Some explanations took years before they were given out, sooooooo... P.S. I will occasionally change the cover of the novel depending on the chapter. P. P. S. This is not a cultivation novel, she is wearing a harajuku cardigan. P. P. P. S. I am writing this story for myself, so most of this is to entertain me. If it also entertains you, then sharing is caring. The views and opinions included in this novel belong to the author and do not necessarily mirror the views and opinions of Webnovel.The content of this chapter is restricted. It is forbidden to copy, forward, or in any way reveal the contents of this novel to anyone outside of the Webnovel app and in the internet. The integrity and security of this chapter cannot be guaranteed over the Internet. Please help me keep my novel away from plagiarists. Support my novel here in Webnovel.

PrimSuspectOMelons · Urban
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13 Chs

The Cry of Dusk

***TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD, PROCEED WITH CAUTION***

Day 1: Birthday

During the day, Shizuka had to begrudgingly attend her family's celebration of her and her little sister's birthdays.

When she woke up, she once again felt that lie, that inability to act happy on such occasions that expected one to be happy. But she was very much aware that she has to play her role and act like she's happy, even if she's not.

After contemplating in her room, she decided to get this done and over with as she went down stairs.

"Happy Birthday, Dear." her mother greeted her endearingly as she saw her daughter come down.

She gave a sweet, innocent, and appreciative smile. "Thank you, mom."

Shino kissed Shizuka's right cheek and afterwards informed her, "Darling, I have to go out to buy some ingredients for the Alfredo and Empanada. You go eat breakfast first."

Shizuka nodded her head and quietly did as she was told.

Her mother left in a hurry.

This day is one of those days when Shizuka's memories surfaced a lot, she pushed away those thoughts trying to cloud her as she licked her lips slyly with a sense of gluttony. She thought of eating a lot, so she took six packs of yakisoba to cook (since there was no bread nor oatmeal in stock). Don't judge her yet, this is for her and her siblings, but mostly for her.

Exactly when she was done cooking, Keisuke came down stairs. He could be likened to korean idols in their teens with that good looking face of his, he was very popular with the boys and girls. He had that lean physique with a somewhat above average height of 5'5 while he was still twelve years old.

"Oh, wow. Whose Birthday is it?" he remarked jokingly. "I feel like it's my birthday ;P"

Shizuka, understanding her glutton of a brother said, "Eat up."

"Happy Birthday, Big Sis~" he said as he sat on the table and took his portion of noodles, wolfing it down immediately.

"Thanks, Piggy~" she replied sincerely. They ate a relatively peaceful breakfast.

That was until her grandmother, Suisen, came.

Her grandmother was one of those typically entitled boomer elderlies. They were no longer in good terms.

Her grandmother greeted her "Happy Birthday, Shizuka." she paused before adding with great emphasis, "You know what I really wish for? To have great grandchildren."

Shizuka felt indignant for she thought she would at least bear her well wishes. Naively, she listened intently. It's just that those words were more offensive than the usual.

It was her birthday, one of the few days she'd hope that people would at least not smother her with their sense of entitlement. She laughed at herself sarcastically, she shouldn't have thought of her saying anything good. She glared at her grandmother, and replied, "I don't like responsibilities."

Suisen was unfazed, her tone even held a sense of reprimand as she remarked, "How can you be irresponsible, you need to be responsible in your age. You're already so old."

"I'm irresponsible, then." she answered sarcastically. Shizuka was well aware that her grandmother and the elders of this family would always disrespect her for some unknown reason, she just wouldn't take it lying down so she would always answer them, like now. "Why grandmother? What right do you have to say that? Is having a child easy? Is it economically and psychologically well to do such a thing that I am not ready for?" she quipped.

Her grandmother scoffed at her like she was some degenerate as she nagged, "How could you be an irresponsible person?"

Shizuka didn't feel like socializing anymore so she went inside her room to calm herself.

She was well aware that her grandmother was disrespecting her again. Her uncle and first aunt felt no pressure from this mother of theirs with regards to children, but she, as the granddaughter, had endless.

She already spoke respectfully about this matter with Suisen before - that she didn't like talks about having children. She just didn't like people poking their fingers in affairs that she had every right to herself alone.

It didn't work.

Plan B: She asked her first aunt to speak with her, still ineffective.

Plan C: She also asked her mother to speak with her.

To no avail, that old hag still felt entitled and says she wants a grandchild like having one is as easy as breathing. Like it's some mortal sin not giving her one.

