FOR THE SECOND MORNING in a row, I ate delicious fish.
Fish Girl woke me up. If her parents are fish, isn't feeding me fish
messed up? The girls were in high spirits again this morning, elated at the
prospect of finding a town.
The nerds had acted like rowdy teen boys before leaving in search of
a town, but the girls held so many girls-only meetings that I wondered what
they were planning. Maybe they were like the nerds—planning to go after
the wild beast guys that inevitably prowled in a fantasy world? Were some
of them after the same shape-shifting raccoon dogs as the nerds? If any of
them said they had a thing for cute young boys, I would have no choice but
to file a police report all the same.
We set off, and after a while, we reached a deep part of the forest.
Even the high-level goblins were no match for our group. Whenever they
started to overwhelm us, I drove them back with a storm of fire bullets. No
challenge, no excitement.
I prepared lunch while the rest finished off some goblins. I used Earth
Magic to make a stone grill and cooked wild-caught fish with mushrooms
using Fire Magic. The day I had dreamt of for so long had finally arrived. I
wrapped the fish and mushrooms in herbs and let them poach in their own
juices on the grill. The herbs mingled with the scent of the fish, giving it a
refreshing and slightly astringent fragrance. With this flavor, I felt like I
could fight for a whole year! There's nothing wrong with liking fish! The
girls had raved about the food too, after all. Well, the mushrooms. That was
ridiculous—the fish was clearly the best part!
We decided to hunt kobolds after lunch. We needed more practice
against fast monsters, and they granted more experience. I'm bored out of
my mind!
We finished eating and began our hunt. Running into a bunch of highlevel ones could be bad. Let's stick to kobolds below level 10. During lunch,
the girls came up with a strategy for defeating kobolds. I warned them that,
unlike goblins, they were fast, had a mean bite, and howled when in danger.
Shortly after, we ran into a pack of kobolds—levels 6, 8, and 9. A
perfect challenge to get the girls some practical experience. Okay, time to
test out fighting in a group. Let's do it!
Within seconds, agonizing screams echoed through the forest. Before
we could test out our strategy, the kobolds had sunk their teeth into several
of the girls.
The quick kobolds easily broke our formation. Three kobolds
managed to outflank our much larger group. Is now a good time to panic?
These kobolds didn't even have 40 speed. Just comparing stats, the
girls should've been faster, but for some reason they couldn't keep up.
Eventually, the mean girls finished one off, uncannily calm again, but they
still barely kept in formation. Everyone's stats were fine; their lack of
experience fighting wild monsters was the real problem. But that still
doesn't explain why this is going so badly. What's going on?
"Waaa, it hurts! They—they—they bit me!"
"Wh-what do I do? Do I—aah, what should I do?!"
"I can't do it! I can't get them!"
"Ahh… Huh?" Vice Rep B whipped around. "What's going on?"
Her sudden movements are too distracting. Uh, I'm definitely not
looking, I'm focused on the kobolds! Flawless excuse!
I absolutely needed to step in, because I was worried about getting
yelled at if I kept watching. Especially if my traitorous eyes kept focusing
on the wrong features.
The level 9 kobold was the only one that had Pack Tactics. If not for
that, the fight might have even been too easy. Okay, the Class Rep is glaring
at me, time to act!
I had somehow gotten a skill called Parallel Thinking, presumably
because I kept casting so many flame bullet spells at the same time. That
would definitely not work here—the girls would be furious if I fired off a
storm of bullets into this chaotic fray. I also needed to try out Four Elements
magic and Movement magic since those skills had gone up several levels
since I last used them. No need for Lightning Magic, though, since I'd
practiced it plenty catching fish.
I hadn't tried Movement Magic at full force in quite a while, and I
was scared that my inner Klutzy Anime Girl would reemerge when I tried.
Cannonballing uncontrollably was embarrassing enough when I was alone
—it would've been way more mortifying with the girls watching.
Instead, I backstabbed Kobold A with my stick. Rather than
counterattacking, the kobold ran away from me. I gave chase. Let's see how
you like being hunted! Whenever I caught up and stabbed the kobold, it
started running faster and faster. Just how fast can this thing go? We ended
up racing in circles around the group of girls.
Kobolds B and C couldn't keep up and were defeated by the mean
girls. I caught a glimpse of the mean girls' eyes, empty and blood-curdling.
I decided I'd pretend not to notice.
Without warning, Kobold A came to an immediate stop, swung
around, and slashed with its claws. Stupid, so stupid! I couldn't stop on a
dime like that!
I didn't have time to do anything at all. In other words, my
momentum carried me safely past the claws and unsafely crashing headlong
into the monster. We somersaulted across the undergrowth in a tangle of
limbs and snarls. At the moment of impact, I managed to thrust my staff
into its skull, killing it instantly. Compared to what the mean girls did to the
other kobolds, it was a merciful death. I was exhausted.
