Road strangers

'Voices in my head, chanting, 'kisses. Bread. Prove yourself. Fight. Shove. Learn. Earn. Look for love...'

~Vikram Seth

Salima had no idea of her ranking on the EQ guage, she never bothered knowing but she knew she read energies faster than most people. It was an early life instinct picked up, she learned long to read faces, to read when eyes danced of guilt or when furrowed brows were in indicative of an explosive temper coming. it was the ability that had given her cue of the many dirty secrets, secrets she never told anyone. It was also what gave her cue on when not to state her need for the fear of upsetting especially as her mother had been a cauldron of fits. Her mother was blind to the urgency that in three days, her examination was holding.

She ruminated the possibility of her mother's mood, in the days that have passed, in her mother's eye, nothing she did was right, she had to walk on shells because every slip from her, her mother would snap and explode in her face.

That night Salima didn't mind taking the bull by the horns even if it meant getting lashed, it was the lining in the crust of her already crumbled life at stake. the thin hope she grasped tight and she wouldn't let it snap over her mother's extreme tantrums.

she swallowed the lump formed in her throat, knocking at her mother's door before going in.

her mother was sitting hands crossed. her hair, the only trait they shared was loose and fallen on her back. she was in a silk-like cerulean nightdress frilled with bright red lace at the edges that contrasted sharply and made her complexion standout, it was an A line cut and despite being loose, widening from the chest down, the dress clung on her thick waist. Except for the tired eyes of a woman who lived the nemesis of her own bad life choices, her mother didn't look far from youth, she was still as beautiful even more than Iman. Salima could forget, her mother's striking face could make anyone forget that beneath it was an untamed tongue, viciousness like serpent, her mother didn't regard anybody in the world.

"what is it?" Her mother spoke and Salima realized she hadn't said a word since she came in, she cleared her throat.

"emm... the exam, the university entrance I mean is in three days, from tommorow it becomes two days then it would be a next tommorow" Salima stumbled over her senseless sentences, she did her best to have her mother reason the urgency but she looked at Salima with glazed eyes like she had just spoken some extinct medieval language.

"The journey would take at least a whole day and if I don't go from tommorow, they'll be no day between my arrival and exam. like no time to even figure out the venue and go over some topic" Salima got no response still.

" mama..."

" I'm not deaf, there's no history of the trait in our family, maybe your father's side but mine, not any I know of" her mother never failed to mention how extolled and privileged her family blood was.

" when I have the money for you, you would go" her face was stone and unmoving,if not for so, Salima could have thought it was a joke.

" what if.."

" what if what?. should I let myself be damned to please you. I've just paid Iman's school fee, you know it. Or if you wouldn't wait, you can go source some money for yourself since it is so easy to get. you don't expect me to hold out a bowl, enough of my self-respect getting laid at the altar of sacrifices. I've already done enough staying" Salima figured the root of her mother's aggression. her first sin was defiance and it was the gravest that her mother never forgave it. since Salima had choose a university not approved by her, she should make the space to shoulder the inconveniences that came with it. she was getting punished for having a choice and sticking to it. her mother was to suffocate her will, strangulate her efforts till she gave in to her. She had to win somehow by all means, by spitfire, by knives, cuts and wound but Salima was unrelenting, she would be knifed and stitched up like many times she had been before but she'll go away, nothing was changing.

She fell on her knees,

"I'll read harder and pray, I would become something one day, I swear I would give all the money back but please now I'm helpless, as dependent as any child my age. I have no source without a parent." Salima wished her mother would be moved.

" sorry I have to ask you for now. it wasn't my fault you were stuck here, raising us, you still have a choice, a chance to remarry, you're young.and if I had to choose fate too, I wouldn't want this life" Salima wished to say that if she could choose fate then she wouldn't even want this slit eyed woman as a mother.

"you're not alone in this, he left us all, I'm as pained or even more than you but please mama. don't do this. don't let this mood make you do something, we'll both regret"

Salima brimmed with pity for herself, how hapless and trapped she was, then there was rage, seeping slow replacing the pity and hardening her tongue, she would speak to her mother's soul and even if she hated it, it would touch her somewhere.