And no, it isn't like those Asian jokes about their grandparents. If only it was, then maybe Shizuka could laugh about it.

Of course, that wasn't the only issue with the old lady, she liked stealing food and money while giving it to outsiders, lying, acting like she didn't want to live anymore, and all those psychological b***sh***.

At some point, Shizuka just got so tired emotionally at how her grandmother does things. At how she treats her.

She realized then, that she wouldn't mind euthanasia if ever she can't properly take care of herself in the future rather than face this kind of pathetic farce. Regrettably, she can't push through with that because once such thoughts surface, she would remember that she promised herself to live until a good old age. Healthily and strongly like how many elders now are breaking the ageist mindset. She bit her lower lip and clenched her fists as she tried to envision that goal. She thought, "Yes, when we get old, we get smelly, weak, and problematic. However, it doesn't mean I'll let it sink in. I'll fight to the bitter end to become someone I want to be, more than anything else."

Author: This protagonist of ours has episodes. The episode she is having now is of all the times she spoke up to fix their relationship, how she just wanted her grandparent to be even just a little more responsible, to speak more respectfully, to not c*ss all the time. It's just that all her aunts and uncles would always tolerate her and answer that Suisen was getting old, that she - as part of the younger generation, should understand how people tend to act when they enter their senior years, like it's some kind of norm.

However, Shizuka was really more of an intellectual non-conformist. The tradition of respecting the elderly sounded nice and all for her, however, that's only if the elderly in question is respecting her. If the elderly is disrespecting her, she, regardless of relative or not, would point out the act of disrespect done to her and where that person erred for the said human to change. She would always end up in arguments with her aunts and uncles. They frequently pointed out how she was disrespecting their mother, her grandmother. Nonetheless, her experience in university was filled with teachers in their senior years more disciplined than them, the younger students who've yet to experience the vicissitudes of life. They made her see that ageism can be eradicated. That her grandmother was very aware of her attitude.

Suisen was also a very crafty woman during her prime, she was a woman Shizuka admired at some point for she made the younger Shizuka realize that some of the shortcomings she was receiving unjustly was shameful if not irresponsible. She really can't put her finger on when it began, oh, she can... it's just that that story isn't fitting here, ~but at some point her grandmother just became such a source of heartache. The kind she didn't expect from a loved one.

There was a particular Christmas day wherein Shizuka stood her ground and argued, "If she doesn't change, then I won't change my treatment of her either. Just because she's older doesn't mean she's entitled to disrespect me, to tell me what to do. That I'm stupid, irresponsible, or all those negative nonsense she's spouting. I will not let my siblings see that I would accept such disrespect just because an elderly person felt that her opinion is right and must be done. Talking like that for years as if it doesn't hurt me! I love her! If I ever did point out her wrong, it was because she was hurting herself! Everything she kept on talking about me were all aspects that didn't need to change! You people brought me up like this, even beating me up when I lied, when I was cowardly, when I was disrespectful. When I felt education was a hassle, you forced me to study, to enter the top section, to get a scholarship I didn't need saying it's good for my credentials. Now that your upbringing of me has solidified, that I'm pointing out your flaws as my elders and her flaw as a grandmother, you all come together to shame me. Where and how am I wrong?"

Her second aunt, the one helping the whole family in every aspect she can, tried to help fix this argument. "You're right. Everything you said was right. However, it is disrespectful to talk back, especially with your elders. Shizuka, she doesn't mean any of those hurtful words, as you've said, they're all nonsense. Don't take them to heart. So, let's just ignore her comments."

Her brows narrowed because she was hearing that traditional mindset of theirs again. Enduring all that cr*p.

"She can't change anymore. She's already old." her second aunt said firmly.

At that time, Shizuka was still young and hopeful so she conceded. Thinking that maybe it really was that she was just young and hot blooded, that her tolerance was just low.

However, as the years passed her grandmother got worse.

Formerly, she could still make herself tolerate everything, from her grandmother's sick jokes to her elders questionable moral standings.

There are, after all, two possible endings to this. They would finally understand your point because they saw that you gave way and handled them maturely or... it piles up. For her, it piled up.

It all happened on her third year in college, when her family really became consistently toxic and kept pointing out inevitable factors that she couldn't change or wouldn't change for all the right reasons:

-like her looks (genetic),

-her weight(okay, this one is a pet peeve),

-her height(genetic),

-her social disinclination (which was a result from how she was bullied in secondary school and still was bullied in tertiary, even her close friends labelled her as weird...but her family just said, ignore them, you don't need friends)

-the impossibility of her getting a boyfriend (but they got angry whenever she tried to date),

-her weirdness (it's her personality, sense of self, you know?),

-and more...

