2. In The Future

As a baby, it was quite difficult for me to live.

Speaking was hard, moving or walking were even harder. I couldn't think of a way to start at anything but survive until i can at least walk. In order to do so, i had to endure being a baby. Crying, sucking breast to fill my hunger. It was, in my whole life the most pain in the ass.

It was peculiar how my memories are vivid since i'm a baby in this life. Although most of them are about Madara and Izuna. It didn't happen before, why would it now?

I couldn't quite register the era i am in right now. So all i did was wait. And i wasted three years for that.

***

Uchiha Guren.

An Uchiha again, except that this time a hundred years had passed.

Ha, i want to mock myself, i want laugh at this third life, i want to scream. I hated that fate is playing with my life, like i was around their fingers, so they could torture me and watch me die again and again. They took my old life, where i was so attached to my brothers. And now, i'm just a nobody Uchiha.

Madara is history. Shirai is myth. That was how it is now.

I cursed my fate.

Is there another reason to live again for? My mother? She died giving birth to me, resulting me having a wet nurse. My father was like the others, too busy with the clan's council. He's not often home, or at least not when i'm awake. Not attending his child, but giving a room for a nanny to.

But on a good side, whenever our eyes meet, he would smile. He would tell me to come over and tell me stories. Stories about the clan, which always reminds me that i often hear from my pretend-meeting with Madara and Izuna at childhood. Well, used to.

Of course, the stories are somewhat rearranged- almost true, half the truth, and the rest are made up probably by our ancestors. I kept quiet nonetheless, listening to father and his evening stories.

I wasn't that eager to know, i wasn't that curious. The only thing i wanted to know was the reason i was rebirth again. Perhaps i was immune, i didn't rush the answer. In the end, listening to his husky voice was a lullaby. Strange but warm. It wasn't the same though, i wish it would.

I wasn't bright. No, there was no way i could be. Often when i see the other kids playing at the park, i would distant myself. Or to be exact, they were distancing themselves from me, from my cold demeanor. I didn't bother to concern myself because i tend to be alone. That way, i could concentrate myself with training, and maybe leaving myself to my own thoughts.

That, could be fix. Because i wasn't friendly before too. My only muse was my brothers. Friends are unnecessary. Maybe not to me. The last time Madara had a friend.. it didn't turn out well.. I can't really say it. I never had one before. Not here, not before. I can't remember much about the not-shinobi-world. So nope. I can still survive without them.

Some other times, when i'm not training or sleep, i would reminisce the moments i spent with Madara, with Izuna. The three of us, eventhough i was bed riddened most of the time. Unlike before, their presence has become a part of my life, my soul. Without it, i was overwhelmed with loneliness. Maybe i'm just used to be surrounded by them, by their sight, by their smell.

***

"Father, when you return home tonight.. Can i ask you a favor?"

Father stared at me, blinking fast and his eyebrows raised, "It's rare for you to ask me something."

"Is that a no?"

He shook his head, noting his smile at its warmest, "I'll return as soon as i can."

I returned his gesture with my own faint smile, nodding at his words.

"Then i'll leave first. Make sure you eat." He said, ruffling my hair before leaving.

The informations that i've gathered the whole month wasn't much. I didn't do anything in particular except for observing, and listening. Listening to rumors, observing the Hokage's monument and the civillians. And i found out that there was no sculpture of Minato yet, the last one was Hiruzen. That means, "Naruto hasn't born.. yet."

Rumors? At least, there were nothing similar to a 'prodigy', likely to refer to Itachi's. No, there was one about a boy being prodigy. Was it about Shisui? If Itachi hasn't even born, that would mean no massacre, not until a few years coming.

I was relieved, truly. Not because of the delaying of Uchiha's massacre, but it was solely because i knew, Madara is alive. Barely though.

I don't have much time. I need to get out of Konoha, even for a brief moment. In order to do so, i need to attend the academy and raise my rank. Obito will die, maybe two or three years from now. Because when he did, Shisui was six, maybe seven? And i got another year before Kurama attacks the village under Obito's manipulation.

I would do anything.. just to see my elder brother again. Because.. i let him down. I was weak, and i died effortlessly without ever contributing to him or Izuna. After Izuna died, I didn't give him a moral support i was supposed to, even worse, dying and left him.

I know i should neither lingered to the past nor changing any events that was going to happen. But i couldn't help the urge to feel the warmth again. I can't remember how he looks like in the anime though. I wish fate would at least give me mercy to find Madara.

***

"So you want to enter the academy?" Father's eyes widened, as if he never thought of hearing that from me. Didn't he at least expect that? I was training like crazy- oh- he wasn't here most of the time. How would he know? "But you're just four."

"But i don't think like one. You knew." I blurted out, swinging my katana at a dummy and stab it. "I may be four, but i can't follow the other kids around. We're just not- compatible." Was that the word?

Father didn't give me a response. His eyes were glued on me, awkward, but not really. Studying me, or maybe not? What was he thinking? I couldn't tell. He had worn a frown on his face. That was a first. At least, not in front of me. Is that a yes? or is it no? I'm anxious.

I didn't stop from swinging my katana, swirling it like it's a part of me and jab it forward to distract myself. "I awakened my sharingan."

Again, father seemed surprised, I noticed from the corner of my eyes ,"You did? I- i didn't know."

