Aversion

Felix sobbed, clawing at his arms, turning the already bruised skin red with his actions as he tried to wash off the stigma forced upon him.

"Why??" He screamed himself hoarse, all but clawing at his face as he did so. "Why?! Why won't it wash off?!? Why is my body still so— so—" he choked, hot tears mixing with the stream of water. "—so dirty…?"

He sobbed, bracing himself against the wall as he brought his knees to his chest.

"Why? Why? What did I do wrong?" He cried, letting out muffled sobs. "Why can't I just… die?"

For some reason, his tears didn't seem to stop, the numbness in his heart spread throughout his body as he sat under the stream of hot water, sobbing and hiccuping as he shuddered.

His body ached, it was painful. It was painful and yet, somehow, his soul ached more than his body did.

As much as he wanted to forget everything, the moment he closed his all the Omega could see, could think of and could hear was…

… The clattering of the inhibitor thrown somewhere during the skirmish — if it could even be called one — in the washroom. All he could hear was the resounding click of the closing washroom door. The groans, the hazy sound of the person's voice. The weight of his hands, of his touch. All he could see, could think of was the moment his hands were pinned against the wall and his neck was bitten.

He could still hear the noise of his clothes being torn off his body, the dull thud when he hit the floor and the person climbed over him.

Felix shuddered. He couldn't recall the man's face. It was as though his mind had intentionally blocked off the man's face from his memories. Either that, or he hadn't been able to see the alpha's face at all.

His breath turned rapid as he tried to scrub his body, rub the skin with his nails which made his flesh turn red, littered with not just the mark of the assault but also his own.

Maybe… Maybe it was his fault after all? Maybe this all happened because he couldn't stop himself, couldn't control his body, his pheromones? Maybe the alpha wasn't at fault. At all.

Felix buried his head into his knees, letting out a low scream as he shook his head. No. It wasn't his fault.

He had done nothing wrong. He was just an omega whose estrous came without warning.

Yes, yes. That was it— no. No, no, no, it was his fault. It was Felix's fault.

The omega let out a hoarse laugh, overwhelmed by his own loud thoughts as his mind turned into a chaotic mix of haywire thoughts.

Most of which blamed him for this incident. He had been assaulted, because it was his own fault.

Right? Right…? Why else would an alpha, someone who was supposed to be the apex of current humanity break the laws? Right—?!

He must have done something, anything, to entice the person.

It was his own——

No. It wasn't his fault, Felix gritted his teeth, pressed his face into his hands and let out another scream, curling himself into a small ball, wanting to take as little space as he could.

Until finally, finally his existence would perish. Hopefully he would be able to disappear.

The omega shuddered, ears ringing continuously as the events of the afternoon came back to him, again and again. They haunted him until he could no longer breathe.

Felix sniffled, eyes pricking as water entered them. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried… He just could seem to get rid of this dirty feeling all over his body.

His privates ached, his throat ached — bruised and starting to scab — his hands, his legs, his fingers.

All of them ached.

Slowly, with tremors wracking his body until every part of him shook, shuddering, trembling, he stood up, carefully walking out of the shower as he limped, feeling his lungs ache.

His legs screamed in protest, his ribs even more so. As his heart thundered against his chest, the omega covered himself with a bathrobe, wanting to feel any semblance of, even if just a ghost of security that was stripped away from him.

How he made it to his dressing table, he didn't know, how his feet carried him in front of the mirror, he had no idea.

All he knew, all he could bring himself to look at was—

—The glaring bruise covering the entire expanse of his once fair, seemingly frail neck. Once delicate, now marred with brutality.

The mark of the teeth sunken just shy of his scent glands was even more damning than the frightening swell of his eyes or the redness of them.

His lips were bruised, bitten and his fingers broken. Which he had only just noticed. Not a single part of his body was unmarked by the person. All of them littered his body, not leaving even an inch of it unblemished—

—Metaphorically.

Tremblingly, the omega reached to touch his face, letting his reflection in the mirror guide his thin fingers as he tried to… tired to…

He couldn't do it.

He was all too weak for it.

A few of his left hand's fingers were broken, aching dully. The nails on his right hand's fingers were broken too, once clean nails now out of shape.

Felix almost couldn't recognise himself. He found it difficult to sit. To look at his reflection. It wasn't him, was it?

He didn't remember himself looking so… So pathetic. So… Terrified.

An abrupt laugh bubbled out of his throat as his body shook under the force of his laugh. Forced and raw, that's how it sounded to his own ears.

His shoulders trembled as his laughter dissolved into a raw, guttural and muffled weep, making him sound like a wounded animal.

No, this wasn't him. Felix couldn't recognise himself anymore.

What had he become? What happened to him? Was it his fault?