Chapter 13: DAMMIT NATSU!

AN: As always before we get started, Reviewer Replies! :D

Raidentensho:One of the biggest things to being a powerful and versatile wizard is understanding. Knowing exactly how something works, what all it can and can't do, and how to make it do those things is 9/10s of being a good user of it. Applies to machinery, tools and most everything else I know of - applies to magic. Once Jerry gains an understanding of how and why his magic works the way it does and what it can and can't do, he'll become vastly more formidable in a very short amount of time. Not quiiite instantly, but the knowledge alone will be an incredible boon. That sounds like a very interesting power system, I might have to look into it.

DarkDrawerJ:TROLOLOLOLOL! XD I'm glad you read all the way to the bottom of that one, it'll make this week's chapter just that much more potent! :D

Blaze2121:I'm very glad you're enjoying enough to read it all in one go. :D Yes the Mira pairing is much more popular than I had originally anticipated. Granted, Mira's awesome, one of my favorite characters, not hard at all to see why people would want more of her. It won't be a harem ending. I actually already know the final pairing, but as DarkDrawerJ noted in his review of the Halloween Special last chapter, I am a complete and utter juggling troll, so I'm going to keep everyone guessing for as long as I can. Seilah's a long shot, especially considering her enmity with Mira. Yes, I can confirm: Jellal and Ultear shag in this one. A LOT. Ultear takes full advantage of having one of the top 10 most eligible wizard bachelors secretly wrapped completely around her finger. Jellal doesn't mind (who would?). Funny you should mention Gilgamesh, I actually just recently got into Fate myself. I'm currently reading a Grand Order fic called 'Fragments of Chaldea' which is just hitting all the right buttons for me thus far, so don't expect a Fate fic from me any time soon. Jerry's an up close fighter and as for Jerry getting slayer magic...hmmhrphhmmmumblempf (various noncommittal noises).

Reptil: I REPEAT! TROLOLOLOLOLOL... XD (cackles) Yes if I ever throw out a special chapter (which I am prone to on holidays) it's going to actually be extra good, and I don't go for clichés like that.(seriously, can you imagine a Fairy Tail that DOESN'T go all out for Halloween?) If I make a Halloween Special, hold on to your hats because shit's about to get scary. If I make a Valentine's special, get ready for something that'll make you go 'Aww...' and actually really support and want to see more of whatever pairing I cook up for it (hopefully). I didn't really know what to do for a Thanksgiving Special, so I'll go ahead and tell you it's a fun AU with lots of treats in it for my beloved readers to sink their teeth into. Spoilers you say? I shall not give those except in very vague manners which you will be able to guess about, but I will confirm that there will be at least one rather significant spoiler contained in this year's Thanksgiving Special. What it/they might be, and how many, I'm not telling, but by the time we get to the end of this story, you're going to look back at that Thanksgiving Special and go "OMG HE PLANNED THAT FAR AHEAD?!" and I shall be sitting here at my computer going TROLOLOLOLOL and laughing my ass off. Also, one other reason I'm going out of my way to make these specials so out of left field is because I can't write the in universe happenings of these holidays without giving stuff away several arcs in advance. For example: This chapter opens on the morning of August 9th. Halloween is still two months away in universe. Do you have any idea how incredibly much stuff is going to happen in that two months? Everything from Galuna to the NIRVANA arc. That is a LOT of spoilers that would be given away if I wrote Jerry's first Halloween with Fairy Tail, and not little ones either. I've got some serious zingers lined up between now and then and I have no intention of giving them away this early. Seriously, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Now that all that's been said...

Chapter 13 – DAMMIT NATSU!

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==Early Morning, August 9th==

...

My card car slammed to a halt in the drizzling rain and I backed up. I blinked with a shell shocked stare through the misty gloom. The two who couldn't possibly be real, couldn't be really there, stared back at me in surprise. I raised a finger and took a breath, before asking tentatively as my heart pounded in my chest, "Gabe? Julie?"

The one who looked like Gabe but slightly bigger and tougher frowned, "Who?"

I sighed, okay, just an eerie coincidence. Then the one who looked just like Julie with blue hair declared that their names were Juvia and Gajeel, and as she asked if that was what I meant in an odd monotone, I very nearly lost my mind as I realized I was looking at this world's doppelgangers of my best friends Gabriel Fox and Julia Keyes.

I laughed slightly and put my good hand over my eye, "No… my, my apologies. I've just arrived in this country recently and you two look…shockingly similar to my best friends back home." I shook my head and forced a smile, "I'm sorry. I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Jerry Granger of Fairy Tail. Unless I miss my guess, you two are wizards eh? What brings you to Magnolia?"

The big one who I had to keep telling myself wasn't Gabe grunted that they were just passing through, but Ju…via swatted him and produced a picture, "Have you seen this girl? We were hired to find her."

