Bacteria life is not Daijoubu

why does a sausage have two ends? but burgers have none?

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I hate my life.

The most common line said by every living being.

If bacteria had a conscience, I'd bet it would say the same thing too.

You might argue that the bacteria wouldn't complain about its life since its too simple.

But think about it. Put it into perspective.

If you were smaller than everything out there with the only ability to multiply then you'd be pissed too.

It's not like bacteria can experience pleasure with other bacteria. It reproduces by itself.

It's like there's one….BAM! now there's two.

What was I thinking about?....

Right, life.

I hate my life.

Thanos getting a purple boner for planet earth was already a problem I had meagre chances of eliminating.

Now there are rogue sorcerers after me.

I was lucky that this one was magic supremacist, but I won't be lucky twice.

The more I move, the more attention I garner.

The more attention I get, the more I put my life on stake.

If I don't do anything and stay put like a hermit, Thanos kills me with a fart.

So in the end all roads lead to one end…

"Accelerate"

As per my command, the world slowed down to a crawl.

[Processing scale reduced to one tenth of a second]

"Split"

[Sir, I'd advise against it]

"Don't worry about it"

[Confirmed. Commencing split]

The words echoed in my head before multiplying by three.

Multitasking…

Using one mind to process different tasks.

[Reaching cerebral limit in 4 minutes]

The one line repeated thrice in my head, but I didn't stop there.

"Crunch those numbers in one, put my second in physical combat and bring out the sorcery book for third to study"

[Confirmed]

My vision split onto three sections.

On one hand, I sat down a desk, reading the arcane book in silence, while another part of me slowly filtered megabytes of data every second.

Lastly, my primary conscience stood in the stimulated room facing veritas now in his original form.

….In 'her' original form…

"What the-" My voice was cut off as I jumped back to dodge the overhead kick from her.

[I wished to show my form when the time is right, but I suppose this is acceptable]

She shot towards me at superspeed, tearing out the wind shield before kicking me square in the chest.

I felt the air leaving my lungs as I flew off a few hundred meters before forcefully stopping myself.

[One minute before your brain shuts down. I'll be accelerating it further to let you experience several hours in this time frame]

"Ughh" Drops of blood dripped out my nose as a splitting headache assaulted me.

I could vividly feel the blood pulsing through my veins.

"Lets do this…" I backflipped to avoid the sword slash and send out a straight at her abdomen.

[Not enough]

She used the blunt side of her sword to block the punch before taking out a gun and shooting at blank range.

Bang-!

"Etherealis (Ethereal diffusion)" The chant system I devised after consulting Venti moved the wind under my command.

The loaded gunpowder didn't combust as she pulled the trigger.

Using the brief window, I held her arm and pulled forward to set her off balance and throw her over my shoulder.

If we were in the real world, I would've won by now.

Or so I'd like to think…

"That's not fair!" I saw the world turn upside down…no…I was turned upside down.

I was flipper into the air using some batshit crazy acrobatics she created in a few seconds.

I would've crashed on the floor if she hadn't caught me in the last second.

"Umppp!"

Soft.

Warm.

I like this…

But I can't breathe!

"Umppp!"

[You did well, but we still have time left]

I got out of her embrace and took some distance before resuming the training.

_________________________

"Yeah I hate this"

I threw the arcane book I got from the sorcerer in the bin, before going out to the warehouse.

It wasn't bad per se.

The methods just weren't my cup of tea.

It was too rigid. The system was strict on focus, rather than mind.

For someone like me who has been training his mind to withstand hours of intense strain, this was an entirely new area.

While I probably did have more focus than any other sorcerer out there, I had an innate aversion to the mystic arts that relied on principles violating the laws of reality.

The more I studied it, the more it broke down my understanding of this universe.

It was quite literally the antithesis of science.

Yes, I shouldn't be petty when alien warlords are added in the picture, but screw you telling me what I should and shouldn't do!

[Interference detected]

"Huh?"

[Running countermeasures]

"Accelerate"

[Confirmed]

The world slowed down once again, giving me time to think this through.

"What's happening."

[Someone is trying to break into our universe]

"But who? Why now? We just got over the mess caused by loki. You're telling me we're gonna have to stand against something on a possibly larger scale!"

[Commencing emergency evacuation]

"No stop!"

[Confirmed. Why would you like to stay Andrew?]

The usual cherry atmosphere was gine. Now replaced by Veritas in an irritated tone.

[You just got out of training, a few more seconds of accelerating, and you will seriously damage your brain. You are in no shape to fight, yet you want to stay back?]

"If it gets inside our universe, no one's safe from it. We have no choice but to fight."

[I don't care. I only care about you. So please, let's get out of here]

"I wa-

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