Why I'm giving up—III

Kika blinked whilst skimming through different hairstyles and shades of bleached hair in the magazine she bought.

"Melody, I'm thinking about getting my hair dyed blonde."

There was an unprecedented silence from the other end of the line. Melody was getting ready for a photoshoot before moving on to the last country to end her world tour.

Glancing back at the silent phone, she poured herself another cup of coffee. For a moment there she had thought that Melody hung up on her.

"Why...Why do you want to dye your hair blonde?"

Melody knows Kika is old enough to make her own life choices but this sudden resolve was too much of a coincidence.

"Duh, it's obviously because Luke likes girls with blonde hair."

Melody prevented her sigh from entering Kika's speakerphone.

"Kika, you can dye your hair if you want but it should be solely because you like it and want it that way. Don't base your every decision on just fulfilling Luke's recommendations for beauty."

Melody talked slowly and picked every word with precision. Although Kika wasn't the type to get so easily offended by words alone, she was still a person with feelings. She might not always show it but she still gets hurt too.

Kika frowned and then reached over for another doughnut on the plate in front of her.

"I'm still going to dye it."

She also wanted to look amazing while she picked up Bloom tomorrow morning so there's nothing Melody can say to change her mind.

***

After waiting for two hours to no avail, Kika reluctantly decided to have dinner without Luke.

"Where the hell is he?"

She glanced at the time on her phone. Nine–fifteen. She sighed and dismissed Rhea for the day after making her bath. She put his share in the fridge and washed the dishes she used herself.

While she dried her hands on the kitchen towel she heard the door creak open. Without wasting a second she rushed out to welcome him. He looked tipsy but still sober enough to walk in a straight line and talk audibly, although his blinking was sluggish.

"Luke, what do you think of my new hairdo? Does it look good on me?"

Luke looked up and her and stared blankly.

"Luke? I asked if you—"

His mouth covered hers in an instant and he moved away slightly to whisper the word "pretty" before carrying on from where he left off.

In the blink of an eye they were in his room, she never really got used to the idea of vampires flashing anyway. He kept taking steps forward, pushing her towards the bed.

She swallowed hard as his hands slid fast under her dress. Stripping off her clothing and heedlessly casting it aside, they waded into the duvet. Pulsing warmth overcame her as his tongue conquered the depths of her mouth.

"Hmmm... Melody..."

Kika's eyes shot open and his head spun left in a painful direction from the backhanded smack she gave him across the face.

He still couldn't get Melody out of his head. Kika glanced up at him. He made no apology. He gave no excuses. He didn't yell at the top of his lungs or cuss at her like he usually did. He just sat, wordless, back straight, head up, still staring at her titties and the rest of her exposed upper body above the duvet like she was a juicy piece of meat.

Kika sat in silent torment. She struggled against the emotions tearing at her, remorse, guilt, and confusion. They became a solid mass, a hardened lump growing in her throat and chest synonymous with how cancer seeps pain into every limp. She was afraid. The flame of hope she thought still ablaze started to flicker and grow dim.

She pushed him off completely and dashed outside into the halls, stopping inside her room, she slammed the door shut. Bawling, she pressed her bare back against the wooden doors and slowly trailed down it till she had her knees and head at the same level.

She kept seeing his eyes even with her eyes closed and the heaviness they left in her heart was unbearable.

She hugged herself and rocked back and forth still sobbing. The cold floors felt uncomfortable against her naked butt. She felt even more repulsed by the icky and uncomfortable wetness down there. She had her head buried in her knees for over half an hour, wailing like she'd lost a family member and had not once thought to cleanse herself.

She straightened herself and waded into the bathtub. Rhea had already prepared her a bath before Luke returned but now it was barely lukewarm. She turned on the freezing water faucet and barely flinched from how swiftly the temperature of the water shifted.

The bitter truth of where Luke's heart resided bit her flesh alongside the icy water, but she didn't care.

She didn't bother turning off the faucet so the water overflowed out of the tub and dampened the tiled floors. It was still a relatively gigantic mansion, even if the water gushed out for a few hours the bathroom would barely be waterlogged. It was really spacious.

What could become of a marriage so fouled by sexual betrayal? Kika had asked herself this question so many times over the years and had always overridden the answer with the very words that were cutting her heart into tiny pieces. "He will change."

Melody is married, her mate is alive, she has two children and has gotten over since him three years ago.

"He never even tried to love me... he only loved her in the first place...Why am I expecting him to change...he didn't promise me anything...I made him sign the marriage papers..."

She scrubbed madly for over twenty minutes not stopping for a breather and continually pumping out liquid soap on the loofah. When it got too painful she screamed out her lungs in frustration whilst hunching over.

She screamed again.

Tears streamed down her face as she kept on shouting. At this rate, her internal circuit will probably give her a warning soon that she had already emptied her salt and water reserves. She muttered while breathing erratically.

"Why's it always her? Why? What about me? Why... can't you see me..."

Her washed face was still dirtied in an instant from mucus and beads of sweat.

"I'm right in front of you... I've always been here for you...why can't you see me..."

She glanced down at herself, her breasts and belly were raw from scrubbing.

She laughed sadistically at her pathetic state.

What was she hoping to achieve by harming herself? His love? Or his pity?

"Don't be ridiculous Kika. Will you be finished when you've stripped your skin off? When you've bled? Is that it?"

Knowing Luke, she surmised he'll just be tempted to sink his teeth into her and gulp without restraint instead, of watching her waste blood.

She sighed and washed her face before stepping carefully out of the tub. Crying solves nothing, if she wants to become the object of his affection she needs to get out there and make it happen.

And that's exactly what she planned to do.