CHAPTER 10

"Nandito na tayo."

I sighed and thank Aeron for driving me home.Hindi na niya ako masasamahan dahil may kailangan pa siyang puntahan na meeting.I sighed again and walked towards the gate of our house.Ngayon lang ako natakot na pumasok sa loob ng bahay.Pakiramdam ko,anumang oras he will judge me or he will leave me.And i don't want that to happen.I will accept that he will fuck other woman as long as he would never leave me.

As i entered our house,I saw him talking with someone on the phone.He glanced at me then looked away like I wasn't there.I admit that something on my heart was being stabbed.I know it's all my fault but I never thought that he will judge me.All of the people I knew,Siya ang huling tao na naisip kong tatalikuran ako but I was wrong.He was avoiding me.He was cold to me.I tried to smile before walking towards on our room.

I heard their conversation but I remind myself not to butt in.I remind myself that he was just talking with someone important even though I heard that it was 'Sheena'.I sighed and tried to stopped my tears from falling.Wala akong karapatan dahil i'm just nothing for him.Iam his wife only on paper.

As I entered our room,I was shocked when I saw the changes inside.The bedsheet was changed from white into a black.The pillow was changed into a color black,too.I hate that color since I was a child.I walked towards the walk-in closet and I was surprised when it also changed.I tried to find my clothes but I find nothing.

"Your clothes was on the guest room.You will not sleep here,anymore."I heard someone said on my back.I'm sure it was Ryder.I felt I was stabbed again and again.I looked at him and he was staring straight at my eyes without expression written on his face. "I hate sleeping with someone selling her body."

I never thought that he will judge me as far.I never sell my body.I never do that dahil I reserved it for someone I love.I can't help myself but to slapped him.I heard the sound of his skin being slapped by my hand.I'm sure that it was hard because his head was moved and it's now facing his right shoulder.I felt sorry but I remembered how he said bad thing about me.My tears startedi to fall and sobs escape from my lips.

"I never do that thing!Our company needs money but I never think about that!"I shouted at his face before slapped him again. "I call your name!I thought you will save me but I was wrong!"

My voice was shaking and my knees was trembling pero hindi iyon ang makakapigil sa pagluha ko.I'm hurt.Nasaktan na ako noon pero mas masakit pala kapag nagmula ang mga salitang iyon mula sa taong inaasahan mong malalapitan at matatakbuhan mo.I thought after what happened he will comfort and hug me,but here he was.

"Hahanapin mo lang naman ako kapag gusto mo lang,eh."He said coldly.He chuckled,bitterly and grabbed my wrist.Mahigpit ang pagkakahawak niya doon and I can't help but to winced in pain. "You just need me when no one's there.Tatawagin mo lang ako kapag wala kang choice."

"I need you everyday but you seems not to care!"I shouted then winced in pain when I felt he gripped my wrist,hard. "Get a knife!Just cut my arms!Hurt me!Diyan ka naman magaling diba?!Iyan naman ang gusto mo diba?!Ang saktan ako palagi?!"

"No,you don't need me.I'm just one of your choices but you will not choose me."Padabog niyang binitawan ang braso ko at itinulak ako palayo sa kanya.He still had a cold expression and I couldn't read what he was thinking. "I have so many choice but in the end,Kahit alam kong mali at masasaktan ako ikaw padin ang pinipili ko.I'm still choosing you even though you caused me too much pain."He added before he left.

Napaupo na lang ako sa sahig dahil sa kirot at sakit na bumabalot sa puso ko.He was one of my choices and no matter how it takes,I will choose him again and again even it cost my life or my heart.Even if my brain said that it will hurt me,My heart still accept him.All the pain was worth it if he will stay with me.I promised god that in sickness and in health,I will not leave him.I will stay on his side even push me away from him.

Naghilamos muna ako ng mukha bago nagtungo sa guest room.He was right,all of my things was here.I don't know who help him but i'm sure he rented some maid to do this.It was large and there was a balcony on it.The bed covered with blue matress and the wall was changed from white to a blue one.

