89 89- Heart To Heart

"So…" Edwardo shifted his hips a little further out so his body didn't accidentally ruin the moment.

"So…?" Michael echoed.

"Michael, you know I'm sorry for hurting you, right?"

"I know."

"And how the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you again, right?"

Michael didn't respond right away. Thinking about what happened still left a sour taste in his mouth, and he knew this whole thing was supposed to clear the air, but he still dreaded talking about it.

"Eddie, I've been doing a lot of thinking since that night, and even more thinking since your brother sent me that video. I mean, I'm still kind of mad, and I'm definitely hurt, but I can also see why you did what you did. I mean, I've been kicked around by all that 'heteronormativity' crap too."

"You… have?" Edwardo seemed genuinely surprised. Michael always seemed so confident to him.

"Well of course I have! It's not like the average middleclass family goes around testing all their children to see if any of them are alpha or omega. And they're certainly not going to bother testing their boy child to see if they're omega. And… well… kids can be cruel sometimes, when they don't know any better…"

Edwardo couldn't help the tight feeling in his chest. "Were you bullied a lot as a kid…?"

"Of course I was!" Michael raised his voice indignantly, like it should have been obvious. "All I'm saying is, I understand that pressure to conform to a certain standard too."

The silence that followed was awkward. It wasn't like Michael exactly planned on unloading that, but there was something about this whole situation, this whole setup. This space felt incredibly safe. He couldn't see Edwardo's face, and Edwardo couldn't see his, and Edwardo's smell was everywhere and well, maybe Ryan was right when he said talking like this worked. He could hear Essie suddenly start snoring softly. It was all so peaceful.

"Hey Michael," Edwardo finally asked after a while, "What do you think the 'perfect alpha' is supposed to be like?

"Realistically or ideally?"

"Maybe ideally first."

Michael thought a second. "Well, I'd say ideally the perfect alpha is supposed to be some billionaire CEO in charge of some multi-national company, with an Adonis-like body, sour attitude, and the bad habit of throwing money at all his problems. At least, that's how you usually see them in movies and TV."

"Oh." Edwardo realized he fit very few of those conditions. "So, what about your ideal alpha?"

"If you asked me when I was a kid, that's probably the answer I would have given."

"And now?"

Money and looks are nice, but kindness is more important I think. My perfect alpha would be the kind who would have just as much fun walking around the city taking pictures together as he would if we went and did something expensive. He would get flustered when I teased him, and would always be happy to see me, and would have a gorgeous set of eyebrows. But above all," and Michael emphasized the last part, "he would be honest.

Edwardo managed to feel a little physical pain at the word honest. "I've promised you, no more lies."

"And that's why you're getting a second chance."

There was another slightly awkward stretch of silence. Michael had a nagging suspicion he hesitated to ask about, but both Ryan and Scott assured him talking about those kinds of things was very important when it came to maintaining a healthy relationship.

"Hey, um, Eddie? Do you think you might be ace?"

Edwardo hadn't heard that term before. "Am I maybe what?"

"Asexual. Not interested in having sex with someone." Michael explained. "It's okay if you are, I just don't want to cross your boundaries again. And… it's okay if you don't think you'll ever be comfortable having sex with me. I know I need to cool my jets on some of the behaviors I've been doing, but I need to know where your stop sign is.

"If that's what it means then no, I'm not asexual." Edwardo said with confidence. "Not by a longshot."

"But you're still having trouble being attracted that way to me because I'm a guy?"

"Michael, you've given me wet dreams pretty much every night since we started dating. And… well… " Edwardo mumbled the next part, "A bit before we started dating too… I mean, it wasn't on purpose.."

"Really?"

"When I saw you in that striped harness set, I could have died happy then and there."

"So, you're 100% sure I don't gross you out?"

"I'm 100% sure you don't gross me out." Edwardo gave him a little squeeze of reassurance. "But, I'll admit to being a little afraid. Sex with you would be my first time with a guy but, I'm committed to the idea, so long as it's with you. And, I want to make sure it's something you would enjoy too and I've been doing research but it all seems really complicated…"

"Well, you know you can let me take the lead right? And that I'm willing to wait until you're ready? But…" Michel snuggled a little closer, "I want to get this stuff sorted out before worrying about that again."

"Yeah, waiting a little is probably for the best."

Michael was feeling a little bolder having finally gotten some of this stuff in the open. "So… any kinks? Or any other stuff you want me to read up on?

"Um…" even thinking about it was enough for Edwardo to get flustered. "I ah- I don't think you have to worry about that."

"Hey, it's important information! This is supposed to be a judgement free zone. It can't possibly be that bad, can it?"

Edwardo mumbles something, and Michael poked him and told him to speak up.

"I like lingere, okay? Fancy underwear, and frills, and straps, and lace… so… yeah. Like I said, that thing you wore last time… I could have died happy then and there…"

"I'm sorry." Michael gave what sounded like a genuine apology. "If I knew that ahead of time, especially with how uncomfortable you were, well, there's a lot I would have done different."