I accepted the picture and my eyebrow rose behind the bandages, "Lucy Heartfilia."

Ju-via's (I knew I was going to get it wrong out loud at least once, the resemblance was utterly mindboggling aside from the blue hair) eyes lit up, "You know her?" I had to blink to dispel the image of my best friend and smiled, "Ah, yeah, yeah, she's actually one of my teammates. Eh, climb on. I'll take you to her."

The pretty blue haired mage who I had to keep telling myself was not Julie hopped on to my card with a grin that was every bit as infectious and hard to resist as Julie's, "Let's go!" I couldn't help smiling back, "Ey Ga-jeel" I caught myself in time to not call him Gabe, "climb on. I can carry half a dozen people like this no problem and fly with it."

Gajeel eyed the card warily, "I'm good. I'll walk."

I nodded, if he was anything like Gabe then he was stubborn as a mule and there was no point in trying to convince him to try something before he was ready. "Alright, I'll go slow so you don't have to run," I declared with a smile.

Gajeel blinked, "Oh, well, uh…thanks."

I began to ease along with my card, "So, I guess you two are in a wizard guild?"

Juvia nodded, "We're with Phantom Lord. I'm Juvia of the Element Four, and this is Gajeel the Iron Dragon Slayer. We're two of Phantom's five S-Class."

I grinned, "Ahhh so you two must be pretty powerful eh? Iron Dragon Slayer, guess that means you're like a more hard headed version of Natsu huh?"

"Natsu?" Gajeel asked questioningly, his brows instantly furrowing in consternation. I frowned as I heard a memory strain to break through to the surface of his mind when the name came up. "If you don't mind, I'm a telepathic wizard. It sounds like you've got a repressed memory in there. Want some help getting it out?"

Gajeel thought about it for a moment and then his curiosity got the better of him. "Don't go muckin' around too much in there," he ordered as he leaned down to offer me his head. I raised my hand and frowned, That's not just a repressed memory, it's an out and out magic induced BLOCK.

"Someone already has," I said quietly. Then as Gajeel and Juvia's eyes widened I ordered the mental barrier to, "RELEASE."

Gajeel almost collapsed under the weight of his memories crashing over him like a tidal wave. He staggered and Juvia and I immediately reached out to stabilize him. His eyes were out of focus for a second and then he snapped bolt upright and shouted, "OH SHIT! I GOTTA GO FIND LYOS! OH GOD!" His hands flew to his head as he started to seriously panic, "WHERE'S CRYBABY WENDY?!" He turned to Juvia and all but shouted, "SORRY JUVIA, TELL MASTER JOSE I'M SORRY BUT I GOTTA LET YOU HANDLE THIS ONE ALONE! PUNCH NATSU FOR ME WHEN YOU SEE HIM! MY BABY BROS AND SISTER NEED ME!" He turned and shouted at the top of his lungs, "DON'T WORRY SHORTIES! BIG BRO'S COMIN FOR YA!"

So shouting, Gajeel took off running panicked through the woods like a bat out of hell, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEENDDYYYYYYYY! LYOOOOOOOOOOS! SHITTY BRAT THAT HANGS OUT WITH NATSUUUUUUUUUUUU! WHERE ARE YOOOU?!"

Juvia and I stared after him for almost a full minute and then Juvia turned to look at me in confusion, "Any idea what all that was about?"

I mulled it over for a second, "He had a magic induced block in his memory. Don't know how, don't know why, but someone or something had made him forget, it sounded like his little brother and sister, plus Natsu and some kid that used to hang out with Natsu." I frowned, "I wonder if Natsu's got a block like that…He's enough of a dimwit that he may have just forgotten altogether, but he's usually pretty good about remembering things important to his friends…I'll have to check when I see him. Well…" I turned a smile on Juvia, "Shall we continue? Lucy's usually at the Guild Hall by now, and now that we don't have to go slow for him to keep up, I can show you what this baby can do!"

Juvia cast one more glance after Gajeel and then nodded, "Yes, of course. Let's go." There was something odd about the way she said it, but I decided to let it slide for the moment. If Juvia was anything like Julie then she'd never keep quiet about something important without a damn good reason.

I picked us up over the treetops. I'd been zipping along doing fifty miles an hour with my new Archive Magic Radar running solid to try and find anyone with a Fairy Tail emblem. I had been legitimately planning to scan the entire country if I had to, and given that once I amped my intake my range was about a hundred mile radius with no definite upper limit on the speed of my card car, I thought that was perfectly doable. Impractical? Maybe. Going way too far for a girl who I barely knew? Probably. Good way to get some space and clear my head on the matter? Definitely.

Juvia wrapped her arms around me to hold on, "Um, are you sure this is safe?"