(Author: I'm not even adding the worst parts yet but even I am confused of what they really wanted from her).

Thinking of all this didn't help her one bit for the past hour and a half. To better cope with her situation, she decided to psychologically analyze herself and Suisen deeply. She realized that even though their criticism were always in the form of jokes, jokes were half truths. They knew these were her insecurities and yet they kept poking fun at it. She even laughed at her previous self trying to justify that she was just overtly sensitive.

But something just didn't make sense.

That's when it dawned her, these jokes and so called 'reprimands' that seemed light and were actually perceived as light and easily changeable if one really acted upon, were actually unrealistic expectations of her. Like her mother joking with her about her not having a boyfriend being fine, even affirming that she didn't mind as long as the cause wasn't because she was lesbian, or her grandmother wanting her to have children, Shino wishing she worked harder and gave more money to the family. Even her siblings, after some time stopped being sweet towards her and expected that all the things she was giving them was her responsibility. Shizuka was very well aware how the kids became this way, they must have heard the discussions of the adults of the family of how their older sister was not working enough or was being selfish. Shino even openly calls out Shizuka on how she still keeps money to herself even though it was her hard earned money.

Shizuka was aware long ago that her family was toxic because of the poverty they were in. She thought that if she excelled, everything would change, so she didn't mind that work lessened her time with her sisters and brother.

She thought, "Yes, my relatives helped my mom since her four siblings didn't have kids, so all their attention were on my siblings. I'm thankful for their help of course, but why does it feel like this is my family, like they're my children. Like I'm already so old and I don't have a right to live my life anymore? They said they wouldn't force me to give them money, but how come now all of that seem like a lie?" she laughed as tears flooded her vision blurring her sight.

Every memory seemed to piece together. When her grandmother realized that one of her sons was gay, other than the slap she gave him during his coming out. She never asked him for grandchildren ever again, respecting his decision. She was already hounding Shizuka for a grandchild before her son's confession, and she also asked that very son for grandchildren when he still hadn't confessed.

The fact that Suisen could adapt to her son and not adapt to Shizuka's preference for singlehood was a matter of choice, that because Shizuka was heterosexual, she deemed it as a normal request.

Shizuka, being one of the best in understanding human psychology immediately understood that it was because everyone in the family always picked on her. That she was fat, she wasn't as beautiful as her siblings, as smart as her siblings, that she will be like her mother and not graduate, be pregnant out of wedlock, that she was too sensitive.

Even though she was able to prove them wrong in so many accounts by graduating gloriously, it didn't amount to anything, she was happy of her achievements of course. In spite of that, her innocent and hopeful heart became numb. As she grew older, everything she heard were disappointments directed at her, if she achieved something, it was an expected. There was no room for affirmation, love, respect. These painful truths and jokes made her grandmother accustomed to her being at the shorter end of the stick all the time.

In reality, these were projections of their own personal frustrations at what their lives had amounted to.

She breathed deeply, meditating for five minutes.

Even though humans try to be the better people at times, somethings will always be unacceptable to them. The same could be applied to Shizuka. She couldn't accept this... her becoming their outlet for their frustrations.

As she meditated, tears continously streamed her rosy cheeks as she cried as silently as she possibly could. It was a habit she got when she was younger, her mother would hit her more aggressively if she was crying loudly. Some traumatic experiences stay.

What made her sad all the more was that her knowledge made her see that all the love and giving she gave was just that. Amounting to nothing. Even abused.

She still hoped though, that her siblings won't become the same as her elders. That this is just a phase and they'll get better again.

She stopped crying as soon as she remembered that she still had to talk with her other siblings and greet Sakura later. She needed to have a happy face on for a happy occasion.

She tried to remember the research which was conducted by her team for the past two years that had fully invigorated her and her career.

Actually, Shizuka was currently on vacay~ she was very lucky that their boss gave the whole research team a month of vacation after their research on -A study on the overall state of couples who chose to be childless- which produced such eye-opening results, the vacation was surprisingly in the same month as her birthday, her boss and her team said it's an advance gift from Tesda Corporation for her being one of the promising researchers that they have, challenging her to help culminate knowledge necessary to better the community.

