A Stressful Dinner

Renard eyed the two women of the house suspiciously as they set the night's dinner down onto the table. There was nothing particularly accusatory in his look, it was more amusement than anything else.

"What's this? Did Lady Dandridge get back when I wasn't looking? This food looks more fit for her than it does for us!"

Dessi laughed before giving Renard a wide grin.

"Just because we're slaves doesn't mean we have to eat like dogs. I decided to splurge today, I felt like it'd be a nice change of pace for once and I'm sure the lady won't mind."

"What makes today so special?"

"Oh, that remains to be seen."

Dessi's gaze flickered briefly to Kyrie with an almost hard look and the younger girl visibly tensed as she sat down, staring at her lap. The look was only barely noticed by Renard before she turned back to him with a smile.

"Well dig in!"

"You don't have to ask me twice."

Renard laughed but his mind was already churning on what was going on here. There had to be something special about today for Dessi to decide to splurge on the slaves; usually it was a birthday or holiday. The only other time he could think of her doing something like this was to cheer someone up. He remembered Dessi cooking some of Vivian's favorites when she was feeling particularly down.

It had to be the something was wrong option, but it wasn't initially clear to him just what was wrong. It was easy to rule out the other options because he knew it wasn't anyone's birthday (or the approximate day they entered Mae's house if they didn't actually know their birthday), and there certainly weren't any holidays going on. The look that Dessi had given Kyrie though... What had that meant? Was there something that Dessi was going to make Kyrie do? Unwarranted images flit into his head at the idea of that, and he firmly pushed them down to prevent his brain from getting distracted. There was no need for him to think of complete impossibilities at the moment.

Forcefully pulling his mind out of the gutter, he was rather stumped by why Dessi might give Kyrie a stern look. It didn't seem like she was trying to make Kyrie feel better by comforting her, this was more of a pushing her into doing something. He supposed he would find out in due time, but he had to admit that his curiosity was peaked.

As the three of them ate their dinner and Dessi and Renard chatted, Renard tried to pay attention to the overall demeanors of the other diners. Dessi was in a good mood—like she was most days—and was perfectly chatty and amiable like usual. Her laughs came just as easy as always and she had no problems starting up conversations. There really wasn't anything particularly different about her.

Kyrie though... She wasn't just quiet this time, it was as if she was absolutely dreading something. Usually once she got that cornered look on her face she would get up and leave, making some poor excuse about needing to check on the animals. She had that same cornered expression now, except maybe a little worse than usual, and yet she stayed at the table. She trembled where she sat and she didn't even say a single thing to Dessi. Her eyes did keep flitting to the other woman though, paying close attention to what Dessi was saying. She was looking at Dessi with the same eyes that she recently looked at Renard with: ones full of fear and an almost silent plea. Every time that Dessi opened her mouth Renard could just feel the stiffening that ran through Kyrie's body. Perhaps it wasn't so visible to most people, but Renard was watching, and he had watched the subtle nuances of her body just as she had watched his; they both knew each other a bit more than was usual.

"So, I hear you added a new flower to your garden?"

It was a casual comment made by Dessi, one that drew his attention away from Kyrie and earned her an eyebrow raise from Renard.

He had indeed put in a new flower just that morning, but somehow he didn't think the actual garden was what Dessi was talking about. Renard didn't make a habit of speaking about his work to the female slaves, and as a result they didn't really talk much about it either. She had to be talking about the women that he slept with then. Resisting the urge to have his eyes flicker briefly towards Kyrie to see how she was taking this, it wasn't actually too hard to resist all things considered. He could already feel how she was taking it: crushing guilt and despair. That was how her brain worked.

That wasn't how Renard's worked though, and the casual tone that Dessi gave was easily matched by him. No need to confirm her suspicions yet if this was just a shot in the dark.

"Oh? And just what have you heard? I warn you that the women of the marketplace are not the best at remembering just which ones I have."

The only women he'd slept with recently outside of his usuals was the slave girl who came with Jiera on one of her latest visits and Kyrie. Dessi had known about the Dominion girl though, he'd given his report on the gossip of the Dominion at dinner to Dessi after that incident. ... Had Dessi somehow found out about Kyrie as well?