I snapped my cards out of my pocket and formed the sides and seatbacks of my card car, "Totally." Juvia smiled and settled back against the seat I had made for her. I smiled, even if her hair was the wrong color, it was a lot like having Julie riding shotgun again. Then a thought occurred to me and I tried to make a speaker with my Archive magic. I looked over at Juvia, "Hey Juvia, you want some music?"

She asked if I could make music and I told her I could as I made the speaker make some interesting test noises. I looked over at her, "Ah, since you remind me so much of my friend, would you mind if I start with one of her favorites?"

Juvia shrugged, "I don't see why not." I grinned and tapped the label on the screen. A second later KISS's "Lick It Up" came thumping out of the speaker. I grinned as Juvia began to bob along to the beat, a little grin playing across her face. In a matter of moments, the grin was a full on smile and she was dancing as much as she could without leaving her seat. I smiled as the rain slacked up and drove us on back to Fairy Tail. Definitely a Julie clone, and definitely going to be my friend.

Selfish and jumping to conclusions? Maybe, but I wasn't wrong.

…

…

Half an hour later, I landed us in front of the Guild Hall and had my card dump us off before shrinking back to normal size and zipping back into my pocket. "Welcome to Magnolia," I said with a grin, "Lucy should be inside by now."

We walked up the steps, through the door, and stopped as we became aware of the entire guild stopping to look at us. Next thing I knew, Master Makarov had bounced all the way across the room and landed on my chest before clinging to me to shout in my face, "JERRY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

I blinked, "Didn't Cana pass my note along?" "The note saying you were going fishing the same day Natsu and Lucy disappeared on an unsanctioned S-Class quest?!" Makarov shouted.

"THEY DID WHAT?!"

"We thought you had gone with them," Erza declared as she walked up.

"NO!" I exclaimed, "I went to find Gilda…" I snapped my trap shut, went pale and started looking around to see if Cana was listening as Erza and Master both gaped at me.

Then Cana said from behind me, "I thought that's what that note said." I froze, Really should've encrypted that better… I turned nervously, "Eh, hey…Cana…"

She flicked me on the head gently, "Use better codes. I got that one on the first try before I was even through my morning hangover. Master, get off him for a minute." Crap she's pissed… I thought as Master let go and hopped down to the ground. Then Cana hugged me. I blinked in complete surprise and then Cana loosened her grip a bit to look at me, "I am completely sober right now." Then she kissed me. My brain shut down for a second.

Cana came up for air and raised an unimpressed eyebrow at me, "You're supposed to kiss back. I didn't think I was that bad at it."

I shook my head, "No, that was a good kiss, I was just surprised. I was expecting to get slapped, not kissed. Here, lemme apologize." So saying, I dipped her and kissed her as best I could. I only went just long enough for her to start kissing back before I set her back upright. Master, Erza, Juvia and the rest of the guild were looking at us with bemused expressions.

Master Makarov scratched his head as he thought, then his eyes went wide and he raised a finger to point at Cana, "Wait…" I could hear it in his head as his eyes widened, he had figured it out. Cana blushed slightly as she realized he had figured it out too and then Master grumbled, "I'm gonna kill that bonehead…" Then he shook his head, "But that's gonna have to wait! Erza, Jerry! Go get Natsu and Lucy and bring them back here so I can pulverize that idiot!"

Juvia cleared her throat, "Um, excuse me." Everyone turned to her and she raised her hand in greeting with a smile, "Hello, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Juvia Lockser of Phantom Lord's Element Four. I was recently hired by Lucy's father to find her. Would you mind if I tag along?"

Master stroked his mustache, "Normally I'd say no and that this was a guild matter, but you're a pretty powerful water mage right?"

"I like to think so," Juvia replied humbly with a small smile. Makarov nodded, "Good, and you've probably heard about the Curse of Galuna Island right?"

"THEY'RE TRYING TO BREAK THE CURSE ON GALUNA ISLAND?!" Juvia exclaimed, "ARE THEY INSANE?!" She paused and collected herself, "That's a very dangerous mission. Master Jose won't let anyone take it unless at least two of the Element Four and Gajeel are going. I think it would probably be best if I join for the sake of having a little extra power on board if nothing else. Master Jose would be furious if I let Ms. Heartfilia die on such an unfortunate endeavor when I could've intervened. This is a rather important job."

Master raised an eyebrow, "How important?"

"Five million jewels important," Juvia replied, "Due to the pay alone, getting Ms. Heartfilia back to her father is being considered an S-Class mission worthy of two of the Element Four, although I brought Gajeel instead. I had no idea it would turn into an actual S-Class quest…"

Master looked around, "So where's Gajeel?"

