Cultivation assistant, Splendid Glory!
It took Michael a minute to collect his wits and realize that something hit him in the forehead. He tried to look around to find that something, but the roof was totally empty. Michael even carefully looked down from the ledge, but there was nothing on the ground. His forehead felt fine, and the skin wasn't bloody. Everything seemed to be in good condition. Then what hit him and stopped him from doing something stupid?
'Perhaps I'm cursed' thought Michael. 'Yes, a rare curse, to be unable to jump from a roof'.
His destructive tendencies quenched, Michael headed back down to the building, to take a look at his forehead in the mirror, just in case. Now that he could think clearly, he realized that the door to the roof was open, same as the door to the storage space nearby. It was probably because the school year hadn't started yet, because in his memories, these doors were usually locked.
Michael made his way down to the fifth floor and sneaked into a bathroom. The school halls were empty, and there were no cameras installed yet, so he wasn't afraid of meeting someone. And even if he did, he would simply make up a reason why he was here with practiced ease.
As Michael looked at himself in the mirror of the fifth floor's bathroom, he thanked fate that he didn't meet anyone in the halls, because this would be a bit difficult to lie about. On his forehead, pictures appeared like on a movie projector. He caught a few, a Tom and Jerry cartoon, a cooking show, the apartment he spent years in, his mother's elderly face, a footage from some revolution documentary…
The pictures changed so quickly Michael felt his head spin. He touched his forehead again, but it betrayed none of its secrets, his fingers only obstructing the view. So, he decided to wait for something to happen, because it would be silly of him to walk home now, with Frank Sinatra's Greatest Hits album cover staying on his forehead for a few seconds before conceding skin space to some beautiful Shutterstock photos.
After spending a bit over half an hour in one of the cabins playing with his cheap phone just in case someone would come in, Michael started getting impatient. He already deduced that something unnatural was happening to him, perhaps a whim of a higher being. Could it be he was saved by an otherworldly creature?
In any case, that was a question for later. Now he needed to get rid of the images on his forehead. After half an hour, those images slowed down a lot, and adopted a theme of good and bad, with every single image, sound and idea he ever encountered being displayed in a more evaluating manner. Good deeds lit up in white smoke after staying for several seconds, while bad things disappeared quicker, crumbling in piles of ashes.
Michael tried to wash his face and made Dr. Strange challenging Dormammu in a Marvel movie look slightly wet.
Soon, Michael noticed that some ideas exploded in both white smoke and black ash – the more ambiguous ones, like killing a villain that couldn't be contained or a detective letting go of a gentleman criminal who only stole from the rich and gave to the poor. All the images relied on Michael's ideas and values, with several staying on his skin until he thought whether that action was slightly more good or bad.
Michael was never a violent person – he never had the chance to become one – but he generally considered ideas of all-forgiving superheroes to be faulty. He believed in the law of "to show mercy to your enemies is to be cruel to yourself". For example, he was adamant that if he had a chance to kill Leon in his past life, he would gladly give his own life for a single low success rate attempt.
He believed that a person's intentions should be taken into account. Anything was fine in self-defense as long as it didn't go beyond the attacker's intentions, and even then, punishment should not be too harsh. At the same time, there was no use putting mass murderers and supervillains behind bars. He who passes the sentence should swing the sword, and as long as superheroes were the only people who could deal with supervillains, they should be the ones to decide what to do with them.
As Michael was thinking this, his forehead finally cleared up. He exclaimed happily, rubbed it for good luck and turned towards the door to leave, when he was interrupted by something that would change his life forever.
"Welcome to Splendid Glory, host" he heard from somewhere. Michael looked around, but the bathroom was just as empty as before.
"Who is it? Who said that?"
"Splendid Glory is a program designed specifically for cultivation. Current status: dormant, passive mode, upgrade not initiated. Would host like to activate Splendid Glory?" the same voice sounded. Now Michael could tell that the voice was a mix between male and female, somewhat mechanical but with adequate intonations where they were needed. He didn't know what was happening, so he decided to be cautious.
"No! Not yet! Don't activate. First, tell me, where are you? Why are you here? What do you want?"
