Chapter 48: Self-destruction

[Kataryna's point of view]

Seryanna was a strong dragoness. She withheld her tears with all of her might and didn't try to let her suffering be shown to those around her. Normally, this pep-talk should have been done by her Master, a colleague she trusted, or Kleo, but I honestly didn't believe any of them had what it took to help her out.

All of them would have just stopped at her door, not daring to go inside and just speaking with her from the other side like they would have a criminal in their cell. As for forcing their way inside the room of a noble lady who was also a Royal Knight, it was simply unthinkable.

If I had tried to be more tactful and well… polite, eventually, in a couple of days or more, Seryanna would have let me in, but by then, that powerful light in her eyes would have vanished without a chance of ever coming back. At that time, there would have been nothing I could do to help her. Everyone's words would have simply flown past her like the jumbled-up noise in a busy market, and the only one who could have had any effect on her wouldn't have been able to reach her.

As for Awakening... although not many seemed to talk about it, there were countless dragons out there who died of old age and never Awakened.

For now, I did all I could for Seryanna. The next step was hers to take, and it depended solely on her strength of will and desire to be freed from her own chains.

Now, Alkelios was another piece of work... He was one rough scale to polish, not to mention a human who didn't belong to any of the know human nations. The way he saw the world was quite similar to someone who managed to achieve a Breakthrough, but unlike them, he had neither the power nor the conviction to reinforce his own beliefs. As such, he would end up being tossed aside or slapped from left to right by the beliefs of others. He was in the 'wrong' while they were in the 'right'.

That being said, I wasn't too sure on how to approach him.

If he thought like someone with a Breakthrough, then his stubbornness would be as big as mine. Last time I ended up suffering emotionally like he did, I secluded myself for several centuries, letting the flow of the world pass by me without caring at all about it. If I were to take that period of my life as an example, then this time, I would have to do the opposite of what I did with Seryanna, meaning wait for his feelings to settle down a bit and then try to talk to him.

"What do you mean he's not here?" I asked and furrowed my brow.

"Alkelios didn't show up here ever since you left. Did something happened?" Collentra asked.

He was not at the inn. This meant he was moving around Drakaria or maybe something bad really did happen to him. Since he was in that sort of mental state, I wouldn't be surprised if he picked a fight with a guard and got himself tossed in jail.

"Let's just say he's not feeling too well." I replied scratching my head.

"Is that so? Will you be renting a room for today?" she asked.

"No. We're currently staying at the Palace. Well, Alkelios will probably continue to stay here, so I'll pay for a month in advance." I said and then took out my coin purse.

"Thank you for your patronage." Collentra showed me a smile.

After I paid the required fee, I went out to look for the foolish human.

Now where could he be? I wondered.

[Alkelios' point of view]

I found it weird how breaking up with my girlfriend could have such an effect on me. I felt like the whole world was coming down on my shoulders. I wasn't able to see straight, my steps were heavy, and even the act of breathing felt like a chore.

Ever since I left the Seyendraugher Palace, I dragged myself through the city, waiting for the moment when my body was out of strength, and I would collapse, but blasted be my stats because it had been way over 48 hours and I was still walking.

At one point someone managed to pickpocket me and stole my sword. That was the only thing of value I had on my person. There were no coins, no jewels, nothing... The thief spat at me asking me why I was poorer than him. I laughed at his remark and then continued to move through the city, walking down the streets like an old ship looking for a place where it could become a wreck.

I thought about drinking myself to no end, but I hated alcohol. No, to be more specific, they had no beer. Not like I had that much of an experience as a drinker either. Romania's legal age for drinking was 18, but like any other kid out there, I took a few sips of beer and wine before I was of age. I never got drunk though, at most just a bit tipsy, but considering my almost nil past experience with alcohol, a glass of wine was enough to do the job.

