Leave the door open

Whenever you told me that I wasn't good enough in some way. All I heard is that I was undeserving of love and shouldn't be in a relationship with you. I begged you to try to give me a sign that you still loved me even when you criticised me but you refused. It hurt me badly to know that the one person that I loved almost as much as I did my own parents, didn't think I was deserving of her love (at least in some moments). Perhaps there's a reason why you felt that criticising me the way you did was the best. Perhaps I should have been more patient to understand the pain that drives your words but I was too hurt to do any of it. I begged for your kindness and understanding but you gave me only contempt. I'm glad at least for this reason that we're no longer together even though sometimes I still miss you (like now). What does it say about me that the person that tortured me so much that I tried to hurt her back also makes me crave her presence. It's been two months since we broke apart and six months since I knew it was over. I know there shouldn't be a path for reconciliation but part of me will always leave the door unlocked and a light at the window hoping you come back.