Moreover, the Tesda Corporation was even invited in many research forums to showcase the findings of their research, which many sociologists have been keen on after they published their work; this avant garde research that many traditionalist dare not touch, giving light to a new sense of culture that was slowly integrating itself to society. The conventionally accepted answers were far fewer than the unexpected answers gathered. In their research, many couples became happier and healthier because of being childless. Some even had more time to further strengthen their marriage and love, whilst pursuing their professional dreams. Moreover, this healthy relationship had even extended to their families by them being able to take care of their nieces and nephews every once in a while (voluntarily) and even at the request of their siblings. There were even findings that showcased how some couples, in case the both of them had a change of mind while the years passed, had plans A, B, C such as oocyte cryopreservation, adoption, foster care, etc. Also, many of the said participating couples even said that their psychologically unwell and financially-tight times during the marriage had made them realize that if they had children while facing such problems, they may not be as well off and happy as they are now. That this choice had overall helped them overcome the hurdles and even grow from it. Yet many of these participants had said that they were in awe of their friends and relatives who chose to have children, for the commitment and responsibilities they carried were something that the participants would rather not carry, "experiencing it temporarily was fine, but permanently, not so much." one participant commented.

This research had given her team and herself a lot of opportunities to further broaden their network in the research community, from schools, to private researchers that specialized in sociology from other companies, even the community they conducted their research on (which were situated in the major cities of their country), had been keeping themselves in contact with Tesda Corporation, hoping again to participate in one of their research studies.

Remembering this made her mood better. "Shizuka," she whispered to herself, "Remember, you're moving out in two days. Everything will get better."

She opted to read, ~It's Not Easy To Be A Man After Travelling To The Future.~ she then said gently, "You cannot let fate decide for you!~"

After two hours of reading, she went downstairs again. Her sister, Sakura was finally awake sitting with Keisuke and Chiori on the couch. Her sister immediately looked at her and beamed her pretty little smile with a hint of mischief, "Happy Birthday, Oba-chan~"

Sakura was definitely a beautiful woman. She looked like Bae Su Ji, even the physique was similar. It's just that she seemed more serious and had a somewhat resting b*tch face. Shizuka didn't mind, it was best she had that face so people won't push their luck, the only thing she feared was that some men would come at her for her beauty. In her heart, she hoped that all her siblings will have lovers who truly loved them sincerely, she really did feel like they were her kids. She practically raised them before she started working. She couldn't help but smile as she gazed at that little imp who's all grown up.

Shizuka raised her left brow as she rebutted, "Happy Birthday to you, Baba!~" she went to her sister's side and hugged her tightly. She whispered to Sakura, "Love You, Baby."

Sakura tightened her hug and whispered back, "Love You, Big Sis."

Chiori pushed the both of them lightly to get their attention, "Happy Birthday Big Sis, Happy Birthday Sakura!" The two celebrants said their thanks as the four of them ate lunch together.

Chiori looked a lot like Sakura, they were both so beautiful that Shizuka just can't help but appreciate her siblings being such beautiful, smart, and wonderful children.

While at the dining table, they kept joking and being playful while eating, the three kids talked about their experiences at school while Shizuka listened attentively. These were one of the few moments she wasn't distracted by work, she really relished this moment.

Shino didn't scold them since this was her kids' way of bonding. She just said one of them had to eat quickly because she's famished.

When the pastries were placed on the table, Suisen picked the biggest one. Shizuka scolded her saying, "It's not your birthday and you shouldn't even be eating too much since you're diabetic.

Her grandmother frowned and snapped, "You always scold me." she touched the other pastries while she was glaring at her grandchild.

Shizuka was so pissed as she shouted, "You didn't even wash your hand!"

Her uncle, trying to appease her since it's her birthday gave the old lady a pastry that's just right for her and pulled her along to another table.

Chiori and Keisuke kept their head down during this time. They were also tired of their grandmother that treated them as helpers and would even c*ss at them just for telling on their mom whenever she ate something that she shouldn't and did something that she shouldn't. The siblings had this culture that they don't c*ss and that they respect one another. Shizuka instilled this mindset in them ever since they were young, she thought to herself, better they're like me then our elders.

Shizuka knew that her grandmother was old, she did love her so much when she was younger. But at some point, Suisen's pride caused the whole family to fall in a knee deep debt. It wasn't just Suisen, Shino was also a part of it. The elderly figures of her life made such selfish choices. But that's for another chapter.

