Chapter - 45

It had been Loki's choice. If anyone was to blame in all of this, it was him.

Tripping on his own feet, Loki lead them both to his bed. When his brother took his shirt off, Loki almost fucking squealed, because he had never been able to look at Thor without having to pretend he wasn't interested, and for every touch he had stolen (from a nudge, or a hug) he had got only a taste of what it could really feel like, and now he had fucking handfuls of it. He lifted his hands to touch him. Thor stood still, offering himself, watching him. Loki ran his hands over his brother's body and saw what it did to him, to his expression, to his breathing. It made him feel powerful.

Thor completely naked took his breath away. He was like something out of an artist's studio. And fuck, he knew Thor was big, but he had never seen him hard and, fuck. I mean, fuck.

He felt shy again when Thor was undressing him. Loki was so hard, he almost felt embarrassed. Thor had never seen him like this. It was weird. Thor's hands were so close to Loki's cock as he slid his jeans down, but he didn't touch him. When they hugged, skin to skin, their cocks pressed together, Loki shivered. Like, shivered-shivered, like he was cold. Which he wasn't, he very much wasn't.

"What do you want to do?" said Thor, his mouth pink and swollen from all the kissing.

"Jesus fuck, I don't know" snapped Loki, heart in his throat, finally losing his cool. "You're the expert."

Thor laughed, and Loki had smirked, and damn, what a relief. They had needed it. Yes, it was all wild and new and insane and thrilling and strange, but underneath all the madness, they were still Thor and Loki, still themselves. Loki trusted his brother. His brother had him.

Loki watched Thor's big hand sliding down his body, stroking gently, getting closer and closer to Loki's hard-on. Loki was panting as if he'd been on the run. Thor's first touch on the bare skin of his cock made him spring up. Thor had checked on him again, silently asking once more for Loki's permission.

He got it. It was enthusiastically given, with an emphatic nod and possibly a debauched, wanton expression that would put porn actors to shame. Thor closed his wetted fist around him and started jerking him veeeeery slowly. He teased, kept it really light at first, stopping when Loki was getting too close, and jerking again after more kissing, twisting his hand, flicking his thumb on the head. And eyefucking him all the time, with Loki struggling to keep his eyes open and not miss a blink of Thor's stare. It would remain one of the sexiest moments of his life, pretty much forever more. He came with Thor's mouth on his, breathing Loki's moans in.

When it was his turn, he had been so shy, and Thor had asked him again if he wanted to stop. Fuck, no, Loki did not want to stop. With Thor's hand around Loki's own fist, leading the stroke, the speed, the pressure, he had made his brother come, the feel of his hard flesh in his hand, similar to his own but not the same. Loki had felt him shake as he spurted come on his stomach, had heard his sharp gasps, had watched him bite his lip and lick it, and his expression of satisfaction afterwards, and he had wanted to cry again, he couldn't say why. Thor had pulled him to his chest, one big, strong arm around Loki's neck, and had kissed his forehead, his breathing still agitated from his orgasm.

Their parents usually got home around midnight. He stayed as long as he could, kissing and giggling in each other's arms like a pair of idiots, but Thor could not sleep in Loki's room. It wasn't even mentioned. His dad had already caught them once. So Thor had said goodnight at Loki's door like… like a visiting boyfriend, with a long, long kiss they struggled to end. It had been fantastically ridiculous to watch him walk down the corridor to his bedroom door, turn his head, give him the eyebrow, and both stay there like dummies, looking at each other across the hall, refusing to shut themselves up in their rooms.

The sound of keys at the door a few minutes later sobered them up. Loki had sprinted to bed and covered himself up, and had this stupid notion that he hoped nobody would check his sheets tonight, as if anybody ever did, not while he was on them.

God, what a vaudeville, what a salacious farce they were trapped in.

Loki did not manage to get to sleep for ages that night. Everything smelled of Thor. Even his fucking brain smelled of Thor, his heart. It was insane, everything was. And yet he could just walk on the ceiling, he was so happy. I could have danced all night… How the fuck did that happen. How had he got so lucky. Why did he get to have his dreams come true.

And should he remind himself about that saying on answered prayers.

Hell, no, not tonight.

____________

(The present.)

"Honey, I'm home!" said Loki.

Minnie ran to him on her stubby little paws, wagging her long-haired tail frantically, standing on her hinds, reaching as far as she could on Loki's leg. Which was not a lot. Loki picked her up and let her lick his face.

"Alright, sweetheart, enough. You're not a spring chicken anymore, you'll sprain something" he mumbled, putting her down. Minnie followed him into the kitchen, and made sure she was right in his way while he made some tea.

Plopped on the settee with the ball of fluff snoring luxuriantly on his lap, and a stack of fanmail he would try to answer at some point today, before having to make for the theatre, he found his mind wandering again. Thor. He still had a killer smile, and it still took Loki's breath away. His voice still resonated deep inside Loki's ribcage. The wrinkles around his eyes were deeper, and did not faint completely now in repose. He looked more handsome than ever, as if his face had been a promise maturity was slowly fulfilling. Thor!

Loki had seen him in talk shows and red carpets and junkets and magazine front pages for years now. How sunny and relaxed and charming he was. The questions in his interviews were more serious than they used to be, because Thor was a proper dramatic actor now. Odin must be so proud. And how do we feel about that.

It had been on the telly he had first heard of his brother's new 'domestic arrangement', with the recurring jokes about the big, dumb, hunky actor, and his brainiac girlfriend. Loki had not missed his own opportunity earlier, though he knew well that Thor did not have so much as one single dumb hair in his whole body. When Thor had laughed, his face illuminated with his smile, it had taken everything Loki had not to fucking sigh like a fifteen-year-old fangirl.

While on the subject of fangirls. Sigyn was in love with Thor. She fawned over him on Tumblr. She knew Thor was Loki's brother, of course, but she did not need telling there was something fishy going on between them, since they never saw each other, or talked. She had never asked. Loki was tempted at times to make up a story for her alone, to set her mind at ease, but he had decided a while ago that he would not lie to her. When he told her about Thor, it would be the truth. And he wasn't ready for that yet. To be completely frank, he wanted to make sure he could live without her before he told her. What if she turned her back in disgust. Yes, no, definitely not ready yet. Being realistic, probably never.

Thor. Loki was trying to tell himself to curb his hopes, but he just couldn't. There was definitely something there. That flicker in Thor's eye. His grip so strong on Loki's hand. Damn, his brother was practically just around the corner, in London, right now, in his hotel room, just a few bloody tube stops away. Loki could just go back and…

Oh, Loki. What have you been trying to get inside this thick skull of yours all these past few years. Keep away from triggering situations and people who unsettle you. Do not keep trying the same thing again and again and expect a different result. Things don't magically change just because you wish it really, really hard.

Ah, damn. Nothing was different, was it? They were older, but still a mess. More popular, if anything. And there were other people in it now as well. Triple and quadruple mess.