This time Renard didn't fight the urge, and he looked briefly at Kyrie to see if she knew what this was all about. The younger girl had her head bowed, and he couldn't see her hands because they were hidden in her lap.

Oh. So this was what the dinner was for: it was a treat to ease the difficulties of having a chat about their bed habits.

When Renard turned his gaze back to Dessi, the amiable look on her face had dropped now, all pretenses having disappeared.

"I think you already know what I've heard, Renard. You and Kyrie have had sex. I honestly don't see the act itself as a bad thing, but what is bad is how the two of you have kept all of this a secret. You're horribly distracted, Kyrie is terrified, and it's only a matter of time before the two other slaves find out about what happened."

Renard was silent as he listened to Dessi, mostly because he really had nothing to combat her with. He knew that keeping their rendezvous a secret was a temporary solution more than a complete one, but he had intended to take things in stride as they came up. Before this dinner his goal had been to get Kyrie comfortable around him again, but now he had to deal with Dessi's growing concern as well. This had come out much sooner than he'd have hoped.

"... You're right, if we hadn't had sex in secret then there wouldn't be this sense of impending doom. At the same time though, if it hadn't been done in secret, it never would've happened."

Renard looked at Kyrie as he said this, an almost sad longing in his eyes at the thought of never having experienced her. Kyrie caught the look on his face, but it was a powerful enough one to get her to promptly look away. Once again she could feel her heart pounding in her chest and she clenched her eyes shut. Why did her body do this? One even remotely vulnerable look from Renard and she felt like she was melting.

"Would it really matter that much if it hadn't happened though?"

Dessi's voice broke through Renard's fixated stare, and he turned to look at her once more. His brow furrowed at this question because every fiber of his being was telling him that it absolutely mattered. The question was valid though; while Renard missed women that he no longer had sex with, it never felt like as much of a loss as losing Kyrie would be. He still adored Vivian and Dessi, but Kyrie was different from them, in ways that he felt would be almost devastating to lose.

"Yes."

The lack of an elaboration prompted Dessi to raise an eyebrow at Renard, and he shifted a little in his seat. His features remained as cool as ever, but there was just something that read a little flustered about him to Kyrie; after spending all that time watching him in the garden, Kyrie was able to see through the mask better than others. She'd never know the full extent of his thoughts normally, but that was at least one good thing about this dinner: Kyrie would actually get to hear Renard's thoughts.

"I'm sure you recognize the fact that every person you interact with brings a different relationship to the table. The dynamic that I have with Kyrie is indispensable to me. Being deprived of her company seems like it'd be a horrible waste, especially when we can add so much to each other."

Once again he turned that burning gaze towards Kyrie, but she was pointedly looking over towards Dessi instead of towards him. Renard was running off the assumption that Dessi knew nothing about Kyrie's drawings, only that she knew of them having sex together.

With that statement, Dessi then turned her gaze towards Kyrie, and the younger girl flinched to be the object of her attention. No doubt Dessi was going to make her talk now as well.

"And what about you? Would you prefer it if this had never happened at all?"

Kyrie could feel Renard's gaze boring into her face at the question, and Kyrie trembled as she kept her eyes on Dessi; she didn't want to look at Renard, she felt like if she did then it'd make it even harder to speak. It was better to just pretend that she was only talking to Dessi. Even still though, she opened and closed her mouth a couple times as she struggled with what to say.

"I-I think... Yes... I... It hurts so much to feel like I've betrayed both Isaac and Vivian. Every time I see them I can't help but feel like I'm undeserving of their smiles."

Once again Kyrie turned her eyes down to her lap, and Dessi looked between both Renard and Kyrie for the moment. Renard's gaze remained fixed on Kyrie but his expression was rather neutral, it read more curiosity than anything particularly heavy. Still, there was something there. It was something that seemed to prompt Dessi into her next question.

"If there weren't such repercussions though, if they didn't feel betrayed for you having done this, would you regret what you did with Renard?"