Juvia sighed, "I'm not sure. Jerry found a magical barrier in Gajeel's memories and as soon as it was removed, Gajeel went running off as fast as he could to search for his long lost younger siblings. In all the time I've known Gajeel I've never seen him panic like that, so it must be terribly important. He said he was sorry and asked me to handle this myself," she looked at me and Erza with a smile, "so I definitely wouldn't mind joining forces with you for this one as my usual back up has proven a little unreliable today. Oh, before we go, do you mind if I punch Natsu when we find him? Gajeel asked me to pass one along for him, apparently they know each other."

Erza barked out a little laugh, "Oh don't worry, there'll be punches in plenty when I find him." Juvia smiled, "Oh good! Well, shall we get going then?"

I threw out my Card Car and gestured with a grin, "Ladies first."

…

…

I flew us up above even the highest tree tops and cranked my ethernano intake up to eleven so that I could really cut loose with the speed. According to my Archive navigational system, we were clocking in at about two hundred miles per hour. Still though, it was nearly nightfall by the time we reached Galuna. We passed a small tidal wave on our way to shore and I slowed us down as I felt the familiar mental signatures that I'd grown to know and mostly love over the last month and a half. "Found 'em." I declared as I peered over the side.

"Take us down there," Erza ordered. I landed us on the beach just in time to see a beat up Natsu, Lucy, Gray and Happy wash ashore, one and all unconscious and severely waterlogged. It was not lost on us that Gray was tied up.

I would've let them lay there until morning, but Erza was of a different mindset. She snatched Natsu up off the sand by the hair with one hand and punched him square in the gut. Natsu came awake with a sound somewhere between a wheeze and a shout of pain. Then as soon as he got his breath back in and realized who had a hold of him, he let it right back out as a very terrified and girly scream that woke up Lucy, Gray and Happy immediately.

"I see you understand why I'm here," Erza declared in her best 'I'm about to freaking kill you' voice with the death glare to match.

"Sorry Erza," Gray groaned as he managed to force himself upright, "Natsu sucker punched me."

Erza shot him a glance and then nodded, "You are forgiven." She turned her glare back on Natsu, "YOU are not."

Natsu squeaked pitifully and Lucy looked at me, "Um, Jerry? Help?"

I frowned at her, "Don't look at me. This was monumentally stupid. I thought you were smarter than this." I crouched down and poked her in the forehead with a glare, "Your life is not worth a gate key, not even one of the Zodiacs with over three million jewel thrown on top." I straightened up and crossed my arms as I glared at her and then Natsu and nonchalantly snatched Happy out of the air by his tail, "And I am VERY insulted that you three didn't even think to invite me. What happened to the four of us being a team? If you had asked, then we could have poked Erza, said please, been out here, had it done in probably a few days at most, and gone zipping along back home seven million jewels richer." I lifted Happy up to eye level and gave him my very deadliest glare, "And I can hear your thoughts you moronic blue puffball. Shame on you for deliberately picking the one with a reward you knew Lucy wouldn't be able to resist just so you could drag her into this!"

I glared at Natsu, "And because you tied Gray up, if you all hadn't been lucky enough to wash ashore, and we hadn't been here, then Gray would have drowned just now because his arms were tied and there was no way for him to swim. Is that what you want Natsu? For Gray to die due to some freak accident of nature that you put him in the way of?"

Natsu looked like I had slapped him with square in the face a stomach virus. That analogy brought a memory to mind, "Oh, that reminds me. Erza, could you hold him from behind for a second?"

Erza immediately adjusted her grip into a full nelson and I grinned, "Thank you very much." I teleported over and torqued such a full body punch into Natsu's solar plexus that Erza's grip actually wavered a little. I straightened up, "Gajeel says hi."

I heard Natsu's brain start trying to fire through the same magic memory repression that had been on Gajeel and I raised a hand to his head and flicked him between the eyes, "Release." Natsu started retching and barfing fire as I stepped back quickly. Erza dropped him in disgust and we watched as Natsu clutched his head, drenched in cold sweat and ghostly pale, his memories crashing through his mind like an avalanche as he continued to vomit flames.

"What did you do to him?" Erza muttered as she crossed her arms and watched him wriggle like a worm on a hook. I quickly explained and then Natsu shot bolt upright, "I GOTTA FIND STING AND WENDY! AND LYOS TOO! OH MAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO ANNA-SENSEI?!" Then he seemed to remember whose name I had mentioned, "WAIT! YOU SAID YOU SAW GAJEEL! IS HE OKAY?!"

"He's about as panicked as you are," I replied, "He took off to hunt for your three younger siblings this morning after I removed the magical block in his memory."

Natsu slumped slightly in relief, "Okay, Gajeel's a jerk but he's reliable. I can trust him to find them and make sure they're alright."

"That's great," Erza said calmly. Then she socked him in the jaw hard enough to launch him six feet in the air, grabbed him by the ankle before he could fly too far and proceeded to do the Tom-and-Jerry, slamming him into the ground repeatedly like a bag of potatoes as she shouted, "Because I would have felt a lot worse about beating you to a pulp for being so reckless and stupid if you had to go find your younger siblings after this!"