Edwardo gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Sorry I'm such a wuss of an alpha."

"Sorry I'm such a pushy omega."

After a while Edwardo worked up the courage to ask his own question. "So, are you really a virgin?"

Michael's voice was flat for his reply. "If your definition means 'fucked anything other than a sex toy' then yes, I promise you I'm a virgin."

"So, you've never thought of just doing it with somebody to get it over with?"

"I mean kinda…" Michael emphasized the 'kinda,' "But maybe being an alpha, you wouldn't understand."

Edwardo stroked Michael's hair. "You said this was supposed to be a safe space, right? Try me. I promise I won't judge you."

Michael huffed a not-really-annoyed huff, and took a deep breath before committing to his infodump.

"Look, I was raised to think sex was this super big deal you're only supposed to do with the person you loved, and then I got old enough to learn things on my own, and I already knew how much society looks down on omegas and… well… I decided I liked the romantic idea of saving yourself for the person you like. And it's not like I haven't watched videos or thought about other people when my heat came, and I know how I act and talk might give you the wrong idea, but… you're the first person I've ever wanted to actually give my first time to. So… that's it."

"Ah, mi Dolcito…"

Michael could feel Edwardo press his face into his hair, and clearly heard the suction sound of a kiss. He pouted and looked up but he could barely see Edwardo's face in the shadows. He poked Edwardo in the chest gently. "But I'm still kinda mad at you so you still have to wait either way."

"You promised to wait on me, I promise to wait on you, okay?" Edwardo left Michael's hair alone and went back to rubbing Michael's back. All this was really nice, and with the stress of the last week finally being settled, he could feel the exhaustion from his travels start to creep up on him. "So, you know I like lingere, what about you? What would make your first time special?"

"Honestly, I think I'd be happy not having to do all the work for once. But, I don't know. I don't think I have any one particular 'thing' when it comes to sex."

"Well, if you think of something, let me know"

"Okay."

There was another lull in the conversation. The room had gotten really dark, so the sun must have finally set. Edwardo yawned, trying his best to do so quietly. Michael shifted to get a little more comfortable. As an afterthought, Michael started stroking the arm he was using as a pillow with his thumb. It was all so peaceful. He was really glad he insisted on this.

"Have you ever thought about having kids?" Edwardo asked. "Like, maybe starting a family some day?"

"I've thought about it a little. I wouldn't mind having two or three, I was an only child so… I used to think having a sibling would be cool. Besides, I think I'd be a fun dad."

"I should probably warn you that twins run in my family."

"Okay, then two to four kids," Michael chuckled. "I thought some of those people in the video your brother made looked super similar."

"I don't think I'm ready to be a dad yet."

"Oh, me neither, not by a long shot! But, it might be nice. Someday, at least."

"Yeah, someday…" Edwardo yawned again.

Michael yawned in sympathy. "you know, today was the first time I've ever heard you call me your boyfriend?"

"Yeah… that felt nice…" Edwardo's voice trailed off.

"Edwardo, are you getting sleepy?"

"Mmm-hm…" he nodded, even though he knew Michael couldn't see it.

"You want me to get out of the bed? So you can get some sleep?" Michael asked.

"Uh-uh…" Edwardo pulled Michael straight into his chest.

"Oop, ah, hold on-!" Michael flipped around so they were spooning, a much more comfortable position for his spine. "There, that's better!"

Edwardo sighed contentedly, his voice betraying that he was almost asleep. "Te amo, Dolcito… Mi novio…"

Now Michael had forgotten most of the Spanish he'd ever learned, but after a frantic search through his brain he at least remembered how to say good night.

"Buenos noches, Eddie."

Michael wasn't exactly tired yet. With it being winter the sun set early anyway. That being said, there was no way he was getting out of this bed. It wasn't like he even wanted to, but Edwardo's arms were wrapped securely and protectively around him. Even Essie had shimmied over to sandwich him in. It was warm and cozy, and two sets of light snores echoed in the room. Edwardo's pulse still sounded steady through his ear from the arm he was pillowed on. He wasn't tired yet. He definitely wasn't tired yet…

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The next morning Edwardo woke to a depressingly empty bed. He panicked, wondering if last night was all some sort of stress related hallucination. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it tight as depression came creeping into his not-quite-awake-yet brain. He sniffed sadly. He could still smell Michael in the sheets. And there was the smell of something else…

…Coffee?

He got up with a groan and put on a robe before shuffling his way to the kitchen. Princessa Bonita Esperanza was waiting by her food bowl as usual, but the person standing at the counter with a steaming mug was enough to chase his gloomy funk away.

"Morning Eddie!" Michael greeted cheerfully. "I hope you don't mind, I kinda dug through your cabinets and went ahead and made some coffee. I would have fed Essie too, but I wasn't sure how much food she was supposed to get."

The words were out of Edwardo's mouth before he could even think.

"Please move in with me."