Kyrie's face snapped back up to look at Dessi now, though her brow was furrowed with a mixture of confusion and surprise.

"If they didn't feel betrayed? But how would that even be possible?"

"Think past them, Kyrie. How did your encounter in the garden make you feel? Did you like it? Did you hate it? Or are you not sure how you felt about it at all?"

"I--"

Here Kyrie cut herself off, taking a moment to briefly look towards Renard. This was a mistake though, because there was such a burning of latent hope in his eyes that it was just too painful to bear. If she said how she truly felt about all this wouldn't that just encourage him to try again? Wouldn't it be better to deny liking the encounter even though she had? The stern look on Dessi's face killed that thought before it was even able to gain any sort of altitude. There would be no more secrets, that was the whole theme of this dinner.

"I didn't hate it."

Her voice was small as she said this, and Dessi made a slight gesture to indicate that she should elaborate. The younger girl bit at her bottom lip for a moment as the memories came flooding back into her brain. To say she didn't hate it was a drastic understatement. She had been in ecstasy for practically every moment of that encounter. It had been exotic and secret, it had been rough, and it had felt mind-numbingly good. The heat was rising to her cheeks now to have to try and describe all this. She didn't need to go into that much detail though, did she?

"It... It was a new experience for me. I'd never done something with that kind of intensity and it was... I don't know... Inspiring and pleasurable? But I don't--"

Choking on her words a little, Kyrie brought her hands up to her face to cover up the tears she could feel rising there.

"I don't think that I love Renard. I love Isaac, it feels right when I say it and it's why it hurts so bad that I've done this to him. Yet with Renard... He can set me aflame in ways that Isaac usually doesn't and I feel guilty. So guilty. Why is this happening to me? I don't understand it. I just want us all to live happily and I feel like I'm ruining everything."

"Oh, Kyrie."

Dessi's voice was soft as she spoke to the younger girl, and when she pulled Kyrie into a comforting hug, Kyrie's shoulders shook as she cried against the cook. It was a softer cry, not really hugely noticeable if it weren't for the context, but it was clear that both the other members of the room knew that she was crying.

Renard sat back in his chair, silent as he watched Dessi comfort Kyrie. There was a part of him that felt good to know for sure that she had enjoyed it just as much as he had, but there was a bigger part that was conflicted. She just felt so guilty for what she'd done, Renard wasn't sure there was anything that he could do to alleviate that. The very thought frustrated him; Kyrie was in pain in front of him and there was nothing he could do to fix it. It seemed that the only thing he could really add would be more stress and more guilt.

It was just so ridiculous though; if they had both enjoyed their encounter, they shouldn't have to force themselves to stop. If only Vivian and Isaac were more accepting of multiple sex partners, then this whole thing wouldn't even remotely be an issue! He loved both of them in his own way, but they certainly were a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Letting out a soft sigh, Renard lightly ran his fingers through his hair. This whole situation was just infuriating. Kyrie was so close to him, yet she was practically untouchable.

"I never meant to hurt you, Kyrie. You have to at least believe that."

There wasn't the usual amiability on his face as he said this, and Kyrie's eyes emerged from the cover of Dessi briefly to see it. Surprisingly, she didn't break his gaze this time, she just gave Renard such a sad look that he felt like his own heart was being wrenched in two.

"I do believe that..."

Once again her voice was soft, and a pulse of rage coursed through his body. She wanted to be able to keep finding him in the garden, she wanted to explore all that she was feeling, but she couldn't because the emotions and approval of others were holding her back. Kyrie's mind was an explorative one, but before the Dandridge household she was limited by the fact that she was a slave. Now that she finally had the freedom to really branch out she was being limited by the other slaves around her! She had a truly beautiful mind and it irritated Renard to no end to see it so squandered, to see her so oppressed like this.

Standing up rather abruptly from the table, Renard could feel himself shaking a little as he only barely managed to bite back his outrage.

