Chapter 39: Zoey

I softly set the plate down on Deke's nightstand and gently took his hand. His eyes fluttered open and those warm chocolate eyes focused on my face and he gave me the sweetest smile.

"Hey baby."

"Hey mate."

His eyes lit up in such happiness, it took my beath away.

"I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing you call me that."

I smiled. "And I won't get tired of saying it. I brought your food. I have something to ask and then something to say to you all."

Deke looked a little concerned, especially when I could tell that the other two couldn't give him any hints since they didn't know either.

"Is everything ok, baby?"

"Yes. More than ok."

I watched as he sat up against his headboard, then I leaned forward and ran my good hand through his hair.

"Your hair is so damn soft."

He gave a soft laugh. 

"I'm glad you like it then."

"I do. Very much. I could spend hours just petting you."

He laughed but then got serious. 

"What did you want to ask, baby?"

"I… well… I'm scared to be alone tonight, and I'm still worried about you even though I know you're all healed, so I wondered… could I sleep in here with you tonight?"

Deke looked surprised and then his face lit up with a huge smile. It reminded me of what a kid looked like on Christmas morning, and he got exactly what he asked Santa for. 

"I would love nothing more than to have you sleep in my arms."

I laughed. 

"Oh, I'm sure we could find other things you like better."

"True."

I glanced over at Jer and Ash, who were still looking a little worried.

"I'm scared to ask, but what do you want to tell us, sweetheart?"

I moved away from Deke's bed to where I could see all three of them at the same time. I studied them closely for a few minutes. Even though I could see they were concerned, they were quiet and waited to let me talk in my own time.

"I love you all, so very much. And I was stupid today and almost lost the three most important people in my life. But I also realized how my own fears were getting in my way from being with the ones I want." 

I took a deep breath.

"Once we know for certain Deke's fully better…. I want you to mark me. Claim me. Fuck me. Make me your mate in every way."

I waited anxiously for their reaction, but it wasn't what I expected. I had expected to see happy, excited faces. Instead, I got dead silence.

"Are you sure, love?"

Jer sounded so hesitant and uncertain. Now it was my turn to hesitate as they still weren't saying anything else, just giving me blank empty faces. I had no idea what they were thinking or feeling.

"I am… but… maybe you don't want me to be your mate anymore. I know I messed up and hurt you all by leaving. I know you can care for someone without wanting them as a mate since mates are forever."

My eyes dropped and I stared at my feet as I started to back away, heading for the door. They still didn't say anything or do anything to make me stop moving away from them.

"I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have presumed that you still wanted me. I realize I damaged our relationship, and that I'll need to earn your trust again. I'm just… I'm gonna go to bed. I don't need to sleep in here. It's ok. I'll be fine on my own. I'm sorry for asking and intruding. I'm sorry about everything. I really am." 

I whirled around and fled as tears ran down my face. My door was broken but I closed it anyway and put a chair in front to hold it closed. I laid on my bed and just stared out the window as the tears continued. I'd ruined everything, lost everything I ever wanted. I finally had a home and mates that wanted me. Loved me. And then I had to go fuck things up like always. My life was nothing but one big screw-up. I sighed. I got up and closed the window and got back into bed. I knew sleep wasn't going to come tonight, but I still wanted the comfort of the covers. I knew I loved them. And they said they loved me. But that didn't mean they still wanted me as their mate. I buried my face in my pillow and sobbed. I wish I could go back in time, but I couldn't. And now I had to live with the consequences of my actions. Actions that may have cost me my happily ever after. Maybe my mother was right to have wanted to abort me. It felt like my whole existence was just one big mistake. And for the first time in a long time, I wished that I could just go to sleep and never wake up again.