There are some pain in life that weren't in anyway physical, more of mental and emotional.

Shizuka was so tired. She then said out of exasperation, "I really hate birthdays" Coincidentally, Sakura was coming near her to comfort her. Her smile had a hint of sadness to it when they faced one another. Shizuka explained, "I love your birthday, I'm thankful to God you were born. But I hate my Birthday. It's always like this."

Her sister was very smart and understanding, she was just sad that her older sister, the sister that is currently the breadwinner of their family, the one who's taking care of their economic and school needs, didn't even feel that nice about herself while in this family.

The phone in Shizuka's pocket suddenly rang, she nodded at Sakura and went outside to answer the call. It was a call from a friend greeting her. Shizuka was keeping the tears in, but deep inside her heart, she didn't want to go back.

When she went back in, she immediately informed them that she had to go, something important cropped up. She immediately packed some of her things and went out.

So, she left.

Sakura knew, at some point she and Shizuka were one another's best friend, however, when she got a boyfriend somethings just changed. The secrets were no longer told to her big sis, the time and hobbies also changed to better understand her partner. Furthermore, she knew her sister would always be there for her, that her big older sister would always understand her the best.

What's more, this was a habit Shizuka formed just a few years ago, she would leave for a while if she felt like her arguments are going nowhere, this was the last sign of respect. The last bit she could give.

Sakura sighed as a sad smile crept up her beautiful face as she chatted her sister online saying, "I understand. I'm just happy 25 years ago you were born into this world and now you're my big sister. I..., know that I'm always here for you."

Shizuka went to Agua Triste by walking, it was a two hour walk. Walking was a form of stress relief for her as she watched people jog, loiter around, cars passing by. She felt like a traveler walking and walking, trying to go somewhere. Anywhere...

In addition, this was the first time she would stay at the beach and the hotel by herself. The adult life was and still is both tumultuous and beneficial. Now though, she had money to spend for herself. She booked a hotel near the beach, she planned to stay there for a night or two to just walk by the beach.

She had days like this when she just needed to be off any sense of responsibility. When she was younger, she thought such acts were selfish, so she never spent money for herself when she needed time alone. As she grew older, contrary to her original belief, it was actually what the mind needed. Not just her mind, her whole self. A respite of some sort.

Luckily, it was an off season. Less people meant she could let herself relax and just be sad, think.

After placing her stuff at the hotel, she changed her clothes to something that she could also wear for a swim, her sling bag held clothes in case she needed to change.

As she went out of the hotel, it was almost dusk and the sky was a hazy yellow orange that just made everything have the same hue as its light. She felt the weight that she had been repressing as she walked on the sandy shore. Taking of her slippers, the warm wet sand made her feet tingle somewhat alleviating her emotions, the sensation was quite nice, and the wind brought such a cool and soothing air with it. She stood still for a bit while she closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply three times.

The beach didn't have many people and most of them were packing up, she would almost have the whole beach to herself. She liked that, she always was introverted.

The stories she wrote online were actually a reflection of her hidden notions of imaginary friends that just met her to tell their stories, experiences, and would leave soon after.

In spite of her efforts to feel everything around her, the moment her eyes sprung open, tears fell.

Regardless of the tumultuous emotions, everything seemed to stopped for just a bit, like a few seconds or maybe a minute?

What surprised her was that the representative of Nebula Research, Egon Nietzsche was right in front of her, looking at her with an emotion she couldn't understand.

It wasn't love, nor was it curiousity. It wasn't lust, it also wasn't pity nor empathy. She almost found the scene oddly comical since this man will soon be her partner for her next research project.

She smiled at him while the sun's last few rays shone upon the both of them creating a lonesome and wistful imagery.

And yet, her tears continuously cascaded her cheeks. She wanted to walk and she did. When she started to be responsible for herself, she never forgot to care for her mental health, she was aware of her toxic environment so she made sure the psychological traumas don't just come crushing down. The only way to do that, other than understanding it was caring for the present and the future. Shizuka walked by him as he just stood there, no longer looking at her but ahead of him. Shizuka heard him sigh before she heard his foot lightly tread on the watery sands.

She sighed as well. It would seem that the both of them were down on their luck. Fate was really funny sometimes, it seemed to wanted to ease her pain a bit. Shizuka was the type of person who could work with anyone, but there were instances wherein she would prefer if she could just work with someone who was at the same emotional state as herself. To feel more connected with someone she worked with. She felt sad sometimes at how this line of thinking might sadden her friends that were energetic and bubbly, for their positive energy sometimes came on her too strongly, too heavily, that she needs her personal space back.

