NOT READY
"Royce, I love you. I want to do it with you. All I could imagine doing was only with you. However, this isn't the right stage for us to do it yet. We aren't married, and only the married couple was the only one who was supposed to do it." She tried to explain Royce, but she wasn't expecting the reaction she would get from him.
For a moment, he looked so disappointed and angry, which kind of turned her off. However, Mina understood the frustration on Royce's face. She was even frustrated with herself, too, if she wouldn't think for the people around her, for her family, and if she wasn't that scared of her father's anger. She would never stop herself and let Royce feel, how much she loved him.
Aside from that, what stopped her was the lack of assurance. She had to wait for Royce to propose to her for a wedding. That was all she had been waiting for, to give her fully all she had to him.
Royce was silent as she had been trying to explain to him again and again. The disappointment on his face started to subside, and Mina thought that he had finally understood her point. She also expected after that conversation, Royce would finally think of starting to talk with her about their future, if not proposed to her.
Even if he didn't have a beautiful ring with that proposal, she was always fine. Mina was fine, even without a ring at all. All she needed was his words to hear him say that. To let her know that he too was thinking about their future and was picturing his future with her.
However, Royce didn't' say even a single word about it. All he gave her was simply an empty reaction.
"Is this what you want to do, to celebrate our anniversary of being a lover? To hide me in this little cave in the park and make out with me here?" Mina didn't want to look so emotional in front of Royce, but she couldn't help it. She was as disappointed as Royce too.
They were planning different things, standing at different angles, and having different expectations. However, even though she wasn't ready to give Royce what he wanted and even if Royce wasn't' really to provide her with the wedding, she was hoping. Mina didn't want the day to get ruined.
That setback should not hinder them from loving and understanding each other. They just have to communicate about it.
"I'm' sorry, I wasn't intending to disappoint you today, please don't think that you had disappointed me. I just want us to enjoy the rest of the hours left for me, to be with you together. Please, I'm' sorry." Mina took Royce's hand and gave it a massage.
He didn't respond for a moment and just looked at Mina before looking away. It was self-evident that Royce was disappointed, and he wanted Mina to feel that. It made Mina feel devastated, she was scared for a moment that she might lose Royce for that, and she was not ready. She needed him. He was the only person that could take him away from her father.
Nonetheless, she didn't only love Royce for that reason, they loved each other since they were just little kids and had the same group of friends and he had always been too caring for her and Farah. They went for more walks together than with her best friend, Farah. As they reached high school, it had been a long since she thought Royce would be just her best friend, but it turned out that he didn't want that.
He had been hiding his secret admiration for her for that long and finally dared to tell her in front of Farah. At that moment, Mina also realized that she liked Royce more than she liked him being just friends. She started daydreaming about their conversation and the moments they were together until she finally decided to accept his request that she would be his girlfriend.
They had always been together after that. ''So, it was never a doubt that they love each other,'' Mina thought.
She wanted to consider that maybe Royce wasn't' just ready to get married not unless he got a stable job to raise his family. However, Mina couldn't' help herself anymore. She suddenly got an urge to go out there and express her hidden feelings for Royce.
"Royce, when are you planning to marry me?" Her voice was low and hesitated. She even covered her mouth after that. She dismissed herself. She was embarrassed and much more abashed as she noticed Royce's reaction.
His eyes widened not only because of surprise, but Mina could also feel fear from those orbs.
"Let's not talk about it, Mina. I am not ready as much as you are not ready to give yourself to me." Royce's reaction shocked Mina again.
The passionate voice that he got a few moments ago seemed gone and everything changed for just a little moment. The way he looked at her and the way he spoke to her. It made Mina more worried and uneasy.
"I'm' sorry, Royce, I'm' not trying to hurry you up. I'm not trying to impose, but since you want to make us more intimate with each other, I think now is the perfect time for us to talk about it. To talk about our future, because what if I'll' get pregnant? Will it just be okay with you if my father beats me to death being pregnant and unmarried? He doesn't even know that I have a boyfriend."
"Why are you so worried about being pregnant? I know how to do it without making you get pregnant. Of course, I, too, don't want you to get pregnant as much as I am not ready to be a husband yet. Mina, I am not prepared to be a father too."
Mina felt like someone had poured cold water down on her. Her body stiffened, feeling the pain that stuck to her heart with what she heard and the realization.