She kept it up for several minutes. I wound up doing what must've been a funny looking dance as Lucy kept trying to hide behind me only for me to repeatedly step aside to give Erza a clear shot when she decided to turn her attention that way. Juvia untied Gray and the four of us watched in awe and slight mortification as Erza proceeded to beat Natsu into a near unrecognizable bloody pulp howling, "PUTTING NOT ONLY YOUR LIFE IN JEOPARDY BUT THOSE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS AS WELL! BREAKING THE RULES AND TAKING AN S-CLASS QUEST WITHOUT PERMISSION! SNEAKING ONTO THE SECOND FLOOR WHERE MASTER REMINDED YOU THE VERY SAME DAY THAT YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO BE! YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! MASTER WILL PROBABLY KICK YOU OUT OF THE GUILD WHEN WE GET BACK! HOW COULD YOU BE SO FOOLISH AND RECKLESS AS TO ENDANGER YOUR LIFE LIKE IT'S WORTHLESS?! YOUR PLACE IN FAIRY TAIL LIKE IT'S WORTHLESS?! OUR FRIENDS' LIVES LIKE THEY'RE WORTHLESS?! HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID NATSU?!"

Every word was accentuated by Natsu slamming into the ground as hard as Erza could slam him. Then she threw Natsu up in the air and caught him by the lapels and I was slightly horrified to see that there were tears shining in her eyes as she demanded, "Why Natsu? Why would you be so selfish and stupid as to do something like this?" Natsu didn't answer and Erza shouted, "ANSWER ME NATSU! PLEASE! JUST TELL ME WHY!" Still Natsu said nothing.

Erza was so upset she was shaking and as I saw her getting ready to punch him, I said quietly, "Erza, I think you knocked him out with that first uppercut. Pretty sure he's been unconscious through the whole lecture."

Erza blinked and then shook Natsu a little. Sure enough, Natsu's head was lolling about limply. If his eyes hadn't been swelling shut, it would've been clear that there was nobody home even if the lights were on. Erza sighed angrily and dropped him, "Natsu you damned fool…"

She turned to Lucy, who once again tried to hide behind me only for me to once again side step as Erza stormed over. Erza loomed over Lucy and asked in an extremely stern voice, "Lucy, did you know that it was forbidden for you to take an S-Class quest?"

Lucy looked like she was about to wet herself, "Natsu said Master would forgive us and be proud if we pulled it off…I thought it was just a little rule, not something that would get me kicked out of the guild…I'm sorry…"

Erza was about to reply and then there was a flash of magic and Gray grinned, "Ice Make Stocks. That's payback for sucker punchin' me Natsu." Erza turned around and leveled a murderous glare at Natsu, who was now wriggling and trying to get free of the restraints Gray had magicked onto him. Natsu felt Erza's gaze land on him like a spotlight and froze.

Erza strode over and crouched down, "Natsu." Natsu squeaked. "Did you hear what I said about the very strong possibility of you getting kicked out of the guild over this?" Erza asked in a quiet voice. I think I actually heard Natsu's heart stop for a second.

"No…" Natsu breathed, his eyes wide in horror, "Please, anything but that…I'd rather die than leave Fairy Tail…"

"You understand what you did right?" Erza asked patiently, "You endangered not only your own life, but Gray, Lucy and Happy's lives as well. How would you have felt if they had drowned in that wave that washed you ashore? They would be dead, because of your stupid pride Natsu." It was quite visible as the weight of Natsu's actions settled in on him while Erza continued, "Even beyond that, now you run the very severe risk of getting yourself and Happy kicked out of the guild, not only for coming on this S-Class quest without permission, but for lying to Lucy about the importance of stealing an S-Class quest. It's even worse because Jerry's right, you could have just asked me and I would've taken the request as soon as I finished my cake and brought you all along with me for back up in a heartbeat. Do you understand me Natsu? This isn't like your usual screw ups. You could seriously be getting kicked out of Fairy Tail over this."

Natsu was quiet for a second and then immediately began to cry and beg and plead with Erza to not let Master kick him out, but Erza's only reply as she straightened back up was, "That is not my decision. You will have to wait for the Master's judgment."

Natsu was very quiet and very still after that. Erza turned to face us and sighed before casting a glance up at the odd purple moon. Then she turned to me, "Jerry, what's the range of your telepathy?"

"You want me to scan the island and see if I can figure out what's up?" I asked. Erza nodded, "Yes, since we're already here, we might as well look into it even if we aren't officially accepting this request yet."

I closed my eyes, sat down, cast my web wide and began to listen.

…

…

A little while later I opened my eyes, "Okay. Good news for Gray, he has a friend on the island." Gray turned to me in surprise, "Seriously? Who is it?"

"Actually two," I clarified, "Ur says you'll probably remember Lyon."