Maayos na ang pagkakalagay ng mga gamit at walang alikabok ang makikita sa paligid.It was all cleaned but I felt dissappointed for the thought that I will not sleep with Ryder anymore.I'm now alone.There's no Ryder.When I glanced on the wall clock,it past seven in the evening.I should prepare our dinner.

I saw Ryder on the sofa,watching some horror films.I didn't bother myself to watch because i'm scared of ghost.I remember when I and my friends watch some horror films,I hugged someone beside me when a girl suddenly appeared on the screen.I'm embarrassed that day.

I just cooked simple dish and put it on the table.I saw Ryder walking towards my direction but he didn'tglanced on me.Sinundan ko lang siya ng tingin,He opened the fridge and get some water.

"D-do you want to j-join me for dinner?"I can't control but to stutter.He looked at me but he suddenly looked away when I looked at him.

"I'm full."He said.Akmang aalis siya but I held his wrist.I saw how he irritated he was kaya agad kong binitawan ang kamay niya.

"I made it with effort."I faked my smile hoping that he will not noticed that.I looked at my foot dahil sa hiyang nararamdaman ko.

"Really?"He asked then walked towards the table.My lips formed a smile when he get the plate but suddenly it faded when he throw it on the trah can.My heart stabbed again.

He smirked then faced me. "My apologize.Amoy panis kasi kaya tinapon ko."He shrugged his shoulder then patted my shoulder.He leave me there,hurting and crying.

The food I cooked was my specialty.I just perfect it lately and I want him to be the first to taste it.All of my effort was wasted at wala naman akong magagawa dahil alam kong galit parin siya sa akin.I accept his mistakes.I accept that he wasn't the man that loyal to one.I accept that he was fucking other girls.But,He never accept me.He never accept my weakness.He never accept my heart.

But I can't do anything because I just realized,I love him.Y-yes!I really do!But,from now,He seems not to care about my feelings anynore.He was avoiding me and treating me like a stranger.He was not the Ryder I knew before.Yung Ryder na malambing at isip-bata.Yung Ryder ngayon,cold and doesn't care if he hurt someone's feelings.

If I only can bring back those time when we're happy,I willingly do it.If only I could confess my love for him without hesitation,I will do it.Kung papipiliin ako,pipiliin ko parin na ikasal sa kanya.

I just eat alone while he was preparing himself to sleep.Umakyat na siya sa itaas na wala man lang sulyap sa akin.I sighed and continue eating like I wasn't hurt by him.I washed the dishes that I used before heading towards my room.One week.Give me one week to be with him and after that,I will annul our wedding even if it's hurt.

Mas gugustuhin kong masaktan sa kaligayahan niya kaysa masaktan sa katotohanang hindi siya masaya kasi nasa piling ko siya.If he was happy then I will willingly support him.Kung saan siya masaya doon ako.I never thought that unrequited love was painful.

Ang hirap palang magmahal sa taong hindi ka kayang mahalin.Ang hirap ipilit ang sarili mo sa taong tinutulak ka lang palayo.Ang hirap manghingi ng atensyon sa taong hindi ka napapansin.Ang hirap iparamdam ang pagmamahal mo sa taong manhid.Mahirap ang pumasok sa isang kasal na ikaw lang ang nagmamahal at ikaw lang ang kayang umintindi.

Pero,makakalaya na siya.Just gave me one last chance at hayaan niya akong iparamdam ang pagmamahal ko.Ibibigay ko ang buo kong puso para lang sa kanya.After I gave my heart,siya na ang bahala kung itatapon niya o itatago niya.Dahil kapag nagmahal ka,wala ka ng pakielam sa sakit dahil ang gusto mo lang ay maiparamdam ang lahat lahat kahit kapalit pa nito ang pagkawasak mo.

Pagkawasak na unti unti mong bubuohin.Kapag nabuo na handa ka ng magpawasak ulit dahil mahal mo.Worth it lahat ng pagkawasak kapag mahal mo ang isang tao.I love him to the point I will sacrifice my heart.

I can endure the pain as long as i'm with him.I can endure the judgement I will receive as long as I seeing him smiling and laughing.

I love you until my last breath,Ryder smith.

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