The scent of the sea, the sound of the waves. It invigorated her.

She looked for a tree to place her things at - for it to not get wet. She then sat by the sea, where waves would slowly and lightly hit her. But of course Mama Nature was somewhat playful towards Shizuka, as some waves were just too strong that she had no choice but to move away from them while her laughter rang in the air.

She reminisced the days when everything was still simple, when she was still afraid of swimming. Now, she's the one asking Mama Nature to cut her some slack and let her in her arms, waves, rather. As darkness crept up the beach and the horizon. The stars just started twinkling and acting all cute up in the sky while the moon shone and started to mirror itself using the sea. Like a woman lavishly adoring her youth, her prime, a time no one can steal from her.

Shizuka groaned a bit as she spoke to herself, "Marcelli-sensei, seriously, why did you have to share with us before your perspective of the sea? I think I feel the same way now, as if the waves are washing away everything, making me forget everything..."

She whispered endearingly, "Marcelli-sensei, I miss you. I'm going to become as inspirational as you are for all the babies out there."

Marcelli Janvier was Shizuka's teacher in four subjects, "Literary Criticism, Research, Mythology, and Linguistics" she chose to be single to have more time to help the educational field and to help the indigenous children of their country, her efforts payed off for her projects and actions were discovered by an Australian group of philanthropists who wanted to help make the world become a better place, thus the funds for her work were funded by them. This might sound nice and all, but this very act helped so many children become literate. Her experiences and stories held a deep and important place in Shizuka's heart for it taught her the cultural roots of a communal society that heavily invested in their youths growth while not bypassing their own cultural enrichment. She also taught her that some people would choose to sacrifice their mundane life, a normal family and love even, for a responsibility far bigger than their shoulders could hope to carry...

but persist anyways.

Memories from before continued to flood her. A year after graduation, she returned to meet this very teacher and she remembered vividly how she smiled and sighed as soon as she saw Shizuka as she said with her voice that always sounded like she's telling some mesmerizing story, "Look at you, you make me feel so proud, you're now a feather in my cap."

Shizuka laughed as she sat by the shore again, bravely reminiscing those memories while the waves came at her like a sibling looking for some hustle.

Foolish as it may sound, she didn't know what those words meant at that time, all she knew was the way Marcelli's beautifully modulated voice enunciated it must mean it's a compliment.

Even though she was a fresh graduate, it didn't mean she's encountered all the english idioms out there, you know, let's judge her some other time.

The cool sensation of the waves finally got to her as she gently sung a lullaby that she heard when she was younger, she was singing this song to herself. The lyrics were:

"Close your eyes, darling, as you sleep.

Close your eyes, darling sweet.

Close your eyes, darling, you are good.

Close your eyes, darling's heaven sent.

Close your eyes darling, sleep tight, my beloved child.

Close your eyes, darling, in my arms.

Sleep tight."

Sometimes, the love we seek others to give us can only be received from us ourselves. And Shizuka was very aware of that, but it sometimes made her sad that the family she loved doesn't even understand after 25 years of existence how to make her happy. Only understanding what breaks her heart. She sighed as she felt sad and better at the same time.

Slowly standing up as the waves kept coming, sometimes weakly, sometimes strongly. Looking at the vast expanse one last time, her heart felt alive and beated so strongly she felt that this night sky horizon had unknowingly become a sign of what's to come.

She then went to get her things, walking by the beach.

Once she saw a beach change room, she immediately changed her wet clothes to a cold-proof attire. Sporting a black tank top with a black jacket while wearing black jogger pants. Her hair sprawled, blown by the wind, her features were definitely different from her siblings, but she had this charm that made her belong anywhere, and if she wanted to shine, she would. If she wanted to fade into the background, she would. People always thought of her as an inspiring, strong, intellectual type of woman.

In the end, that's what she made them believe.

The wishes of some mortals, were just very different from the rest. I just wished, she wished differently.

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Hi, I know my friends are one of those who will be voting for this, but for those who will read this, firstly, thanks for trying. If you'll stay, know that I'll be crying with you. If you leave, that's okay. Just like Shizuka, let's not force things. Do what's right, and grow in ways that women before weren't able to because of social constraints. The researches that will be shared here are ones I'd like for a broader audience to know about, they aren't mine. You can read about them online or through physical copies of their books, researches, or articles.

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