All the color went out of Gray's face in an instant and then he leapt up angry, "IF THAT'S SOME KIND OF JOKE THEN I'M GONNA BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU INJURED OR NOT!"

I stared at him flatly, "I'm not joking. There's a woman in a block of ice under the mountain over there who says her name is Ur, that she used to be your teacher and that her student Lyon brought her here and is trying to melt her so he can try to beat down a demon that she's already finished killing. She also speculates that if we can get Juvia to share knowledge of her Water Body, sorry Juvia heard a little from everybody while I was listening to the whole island, then Ur might be able to return to human form after her body finishes melting in what Lyon's estimating to be three days."

Gray sat down in shock, "That…that can't be right…"

"I can give you directions if you want to go look," I told him, "But I don't think we should do it just yet. Lyon's followers are out and about right now. He's got at least four more wizards with him, two feel fairly formidable, Natsu and I should be able to handle them I think. One seems kind of harmless, but the fourth one feels about as tough as Erza. I don't know that I've got enough magic after flying us out here at top speed to pull another win like Eisenwald, not to mention these guys probably won't be considerate enough to group up all close together for me to take them all out in one big shot, and I probably can't teleport us out if things get hairy. We should wait until morning."

Gray was still and then he nodded with a pale face, "Alright, but I probably won't sleep worth a damn now."

I looked over at Erza, "Even if we don't take the curse breaking job, which the natives seem to think will require breaking the moon, I think we should at least stick around to help out Gray's master and get his…what is he Gray your brother? We oughta help get Gray's doofus brother back to his senses."

Erza nodded, "I quite agree, but will we be able to do it without Juvia's help? She hasn't agreed to share knowledge of her magic with us."

We all turned to Juvia and suddenly Gray was on his knees bowing before her, "Please Ms. Juvia! Master Ur is a hero who's saved countless lives, including mine. Your spell may be the only way to save her!"

Juvia thought about it for a moment, "I suppose I could share, but I would like to get something in return…"

Gray immediately had her hands clasped in his as he begged, "Please! I'll teach you all the magic I know if you'll help me save my master!"

Juvia blushed slightly as she realized he was suddenly shirtless, "Um, okay…but will you please put your clothes back on?"

Gray looked down and realized he was not in fact merely shirtless, he was also lacking in the pants, socks and shoes department, "OH CRAP! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

As Gray began going around gathering up his clothes, which had somehow been scattered all over the beach, Juvia turned to the rest of us, "Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to ask about something. The Eisenwald Incident was all over the papers, and there were supposed to be five wizards from Fairy Tail involved, including Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, a blonde girl who I've now confirmed to be Lucy, and one unknown masked wizard that's rumored to have dismantled the entire Eisenwald guild singlehandedly." She looked at me, "Was that you? We all thought it was Mystogan, but your bandages are very much a mask and you seem to be a part of this team."

I blinked as that registered and then I laughed, "Yeah, that was me! Funny you should mention it though, I found out yesterday that I actually have quite a bit in common with Mystogan! I had actually never even heard of him before yesterday, but it turns out he actually even really does look a little bit like me under that mask of his. Of course," I added thoughtfully, "I also look a little bit like Gray under all the bandages, or at least I will once my hair grows back. Different hair colors, and my face is a shaped a little different, but the resemblance is there. Yeah though, the masked Fairy Tail wizard in the Eisenwald Incident was me."

Juvia went even paler than usual and started trembling, "You took down an entire guild…in that bad a shape?"

I blinked and then smiled, "Nah…I was fresh out of the infirmary when I did that. I'll have my right hand back in a few days, and to tell ya a little secret," I leaned forward and glanced around jokingly as I raised a hand and whispered, "I only write with my left. My right's stronger."

"Don't forget the part where you evacuated a train and then chased down the run-away engine the dark wizard who wrecked the train was driving," Erza added, "All that after you figured out their plans in a matter of minutes just from the little snippets of information I had managed to pick up in passing."

"I can't claim credit for the train thing," I replied, "Gray's the one who caught it when the bridge collapsed. The real question though, is why does Juvia look like we just told her she had to fight a dragon with no magic and a teaspoon?"

Juvia did indeed have her soul peeking out of her dropped jaw waiting for an opportunity to flee with little terrified eyes. It fled back inside when it realized we had seen it. Her eyes were like two blank saucers and she was so pale that after a second, I started to legitimately worry that she'd had an out and out heart attack. Lucy gently touched her shoulder, "Juvia? Are you okay?"

There was no response other than slumping lifelessly over onto Gray's shoulder, and after a second more, I began to grow seriously worried, so I dove into her mind with my telepathy and immediately jumped back out. The fear in there was so strong that it was contagious. "I don't know what she's freaking out about," I declared after I managed to calm myself down, "But from the way she's panicking, you'd think she had just found out she had to fight Erza, Mystogan, Laxus, and a small army all at once. Her fear's drowning everything else out, so I wasn't able to get anything else out of her mind. Anyone wanna try to snap her out of it?"

