Chapter 1

The droplets of rains feels so fresh it reminds me of the days when I love to dance in the rain like a peacock, who welcomes the monsoon by dancing in water.

Loved the smell of soil, the leaves, trees and the mountains felt like they just have bathed after years of dust layers.

Under which their beauty have been hidden for years.

I took a sip of ginger tea which automatically gave a smile on my face. During my teens I loved tea so much rather than knowing the fact that in huge quantity if I'll carried on my habit it will going to have an impact on my health.

But it was always a challenge for me to make my parents understand the relationship of me with my love for tea.

Everytime tea makes me feel more happier, healthier and better.

I know which is uncomfortable for others to understand.

Years have been passed and I have changed from the days when I used to scream louder than an amplifier just to make people understand me.

The time when I thought speaking is much more important than keeping quite. Which seriously doesn't took me anywhere but only made my relations worst with my loved ones.

Today I am just sitting on my couch and thinking about the past.

How easily things changed, people changed, relations changed and so Am I.

It all started when I was in school. In my childhood I was a curious child always have questions to ask about each and everything. But as things in my family were more than bit complicated. It became different for me to understand them. I loved my family and wanted to solve issues but anyone didn't consider my thoughts. I started keeping quite and day by day. Lost my curiosity and ability to speak without fear.

That was the first day when I learnt keeping my self shut will help me in not getting hurt by my family.

I started creating a kingdom in my mind, my own world where I had my questions, curiosity, thoughts and any other emotion which made sense to me.

I lost faith in other words, which on outside felt soothing but inside started killing me day by day.

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I was six months old when my mother left me. Not technically but as she got pregnant again, My aunt started taking care of me at that stage of my life and onwards I lost all emotional connections with my mother who gave me birth and after years of gap which widen between us it left us with a common relationship and that was of a stranger..

We both were strangers to each other and lived years like this. There was no emotional investment between us.

So, that made my condition more detriorated.

I had a dream at that time that one day the situation will become stable and we'll live happily. Being an Indian, I saw lot of dramas in tv serials which formed my thought process as that in the end everything will be happily ever after.

But as I have told you It was reality not a show so happiness was far far away from my thinking.

I sometimes tried to talk to her but it was of no use, we always ends up clashing with each others.

After years of my calculations I came to know that if I have to live in this house then I just have to accept the fact that some relationship are meant to be like this.

There is no rocket science used in relation. They will take time but one day they will became better and if that also doesn't happen then accept it and move on.

It will hurt less and stop expecting. Try to give as much as you can without anything in return.

Because when we expect anything that's not selfless service that's selfish nature.

Which in long run of life, doesn't take you anywhere.

Thinking about something and hoping that it will happen is a illusion. My father once told me," Beta, Hoga wahi jo socha nhi" meaning things will happen which you don't dream about and which you dream never happen.

After years of struggle living in my family I stop overthinking about any situation and started working on myself.

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A smile appeared on my face, when I remember my deeds. How idiot, foolish I was.

One Fine evening when all the members were doing their house chores. I was busy playing with myself.

Note: Yes I can't deny that I have siblings and cousins but they don't like me and as well as I.

We only have conflicts among ourselves. To stop all this shit I stop bothering them with their things. I love them, wanted to talk with them, play with them but they didn't wanted to. I didn't know till now what have I done so I quit bothering them..

My grandpa was sitting on a chair. He was suffering from paralysis since one last year.

Grandpa," water."

I asked him," what? Do you want something?"

The words were not audible. So I ignored him and again started playing.

By my this behaviour he stand with the support of a stick and tried to beat me.

It was the first time I became nervous and seriously scared. If my elder brother didn't intervene in between.

Today I didn't know what had happened if bhai didn't came and saved me.

Since childhood it was difficult for me to understand why my grandpa love my brother more than me. But always left without unanswered. Whenever he saw me his expressions were completely changed. I remembered the day when badi ma told me," beta when you were born he was upset not happy."

Which pinch me from inside till now.

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Now it's raining outside. I am just wrapping a shawl around myself to feel more comfortable in that cosy atmosphere. Sitting with my self is the most important remedy of my tensions.

I feel relaxed and happy by living around the beauty of nature.

Some birds are chirping outside my window.

It's sad to see that how these small animals suffer from the harsh climate.

Suddenly my phone rang.

For sometime I tried to avoid it. As Iam not feeling to stand from this cosy atmosphere.

I gave a glance at the phone. Continuously it was ringing.

I got irritated and finally stand to pick that up.

Hello," it was an unknown number.

From the other side a sweet voice said," Hello bua."

*bua: nephew's aunt