I thought about starting a fight, but seriously though, could any of these dragons be a match for me? If I wished hard enough, I would probably stumble onto someone who could kill me with a slap, but at this moment, I didn't even feel like I had the strength to properly wish for a cup of water let alone someone powerful to fight against.

To put it simply, I was depressed. I felt like nothing mattered anymore.

When the sky darkened again, I thought about trying to go for a run out of the city. It didn't matter if I didn't return to Drakaria. Who would wait for me here? I had no family left... I was alone in this strange world where the only human I had ever met tried to kill me!

So many times I felt like screaming at the sky and asking that God-like why he sent me here. Why did I have to fall in love with Seryanna? Why did I have to go through all of this?! Couldn't I have lived better if I was sent in the same place as the other humans from Earth? At least... with them... I wouldn't have to feel like a stranger every day. I wouldn't need to worry for my life and constantly put up the mask of someone who didn't care.

I was an 18-years-old human... still a kid, maybe? I was scared... I was afraid... But I knew... I knew I wasn't supposed to be like this, to show fear, to show uncertainty. In a land filled with strong, imposing dragons... how could I show fear?

But... even so... I'm a human... Am I not allowed to be afraid? Am I not allowed to cower? Am I not allowed to love? Hah! Love... Of all people, I fell in love with a dragoness. And even then... I couldn't hold on to her and lost her... I failed her... I let her go... I guess, no matter your Luck, some things are never meant to be? Or maybe... I didn't deserve her from the beginning? Who am I to deserve Seryanna? She's a dragoness, and I'm a human... She has to be with her kind, not me... who is of the same species as those who killed her family. Did she think about this every time she looked at me? What did she feel when I embraced her... Did I force her to betray herself... and her dead parents? Why didn't she just kill me back then? Why? WHY?! WHY?!!

As I thought this, I bumped into someone. I didn't apologize, just went around them, but they grabbed me by the neck and a sudden cold swept through my body as well as the whole area around me.

"Oho~ So this is where you have been wandering about?"

I recognized the voice. It was Kataryna.

Looking back at her, I saw her right eye twitching.

"Erm... can you let go?" I asked with a voice that lacked energy.

"No. You are thinking of doing something stupid, aren't you?" she asked narrowing her eyes at me.

"I'll just run through the fields until my legs give up... Look, I can defend myself if something happens." I said and tried to pat my sword, but it was gone "Ah! It got stolen. I forgot." I said and then shrug "Then I'll just punch them or summon Jophiel..." I mumbled.

"As if that Phoenix is going to reply to your call when you are like this." she snorted.

"Just let me go, Kataryna, I'm not in the mood for anything." I said.

"No." she told me and then punched me in the stomach.

I don't know what happened next because I blacked out.

When I came through, I was in my bed at the inn. I was changed out of my armor to normal everyday clothes. The pieces of armor were resting on the chair next to the table. It was all ragged and barely holding up together. No sane adventurer would wear something like that.

"You've finally come through. I was getting worried." said Kataryna after she entered the room with a jug of water in her hands.

"Worried? Why?" I asked.

"You've been out for two days." she told me.

"Ungh... Really?" I asked rubbing my forehead.

"Yeah. A whole 34 hours!" she said as she placed the jug on the table and then walked up to me.

"That's not two days... just one and a bit. Was I sick?" I asked.

"Nope, just very very tired. When I found you, you were pale as an undead and moving like one too. People were starting to wonder if by chance you were starting to turn into one. A guard was even considering 'putting you down'." she replied.

"That bad?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yup. How are you feeling now?" she asked me.

"Better... but who changed me?" I asked.

"I did." she smirked.

"You forgot the pants." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Don't worry, I tried to attack you in your sleep, but your body was too tired to react to anything. I actually slept naked next to you, and you had no reaction." she waved it off as if it was nothing.

"You tried... You actually tried? Isn't that a crime?!" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Would you report it?" she smirked and pushed out her chest.

I looked away. "No..."