Juvia was now slumped against a now fully dressed and very concerned Gray, looking like her very soul had broken. Natsu waved a flame on the tip of his finger from where he was still in the ice stocks, "I bet I can wake her up."

Erza nonchalantly smacked him in the head, "Be quiet Natsu. Jerry, do you have any idea of what might wake her up?"

I thought for a moment and then, "Okay, Lucy, Erza, I'm about to shout something really embarrassing to wake her up. It's just to startle her awake." They both nodded and I shouted, "EVERYBODY! GET NAKED!"

Gray was suddenly butt naked and totally didn't even realize it. I didn't even see him move it was so quick. I still don't know how he manages to strip that fast, especially since I don't think he even realizes he's doing it, and then Juvia leapt away from him with a scandalized shriek as she realized that the flurry of movement next to her was her unwitting pillow stripping completely naked in an instant. Juvia scrabbled backwards away from him pointing an incriminating finger at him, "P-p-p-p-p-PERVERT!"

"Ah, she's going to fit right in!" I declared cheerfully as Gray realized he was naked again and immediately reached for his underwear, blushing so much that his whole body turned pink. Juvia looked vaguely traumatized as she asked what I was talking about.

Erza looked at me flatly, "Jerry, that was a very mean trick."

I shrugged apologetically, "Sorry, it was the only thing I could think of aside from physical violence, and I don't want to hit Juvia. Gray's not a pervert Juvia, he's just got a terrible habit of stripping in public, but we all call him a pervert anyway to annoy him."

"J-j-juvia doesn't really see how that's much different," Juvia stammered as she stared at Gray's very exposed butt as he unwittingly mooned her while pulling his boxers back on. Lucy had covered her eyes and Erza was just used to it. I was torn between being apologetic and trying hard not to laugh my ass off.

Then Gray straightened up and turned around to flash us a thumbs up with a grin, "There! All dressed!" He was wearing nothing but his boxers.

"YOU'RE STILL IN NOTHING BUT YOUR UNDERWEAR!" Juvia exclaimed.

"That's about how much clothes he usually wears," I replied, "It's rarer to see him with pants on than it is to catch him with them down. He's the only person I've ever seen get quite literally punched out of his boxers. It's so odd that I'm not entirely sure that he's not using magic to do it for shits and giggles."

Gray blushed and immediately started hunting for his pants, completely unaware that his boxers were starting to slide down as he bent over to pick them up. Then Juvia blasted him from behind with a firehose like torrent from the tip of her finger, "QUIT MOONING JUVIA YOU PERVERT!"

The torrent cut Gray two full flips and buried him face first in the sand. All that was left visible was his legs sticking up comically as Juvia covered her eyes and blushed furiously. Natsu and I began howling with laughter as it registered with us what had just happened. Then Gray got up trying to look like he had a shred of dignity about him at this point and all we could do was laugh harder as he looked down and realized that Juvia had accidentally blasted his boxers the rest of the way off.

Juvia turned around and sat down with her arms crossed in a huff as she pointedly looked away from Gray, "Juvia will not watch your perverted show! Put some clothes on and do not bother Juvia again! If Juvia didn't have to stay to get Lucy Heartfilia back home safely to her father, Juvia would leave right now!"

Lucy peeked through her fingers, "Wait, what was that?"

Juvia yanked a flier from her pocket and extended it to Lucy without looking, "Your father is most interested in your whereabouts. Juvia's guild was hired to find you."

Lucy accepted the flier and tried to read, and then an angry tick mark formed on her head as she turned as crimson as Erza's hair. Then she jumped and torqued a surprisingly beautiful flying roundhouse kick into Gray's face, "GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON SO WE CAN HAVE A DECENT CONVERSATION HERE YOU PERVERT!"

I held a little archive screen up with the number 10 on it and handed Erza, Natsu and Happy screens too. Erza's said 8.5, Natsu's said 11 and Happy's just had a picture of a fish. Lucy landed and then blinked as she noticed them, "What's that for?"

"I didn't know you knew martial arts," I declared, "After my arm heals up, we should spar sometime!"

Lucy blushed, "But…I don't know martial arts!"

I looked at her, "Really? You're missing a golden opportunity then. If your hand speed is anything like comparable to that perfect flying roundhouse kick you just sent Gray flying with, then I bet you'd be great at it." Lucy blushed, "You, really think so?"

Erza nodded, "That was a good kick."

Gray peeled himself off the tree Lucy had kicked him into and snorted blood out of his nose, "Hey Jerry, what did that fortune teller guy say about trouble with water and women?"

