63 Shattered Illusions

Siv has been standing by the window for the past half hour, without uttering a sound. The duchess had left her and Gary alone and asked him to speak with her. She didn't think her granddaughter would want to talk to the person who just burst her bubble. Gary just sits on one of the armchairs, patiently waiting for Siv to say something.

"Did you also know?" She finally asks. He eyes her for a moment.

"I did."

"It seems I am the only fool who didn't." Siv clenches her fists. "No one at dinner was even remotely surprised by the revelations." She takes a few deep breaths to calm herself. "Is Brandt still in love with Saga?" Gary hesitates for a moment.

"I believe he never stopped loving her." Siv goes silent again.

From Siv's expression, Gary can tell that her mind is in turmoil. Her eyebrows are knitted, her eyes are fixated on something outside the window, but he is sure that she can't see anything, her dress is bunched up in her tight fists, and she occasionally squeezes her eyes shut, as if she remembers something that is too painful to bear.

"Would you like to talk about it, princess?" He offers. Siv turns and looks at him for the first time since they left dinner.

"What is there to say?" She asks with a cracked voice.

"I mean you can at least share your feelings, or scream, or maybe even break that expensive vase over there. Just let it out." Siv holds his gaze for a moment before turning back to the window.

"Thank you, but I think I would like to be alone, now." Gary pushes to his feet.

"Are you sure?"

"I am."

It is odd to see Siv in this state, it is almost disturbing to Gary. It seems the energy she usually has was sucked out of her. It is so out of character coming from the woman who punched that toothless man at Ragna's tavern, or who actually killed Eluf. He wants to shake her and tell her that Brandt is not worth it, that she deserves much better than a man who can't even take responsibility for his actions. But he doesn't.

"Get some sleep, princess." He says before leaving the sitting room.

"I will." He hears her answer before closing the door.

Siv feels her chest tighten. The lump in her throat has been there since her grandmother let the cat out of the hat at dinner. But strangely enough, no tears are coming down. She doesn't feel sad, she feels betrayed and hurt and thus instead of shedding tears, her body is burning with anger. So much anger. She looks at the vase Gary pointed at, she debates whether to break it or not. In fact, she wants to smash everything in the room, maybe even everything in the house.

'That would be crazy. Calm down.'

She takes a few steps to where Gary was sitting only minutes ago, and takes a seat. She slouches in the chair and tries to make sense of everything.

'Siv and Brandt were engaged from a young age because of a family decision, probably political reasons. There was never any love between the two, but I guess when I came to this world I changed a few things.'

Siv rests her chin on her hands and sighs.

'Was I really ever in love with Brandt? Or was it just the idea of being in love with him that was appealing? I mean it is Prince Brandt from Love Game, for God's sake.'

She closes her eyes and remembers how she felt when they kissed, when they spent time together, when they slept together.

'There is definitely something there, but I don't know what it is. Maybe it is not love, infatuation?'

"Ugh, I don't know." She lies back in the chair and looks up to the intricately decorated ceiling.

'Maybe it was just an illusion, my feelings, his feelings, it was never real. Well, whatever it was…'

"The illusion is shattered."

'I can't be with someone who loves someone else. Someone whose priority is not me. Someone who can't even remember me. Someone who has, is, and will betray me.'

Siv places a palm on her chest, it really hurts.

'Is it because I have been betrayed before? Or maybe because I really thought it would work out with Brandt? Or at least I hoped it would. The reasons don't matter, whether I loved him or was merely infatuated with him, rejection is still rejection, betrayal is still betrayal. And they hurt.'

She stares blankly at the ceiling. She knows what she needs to do, but she is not sure whether her grandmother would support her decision. At dinner, it sounded like if the Vying is canceled and Saga is sent away, then she and Brandt would go back to being engaged. But she doesn't want that anymore.

'Maybe I can just live peacefully with the grandmother, far away from this palace, and far away from Brandt.'

Her mind wanders, imagining leading a simple life where she would probably study something, help her grandmother manage whatever she has to manage, maybe in a few years meet someone and settle down, start a family. She has always wanted to have a couple of kids. Maybe that is the reason she got this second chance in this world.

'Maybe I was too blinded by the potential life I could lead as a queen, that I lost my way.'

"That is not the life I have dreamed of. Brandt is not the man I have dreamed of."

***

In the shadows of one of the palace's corridors, two people stand whispering in the dark.

"...Of course they will do their best to make amends with her grandmother."

"Then, what should we do?"

"I have a plan."

"Please, do share."

"Well, no one could be blamed if Lady Holmen… let's say… disappeared."

"Kill her?"

"No, I have an even better idea." The person answers with a wicked grin.

"Remind me to always be on your good side." The two of them chuckle.