31 One Step At A Time

There is a long silence between Kei and Sam. Only the crashing of waves fill the space. When Sam opens her eyes, they are welled up with tears.

"Was it worth it, Kei?" she asks with a choked voice.

The look in her eyes broke his heart. How can he answer that question? Would he do it again, if he could go back in time? Probably not. He would try harder to find an alternative. But when he thinks about everything he tried back then–to make things work–he realizes that there was no way he could have done anything differently.

Kei took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the years on his shoulders.

"I don't know, Sam," he finally says. His voice is full of emotion. "Thirteen years ago, I did what I thought was best. He threatened to hurt my family… to hurt you," he whispers the last part. "But now...now I'm not so sure. I wish I could have found another way, another solution that would let me be with you and still protect you and my family."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam's breath hitches. "We could have worked through things together. We could have thought of a different way, instead of just…" Her voice cracks. She closes her eyes as tears race down her cheeks.

"I was an idiot," Kei says quickly. He takes a step closer to Sam and holds her arms. "A stupid idiot. I thought I could do it alone without getting anyone involved. I thought I had to take care of it on my own, since it was my mess."

Sam's tears are unstoppable. Her shoulders slump as she looks down, her eyes brimming with tears that fall onto the sand.

"I know I hurt you, Sam," Kei utters softly. "I can't even begin to express how sorry I am. I wish things could have been different, but...but I didn't know what else to do."

"You don't understand…" Sam sobs. Kei tightens his hands around her arms to steady her, her whole body is shaking.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. I know there is nothing I can do to change the past, or to redeem myself." Seeing her like this pangs his chest. "Sam, please look at me."

Sam shakes her head. All she can think of is how they could have prevented all the pain and loss she had gone through.

Kei sinks to the sand and kneels before her. He looks up at her with desperate eyes, as if she were the almighty Goddess who could answer his prayers.

"Please," he begs.

Sam opens her eyes, despair still painting her face.

"I will do anything, Sam, anything you want me to do. I know what I'm asking is a lot, but do you think you can ever forgive me?"

Sam breaks into tears again. She falls to her knees as well, since it was hard to stand anymore. Kei gently brushes his thumbs against her cheeks to wipe the wetness. They are both silent for a while, except for the sound of Sam's sharp breaths.

"What a mess," Kei utters, finally making Sam look at his face. "I had a whole plan in my head of how I wanted to do this," he says with a soft chuckle. "I know that this is far from being an ideal time, but I guess it's as good a day as any to tell you how I feel."

Kei takes a deep breath and looks straight into her eyes. Sam's heartbeat quickens.

"I love you, Sam," he confesses. "Not one day passes without me thinking of you. I never stopped loving you, Sam."

Sam takes a shaky breath.

"I know I messed up, I was too dumb to fight for what we had. To fight for you," he continues. "If you find it in your heart to give me another chance, I vow to spend the rest of my life to make you happy, and to atone for what I have done."

Sam's mind races with conflicting emotions. On one hand, she still loves Kei too, or at least she thinks she does. But on the other hand, she can't forget the pain he had caused her in the past. She is not sure if they could work past what happened thirteen years ago.

Kei waits patiently for her. He studies her face as a range of emotions crosses it. He is so nervous, he unconsciously fidgets with his fingers. He has no idea what he would do if Sam rejects him. The latter takes an audible deep breath before speaking.

"Kei, I don't know if I'm ready to give us another chance. Especially since neither of us is even officially divorced yet," Sam says, her voice soft. She has finally calmed down. "I need time to think about this. And even if I do decide to give us another chance, we need to take things very slowly. We need to work on building trust again."

Kei nods in understanding, his eyes filled with regret. "I understand. I just want you to know that I'll do whatever it takes to make things right between us. I will wait however long you need me to, Sam."

Sam stares at him for a while. She can barely wrap her head around everything that has just happened. Has she just accepted to give Kei and her a second chance? Could she really forgive him without holding a grudge?

"Let's just take things one step at a time," she tells him as doubt festers her mind.

"Thank you." Kei's sincerity rings through Sam's chest.

'Maybe this can work.'