Chloe's Life - 1

February 2004

She'd woke up after the rising sunlight glinted in her eyes and left her bed. "No snow today?" she looked through the window. "My world's falling to pieces," she strolled off to the kitchen. Kitchen work was often drudgery for her and yet she had used to doing it. "How about we sell that diner of your brother?" last night's argument with Mason was still refreshed to her. "How can I sell that place?" the cheery kids outside were playing. "Well it was your father's so technically it's yours too," the dim sunlight was there with the soft breeze. "I don't want that diner! Lucas loves it, I can't sell that off," the cheery voices hovered over the greenery roads and she stood still there with the cup. The cheery roads shone in her eyes and then she took a sip. "But try to understand Eve!" she could hear the footsteps. "Baby we need money, I can't find any job here, we ---- we'll sell that diner and move far away from here, we'll restart our life," Mason was there, stricken on the door. "What're you doing here?" he said, "Come to bed." She nodded her head, and balked. "I'll be there in a minute." Discretion infused in her voice. Mason smiled engagingly and then he left off. "We'll move to a city, this town is so small Eve and----" the tears had hovered over his eyes, "And I can't find a single job in this town, at this rate we're gonna be broke, and --- and we're gonna die poor and starved here." She noticed his tears and then she rose. His hands were enormous and it was shaking. "I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you." She let her hand fall onto his chest and then she nibbled his bottom lip. "Oh Mason don't be sad, trust me everything will be fine." Sex was always a way to quell his tantrum and she did what she knew she had to do. Soon basin became awash with the coffee and then she strolled to the bed. Mason was there lying on the quilt, and waiting for her. She detested men with no hope of light in them and Mason was turning into those. She fell into the bed and shut her eyes off. She looked straight ahead as the dirge swelled. Everyone was dry-eyed and grim-faced. She spotted Mason, he stood with his head bowed and the red eyes, wept. His eyes were locked on the draped coffin. "Who is it in the coffin?" she surpassed the aisle of bowed heads with darkened dresses and she reached to the coffin. "Mason?" she asked, "Who is it?" the bright hum of a saddened music kept humming and it kept getting louder and louder and soon it became pompous. "What is going on here?" and then she turned her head, to the left. "Mama," a low humming whisper between the aisle. "Ethan?" without a warning, she turned her head, looked a few pews behind, and found Ethan. His head burst open and he was staring at her. And she felt an unexpected punch to her motherhood. A shock that she couldn't will herself to shift her gaze. It had been already a one humming minute since they stared at each other and then the red infilled his solemn face and the tears streaked his pale cheeks. "Mama?" he said, weeping, "Where are they taking me?" her eyes got crowded with tears and then she said, "Ethan, what happened to you?" and then his head burst open and the red cascaded from the tedious wound. "They----they are going to put me down, aren't they? It's all your fault Mama! It's your fault! I hate you Mama!" she let her eyes open discreetly and her heart was overwrought. Though she was scared about the nightmare but was sure about the correlation to her painful reality. "Was it really my fault?" she rose with her pounding heart. The roads were stiller and she could see the frenzied snow rummaging the 'Could've been a great evening' and then she closed her eyes for a moment and that grisly face was still roaming in front. Tears waddled in her eyes and then she croaked "Ethan!" whimpered sounded in her throat. "I'm so sorry Ethan." The flamboyant snow kept falling and all she could hear was the sound of Ethan's piano and the heavy wind rattling into her window. His fingers clung to the keys and the soft sound seeped into her ears. "It's so relaxing, you're so good." She said. And her son Ethan stood there with a tedious smile. "Thank You, Mama." He said, he had loved piano since he was three and had been using it for almost four years. She could always hear the notes of his piano even if she was in her room. To her, his piano was amid the sound of a wild ocean waves and she just listened the every note. In the day and in the night, struck by his relaxing notes infused with the brevity of his imagination. She listened, awash with his piano and the dark moonlight but then the soft music stopped and she wondered "Isn't it too early for him to stop?" she stood, walking softly on the old worn floor and a glass glimmering with the red gin on her hand, she walked to his room and she saw him. She kneeled down, covering her ears from the abundantly reverent piano sound and the rinsing of the lettuce leaf. Her eyes were already wetted and then she saw Mason waking up. He looked down, grimacing, and Chloe felt a radiating flare of irritation. "Not again?" he said, "Come back to the bed and rest!" and her tears paced along with the snow outside. "Tell me, Mason," she said, weeping. "It was really my fault, wasn't it?"

"Oh Chloe," he said, "It was no one's fault, he had a severe disease and that's it, that's what the reason was," Chloe shook her head, flushing with pain. "It was no one's fault." Chloe wondered if Mason had already forgotten his own dear kid. "You wanna know what I think?" Mason said, "I think you should go on a vacation for a few days, to clear your mind, perhaps you can go to your brother's place, right?" he suggested impulsively. "It would be good for you and your health if you're away from here for a few days," She nodded, and then rose, her fingers were still shuddering but the sounds had been stopped since the voice which felt akin to heaven's at that time of Mason touched her ears. "I wish," she said, "I wish that I didn't miss him so much!" she saw Mason as the two conflicting images, perhaps once indicating the ocean and the other fire. "Cool and yet angry." But still, she had loved him. "You can rest," he said, "I'll pack stuffs for you."

