A trauma, the past

Not to brag about it, but in the past I was considered an exceptionally beautiful individual. So much so, that in junior high school I received so many confessions that I can no more count them.

Nonetheless, I was an honest person and never accepted if I didn't feel as though there was something between me and the other person. When I went to junior high, it was basically the same, I even became a sort of idol of the school.

I can't say I disliked that popularity until that moment. After all that time I had a girl whom I liked, and she would even like me back. In order to avoid receiving ulterior confessions I announced publicly that I was dating that girl.

I loved our relationship, we showered each other with love and just had some arguments every now and then.

It was like being in a dream up to that moment. We were together for at least three months and as I walked in the corridor I heard a group of girls talking.

"You know that girl, that Haruka since started to go out with Junichi-kun."

"I know, I know. I bet she's just dating Junichi-kun to get a higher status in our social hierarchy."

"Agreed, she's just being kingish all this time."

That moment I had learn of the despotic character of my loved one, it was completely different from what I usually saw of her.

I had thought that she could have different behaviours between me and her friends, yet I didn't expect it to be this far.

I didn't want to believe what I heard, but now the seed of doubt has been planted. Whenever I spent some time with Haruka, I would feel that something was off, and couldn't help but think about what those girls said.

It was better to just confirm those thing because I wouldn't be able to enjoy those moments as before in my actual condition.

Up to that moment, I've never hanged out with her friends, so firstly I tried to do so. While we were out, I randomly asked her friends what they thought about Haruka.

Everybody told me the same thing.

"She is a presumptuous girl who just orders us around."

This was the beginning of the end, it was a slight confirmation of her true colours. But it wasn't enough, I had to know more, so on some days I eavesdropped her conversations with the people from her class.

"All of you, you are nothing but stupid pig made to serve me."

"Oi, stupid insect go grab me a drink."

Those were some of her usual statements, and people couldn't get away from that because felt an overwhelming power coming from her, and it was all my fault.

At that moment my heart started to crack. I couldn't bear that feeling any longer so I went to ascertain that.

"Haruka, just be honest. Do you have any strange attitude with your classmates."

"What? What are you talking about?"

She was feigning ignorance but her facade had already collapsed. Instead of her smiling, bright usual face now a face with wide-open eyes and trembling lips was present. She clenched her fists in agony, and wasn't sure about what to say.

"You pigs, you insects. These are just some of the bad-mouthing that you have done so far."

That was the final blow, similar to when the last arrow centres the target. She fell on the ground, having a spiritless expression, as though her life was being taken away from her.

Then as though she accepted the reality of things, she stood up and completely changed facial expression. She became another person.

With a psychopathic smile on her face she started speaking.

"Alright, alright. That's exactly like you said. All people are pig, insects, inferior species, and you, you. Among all those stupid animals, you are just another one, one that I used to gain power and to reign over the other. I've never been interested in you, I just manipulated you to get everything I wanted."

She finally had showed her true self, she was no longer filtering what she said, her honest thoughts.

I couldn't say that I didn't expect it, I grew surer about that as time went on, but still it was harsh.

My heart which had already started to crack has finally shattered into innumerable pieces. Now I understood what people were really like. Everybody with their egoistical and selfish reasons, they just wanted to use me, just like Haruka.

I became only the means for them to go on with their wicked actions and intentions. After she said so, I just turned around and left. For me, that was the end of every relationship.

From that moment onward, I just carried out my tasks and avoided any kind of social interaction.

That was true until I got hired by a company, and I started my job as an office worker. At that time something radically changed.

A woman was in that office, she was the centre of the attention. Always conquering everybody with her charisma. Yet, I could feel it, she was like me.

She wasn't living at her fullest, always bring detached from reality all her expressions were meticulously created. But nobody noticed that.

I started to get more and more interested by her. Eventually, I ended up sharing her same table with her. I tried to greet her every now and then bit at that point I was no more able to have a proper social interaction.

Nonetheless, she was like a star in the darkness. After I completely reached rock bottom, I closed my heart in the grip of the darkness that Haruka had instilled inside me.

But Akari, with her independent shining brought some light to me. At first I couldn't get it, I was starting to feeling a strange sensation.

It wasn't like she was kind only with me, but that attitude of hers had an unbelievable impact on me.

I wanted to get out of my shell and interact with her more, but every time it ended up being nothing.

After a while, I understood that was the feeling commonly known by the name of LOVE.

Something that I didn't really have a chance to feel completely, and when I had it slipped my hands and backstabbed me.

It was now clear to me, but I didn't change my attitude, my looks remained the same: messy as ever.

Then we were brought to this plane because if that freaking "GAME", and when that happened I didn't really pay any attention on my behaviour and acted in a more normal way with her.

But that wasn't enough, scared that the teleportation may had separated us forever if clung to her.

And then I found that I was her loved one, but from the class. Basically she wasn't really in love with me, it was again something exploiting me.

But this time, I let that be, because it was her and I wanted to gain more confidence. Additionally, my role was essential for our survival so I couldn't afford being prickly now.

In the end, I tried to hide my feelings, because she seemed kind of annoyed by her class and what it forced her to do.

But today, today was impossible to resist. First our proposal challenge. It had already made me feel head over heels for her.

I was forced to make a public announcement, which fundamentally made me recall the bad situation with Haruka.

I started to despair, I couldn't show it publicly so ran away after my speech.

And eventually, I was defeated by my wants, and asked Akari to stay with me a little longer, and then lied on her legs.

That was so reassuring, and with her words. she moved me so much that I started to cry.

I knew it was unsightly of a man to behave like that, however, that was the only time I really felt somebody warmth, somebody who really cared to support me.

I wanted to keep diving and sinking into that warmth forever, but I came back to reality. I stopped crying, yet I had a feeling deeply in my heart. The situation, what had happened, everything seemed to me prepared for that exact moment.

It was like that was my only chance to properly convey my feelings to the star who gave me again what I had lost, the light. So I stood up and decided to kiss her, and this time it was different.

It wasn't just a simple kiss on the cheek as the others, it was a real French kiss. But in the end, that was far more embarrassing than I thought, so I ended up retreating right after.

I felt like I had lost my battle, I shot a bullet but then ran away. It wasn't enough, thus, hoping to defeat my opponent, I went for a blindfolded shot and confessed my feelings. Now it really was time to retreat without even checking if the opponent was defeated.

Out of the blue, I found her in front of me, blocking me on my way out. Yeah, now it was her shooting strongly at me. Once again, I was wrong, after looking at her face I understood. This wasn't a battle field, she was blossoming flower.