"You haven't been looking."

Father's eyes lowered to the ground, his back slumped and there was a tint of sadness he had wore on his face. Was i too harsh?

True, awakening sharingan doesn't always happen at an early age. At least, if you're normal enough. Itachi, was different though. To say he's a prodigy would be an understatement, he's way beyond and i couldn't become like him. I had to train hard. Funny enough that i'm not a genius like i used to be. I'm healthy, but still weak in skills. I sighed. I guess someone from the real world can't possibly become perfect here.

At least, effort is the real thing.

"Alright." Father muttered, low and barely heard but enough to bring me back from my train of thoughts. "I'll register you.. and i'm sorry i haven't really been there for you." He said, voice as husky as ever, it wasn't any different from any other conversations we had, but there was guilt in his black orbs.

Humans are made of emotions, it's not always impossible to hide from that. But father couldn't cover it i guess. And i noted to myself that i should learn to hide my own emotions, possibly to avoid any unwanted privacy invading.

"Thank you, father."

On another note, i didn't plan to forgive him because i never cared in the first place. I never really hoped. It's not that strange that he would feel guilt, except that he chose to feel guilt for me. I'm not a child. In fact, i'm a fully fledged adult, i killed once, twice, thrice. Did he think i was innocent and that i need attention?

Maybe he wasn't completely wrong.

The night smelled like grass. The wind wasn't quite strong, but enough to blow my shoulder length hair softly, like a whisper. I enjoyed this night, when the moon was bright, bringing the light to the dummy in front of me. And it was quiet.

I took a deep breath.

I'm glad i'm Uchiha. We're not normally so loud at night. We are the clan of pride and manners are prioritized. It hasn't change even for a hundred of years.

And nights like now are the the nights i spent teaching Izuna fuinjutsus. It was necessary though, i realised that too late. Because Uchiha have always depend on their Kekkei Genkai, the Sharingan for power. For strength. So learning Fuinjutsu might help us a bit. Not that people would take that into advice though.

A smile crept onto my face, one that's bitter and sad.. and longing.

Father left a while ago, when i was deep in my own thoughts.

I didn't mean to hurt him.

My eyes landed to where he had just seated himself earlier. I sheathed my katana and headed towards the kitchen after leaving the katana where it should be.

Treating someone to a meal is always one of a way to make the situation better. I hope it would.

***

I stared at the reflection in the mirror. Tired of my appearance that changed. I wonder if meeting Madara with this new appearance would make him recognise me? I never really cared of how i look before. Now, i don't know anymore.. i wish my words are believable if i meet him.

"-kun."

I never thought of this but where should i even look for him?

"Guren-kun."

I realised, i was called. "Yes?"

"Are you going out with Mr. Hamada?"

That was close. People calling me Guren sounds weird to my ear. I was Shirai before and i'm unfriendly here except to father and Mrs. Hanako.

I turned around to look at my nanny, putting down the small round mirror aside, "Yes. Father wants to bring me to the academy."

"Oh? Sightseeing?"

"No, registering."

She paused, "You're entering the academy already?!"

My nanny is quite.. loud. But i didn't tell her that, she would be hurt if i did.

"You're just four years old and i haven't taken care of you enough." she pouted, her knuckles leaning on her chin as she tilted her head a little bit. Her wrinkled forehead was more visible when she did that.

I smiled faintly, "No, you didn't. But i need to grow, and learn more."

".. Yeah, there's not one moment when you act like a child, not since you were two." She wiped an invisible tear with a finger. It was an act, a joke i assumed and confirmed it when she chuckle gleefully after that. "And you were so adorable back then. "

We stared at one another for a long time, until she broke the eye contact, sweeping the floor once again, "Alright then, good luck on your admission."

"I won't be there until tomorrow, if i'm accepted."

"Really? But whatever happens, smile like you did just now." She came closer to me. I didn't expect the next thing she would do was to pinch my cheeks and stretched them, "Yes, like this. Because you're so scary people avoid you."

I pushed her away, already feeling the sting on both of my cheeks, "I'm not scary. I just, don't feel too comfortable playing with kids."

"Why? Aren't you're a kid too?"

Except i'm not. Lets avoid this, "Then, i'll be leaving. Father has waited long enough."

"Oh, okay be careful."

***

The road to the academy felt so long. It wasn't because of the distance, but my own created illusions and overwhelmed judgemental look.

Does not going out often and being by myself so weird? So odd that people had to give me the stare?

I don't wish to hide myself. Madara used to be so brave, i need to be one to.

Father suddenly bent down his knees, his eyes were on my level now. An obvious look of worry was shown.To my dismay, we had stopped walking. I wished we would continue to walk without halting even for a moment, i want to be away from the looks people were giving me. Father however, he grabbed my hand and whispered, "Are you alright?" His sudden grip over my small hand tightened. Which, oddly enough calmed me down.

It wasn't much, but father has always been someone who can understand the situation. I guess he wasn't as ignorant as i think he would be. Maybe he did try his best to raise me as a single father while simultaneously attend his duty as part of the Uchiha council. He was considerate enough to spend his little resting time at home to tell me stories. Hiring a nanny must be his last option.

"Yes, father."

He is.. a nice guy.

The rest of the walk didn't feel that much unpleasant anymore. It was actually quite nice.

***