"since we moved here, we haven't paid any rent and with a shop and just three mouths to feed, how much is the money to spare. I'm not spending it on ice cream and sweets, I need it, for my journey, my exam" Salima threw caution to the wind and forgot consequence.

"what guts have you to question me, your mother?" mind games and toying was coming in play and Salima's tongue itched her to speak back. there were mothers who earned respect by being it. Her mother had done nothing like that for her than sting where she was softest and when she was most weak.

"where do you think I got the money to pay your final year papers fee, oh those exorbitant fees, you ungrateful thing"

" Not as exorbitant as the Senegal lace you purchased of recent, three of them I know. And the last time I checked, you paid the fee almost six months back. you should have recovered twice as much money"

Only if you were not so self-centered and hated to be inconvenienced by other's needs. Salima said the remaining in her heart.

If Salima thought her former talks had pushed her mother's button, She was very wrong.

"don't let me curse you, you despicable creature!

for disrespecting your mother, there's already heaven's wrath upon you, I wouldn't say too much more" her mother was fuming, her slit eyes narrowing till it almost vanished from her face.

"I'm not disrespecting you, I had only demanded my right since you were blind to it and I haven't raised my voice. we are all accountable for the rights we are meant to fulfill and do not"

"why don't you go to the swine you call father, had he bothered to ever look for you two. No

He doesn't care, he has a new family and oh, you still won't dare raise a finger in front him but you want to show me, iron lady well done" she applauded Salima mockingly.

"men have nothing to lose, they don't care so long there's space for more than one woman and their selfish gratifications are met. The whole world, even their children could sleep on it. I thought you should understand as woman but my bad you're just as him. Like father like daughter"

" It was you who married the swine first before he became my father" her mother bursted. Iman had said worse to her, Iman was her match, she was a split of her mother's trait in a different body. armed with same viper tongues and would lash each other out when they had stepped on each other's toes, even at that,her mother never threatened Iman with curses and after their heated moment they would both go silent, acting like it never happened.

Salima had only told her mother truth, and truth and her mother never went well.

"I would curse you" she slapped her chest with rigor.

" your children would cause your tears, you would never find happiness in them just like I haven't found in you" the table was turning and her mother was making herself victim.

"Curses which don't have roots bounce back. I have done nothing to you.you have abused your right of being parent and I only reminded you to do what's right. If it was Iman you wouldn't bat your eyelid twice before attending to her needs but me, poor ugly me that'll never amount to any use for you has no right to demand.

I'll never win your favor,I know and I'm not even trying to but for my right upon you, I have to ask.

I'll excuse the way I've been treated as less human all these years, I've been mute and lived in the shadow of my younger sister, I never took the spotlight and I know my place.

If I had money, I would care for my needs myself and never bother you"

" what viciousness are you attaching to me, after all I've done for you? you define me with the adjectives meant for devils?" Her mother clapped exasperated.

" I didn't say that."

" ofcourse you didn't say directly, you implied, indirectly.

no doubt, the devil birthed himself " her mother referred to her father as the devil and she was the evil he birthed.

"I'll forever live this, dear me. just one wrong choice and the repercussions still hunt, they come back as your blood and live with you. It was better if I was childless than bear this thing standing before me. what was my offense to deserve this" she raised her hands heaven wards, dramatic and hysteric. she was speaking in her highest pitch of voice.

Unfortunately fate chooses for us, else.

Salima said inward.It was nothing to write home about the things her mother spitted to her face, no one would believe a birth mother could utter such to her own child.

"are you not even shamed demanding of your mother when girls your age are doing things for themselves." Her mother resorted to all sort of tactics including shaming just to win

" you want to prove the ruler of your own life, why still depend on me. think what life could have been if it were not for me, even as you went ahead with making your choice of school, you knew my brother was there. You need me. you still lean on me, my family. If I walked out right now you have nothing, nothing I say.

Without me can you ever? No, I don't think so.

does your father's family know you, does your own father still recognize you, the man you so worship. mine never left me, he died." she spitted the facts and shoved it down Salima's throat. she liked the way she had the power to make Salima's face wring in pain, she didn't care what she had to say to achieve her aim. She had the veto power of motherhood and she misused it well.