I blinked and then started laughing as Juvia asked a little heatedly what he was talking about. I grinned, "Oh a few weeks ago we beat up this little troop of wizards that tried to mug us in the woods. The last one standing was a fortune teller that predicted that Gray would have trouble with water and women unless he heeded the advice of his friends. Now it's coming true because you're a water woman and he's not heeding our advice to put his clothes on and keep them on so he's having all sorts of trouble with you and now Lucy too. I gotta wonder how long it'll be before Erza gets in on it," I added with a grin.

Gray immediately went ghostly pale, snatched up his coat and wrapped it around himself before crouching down so that he looked like a Gray-faced penguin wrapped in a floor length coat as he waddled around picking up his clothes when he walked over them like a little robotic trash collector. He was blushing furiously as we howled with laughter, even Juvia gave in to her curiosity and looked, which got her giggling too.

A moment later, he paused and pulled his head down into his jacket. He moved around in there a bit and then he stood up, revealing himself to now be fully dressed and looking very proud of himself, "AHA!"

Only for his pants to fall right back down.

Juvia and Lucy had to hold onto each other to keep from falling over they were laughing so hard and I was rolling on the ground clutching my gut cackling so hard I couldn't breathe. If it were possible to actually die from laughing too much then Natsu, Happy and I would've been in serious danger. Even Erza was laughing out loud as Gray looked horrified and pulled his pants back up before sitting down so that maybe they wouldn't fall down again.

When we finally managed to stop laughing, Gray was as pink as Natsu's hair and pouting. It was right about then that Lucy remembered the flier in her hand and looked at it like it was made of solid congealed chicken shit. She looked ready to pitch a fit for a moment and then a resigned look settled over her face and she turned to Juvia, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention Juvia."

Juvia blinked in surprise and then smiled, "It's no problem Ms. Heartfilia. I'm just doing my job."

Lucy blushed extra pink, "Please just call me Lucy. This flier's here because I ran away from home." There was a round of surprised blinks and then Juvia asked why she would do that. Lucy scowled slightly, "Because ever since I can remember, my dad has been an icy prick, but ever since my mom died a few years ago, he's become so emotionless that it's like I don't have a father anymore."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she actually shook a little, "I don't think he even sees me as his daughter anymore! I'm just some tool to him, to be groomed and trained and then thrown at some rich guy to make a business deal! That's probably why he wants me back now! I bet he didn't even notice when I ran away! Just you watch, we'll get back there and he'll call me into his study, tell me off and then tell me to go marry some old rich bastard like my feelings don't exist! Like I don't have any say so and should just go along with whatever scheme he's got cooked up to indulge his greedy plans!"

If my eyes hadn't been riveted to Lucy in horror, I'm certain I would've been able to pick out several horrified expressions aside from my own. "Lucy…" I said in a quiet almost whisper. I didn't even know what I wanted to say next, it just popped out. I knew in my head that such rotten people existed, that arranged marriages for business deals were older than time and that they could be terribly unpleasant…but that was all just data in my head. I had never met anyone who'd had the misfortune to run afoul of them before. Now my friend was in front of me crying and I had no idea where to even begin to comfort her.

Then Juvia pulled Lucy into a hug. Lucy blinked in surprise and then Juvia declared quietly, "Juvia's sorry, she didn't know. Juvia won't take you back, not to a horrible place like that."

Lucy's voice was thick with anger and grief as she mumbled, "No, we'll go. We'll go and we'll take Natsu and Jerry and Erza and Gray and I'm going to make it crystal clear to him that I am not his puppet."

Juvia laid her head on top of Lucy's, "Juvia hopes Lucy's father is less disagreeable than Juvia's was."

I know more than a few eyes popped open at that one. Lucy asked what Juvia was talking about and then Juvia revealed quietly, "Juvia's father was the same way. Very rich, but colder than the gold he hoarded. After Master Jose came to take Juvia to Phantom Lord because he had heard about her magic, Juvia's father said such awful things about Juvia and said she wasn't his daughter anymore. Juvia thinks she hadn't been for a long time though." She was quiet for a moment before a small smile graced her lips, "Gajeel-kun beat him up for making Juvia cry and got in trouble with the Magic Council for it, but Gajeel-kun has been Juvia's best friend ever since."

There were a few moments of silence and then Natsu groaned, "Awww man! Now I'm gonna have to take back what I said about Gajeel being a jerk!"

Erza promptly smacked him in the head for ruining the mood.

NEXT TIME! On Mad Little Slice of Heaven...

The floor exploded as a massive…thing of ice erupted through it, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I came within an inch of wetting myself in surprise. Snow started howling through the room as the temperature plunged even lower. Then I noticed something that made me go pale, "YUKA! THE DOME!"

"HOW THE HELL DID IT FREEZE?!" Yuka shouted over the roaring wind as he saw that his Wave Shield had indeed somehow frozen solid.