CHAPTER 3 - The Journey

Five days later I returned to Rameshwaram and after two days of resting at home, Grandma brought me to Rameshwaram temple where met the Guruji(teacher/saint).

She told me I should consult him, he may guide me to the right path and since I had no idea what to do I agreed.

The meeting took place in his meditation quarters and the first thing he spoke when he saw me was,

"What do you want my child?"

I was surprised by the sudden opening but I was told to speak truthfully,

"I want to find my purpose in life."

"Hmm.. I feel there is more to it but let's just go with that, but child our purpose is always with us, it is what we desire the most after all."

'Yeah, and I am here for matchmaking.' I thought as his words went over the top of my head.

"But I don't understand my purpose at all."

As I hoped for him to talk in a way I could understand, he slightly reduced the crypticism of his words.

"To understand our purpose we must first understand ourselves and our origin, so tell me, what is your name, my child?"

"Ryan."

When I answered he just silently stared at me

"Rudra?"

I tried again.

"Do you know the origin of your name?"

He moved on like a programmed NPC

"Rudra is an avatar of Lord Shiva."

'How's that.'

"Do you understand now child?"

"What?"

"Silly child, since Rudra originates from Lord Shiva, to understand Rudra you must understand 'Shiva'."

"How do I understand 'Shiva'?"

'Please refer me to the name of a book?'

"He is 'truth' my child, when you are truthful to yourself you will understand and if you find that difficult go north to his dwelling for he is 'truth' and in his presence all that blinds us from it disappears. 'Om Namah Shivaay'"

I tried asking more from him but he stopped responding so I had no choice but to leave. Just like an NPC giving a quest.

I got home and I told everything to my grandma and she pointed me north to Kedarnath and I realized that Kedarnath was in the north same longitude as rameshwaram.

So he hid one straightforward answer in all that cryptic.

My grandmother said my mind was too jumpy right now and had me read Geeta for the day, and it worked.

The next day just as Guruji directed me, north, I began my journey. After four days I was at the bottom of Kedarnath.

I was about to prepare my ride up, but someone asked me if I was there to travel or if I was seeking something and I was told to journey on foot if I seek something.

So I followed those words as I climbed up the path, I saw people visiting and travelling and my mind slowly felt at peace after a long time.

As I reached to the temple and passed by people living there, I realized how much I missed my parents and I realized the truth that had been eluding me. I reached the temple and burst out in tears.

An old priest there saw me crying and took me to his residence to sit and asked me what happened.

I told him about my parents, about my rebirth, everything.

He said

"You have come to 'Shiva' and you have no lies in your words, and if you ask with a true and sincere heart he will grant you anything you ask for, as there is nothing he can't and is unwilling to give my child."

"What if I want my parents back?"

I asked.

"If he hears it and if your prayer is sincere enough."

"How can I let him hear me, is being sincere enough."

I was clutching on straws, as I searched for hope.

"No, you see the negativity in this world makes it hard for people's wishes to reach him but there is a place close enough to him so he may hear your prayers."

"Where?"

"His dwelling 'The Kailash Parvat(mountain)"

And hope he gave.

"So if I pray at the peak of Kailash he will hear?"

"He may or he may not, but you have to understand my child, it is you who is looking for refuge in him, be sincere and beware the Kailash is not climbed easily as he does not like to be disturbed so your journey will be difficult but you must maintain calm and preserve if you want to succeed."

For me, that was enough as I needed to do something, anything,

I packed my bags and started my journey to Kailash mountain, after 8 days I reached the base of Kailash, and after a day of preparing I started my climb.

I took breaks as climbed the mountain and it has been three days and I am nowhere near the top it is like I have heard the mountain is making me lose my way.

After 2 more days of climbing I was starting to get disheartened as I rested I saw a sadhu nearly naked walking barefoot (it's -30° Celsius here), he looked at me and came towards me and sat down in front of me, looking at me for a minute he asked

"Your mind is disturbed, what happened?" 

"I want to climb the peak and pray so the lord may hear me." I answered him

"You are lost?"

"How do you know?"

"You can't climb Kailash with a disturbed mind, follow me." He stood up and led the way.

I followed him as he led me to a natural cave.

"Leave your baggage here."

"Why?" 

"It disturbs your mind as long as it is with you will think about your remaining resources and all other things you carry leaving that means also leaving most of your mental baggage."

I did as I was told.

"Do you know how to meditate?"

"I have learned."

"Good, Meditate clear your mind, attune yourself to Kailash and only climb up at sunrise and stop when the sun is high, meditate the rest of the time and conserve your energy, if hungry eat snow, thirsty eat snow, now go."

And he shooed me off, before leaving I asked him

"Why did you help me?"

"Your disturbed mind was disturbing me, now get lost."

After I walked a little further, I realized what he said, and wondered how that was possible.

And so I did as I was told after climbing some distance I found a rock I started to meditate and feel the vastness of Kailash I felt the cold wind, the sky above and the earth below me.

At sunrise, I started climbing for 3-4 hours each day ate and drank snow for my meals and after 3 days I saw the peak closing in.

My body was starting to feel the toil but I persevered and on the sixth day I was a few hundred meters from the peak but my feet gave out.

I rested and I crawled and clawed towards the peak my consciousness felt blurry but I think I reached the peak and met someone before falling unconscious.

When I woke up I was in the cave where I left my baggage my body had no trace of exhaustion and I would have thought of it all as a dream, but the bite mark on my wrist I made to keep myself conscious and the conversation I remembered in my mind told me otherwise.