human being

"What actually happen and what were the decision that i should or that i should not take..."

being in a new place, after settling down our work place, i was just starting to ask around among the new colleague about house sharing, when we were inform that as new employee, we were given a room to stay at an apartment in the college's compound.

The apartment have 3 bedroom and are very spacious. however, me and a few of the new colleague were allocated to stay in an apartment that already have 2 tenant in .while, other new colleague were given a whole apartment as they were 4 to 5 of them that were willing to share and live together in one apartment and some decline the apartment as they have already sought room or house to rent before reporting for duty.

so. i manage to land my self a housemate that were also my department staff. so, we were able to blend in nicely at first and she was the first that advise me on the circumstances and the culture of work and life in college L.

And until now, i still remember the advise she gave was "the college has a culture of bad internet".

Hearing it first, it was totally unknown to me what she meant. as she explain that, "the life and work in the college were good, but do be carefull with people and do not expose a lot of your self as it will be spread around the college circle and beyond".

Thinking of it, it was the first and most valuable advise for me as a working adult.

In some culture, human being tend to compare each other and wanted to be the one that outshine others. i wanted to not be one to outshine other as i just wanted to blend in and be the shadow . I just wanted to be an observer. a normal and not impressive human being. where people do not have any expectation of me and just treat me as a passer by.

and in that reality i did manage to live a steady and stable life for almost 6 years working there without having surprises happening to me.

how i manage it?

1. be a bit on the heavier side of the weight.

2. surround my self with the same group of people from the first week i report for duty.

3. talk less, stay at home most of the time,

4. do not depend on others for weekends

5. enjoying cooking, reading, watching television, exercising alone.

6. priority list: family first

i did fantasize of having romance, love, marriage, family and children.

however, i will almost remind my self that those thing might not be for me. as i do not feel any attachment to others and distancing my self from them.

Nevertheless, some tried and hey they stopped.