Despair and Wings

This game is too real,

Every movement feels like a searing dagger ripping through my organs and burning my insides. I feel powerless, even after defeating a demon I still feel powerless, I have ten Hp and zero mana, This is as close to death as I've ever gotten, closer than the bridge, closer than actually dying, for some reason this pain, this agony is closer, it feels like if I just pushed forward I could open the gates to hell. It feels like if I just held up my hand it would brush an angel wing.

This game is too real,

'The winner is - "ItsAssassin" - congratulations'

And then all was numb, the floor, the church, the water it was all gone, all replaced with a void, An empty white that fell back into the bar. My reality and scenery twisted and swapped like I was a child's plaything. Running through thousands of fantasy settings, dragged from fight to fight. I sat down in a seat and thought back on my fights, the desperation I used to feel but now… what is there? What is my drive to feel this pain, this exhaustion. Is it her? Is it still fun for me? Do I fight simply because there isn't anything else for me to do?

I'm pathetic. I keep telling myself "It's not my fault." "There was something else." but if I really wanted to I could go off to a different town, it wouldn't be hard. So why do I stay here? Why do I stay in this town? Why do I walk by her grave every day, why do I walk past that bridge in the distance? Why am I here?

"Hey Lee, you look out of it."

"Hey Psye, I'm fine… how was your match?"

"I had to fight this dude with wings,"

"Seriously, you're so lucky I wish I could steal that."

"Aren't you supposed to be quiet about that?"

"Maybe, it'll come out sometime though. I'm too excited by the prospect of flying to worry about things like that, did you get his username??"

"Calm down,"

"Aaah fine, but you won, shoot him out of the sky?"

"Yeah, I shot two arrows into his wings and he fell onto my sword."

"Cold…"

"Who did you fight?"

"A demon."

"What the… you know what I've known you long enough to expect a biblical battle it's my bad." this one almost brought me to my knees with laughter, not just her words but the sincerity behind them.

The next match came after a couple of minutes, I got to see two fighters get slaughtered by the level thousand monster, no matter what god may say, no matter what my instincts may say. No matter what my brain tells me…

I want to fight it. Is this why I fight, because of some insane desire to fight giants that tower into the ground, my strange infatuation with combat? Is that my purpose, to fight monsters? My mind ran with thoughts as I drifted through that empty space, for a tv protagonist this would be some kind of epiphany, but there is only one question in my mind, one thought teetering on the edge of my subconscious.

Ella, would you be mad? Angry at what I've become? And would she be disappointed if I stayed this way, if I stayed as a pathetic shut in? Would her life be wasted if I stayed a gamer in this world?

I really am pathetic, thinking I can weasel out of the responsibility she gave me, thinking I can wriggle out of anything she wanted for me.

That's why she's here in front of me, that's why she always appears. It's to push me forward, I see it as cruel but in the end it's to stop me from becoming hateful, I could never hate someone… not truthfully. In the end she always makes me forgive, she is always there, haunting me and protecting me. That's why I have to walk forward. I have to keep marching forward, even through a blizzard of my own misery, a storm of sadness and a tsunami of crashing rage and hate all of it can swirl around me and meld into a painting of my own suffering but in the end. She will always be there at my side, she will always be there guiding my hand. She is my boat, my sail, and the wind pushing me through that ocean of despair.

I stepped into the bright-green grass, like jewels plastered on the ground. I pushed through the meadow, droplets of dew rolling onto my trouser leg and soaking into the cloth.

"Well who would've thought we'd match up?"

"You know people keep asking that."

"Well whoever gets you is likely to curse their fate."

"Hey Qom."

"Hey assassin, wanna fight?"

"Fighting the number two ranked player, my pleasure."

"Had to rub it in asshole."

I jumped forward, swiping my knife from my leg and spinning it through my palm until the point was facing him. But he stepped backwards narrowly avoiding my knife, then touching my arm a glowing yellow dot appeared. He then sprang back into my face unleashing a barrage of punches. Instinctively I swung my arms up blocking, but he kept slamming his fists into my arms. By the time I realized his plan his punches were smashing into my body like a freight train. As soon as I could, I dodged backwards my feet pushing through the grass in a spray of water droplets. Then I jumped back in, raising my fist in the form of a punch.

'Unique skill 'Copy' activated - 'pressurized water punch'

I slammed my fist into his both punches landing and exploding, bright white spray forcing into his raw strength. Then I let out a smile.

'Subskill paste x10'

The rush of water surged quicker exploding behind me and smashing into the ground, the grass started to fly away in the megalithic backwash.

"That's... Cheap." Qom said as he strained and struggled against the monstrous typhoon of water a surge of pressure was increasing and swirling around my arm.

Then it disappeared. I dropped my arm and the water fell to the floor.

Qom seeing his opportunity jumped forward crashing his fist into my side, but before it decimated my internal organs I tapped his fist.

'Unique skill 'Copy' activated subskill cut: toll = 500Hp 999Mp'

I have only a little Mp left, so I'll have to be cheap.

'Skill - shock - activated'

A small string of electricity exploded from my hand jumping to his fist, the current ran through his body jumping over his wet clothes.

'The winner is - "ItsAssassin" - congratulations'