: Pain (Zeo)

If I had told you earlier what true pain felt like then, I must have lied because what I was feeling now was way worse than any kind of torment or agony I had experienced yet. Hearing Elliot's cry of pain and seeing him panting for breath, while barrels of blood escaped his shoulders made me feel like my heart was being squeezed with a thousand sharp needles, piercing deeper with every drop of blood that fell on the earth. A thick bony shaft had pierced Elliot's shoulder and as it seemed the bone arrow was directed on me but..but Elliot saved me. And yet he could only save me from the physical injury. The feeling I had right now was worse than what a hundred such arrows could have ever inflicted on me. Seeing Elliot hurt because of me..felt like...it felt..like Dying!!

My mind felt blank as I sat in the dust, stunned and shocked. Elliot was still in his senses. He got up, held my hand and ran away from the direction where the arrow came from. I didn't resist but neither did I respond. I let myself be taken away with Elliot. I was numb both inside and out. I couldn't see, I couldn't think. All I could do to help Elliot was to let him pull me. How useless..!

Suddenly, I felt a blinding light in front of me. And then, we both were enveloped with nothing more than Empty darkness. I could not feel the earth beneath me. It was like I was just floating in that vast stretch of nothingness except for the part that I wasn't alone. Elliot was still there in that darkness clutching my right hand. "Yo...u...alri..ght, Zeo?" I heard his weak voice say before everything went silent. This voice brought comfort to me but at the same time it also ignited the never ending pain and regret. The pain of not being able to save Elliot was drowning me, the regret was crushing me under its weight. Why? Just why was I such a weakling? Why couldn't I protect Elliot? Forget about protecting. I couldn't even help him, instead it was him all along. Am I so useless? Is this why my parents left me? Because they knew what a waste, I was.

Amidst all these thoughts, I felt the world silent, too silent. Elliot wasn't speaking anymore, the warmth of his hand was slipping away like a dying fire. "Elliot!!" I cried but he didn't respond. "Elliot, can you hear me?" I cried again but the reply was the same utter silence. I moved my left hand to touch his soft, warm, cheeks, from which I had rubbed off those unknown tears earlier, and felt them icy-cold right now. He was still breathing, I could hear his breaths but even they seemed to slowly drift away in the silence. Wait! Was he dying??

"Elliot! Elliot wake up!! .." I heard myself cry. My eyes were brimming with tears, flowing out with no dams and bounds. This can't be real!! Please tell me it is just a bad dream!

"Please wake up..please..just for me." I said in a low voice. I clutched Elliot's small body in my embrace. Probably, trying to keep the leftover life in his body from escaping.

"Please..I can't live without you!!" I whispered in Elliot's ear and without me realising it, I said what my heart wanted to say at the moment.

Unexpectedly, I felt some kind of liquid swirling around our bodies. It felt like shadows or a kind of dark energy. Those foreign shadows made strange hissing sounds which were more like whispers than meaningless sounds. It was like these shadows were trying to tell me something but I just couldn't understand it. They were all around me, I felt their strong presence surround me. Were they some kind of sorcerers??

"Hey! Can you hear me?? Please, please save Elliot. I need him." I yelled. And I felt Elliot's bleeding stop. All the shadows then again circled around me but with greater speed. Some of them occasionally even entered my body, and I felt a sudden outbreak of power. What was happening to me?? The obscure whispers continued. Even now I couldn't understand any of them, except for one. Finally, when the last of the shadows entered me I heard a deep voice say something more strange than the whispers before.

"Protect...Elliot.." The voice said in an almost commanding tone.

After everything went silent again, I felt a kind of flame burning inside my soul. A flame that felt like power that had never existed in me. I felt a subtle movement from Elliot. My grip tightened as if I was scared that someone would take him away from me. I could feel the warmth on his cheeks again, the tenderness of his skin, as imperceptibe as it maybe, was there again. Then I felt that flash again, which had brought me to this place. And in an instant, I was back in the forest.

