07| exhale

Claudia

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid," Mal looks down. She plays with her fingers and bites her lip. "Afraid? Mal the last thing I'd do is judge you for being you, ok?"

"They will,"

"Who?"

"My parents," And then it finally makes sense. My heart sinks for her.

He parents were always overly strict and obsessive over Mal's love life. She grew up with her parents seeing her as straight. A daughter who was going to get married to a man -- but little  did they know. I could only imagine what would happen once they found out. Hell would break loose.

□□□

Malika

Silence crowded the room soon after I  mentioned my parents. I knew my parents like the back of my hand and I knew they would fail to accept me as I am.

They always wanted just, a husband for me.

It always seemed like a part of them knew the truth, by them, I'm mean her, my mum. There was a sadness, an emotion, I'd  see in her peach black eyes. I had hoped it wasn't my mind just fooling around with me. I grew up with the word, husband, embedded. It could've been my first word. No matter what age I was, there was always a boy involved. Like the one they dreamed- and still dream of me marrying him.

He was that one childhood friend your parents loved and trusted. The one they imagined you giving them grandkids. But the picture was different  for me. So different. First, it wasn't  a boy but rather a girl. Long hair, short hair, pretty face-- that all didn't  matter to me.

All I wanted was someone who'd  love me and I'd do them. One that had a mindset I admired, not just a pretty face. Would my parents approve? Sadly, no.

Every time I thought about it, my heart sunk.

Them being unable to accept me as a lesbian, would be them rejecting me. It scared me every time they asked about someone new. Yet they always brought up Simon- the childhood friend whenever I said there was nobody in my life.

Now there was, but it was someone who they didn't  approve of. My heart beat sped up just thinking about it.

"They love you, Mal. They have to ac-"

"They won't, Claudia," There was almost  tears in my eyes as the words came out. Shattering  all the hope I had inside of me. "They only love who they think their daughter is. And that's a straight person," Just as the words came out, Raya freezes in her spot  when she enters the living room. "Y-your parents don't know about you?"

"Raya," I stand up. "I can explain,"

"You never told me," She whispers. "Did you lie about me?" She finally looks up to me. Her green eyes, are no longer holding that happiness but more disappointment  and shock. "Did you?"

"Raya," I falter.

"What?" Her tone is cold. "Raya," This time it's not me calling her out. "Let her explain, it's  not whatever you're thinking," Claudia comes to my aid.

"Then what is it, Claudia? You tell me,"

"It's not my place. Mal can speak for herself. If you could just let her," Raya stays silent and I take this as my opportunity to speak up. I build up the little courage I have and exhale. "You don't understand. My parents- they're  different. They wouldn't understand. I can't   just tell them, it's not that easy. It hurts me too, Raya. I may have not have told you  before, but now you know. I'm so sor-"

"Don't  apologize," Her words shock me and I'm left there, speechless. No words seem to come out but arms wrap around me and I instantly melt. I fight back my tears but I fail. The lump forms at the back of my throat and I burst into tears. She strokes my back as I cry into the hug. What feels like an eternity, I finally am able to keep calm. "Why couldn't  you just tell me?"

"Things were going so smoothly with us. I didn't  want to ruin it," I tell half of the truth. The other reason was that it was little too soon. I just didn't want to say it. I didn't  want too add more fuel to the fire, sooner  or later I'd know what I need to know.

She wipes my tears using her thumbs. "Don't  cry. It's going to be okay," She whispers with a smile and I could tell it was a genuine one. "Your parents would be fools to let someone like you go,"

"I wish they felt that way. But I know better than anyone not to get my hopes up with them. It'd  be useless," I  shrug a little.

"Can we eat? I'm kinda starving. I did not expect this night to go  like this,"

"None of us did," Raya mumbles. "I'm  sorry, it's all my fault. If I hadn't-"

"Nope," Raya shuts Claudia up. "We're  not doing that right now. Yes, it sucked for a moment but really it wasn't your fault. Mal would still be carrying another load on her shoulders if it wasn't for you. So what if we had a little bit of plot twist for tonight? Unpredictability, is good for life and for relationships."

"Who wants to live in a boring world?"

"Not me," I raise my hand. "No one does," Raya finishes  off. "So, with that out of the way, let's get everything off our chests. Claudia, I overheard a little bit of the Liam guy, sounds like a jerk. We can all talk about it but if you're not comfortable-"

"No, a talk is exactly what I need right now," Claudia says.

"Alright  then, let's get some snacks and EXHALE." I smile.

"What?" Raya chuckles but the questioning  look never goes away. "She says that all the time," Claudia smiles. "And it actually makes  sense,"

Claudia begins to tell her story as we all proceed to the kitchen to get some snacks. Despite all the secrets  and issues I still carried, tonight was going to be those nights where I simply  forgot about everyone and eveything.

I wasn't going to let anything get to me. I wasn't going to torment myself. I wasn't going to bite my nails nor suddenly get anxious. No, not tonight.