Baby Steps

-Somewhere in New York City-

Peter was walking down the busy sidewalk to the address of Colleen Wing's Dojo printed on the flyers.

The streets were bustling with activity and an abundance of sounds, an ambiance unique to the streets of the city that never sleeps filled his ears.

All of it faded into a mass of background noise to the absent-minded teen in his relaxing stride, his mind filtering out all the sounds to make room for more pressing matters.

He just finished his appointment with his therapist and decided to come to visit the Dojo first before going to visit his Aunt. He figured after he finished up here he could go by a flower shop to get something for Aunt May's room before heading up to visit her.

'Yeah, you're so full of shit Pete.' a voice in his head whispered to him.

"sigh..." He let out a tired sigh.

He wanted to go visit his Aunt, he had to, he needed to, but after regaining himself after his idiotic attempt at revenge he felt that he didn't deserve to. That he no longer had the right to just walk into her room and talk to her like he did nothing wrong.

The memory of Uncle Ben's gaze was burned into his mind. He imagined himself visiting her with Uncle Ben's ghost standing over him, judging him for his actions. With his disappointed scowl and soft fatherly gaze, he couldn't bring himself to stand near Aunt May with that thought.

He was ashamed of himself, he died, TWICE, if it wasn't for his Ajin he was damn sure he would have left Aunt May and Uncle Ben heartbroken and mournful, even miserable, over his death at the hands of Spider-Women. That's not including his suicidal actions after his first death.

If it wasn't for that Devil who stopped him, he would have died, and now with the knowledge that he is immortal, he was sure he would be laid out on a dissection table somewhere. Experimented on and who knows what else by the government for his powers. People would give anything for immortality, after all, so he could try to imagine what they'd do to him to attain it.

He was confident that his imagination ran short of what humanity was capable of for the sake of life everlasting.

After his session with his therapist, he was given a simple task, to ask himself who he was helping with his actions. Who would benefit from the little things he was doing, is it either him or someone he cared about, someone he loved?

His discussion with his therapist usually lasted an hour, usually, she would start by asking Peter how he was feeling, What he'd done in the days past, or if anything was wrong with his current day-to-day life and they would branch out from there.

Today's session actually went into a topic on grief and the self-destructive tendencies brought about in people with survivor's guilt. Something Peter made abundantly clear that he didn't have, but later acknowledged that he had some form of guilt that was eating him up inside, even with his new powers keeping his feelings in check.

So his therapist suggested the question.

"Ask yourself, Peter, whenever you feel like doing something you know you'll regret, ask yourself whether it's helping you or anyone you care about, and if the answer is no then ask yourself why that is. Eventually, I am certain that you will come to an answer that will help you make the best decisions. People often overlook simple reasoning when they're driven by intense emotions so it helps to have a little moment to think things over, a second or 2 to think things over could change your life, we'll never know unless we try"

Those words resonated with him minutes after he left her with the conclusion of their session, and he couldn't help but go over everything he had done in the past few weeks, and what he was going to do.

Asking himself over and over again.

He came to the conclusion that he fucked up, fucked up good.

He couldn't blame his Ajin for his actions because whatever thoughts it brought out during its dormant state were just amplified versions of thoughts that were already there, to begin with, hence everything thing he did in the past weeks was all just him to some extent.

He died again, if he didn't have his abilities then he would have left Aunt May alone, she would have woken up alone to face a world without him or Uncle Ben.

Alone, she would be alone without a single person left in the world to take care of her.

That thought drove Peter to pause in his steps.

"Goddamn it Peter, You're a piece of shit, your a screw-up and you know it...urrg" Peter whispered to himself. His hands were up, palming his face as he grunted in frustration at the utter lack of care and disregard for the life of the only person in the world who loved him, who took care of him.

His only living family member and he was gonna leave them alone because he wanted to kill their killer.

'Can't believe I did that, what the hell was I thinking, really really stupid, that was really fucking stupid Pete, how could I be so reckless.' he internally berated himself.

He felt ashamed, guilty, stupid and so much more.

'This can't happen again, no this won't happen again.' He promised himself.

He would go on with what he planned to, he came too far to stop now and he didn't want to stop, but from now on he will always put his Aunt first, he would visit or as often as he could, and make damn sure she was ok, maybe even find a way to wake her up.