"I can" it was two word but entailed a lot.she wouldn't cry in front of her mother, it was what she strove for. To see another in pain and know she was the cause of it.

Any child would have clung unto their mother but Salima was willing to bend narrative because in her own story her mother was the villain who cried wolf. She would show her mother all she would be without her. Like a revolution broiling in her chest, she would take the pain of proving to her that she didn't weep for the circumstances she found herself, she could tunnel her way out and rewrite her own destiny. she could stand on her feet and not be miserable just because she had no man to lean on.

Salima reproved herself from uttering anymore word even as her mother rained hail and thunder but what she said the last was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"you're not even sure of your future yet you're already raising shoulders. doctor my foot, why don't you wait till you become it before displaying your true colors. would you make it through?, I heard failure ran in your paternal blood. the best you do is run. Look at your father, he was too spineless to do anything for himself, it was a woman who raised him and polished his filth and he paid the price marrying her. he lives according to her dictate like a dog enticed with bones. ofcourse it was easy to run, he's not a mother whose body was changed giving birth,who has to stick to her children. He's a man, no person would tag him the stigma of being divorced or get disgusted at afterbirth signs because they don't even exist on him . he can roam the world with no stain on his conscience but me, what could I have done. I had better choices which I left behind, all for what, all I ever did what did it yield, You!"

" maybe if you were not in the picture in the first place, life could have been so much better" Salima gave her back, she didn't mind her mother's voice now sounded like rumbles. She cursed and cursed at her back

"I will be there to watch your children make you cry, justice would favor me" her mother was shedding crocodile tears.

"You did worse to your own mother and you have seen nothing. God has been merciful to you that you only saw a broken marriage. what bigger loss reaches a person who didn't treat their parent with respect in old age. your mother's heart was good and forgave you readily else God knows best. at least I never called you foolish and old or sent you humiliatingly back to your house when it was almost night" Salima was just as capable as stinging, she reminded her mother of her own doings. She wasn't right in anyway to have spoken to her like that but her mother was only stirring storm out of teacups. she hadn't raised voice at all or resort to abusing and she had no plans doing so even when her mother was old and vulnerable to her. Salima would care for her, she would never lack so long she had the hand for it, she would show her gratitude to God that He had granted her the ability to view her mother despite all with kindness. She wouldn't be the child that was cursed to see their parent age yet had no blessings thereof. She was no ingrate. She always paid her dues.

Salima barged in their room, closing the door noisily behind. Iman had been on her phone since and was unreactive to the whole scene, they didn't cross each other's way when it came to their quarrels. when it was Iman and their mother, Salima would excuse herself and it was the same rule that applied in the case of Salima.

even as Iman acted nonexistent, not bothering to look at Salima as she sobbed hard into her pillow. her mother's voice was still reigning, she was not anywhere near done with her. where love once seated hatred had no place, Salima couldn't hate her mother but the love inside had no way of showing itself than respecting her. A dull sensation throbbed her heart, she physically felt it squeeze, it pained her, the veins there seemed lit, on fire and spread the rest of her body, she was running short of breath and feeling hot, it made her extra thirsty. It was creeping back, the ache of her heart numbed her, her head felt light like floating off her body. She laid still grasping the sheets so she could feel stability at the world that was twirling with her in the middle at the verge of unconsciousness. It had happened many times, she didn't know the cause of it or when it had started or what triggered it, but she knew it came as a piercing pain in the heart and the fainting that came after was hard to bear. to feel yourself float out of your own body sink down a dark tunnel yet you hear but can't see or speak trying to utter for help but realizing everything's out of your control, including your own body. sinking into oblivion and coming out of it like a pendulum hanging over an abyss ready to be dropped at any time.

It pained, every sensation of feeling unliving but Salima liked it, it was better than hearing her mother screech like a cat sent directly from hell to torment her soul. her voice was fading with her consciousness and in-between where her mind still had some function, it was scheming plans. She would do it, she had herself to prove right.

Tommorow she would go, without her mother's permission, she would leave.

As she sunk deeper into the unconscious, if she was blessed to be alive the next morning, if it was not what it felt like to be dying, she would take her bags and go chase her destiny that was at the brink of crumbling.

