CHAPTER FOUR

When I was young that bad eating habit I had suddenly begin and it's because of my Anxiety of losing my mother at age of 7. My father said my bad eating habit was the only way I cope with my mother's death and I always in a panic when Bella was separated from me.

My doctor said to father that I might experiencing "panic attacks" because of death of my dearest mother and I was diagnose with "Separation Anxiety Disorder" which is usually found with toddlers in the age of 3.

I was too close with my mother and we're rarely apart from each other when we are apart I got anxious because she might never come home to me and I never thought that my worse fears came true and that it shock me when she died suddenly.

I was not ready and there were no final goodbyes from her. Her last word was "Take good care of your little baby sister for me" but the next time I saw her again, it was in a hospital bed and the sheets covered her face.

Her beautiful face was pale, her body was cold as ice and was not moving at all, I called for her "Mommy? Please wake up, Bella and I misses you." But she did open her eyes and keep sleeping on the bed were she lay..

SLAM! The door was force open.

"MY SWEET ABBIGAIL! PLEASE WAKE! OPEN YOUR EYES FOR ME! I LOVE YOU! I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU!" my dad was shedding tears for my beloved mother and in that moment I understand she would not come back to us.

I'm still too young to understand her death but i know she would not wake up again and because of the sudden death it created my anxiety about separation. When she was still with us, cooking, baking and eating delicious food was always our special bond.

My dearest father and older brother, Andrew, started to get worried constantly because of my panic attacks whenever Bella was taken away from me and the eating habit is beginning to have bad effects on my body.

I know my mother would be disappointed in how I act and it's because I become the person she didn't know. I become unhealthy person because I started to have big shameless body and flabs on my stomach but what can you? I lost my mother at the of 7.

My brother suggested to father that I should see a psychiatrist and therapist, both suggested that I alter my memory a bit for a while and move me to a new environment. They hope it will improve my mental and emotional state.

They also suggested a small house than a big palace, it might be good to let me do some cleaning chores as a daily routine exercise and let me take care of my baby sister Bella with a guidance of a Nanny.

They let me cook for the meals daily and sometimes baking pies and cakes for my dearest father and brother. Since I was only 7, I were believe my family were just normal, my father and brother were happy because I was back to my old cheerful state.

They both decided that we would stay in that small home near the palace ground and because it's to prevent my bad eating habit and anxiety getting back to me but when my brother died from his services in the Navy.

Every memory rush back like a tsunami when I receive the news of his death, I was hospitalized again because of the shock and my father explained to me everything about those forgotten memories when I was a child.

I'm already 27 and I was more than aware what's happening. I know my bad eating habits and anxiety had return because of the sudden death of my beloved brother and the factor than Julian went missing for 4 month but we been reunited we had "Fun night" together.