I laughed. She laughed as well.

"Alkelios..." she started talking "I know you're going through a lot because of what happened. Seryanna is as well..."

I gathered my knees to my chest and looked out the window.

"I'm not worthy of her..." I said.

"That's what you believe, but you know that's not true..." she then stopped and scratched the back of her head. "Ah, giving advice to you is tough..."

"Sorry for being a pain, but hey! Look at the bright side! I'm the bastard who didn't manage to get it up even when two stunningly beautiful women offered to be with him! Your efforts on this piece of junk human are undoubtedly wasted!" I laughed, but it was a forced one.

"That's not true." she furrowed her brow.

"How could it NOT BE!" I shouted and glared back at her.

"Alkelios..." she tried to speak, but I stopped her.

"Listen, Kataryna, I appreciate your efforts, but... let's face it... I'm not some great guy. Just like that bastard said, I'm weak. I couldn't even protect the woman I love! And honestly speaking, I don't feel like I want to love another... I'm just a broken mess right now. My lover and friend was in a pinch and all I did was make it worse for her... I don't think you could understand how I feel." I glared at her.

Instead of a raised eyebrow and a smug expression, Kataryna looked pained and lowered her gaze.

"You can't know what I've been through in my life either, Alkelios, but let me give you a piece of advice..." she then looked into my eyes, a gentle look was on her face "Right now, you are an emotional mess. My guess is that you can't even think straight and as soon as something ticks you off, you burst out into a shout like you did earlier when I contradicted you. Right now, you probably hate yourself, you loath the way you acted or think, but that's NOT the real you. Alkelios, you aren't someone who is like that. No matter how much all those voices in your head scream that that is the truth, you know it isn't. If you don't believe it, then believe in me, your friend. The only reason I'm here. The only reason I picked you up the street and dropped you back at the inn before you died off of exhaustion was because I CARE about you as my friend." she stopped and took a deep breath.

I couldn't retort a single word. No, I had things I wanted to say, but they would all come out of that one part inside of me which I didn't want to show, that darkness that kept whispering in my ears that I was nothing but a piece garbage. I didn't dare say those words... they weren't mine, maybe.

"In the past 500 years... you have been the very first sapient being, human, dragon or otherwise, who came forth and honestly asked me to be their friend... no strings attached. Everyone else who approached me wanted me for my power or lusted after my body. The moment they spoke the word 'friend', I killed them. But you... you, back there, in that cave, you asked me to be your friend because you really wanted to. I have a feeling your skill activated only because I was also looking for a true friend and not a self-proclaimed friend with hidden intentions." she said and then stood up and walked over to the door.

Kataryna stopped before turning the knob and looked back at me.

"Do we still appear as friends when looked at with your skill?" she asked.

I looked down and mutter the words "Show my status menu."

The ability activated, and I saw it:

[Name]: Alkelios Yatagai

[Species]: Human

[Level]: 182

[Strength]: 24+518+826+218+1958.2+164

[Speed]: 18+366.2+584+246+2548+286

[Dexterity]: 22+333.4+784+121.4+2146+242.8

[Magic]: 17+286+510+1090+734+178

[Luck]: 100

[Magic Excellence]: 1%+9%+9%+13.8%+9%+3%

[Skills]: Show? Y/N

[Skill Points]: 42

[Stat Points]: 1810

The stats were a bit different from when I last saw them, and it appeared as though Iolaus was putting in some real effort in growing stronger, but everyone gained a few more points since that time when we registered as adventurers at the Guild.

"Am I still there?"

"Yes..." I replied.

"Then that's the real truth of the world around you. Not what other people say... Alkelios think well about it, and when you made up your mind leave a message for me with Collentra. I'll come and speak with you then. Listen, I left you on the table some gold coins to use as you please. You can get drunk with it, replace your gear and go hunt monsters; I don't care what you do with it as long as it helps you get over this state you are in. Also, don't worry about your meals or fees for the room at this inn. I'll pay for all of it... I'm doing all of this because I consider myself to be your friend." Kataryna said and then walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I was left alone with my own thoughts. For a moment, I actually thought she or Kleo was going to burst inside and make some sort of joke out of all this, maybe pull a prank, but no one came.