"I'm alright, I can do it myself,"

"Just sleep already, I'll wake you up when the snow aborts, okay?" he held her hands. And she could feel his veins, like waves and dunes. She lay down and the emptied white ceiling was the only thing she could stare at. By mid-noon, she woke up. Only the snow of perfunctory was there and then she rose and walked out. Her hair was wild and then she heard Mason, "I'll pick you up later," he said, "Chloe will come back on Monday afternoon, we have the whole weekend," he caught the glimpse of Chloe. "I'll call you later," he hung up the phone. The snow was almost over and the bright sunlight was bright on his face. "You ready to go?" he asked

"Who were you talking with?" she said with such great profound

"It was Alec,"

"Okay but you said we have the whole weekend,"

"Well yes, his wife has gone on a vacation so I thought I should invite him here so we can enjoy a bit."

"Sure." She said with a perfunctory nod and a smile, and Mason, noticed her glare, the glare of disbelief and skepticism. "Come on, get ready fast, I'll drop you there." She nodded and then waddled to the washroom where she took a bath, her body awash with the cold water and she felt good, akin to the time when she was on a vacation with her family to the beach, and the ocean water. The waves crashed against the sand and she rose to touch the water, it was just as cold as she thought. Her days were mostly hectic, working as a supervisor of transportation and material moving workers, always busy but she always found herself finding a week for a vacation every year. The sunlight mingled in her hair and she remembered those days as the time to feel most alive but it all ended when Ethan passed away. She quickly went out and poured ordinary clothes on herself and combed her hair. By the time of 2, they were on the road. Mason was driving and Chloe, was bemused all the way, thinking about the moment, the time when she found Mason talking to someone on the phone, "It was Alec, he was lying wasn't he?" His cheeks flushed with eeriness and his eyes teemed with lies. Those images had already been stuck in her mind. Soon they reached the city, the gorgeous city with its soaring big buildings and its gritty and open people. Some houses tucked under the ornate bridges, perhaps the poor ones. This shabbiness had never failed to surprise her. Indicating about her own life. They drove across the city and could see the house of riches or perhaps the middle class. Soon Mason stopped the car and the apartment of Lucas shone in her eyes and could see her brother walking towards them. "Welcome you guys." He greeted them. Breeze infused with the aroma of sycamore trees swirled around them and was so soothing. "How are you? Chloe," Lucas asked. "No need to worry, I'm fine," Chloe said, her voice was weary, and although the cheery face of Lucas was in her eyes but her mind was still rummaging around her husband's conversation. "That's good, come on come inside." Lucas invited them inside and they walked behind him and entered his apartment. Chloe was astonished to see Lucas's apartment, it was more clean than she thought and Lucas, he served a nice cup of coffee to both of them. "So everything's alright there?" Lucas asked and Light fell through the frosted window and splashed on the floor. "Well you know since Ethan nothing seems good." Mason said, "Your diner is the only way of money for us right now." But the world seemed muddled to Chloe now, everything dispersed and out of her control. "You know what, you guys can take all the income from the diner till you find a job," it was late afternoon and the gold light had filled the room. "Really, you don't have to go that far, we'll be fine," Mason said. "No, we won't!" she noticed a leaf fluttering outside and then she surveyed the whole lawn, it was extremely gorgeous and in her eyes Lucas was living a good life here and her all friends and cousins and she always felt excluded from happiness. "It's fine, Chloe takes care of it anyway." She sat there, trying to compose herself, watching the fluttering end of the white leaves and hearing the stir. Soon their conversation turned meandered, circling back to sports and entertainment and Chloe locked her gaze on the garden, at a happy couple, she watched them merge into the milling crowd. And then Mason rose, "Well, I think I should go now." She watched him, his eyes flickered with the great pleasure. "He's happy, isn't he? He would be happy without me!" she once again turned her eyes to the outside and found the same couple sharing their best moments together "They would be promising to each other, Happily ever after" snowfall began and it fell on them and soon the crowd began to disperse. "It's gonna be silent here again."

"Well, snow has already begun so I think you should stay here for the night,"

"It's alright, I can go it's not that much of a snowfall and I think I can manage that." Lucas smiled and they both hugged and Chloe stood up, hugged him, and her lips were on his. "You take care of yourself, okay?" she nodded. "Stay away from those thoughts, I'll see you in a week," she watched him leaving the apartment, his feet on the mowed lawn, and watching the snow falling on his shoulders. He sat in his car and left and Chloe sat there in silence. She kept her eyes on the tattered empty nest. "Just like my life." The snow swirled around and it became heavy, the sharp gust of snow filling the greenery once again. "Hey sis," she could hear the fading voice. "Hey sis, you alright?"

"Ah yes, I was…. I was just thinking something,"

"You know why he sent you here right? He wants you to take some days easy and relax here," she knew she'd wanted to feel free, wanted to feel unencumbered by Ethan's shadow, by her own saddened memories. "Hey Lucas, can I tell you something?" she asked. "Anything Chloe."

"I think….." dejection infused in her voice, "I think my husband's fucking someone else!"