We regrouped and resumed our strategy meeting. For some reason,
they were all mad at me.
"Didn't I tell you that they were fast?" I asked. "And that they bite
and howl?"
"We can't defeat monsters only knowing that!"
"Fast was a massive understatement!"
"How does saying 'they bite' count as giving good advice?!"
"And why were you running in circles with that kobold anyway?"
"What are we supposed to do with that info?"
What was this storm of criticism? Kobolds are fast and they bite. And
they howl! What more do you want?!
"Well, all the nerds told me about them was that they're blue, tall,
slender, and have dog heads. That's it! Saying that they're fast and bite is
way more help than I ever got! I even remembered to mention that they
howl!"
They all shouted over each other in protest. Maybe furor was a more
fitting term. Hell, you could even call it an uproar. An uproarious furor,
definitely, I thought.
"The monsters upriver are weaker, but we might run into the guys
there. Are any of you okay with that?"
Everyone fell quiet. Even the nerds had tried to get away from those
guys.
Of course they're not prepared for that encounter. I won't make them
go upstream.
Surely not all the guys had lost their minds, but there was no way of
knowing or finding out which were still decent. It was safer to avoid them
altogether and look for town. The guys wouldn't be able to survive the deep
reaches of the forest at their level; the only route they had left went past my
cave.
If they found the cave, I could blockade it and stop them from getting
to the nerds and the girls. That was a short-term solution, but I didn't want
to consider the long-term options. I wasn't sure if I was capable of killing a
person, but if it came down to it, I'd have to. From all I'd heard, they
showed no signs of guilt, remorse, or regret. I would have to make them
regret their actions.
Our meeting concluded with a new strategy: the girls should hunt
pairs of low-level kobolds to start with. If there were three or more, or they
were too strong, I was to jump in right away and help. I was banned from
challenging them to footraces, playing tag, or engaging in any other
shenanigans.
After spending the rest of the day hunting kobolds, the girls grew
used to fighting. By dusk, one group could easily dispose of two kobolds by
themselves. They all leveled up considerably, too.
Whenever we ran into goblins or kobolds on the way back, the girls
handled them all on their own. They scanned their surroundings for threats,
maintained defensive formations, and neutralized their foes. Soon, they'll be
strong enough that I can retire, I thought.
Back in the cave, I made beds and simple furniture for their rooms.
They didn't plan on staying for much longer, but I figured that I ought to be
a good host until they left.
By the river, one of the girls taught me Ice Magic. As usual, I got the
knack for it using Packing Magic. I ate dinner, took a bath, and the day was
already over. I'd better make the tent gigantic, I thought. Not big enough for
one…or four, or even eight. I'll make it large enough for twelve people. It
was practically a dome.
As soon as I set it up, the girls poured into it.
"Wow! Look at how, like, spacious it is!" said the Queen Bee.
"How is it a different size every time we visit?"
"It's way bigger than before," said Fish Girl.
"Hey, Haruka-kun," said the Class Rep. "I kind of told everyone to
check out how big the tent was now."
"It's fine," I said. "There's mushroom tea."
Uh, why do they like mushroom tea this much? Did the tea start
fermenting by accident or something? Are we about to have some sort of
weird drunken rave? I decided to just observe from outside the tent. But
when I tried to leave, they blocked the exit. Why not? Why can't I just watch
from a distance? There's a bit too much skin in this tent for a high school
guy to handle!
"Uhm, what's going on?" I asked.
"We're debriefing after the mission!"
For some reason, they all sat down in a circle. The Class Rep led the
discussion, starting with an analysis of kobold stats. She sat so close to me
that I could feel the warmth of her body. Next to her was Vice Rep A,
sitting cross-legged in short shorts. Those legs! Have to look elsewhere! My
gaze settled on Vice Rep B, nodding in agreement with Class Rep, and her
assets nodding along with her… It's a trap! Where am I supposed to look?!
Sitting directly opposite me, Vice Rep C and Nudist Girl were goofing off,
playfully shoving each other and rolling around. Their skirts kept flapping
as they tumbled. What is happening?! I'm a pervert no matter where I look!
It's a trap!
Fish Girl and two others I didn't know sat to my left. I soon
recognized them; they were the two muscle-head chicks from the volleyball
team. The mean girls crowded in behind them. Why do they always end up
behind me? I'm totally hemmed in. The girls from the literature club
squeezed in next to them. So cramped! A loner shouldn't be in this
situation! The Class Rep continued, "—and that's why we need at least one
person to slow enemies down." Class Rep, did you really need to invite this
many people to a debriefing? The girls rolling around aren't even listening!
"All right everyone, next up…" I'm supposed to be a loner…