**

The park of Abuja was swarmed. the smell of roadside food and decaying gutters was doing nothing to aid her turning stomach, she had spent the two hours of traveling to the park throwing up, her facial skin felt dry, she was dehydrated. Gurgling water from a bottle and spitting it out. she clutched her bag tight not letting any of the conductors take it for her, she heard from street wise people that it was a safety tip one should never ignore in parks. she looked over the many vehicles and the drivers calling to their tickets.

Salima hadn't made her mind on which to board, she was still gathering herself together, the incident from yesterday and the early morning of that day was too much. She had awoken at four am, bathed,packed her bag and left the house with no one's knowing, she had texted Nazifa before turning her phone off. When she left home it was so early she had had to observe morning prayer at the masjid at the end of their street.The suspicious looks she got from people didn't deter her purpose, by the time anyone would bother telling her mother they saw her, she would be long on the way. the money she had in hand was a three month old saving from the pocket money her uncle gave, she didn't know the price of fares but she knew it was enough money to take her to and back home. She looked at crinkled notes in her hands, if it had been any normal setting where parent were parent and children were allowed to be children, if it wasn't for the life of confused roles she could have shopped new dresses and things that fancied people her age with the money but it was worth the other cause she was spending it for. Her stomach grumbled, it was empty yet tight, she couldn't eat anything or even drink. She could only wash her mouth as whatever entered it floated on her chest until she spewed it. Gripping her bag even more tightly,her eyes followed the train of commercial cars. She opted for the big ones with high wheels, elevation from ground level helped the severe tightness of chest and nausea she suffered from being in cars. She had paid the fare and taken her ticket, rolling it between her fingers as they loaded the car and she cringed inward approximating at least 10 hours to be spent on the road. the car got full and Salima had taken seat at the back, keeping her nylons close by, she hoped the fatherly man beside her wouldn't mind when she started throwing up. Glancing at her watch, time was far spent, she wished someone would scold the driver into starting the car already. she rested her head, protecting her nose with a kerchief from the smell of exhausted car smoke when a noise from outside disrupted her. Salima was too weak to look outside but she knew the squabble between the driver and whoever it was had involved the man sitting beside her as he had left her side and gone out. She heard the argument involved car luggages and they had started unloading again, she was about falling asleep when her faint senses knocked awake as someone had stepped on her toes, she thought it was the man but opening her eyes to a pair of apologizing eyes, it wasn't the fatherly man but another one, he was very much younger. she hadn't looked into his face too much to see his features, she had only nodded in acceptance and closed her eyes back.

Salima regretted she couldn't view those landscapes the car swept by, the motion had kept her too busy trying not to inhale exhausted smokes and throwing up. aside bothering of irritating other people, her biggest worry was the clean cut man beside her, from where she saw it with her head leaned backward, his nails were trim and his hand glowed a pampered deep brown shade like it hadn't known any kind of rough work in its life. She didn't know why she cared and scolded herself for caring

She tried holding back but she spilled in her nylon, her chest contracting painfully as she poured out the content of her stomach. Salima was too embarrassed to raise her head up but when she eventually did, he was looking at her with genuineness, there was worry on his face for the dehydrated girl beside him. Salima didn't remember much through out the course of the journey aside the weakness that came with vomiting at intervals and he helping her change nylons despite her resistance. She was irritated at her own vomit and her odorous breath let alone a man who didn't know her from Adam. He had insisted and even bought new nylons and mint gums for her as she had run out of them. Salima wanted to say thank you, for a lot of things, that he kept his distance and didn't try taking advantage of a vulnerable in the name of help, there was a lot she wanted to say but her tongue was weak, she was sapped of strength. she hoped he too, like her, could read faces and see the gratitude reflected in her eyes.

