IV: Well This is Awkward

Friday 18, November 2022

Solana's pov

It's been about a month since the whole thing with me, Nathaniel, and Liam. I started to date Nathaniel and everyone was happy for us even Liam, but he kinda started to distance himself from us the more we do something couples do. I couldn't help but feel bad, I mean he did confess but I just realized that I like Nathaniel.

Today was boring but the most interesting part was when Nathaniel asked me to come over to "Study". Come on we're dating, it had to happen soon, I just don't know if I'm ready.

I was on my way to his house. I decided to get us some study snacks because we were doing an easy social studies project.

As I get there I wait until a few minutes before knocking, like I said I was nervous. I knock on the door and his sister answers. "Oh hey Solana, what are you doing here?" She asked which made my palms sweat. I thought he said she wasn't going to be there.

Before I could answer Nathaniel comes to the doorway and pulls inside his room. I put my book bag down on the floor and I sat on his bed. "Sorry about that, she was supposed to leave but her friend canceled at the last minute." I guess that means we just have to work because we're probably too young for that anyway.

We start working after a while. On a sugar rush, I decided to take a break and so did Nathaniel.

As we're sitting there talking about our project Nathaniel scoots closer and puts his arm around me, soundly I couldn't breathe and my heart felt all fluttery.

For just a second, there was silence except for my heart pounding in my ears. Then with his arms still around me, he turned to me, and said,'' Solona I have been so happy with you this past month and I love you."

At that moment I felt such a surge of emotion I couldn't think straight. He just said love not like, he loves me. I felt like I should say it back but I didn't know if I was ready, do I love him? The fraction of a second that I didn't respond felt like a lifetime where I just stared into his eyes and he stared right back into mine.

His eyes bored into me waiting for me to respond to say something as simple as "I love you" But I couldn't. And he was going to be hurt and I had to do something and if I didn't it might ruin the whole relationship. So I just kissed him, now we had kissed briefly on the cheek before but never like this. As soon as my lips collided with his and he fully embraced me.

He put one hand behind my head and his other on my back. He fell back onto his bed and I fell on top of him and we kept kissing. It was getting hot and we were so close and he moved his hand down my back and stuck his hands in my pants. And I didn't know what to do. It all happened so fast but I was almost excited and at least intrigued so I let him do it. And he kept going and started to pull my pants down and it was so hot and we were still kissing.

"Fuck." I breathed out

I was enjoying myself but it felt so wrong and so right. I didn't know if I should let him continue or not but he didn't ask. And I didn't know what to do lying there on top of him, hands behind his head kissing him and he was moving his other up to my chest when there was a knock on his bedroom door. "Hey, mom's going to be home in five," Lydia called. I quickly jumped up and fixed my wrinkled polo and fixed my messy hair with my fingers.

I felt embarrassed about what happened. We did all that and I still couldn't say it yet. I decided to just leave with an awkward goodbye and see him Monday.

After what felt like a long drive home I walked inside my house to see my mother waiting for me. "Where have you been?" I look around trying to avoid the question. I wasn't in the mood.

"I was studying with Nathaniel's sister. She needed help with something." I answer, I didn't tell my mom that I and Nathaniel were a thing.

"Okay but next time not so late, okay?" She asked. "Yeah, I will," I say going upstairs, getting ready for a nice long shower, and going to bed.