"Attempts at locating host's energy field and soul seed were unsuccessful. Splendid Glory is currently located in host's brain. Splendid Glory cannot provide information, not enough energy. Splendid Glory is a program designed specifically for cultivation".
This answer took Michael a while to decipher, until he realized that the voice answered all three of his questions in order. First, he didn't possess an energy field and a soul seed, whatever those things were, and that was probably why the thing lodged itself in his brain? Is that even possible? Michael hoped there was no extra empty space in his good old brain-box, which wouldn't matter only if the thing wasn't entirely corporeal.
Secondly, Splendid Glory suffered from a lack of energy, and was unable to analyze why it chose him as a host. Was it because he was shouting profanities, or because he was standing on the roof when it appeared in the air, and he was the closest to it?
And finally, it just repeated that it had been designed for cultivation, which told him nothing. Of course, in his life he read several Eastern novels about cultivation, and understood the concept, but in his world, there were no demonic beasts, sword-flying immortals and endless competitions for the youths. The fact that he had just failed one of those escaped him.
"Splendid Glory, can you explain what cultivation is, please?" he probed.
"Cultivation is a process of ascending from a single leaf to the greatest heights of the World Tree, escaping the shackles of one's mortal body, becoming one with the World Tree. Would host like to activate Splendid Glory?".
The World Tree? Michael vaguely remembered the legend of Yggdrasil, the world tree in Norse mythology. What was more important, Glory's answer about cultivation seemed very similar to something from novels and TV shows.
"Not yet. Can you describe how you can help with my cultivation?"
"Upon activation, Splendid Glory establishes a link with infofield of the host's world. This link allows host to exchange various types of energy directly with the infofield. Then, whenever host attempts to become a cultivator, results of his interaction with infofield are presented in a clear manner through visual cues. Would host like to activate Splendid Glory?"
That… sounded weirdly plausible. While Michael wasn't a religious person, he was aware of several miracles of faith. Something like this infofield could explain how miracles happened, if all people in the world were connected through it. At the same time, if many different worlds and cultivators existed, then maybe gods or a god existed as well…
Michael still had some reservations about the idea of following the voice's suggestions, but there was one argument which could sway his opinion instantly. Holding on to a final sliver of hope, he asked "Glory, I have been diagnosed with LZD1, a genetic disease. If I become a cultivator, what are my chances of healing?"
Almost a minute-long silence ensued. Michael clenched his fists so tight they hurt, when he heard the familiar voice speaking a long string of messages.
"Host initiated self-scan. Scan is impossible in dormant state. Implicit agreement to activate Splendid Glory recognized".
"World Tree branch recognized. Leaf recognized".
"Establishing a link with host's world's infofield… Link established".
"Splendid Glory activated. Current status: active mode, upgrade not initiated".
"Host, welcome to Splendid Glory!"
"Splendid Glory recognizes 'Glory' as host's way of address".
"Host's self-scan initiated… self-scan complete".
"Cultivation level: 1-stage, 0-star cultivator".
"Glory points: 0".
"Warning, health abnormalities detected. Host, be advised, health abnormalities need to be addressed or they will get in the way of cultivation".
"Health abnormalities detected: spinal curvature, multiple allergies, imperfect eyesight, flat feet, chronic nose and throat problems, chronic shortness of breath".
"Genetic abnormalities detected: imperfect bone structure, imperfect muscle structure, D-grade genetic disease recognized from host's memories as LZD1".
"LZD1 is diagnosed incompatible with successful cultivation".
"Treating LZD1… failed. Not enough energy".
"Alleviating LZD1 symptoms… success, 30%".
"Suggested course of action: cultivation, Glory's energy gathering. Evaluating energy necessary for curing LZD1… success".
"Prognosis: LZD1 is expected to be cured completely upon reaching cultivation 2-stage, 5-star".
Michael listened to the slightly mechanical voice with awe. Now, his jump 20 years in the past seemed very insignificant compared to this Splendid Glory. Not only could he be fully cured of LZD1, he would also be able to become a superhuman being!
He was wrong before, there was no curse that didn't allow him to jump off roofs. It was clearly a blessing that changed his life for the better whenever he tried to jump off one!
'Should I try and jump again? Nah, two times is enough. Also, I always appear in toilets afterwards…'