Salima dozed, inadvertently capturing the side burns on his face, his baby hair, brown and oiled. her eyes were forcing themselves shut but with every twist of her stomach,she would jerk awake and all the time he would ask if she was fine. Salima felt if she had an older sibling who cared then it was the same kind eyes he could have looked at her with. he had told her his name, Aasif and chatted about few other neutral things. he said it would keep her mind busy and stop her from thinking about the fatigue of the journey. Salima's smile was weak and she had managed to utter her thank you and said few things about school.

when they had alighted to offer mid noon prayers, it was then Salima took in the form of the kind person who had looked after her. He was moderately tall and lean, his complexion was deep brown and clean, too clean it made him look better than he actually was. he wore a faint smile and it erased every trace of being too man and hard from his features. he looked kind, easy to befriend and trust. Her mistrust and suspicion of all of humanity could be excused at his side. Salima thought maybe she had been one-sided in her judgement and as they boarded again the second time he offered Salima food which she declined because it would make her throw up, he faced his front guardedly and Salima didn't miss how courteous he was not to have looked much at her, not even when they had alighted and he had been buying roadside food, they had clashed gaze a few times, he would only offer a polite brotherly smile and turn his face away and it didn't go beyond that. Salima snatched her gaze from roaming his features too. her head was a bit cleared, relieved and much better she looked out the landscapes and fixed her eyes there for the rest of the drive. It was deepened dusk when they had touched down the golden soils of hot North, Salima's limbs were shaking, she was knackered. he hadn't spoken any more word to her except that he asked where she was heading.

She thought of her uncle's house but saw it impossible and mentioned the school address instead. he had turned back saying nothing more and few moments later, a tricycle was in front of her. he apprised Salima of the man in grey shirt that had directed him to her and told her destination and paid. Salima wanted to thank her friend, he hadn't given her the chance to say it proper, she looked for him but he was gone like wind, leaving no trace. She boarded the tricycle and by 8 sharp, she was inside the school in front of the girls hostel. She knew no one and was exhausted and famished yet she held her bag limp at her side, going in nonetheless. there were sure to be extra rooms, student reading rooms she'll make do with that or better still the wide verandas, she would sleep there till morning or she could ask someone, her belief in kindness had been revived that day, humanity wasn't finished yet. there were still diamonds amidst stones. Salima turned to the corner at her right when she saw a familiar face, it was Anisa and she had recognized Salima too. She brushed her in her friendly hug

"nice surprise Salima, the world is such a small place"

"Very small indeed. who knew we'll be meeting again" to see a familiar face in a place where she knew no one was great relief, even if they were not close at all, even though nothing connected them aside both being Habiba's friends, it was something big.

"you're here for exams right?, who are you staying with?"

"yes. and I know no one here. I'm just meeting a person I know which is you"

" so where did you plan on sleeping?"

" I thought of verandas, reading rooms or I could have asked someone who would be kind enough to give me space"

" You look exhausted, Im staying with my cousin.we were on our way to buy food from the cafeteria." Anisa helped her with her bag. "I'm sure my cousin wouldn't mind having one more person to shelter "

" thank you so much" the gratefulness in her heart swelled till it reached her eyes.

" I couldn't almost recognize you, you look terribly exhausted. Once you eat, I'm sure there would be some life in your face" Anisa said jugging down the stairs, she waited at the mouth of the stairs allowing a slow-paced Salima to catch up.

" My answered prayers that I met you. just pure luck" Salima thought if it was the universes' way of easing the guilt of how she had left home. it was God's mercy that had reached her in the form of Anisa and Aasif, that maybe it wasn't much of a sin what she did, she was helpless.

She had gone to the cafeteria with Anisa,they had dinner and Salima didn't mind that she was rushing her food and eating very unladylike. she didn't mind the disapproving looks she got, she had left home hungry and stayed almost eleven hours with no food or water and throwing up. they could give her whatever look they liked, she had done so to other people too without knowing their circumstances. It was human nature to be disposed to judgement especially when it was something that annoyed. Salima ordered an extra takeaway and they went to the hostel. After bathing, dressing in her night wear, Salima prayed and showed her thankfulness with two unit prayer that God had brought her ease in her state of helplessness and made her journey easy in a place she knew no one. she remembered Aasif and she prayed for him wherever he was. As she laid to sleep that night, though exhausted, the thought of the stranger flooded her mind. she thought of Habiba, the coincidences she had mentioned. It was no mistake he had landed in the same car with her last minute, they could have missed and never even knew of their existence. As Salima was drifting to slumber, she wondered if they would ever cross paths again but a voice deep down told her they would.

The world was one small circle after all.