I kept staring at the status window and the skill points I never used. Everything seemed so ridiculous to me right now, all of these stat points, everything. When I remembered the duel between me and Draejan, I couldn't even believe how much of an idiot I was because I wasn't thinking straight... Well, I wasn't thinking straight even now, so all I could do was laugh at myself.

Then, as the sky darkened, I looked outside at the dragons flying up in the sky. They looked so free and strong, but I knew I alone could probably take down all of them. This status window was that ridiculous. It simply didn't make any sense for me... none at all. Even my loss was a big mystery.

Did I even use all of my power back then? I wondered.

Strange, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was meant to lose... like I wasn't ready to win.

When night came, and the moons were up in the sky, I opened my status window again and looked at those numbers.

"Assigns all Stat Points... to Luck." I said.

Nothing happened.

"Of course." I laughed. It's already maxed out... I thought.

When I stopped, I ordered again. "Assign all Stat Points to..." I stopped... a thought popped up in my mind Are you sure? This could spell out your doom? I clenched my fists and tossed it aside. "Yes, I'm sure... What's the worse that could happen to me?" I glared down at the blanket.

This was the so-called point of self-destruction when one was overwhelmed by the stress, depression, and the very situation of their daily lives. When one suffered a shock so powerful, they didn't see any hope in trying to become better, so all they did was destroy their chances for a future in the hope of being completely crushed by the bitter state their were in... and maybe... someone would end them.

I was in that state at that moment. I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't hoping to get better or change for the better.

"Assign all Stat Points to... Magic." I said.

[Magic]: 1826+286+510+1090+734+178

Then I opened the skill window.

"I wish... I wish with all of my being to acquire the most dangerous and destructive of all spells in this list." I said.

So I scrolled down without a care and then going completely on Luck alone, I picked one.

[Itsy Bitsy BOOM!] was the name of the new skill I picked.

[Do you wish to spend 35 points to acquire this? Y/N]

"Yes."

[Are you sure?]

"Yes."

This was the first time I was asked something like that, so it made me even more determined to take it. Besides, like this, I would also kick my chance at becoming half-dragon. No way I would be able to gain enough points unless I went outside of Drakaria to hunt monsters seriously. But something like that was impossible for the current 'me'.

"Let's see what I got..." I said and opened the skill list.

[Itsy Bitsy BOOM!] [Max Level]: Creates a CONTAINABLE Thermonuclear explosion with the equivalent of 100 Megatons TNT using the fission of a Magic Energy Core boosted by the fusion of Deuterium and Tritium gases. [WARNING! This skill will cause nuclear fallout on a 25 km area around Point 0 of the Blast.][CONTAINMENT is achieved through the usage of 3 specialized barrier domes. The first one will contain the Fireball, which can reach a maximum of 16 km in radius from the Point 0 of the Blast. The second one will contain the heat and a part of the shock wave, spanning at 20 km in radius from the Point 0 of the Blast. The third and final dome barrier spans at 25 km in radius around the Point 0 of the Blast and has the purpose of stopping any Radiation that may spread farther than this.][WARNING! DO NOT use INDOORS!!! Like seriously! It's a pain to stick continents back together, so do this God-like a favor and don't pop this thing inside a cave or a dungeon!][Cost: 10000 Magic Energy Points]

After I finished reading the description, and more importantly the cost value, I couldn't help but burst out into a loud laughter. Unfortunately, from all the laughing, I ended up crying. My stupid Luck didn't even let me self-destruct...

"What's up with this messed up situation?" I said and then continued to cry until I fell asleep.

The next day, I didn't leave my room... nor the following one.