I sensed the brown earth below me and the blue sky above me. The hushing of the fluttering leaves was back in the air. But more than all this, what I saw was Elliot, lost in the serenity of his own slumber. I had a mixed feeling of regret and joy, fear and happiness. Elliot lay there in my arms, returning from the brink of death. His cheeks and clothes were wet in his blood. The blood was on my hands too, probably more on mine than on him.

I hugged him again, embracing his every breath, his every heartbeat, his mere existence meant so much to me. I knew I was sobbing again, letting out every emotion that was seated in me. But I felt alright now and more than that Elliot was alright now...and that's all that mattered.

My memory after that is in bits and pieces. If I am not wrong, it was Obrion that came hurriedly to us. He was more focused on my safety than on Elliot, which obviously angered me. But then on my command we went back to our house, by then it was already evening but Millia had still not returned. Nathan was still at home. I remember how he punched me after I put Elliot in the bed.

"What the fuck did you do to my friend!!" He yelled as he landed punches upon punches on my face. His voice was boiling with anger and hate. Obrion tried to stop Nathan but I didn't let him. Half because Nathan was a good man and more than that, he was Elliot's best friend. Hurting him would mean hurting Elliot and certainly, I couldn't do that. The other reason was that I felt like..I needed to be punished. I needed to atone for this sin. The sin of being just a witness and nothing more. It felt like the best way to get away from the pain that was eating me from inside.

After that Nathan didn't let me near Elliot. I saw from a distance how he changed his clothes with my old clothes that Millia had given him.

I could not exactly remember when Millia returned from the village. But what I do remember was the horror she had on her face on seeing the blood on my clothes.

"What happened to you??" She had asked. It seemed like she was on the verge of one of those panic attacks but this time I couldn't soothe her. Instead, I fell in her arms crying like a baby. She held me, rubbing my back. I cried and cried till I had no more tears. Everyone was silent then. Nathan just stood there still that hate in his eyes but there was also a ting of pity. Millia's eyes travelled from Obrion to Nathan but none had any answers. I didn't notice when I fell asleep while crying in Milla's arms. Maybe that's why we sleep. To escape from this ruthless reality, to find peace, to seek silence from the loud useless chatter of the world, to meet our deep desire and fears, to meet one's own self.

When I woke up I was in my bed. My clothes changed. I looked around for a familiar figure but no one was around. I got out of bed and walked towards Millia's room. The door was closed and I didn't have the courage to knock so I just stood there.

After about five minutes, Millia emerged from the room. She smiled gently at me, her brown curly hairs glistening in the evening sunlight.

"He is okay now.." She told me and left the room for the kitchen. But I was still there. Nathan was looking at me now, from the stool which was beside the bed Elliot was laying on. But this time Nathan's eyes did not tell of hate or pity. They were filled with sadness and nothing more. He stood up and walked towards me. I was half expecting another punch but it didn't come. Instead, he put his hand on my shoulder, barely reaching it.

"You know Zeo, we both are on the same page." He said.

"We both couldn't protect our friend when he needed us. Instead, he became our saviour. I know how much it hurts to be useless. But believe me, it is not your fault." He said. These were the same words I had told Elliot when he was sulking over Nathan's condition the first day. And here I was a subject to my own words. 'How ironic..' I thought.

"But I am not saying sorry for hitting you back then..you really deserved it." He said.

"Yeah, I know." I said feebly.

"Now, I should leave...I think you need to check on him." He said as he pointed at the bandaged figure of Elliot and left the room. I walked slowly towards Elliot, afraid that even getting close to him might hurt him again.

I sat at the stool and stared at him. His thin, frail body mummified in those bandages. I looked at his chest, rising and sinking. And more than anything I looked at his face. His cheeks are a bit pink and his red lips sometimes move in peculiar ways. I held his small hand in mine.

"I promise, I won't let you be hurt ever again." I said less to him and more ro myself and then kissed his hands.

That was the moment I knew that my life was never going to be the same as before