Reality

There are things that we as a human should never learn. Fear of falling in love, and the Fear of falling out of love.

This two, cruel thing of love is what I learned, when I fell in love for the first time in my life. And the reason why I decided to ignore Life's most cruel thing called, LOVE!

I will spend my youth, and dedicate it for my future!

Society has always been biased. It particularly is, with teenage people, those who are very particular on what they want to, and don't want to do. In a situation where you can be a victim but can also be the suspect, lies become truth. And it will.

People unknowingly believe that they are neutral when they choose the winning side, they will follow the masses and scorn the truth. Opinions turn to gossip, to rumors and then turn into the truth. The value of reality is the voice of the people, and nothing is as high as that.

Love is like that, it doesn't value what you feel, what you think is right. It values words that will reflect your feelings. Even if you feel despairingly suffocated and locked up, you will choose to say good words for your relationship.

Nothing is more cruel than turning a lie into reality. That's why, I will forbid myself to fall in love! I will never let my guard down to anyone! This is my resolution!

The day begins with the Opening Ceremony, and a speech from the Student Council President. All the students went back to their respective classrooms. As the bell rang to start the beginning of a new semester.

It is just another day at school, for me who's near to non-existence and despises relationship it becomes a never ending torture to just get up and go to school. But it doesn't always mean that there will never be unexpected things to happen. Like a situation where you receive a confession letter from someone who admires you.

I am a professional witness of things like that happening everyday when I started high school, to the point that it reminds me of...

Moving on, as I routinely look out the window near my seat, I saw an unexpected event. A girl who resembles my ex-girlfriend is looking at me. Yes, ex-girlfriend, I dated a girl back in first year, and I am, well, let's just say I'm a loser who fell for the wrong person. A fool indeed.

But the girl that is looking at me is not her, she just kind of resembled her. And I decided on what to do, and the best is to ignore it. Since I will never pick up an emotion that I have given up on.

As I walk to my locker, I noticed a familiar figure walking towards me. The look that could bore holes into my being had me on full alert. It was a look fool of anger and annoyance.

<This is just the first day too, and they're at it already>

Is what is going thru my mind. But I can pretty much solve anything when I calm my mind, so I breathe and looked at him.

<Say, isn't it about time you let go of the issue already?> I said while looking at him, feeling disgusted and annoyed too.

<Huh? You destroyed my reputation in this whole school and now you're telling me to just let it go?>

<Yes, nothing will ever come out of it, even if you keep on your threats, you know I don't give a damn about it right?> is what I would like to say, but you can never get this people to let it go if you antagonize them further, so the thing I said next came to him like a threat more than a proper reply.

<Look, I don't care whether you care about something that happened almost a year a go or not, but I will tell you one final thing about this. Don't you f**k with me, I don't give a single cent of care to you, to your friends, but if you come up to me like this again, there will be consequences.>

As calm as I said that, I looked at him like he's an utter thrash. After that, he walked away looking so pissed off that he wasn't able to refute me.

This are the kind of people whom I hate the most, no ability to think for themselves, letting emotion always get in the way and cloud their judgement.

As I walk to get my shoes and head home, a mysterious shadow who run away after listening to our conversation got my attention in the corner. And I won't care about it. Just because.

Never do unnecessary things, is my motto. Doing things that doesn't directly involve with you may just lead to mess. And that mess becomes a problem, especially with teenage people who're overly conscious of themselves. Not like I care, but it does give right for people sometime to think that you care or think about them, that sort of thing, is just plain disgusting.

So, without anyone now to hold me back, I went home. As I was walking, I went to the convenience store near my house, which I visit everyday. Why? Because I work part-time there. Here I can be a different person, blending in with society and its standards.

Thinking back on it, I was never the type to casually talk about anyone, but can always bend to someone, its a fake personality I made to cope up with any kind of situation. But nowadays, it just feels tiring.

Whenever I think of coming up to someone to talk, I just feel like they won't be able to satisfy my curiosity. Looking at it, they look like idiots, so why should I even care about talking to them. I am of higher caliber and a higher standing, until I stop thinking of it.

So in conclusion, I have to learn to adapt, and blend in, for my future. Yes, for my future.

After my shift, I usually go home. But not after, I come to my usual spot of peace to smoke and calm myself. I go to the old tree house that I accidentally found a year ago. I went up, and got my pack of cigarettes and lighter to smoke, see the night sky and think.

Think, yes. A lot of people usually doesn't do things like this, but I do. Not because I think differently than them, but because I had to. If I don't stop and think, I will never be able to calm my nerves. The speed and pace of my life will ultimately depend on me, so I decided to keep my own pace and keep on walking.

If I just stuck to this kind of thinking a year ago, maybe, just maybe..... I could've saved myself from the despair that day.