"This can't be the end. Not when you want to explore this as much as I do. We'll figure out a way to reconcile with Vivian and Isaac about this, but we can't just stop when we don't even fully understand what this is. Don't run from me anymore, Kyrie; I will never force you to do anything, you have my word on that."

At this, Renard held out his hand to Kyrie, and he found much to his relief that it was steady now. There was no need for her to see his anger manifested like that, he couldn't imagine it would do much more than scare her. She had seen it though, the impotent rage that passed through his countenance when he understood the doomed nature of all of this. She wasn't sure whether it was a desire to comfort him or a feeling of sympathy that caused her to reach out her own hand, but once she did the subtle forms of relief on his features flushed her mind of a lot of its negativity.

His fingers gently brushed up against hers before he leaned in to give hers a soft kiss. Even this little touch was able to send sparks through her arm, and she watched with almost bated breath as he lifted his eyes from her hand to her face.

"Will you join me in the garden later this evening, Kyrie? Nothing strange, just me doing what I usually do out there and you doing what you do."

For a moment the fear passed through her eyes again, and she briefly looked over towards Dessi for support. Seeing as how Kyrie's tears were quickly drying, Dessi had sat back in her chair when Kyrie reached out for Renard. Now that she was being invoked for support though, she simply gave the girl a shrug.

"It's completely up to you. He's not forcing you, if you want to say no then you're perfectly free to."

Did she want to say no though? It felt really good to have finally gotten this off her chest properly, and she liked how supportive Renard was actually being now that she'd spoken her piece. Honestly, she had expected him to be much more obstinate and less understanding. What she was nervous about though was where his determination had gone; he wanted to continue to explore his relationship with Kyrie while figuring out a way to appease Isaac and Vivian. Kyrie just wasn't sure that was really possible, and she couldn't help but think that trying to continue with their own indulgences would lead to nothing but more misery.

Once again biting her lip, she turned back to Renard and gently pulled her hand out of his loose grip.

"I-I don't know."

He gave her a resigned smile at that, but did not protest the answer she gave.

"That's fair. I suppose this is enough excitement for one evening. Thanks for the meal, Dessi, and the talk. I don't imagine this would've happened without you."

He let out a soft laugh at that, but to Kyrie it sounded a little hollow. He was still upset, despite all his efforts to keep his composure.

"I'm heading out to the garden now. And Kyrie, feel free to come out whenever you like. I would gladly welcome sharing the garden with you."

Giving her one last sad smile, he left the dining hall, leaving the two women to clean up as usual.

For a full minute, they just sat in their chairs not saying a single word. Kyrie felt worn out and numb, and Dessi didn't interrupt her thought processes. Kyrie had plenty to think about, after all. She had to decide whether she wanted to start interacting with Renard again which would be dangerous because... Well because of the attraction that they felt for each other. Should she really be sanctioning exploring something that the rest of the house wasn't going to like? At the same time though, her fingers itched to draw again, and Renard had invited her out to her drawing place. She... She could potentially start up with her hobby again. How good would it feel to let the lines flow on the pages of her notebook again?

Dessi finally standing up from her own seat pulled Kyrie out of her own mind, and she scrambled to follow Dessi up. A gentle hand on the younger slave's shoulder stopped what little progress she was able to make though.

"I've got this tonight, Kyrie. You go and rest for a bit; think about what happened this evening, and remember, Renard is not some unthinking monster. You shouldn't be afraid to see and talk to him."

Kyrie nodded as she just sunk back down into her chair. She watched with sluggish eyes as Dessi cleared the dishes of their little feast and then disappeared back into the kitchen to wash up.

Relief and anxiety, that's what Kyrie felt. The anxiety wasn't nearly as bad as it was before, but it was ever present, burning a hole in Kyrie's mind. Wiping away the remnants of tears on her face, she eventually stood up from the slave's dining hall to shuffle off towards her room. Perhaps some sleep would do her good; she hadn't really slept comfortably since Isaac had left after all.

… What about Renard though? Did she really want to just leave him in the garden? Was it truly ok to not be afraid of him anymore?

Kyrie just didn't know. All she could do was take one step at a time and see where that took her.