'From now on everything will be different, I've got powers now so too, yeah everything will be different.' his thoughts resounded.

He won't recklessly throw himself into some suicidal act of revenge, no he'll plan, he'll gather resources, he'll prepare and do everything as efficiently as possible.

He'd follow his plan, create a social life, get a part-time job, and create the illusion of a normal teenager, while systemically taking down gangs and criminals, prioritizing those affiliated with Fisk. Not forgetting some acts of heroism to build a rep and some street cred, you'd never know when things like that came in handy.

But through all that he would always put Aunt May first, he had a duty of care, and he would see it through, he didn't have the power to protect them before but now he did, now he had the power to protect everyone he cared about.

And God has mercy and the poor piece of shit who tried to take them from him again, cause he sure as hell won't.

No, he'll hand them a one-way ticket to see God and ask him themselves for that mecy.

'This time, no one's gonna take anyone away from me, NO ONE.' He thought resolutely.

"Hey buddy you alright there?" a gruff voice broke him from his thoughts.

"huh...What?" Peter asked blinking in surprise, as he turned to the source of the voice, only now noticing that in his moment of frustration, he didn't notice that he took a seat on the sidewalk, leaning against a fire hydrant.

"I asked if you were alright, you look a little lost there," the man said, he was roughly dressed, had torn shoes and a worn-out trench coat, had an unshaven beard, unkempt brown hair, and looked like he hadn't had a good bath in weeks, Peter could smell him. He was a homeless bum from the looks of it.

The trolley he was resting his elbows on told him that much.

But his eyes were kind and had a hint of concern for him a boy he never met before. It was oddly pleasant for Peter, left him feeling hopeful and happy for some reason, to know that there were people who cared simply because they could, despite having nothing themselves.

"ah...yeah, yeah, I'm alright, just needed to gather my thoughts, that's all" Peter dusted himself and got to his feet as he answered.

"Okay, whatever you say, man, listen if looking for somewhere to crash the shelter down at 4th avenue, by the subway, they handing out free meals." The man suggested having thought that Peter was a runaway or something along that line, coming to his own conclusion after getting a good look at Peter.

Johnny was a war vat and he noticed that Peter's eyes held something behind them that didn't belong to a child his age, no those were the eyes of someone who had experienced death to some degree. He was no stranger to taking lives and had his fair share of close calls before, so he knew a kindred spirit when he saw one.

"Thanks, I guess, but I'm good" Peter replied with a refreshed smile.

"Alright then, whatever man, just take care of yourself alright, Here is one for the road, name's John by the way, I sleep just around the corner, stop by if you ever need anything," The man told Peter, he handed Peter a bottle of orange juice and after he said his piece he simply pushed his trolley down the road and resumed his stroll as if nothing happened.

Leaving a dumbfounded Peter in his wake, looking at his hands at the orange juice in silent contemplation.

It's funny how much a small random act of kindness could affect a person on a fundamentally profound level.

....….

-Some 20 minutes later-

Peter stood in front of a door to Colleen Wing's Dojo.

It took a while to find this place. He tried the door and found that it was open so he made his way inside. It looked like a standard Dojo with open windows located diagonally to the door, and four wooden rectangular support beams lined up in the middle of the room. Some Japanese kanjis were carved onto wooden boards hanging decoratively around the room while a number of shinais were on racks against walls around the corners on one side with a traditional katana with a white handle and sheath in the middle. On the opposite side was a row of shoe racks and coat and bag hangers.

Sweeping around the room with a broom was an attractive young woman of Asian descent either in her mid or late twenties; she wore a light grey hoody, a white sports bra, and grey sweatpants to match her hoody.

"Hello, Miss Wing?" Peter asked.

"Yes? Are you here for the support group meeting?" Colleen replied with her own questions when she noticed Peter standing across the room.

"...''

"My name is Peter, Peter Parker, and I'm here for the self-defense class " Peter deadpanned.

"Right, just sign your name in here, we have classes from three to five in the afternoons on weekdays and eight to eleven on Saturdays." Colleen picked up a piece of paper and handed it to Peter.

"Rates are on there too, You can pay now or pay after class, and its sensei Wing to my students"

-Chapter End-