I want you to watch me

How she just revealed her innermost self like that without missing a beat, Nicolas watched her shyly look away but her fingers closed her mouth, a sweetness came about her as only her eyes came back to him and he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Wow, that was, very straightforward" he said feeling hot under his collar.

"I'm sorry I wanted to ease you into that but it just slipped" she said picking up her wine glass "I wanted you to discover it, me and my big mouth sometimes"

"No, no Bella I think that was, beautiful if you ask me"

"Hm?" She made with the glass in her mouth.

"Wouldn't the world be in envy to have heard that..." He said reaching for his glass but couldn't help notice his hand was slightly trembling "I wonder if I would have met a woman like you under different circumstances?"

"What do you mean? I didn't mean to freak you out" She said seeing him tremble.

"I'm not freaked out, in fact, I'm speechless, I know this so called surge day had play in that sudden boost of confidence right?"

She looked at the table biting her lip, then nodded "Yes, so if I say anything weird again just ignore it okay?"

"Why?" He asked and she looked up "Why should I ignore it? Deno said its your emotions dialing to eleven right?"

She nodded.

"I can't wait to see what comes next!"

She gasped "No! What if I do something embarrassing!?"

"It can't be that bad? I mean his day happened many times before right?"

"Yeah" she said looking down again.

"Then, you must have some sort of normality over it, am I right?"

"Yes, I am used to it, but this is the first time I get to experience it with someone close..." She said bringing her hand up and poking a fork.

"Will it be different around me?"

"Yes, when I was alone my emotions usually leaned to fear remember? I was completely bewildered, like a scared dog I'd hide even if the moon wasn't out yet, I'd panic, going into a rush of unrest and paranoia... It was the worst time for me"

Nicolas realized that surge day might not always be as fascinating as Deno made it to be... A normal fear of something can turn into a phobia instantly, it had to be awful.

"But now though..." She said looking up only with her eyes again "I'm not afraid anymore, I feel safe... I feel accepted again... I can't tell you what I'll do, I myself don't know, so just bare with it okay?"

He smiled lifting his glass "As long as you're not angry"

She accepted his joke and lifted her glass, but she dialed on the serious, wanting to have a last thing out of the way "Do you agree with Deno's methods?" She asked.

"In wanting you to get angry?"

"Yes?"

"Can't say I do, but then again he's trying to make you courageous... If that makes sense?"

"Courage... Yeah I saw a werewolf who's courageous, has no fear, confidence radiated from him like light, its that type of personality that usually signifies the alpha in him or her"

"You had an alpha in your pack right?" He asked.

"My mother and father, they were the alpha's in our pack"

"You're a descendant of alpha's!? That's great! It means it was your destiny to one day be an alpha!" He said excitedly.

"Yes but the humans fucked it up! I can't be an alpha with this constant fear in me, I'm coward, and cowards can't become alphas... I'm broken Nic"

"Broken?"

She looked at him silently then lifted her shoulders as an innocent gesture "Many times two alphas will fight, sometimes over territory, sometimes over a Luna, but depending on how harsh that fight was will determine if two alphas walk away, or just one"

"I... I get it, alpha's fight to the death right?"

"One alpha walks away, not two... That's what I meant, if the fight had significant impact on the losing alpha, we say he got broken"

Nicolas took a breath, there was a deeper meaning after all.

"And a broken alpha has never risen back to status, at least that's what I heard, he will remain a broken alpha, an omega, for the rest of his life, its a consequence of losing a fight to a very powerful wolf"

"But you didn't fight Bella, you merely survived..."

"But this fear!" She said loudly and took a breath "I can't rid myself of it! I can't shake it! No matter how much I tell myself everything will be okay, I just can't get rid of that emotion... Sure it kept me alive, but its such a constant thing that I sometimes mistake other emotions for fear... Uncertain about something and I start getting scared, worry about my food supply I'd start getting scared..."

"Bella!" He said ans she held her next words.

"Calm down"

She lifted her hands and wiped her tears "Sorry, there I go again"

"Its pent up feelings, I'm glad you're getting rid of it"

"Pent up feelings?"

Nicolas shrugged "I get moments like that, when I get drunk enough" he said finishing his last bit of wine.

"But, I don't want you to get drunk..." She said.

"Why? You afraid I'll start spilling my feelings?"

She smiled "No, I want you to be sober later... Be, because..."

He sat his empty glass down seeing her stare at hers.

"Because?"

She closed the eyes tightly "Nic I want you to see me shift!"

"Shift? Into a wolf?"

"Y... yes, I know it will sound selfish of me, but I still don't fully trust that you're comfortable around me! I will know the truth once you see me shift!" She said, Nicolas saw her forcing out the words.

He thought to himself for a second before answering, he saw Van Hellsing shift into that black beast in the movie, it looked rather painful, but the thing he became was monstrous, the only thing that could kill Dracula... Will she become something similar? Mindless and bloodthirsty?

Her eyes opened, but with her face down only they came up and he felt himself melt all over again "Don't give me those puppy eyes" he said chuckling.

"Don't change the subject" she said and he dropped his smile.

Insecurity, it was never about making her safe, she can provide her own safety give her the chance, give her the bravery, she felt insecurity over him.

Marie brought in their food and for that moment Nicolas used the opportunity to break eye contact with her, the warm steaks got placed in front of them and Marie nodded in general "Enjoy you two"

"We will, thanks Miss"

He waited for the other woman to leave before he looked at Bella again, catching that glance to her food but with a blink those blue irises fell on him again, she still waited

"Very well then" he said and the serious stare flowed away.

"You, you'll do it?" She asked.

"Yes, you said you have control over yourself right? I'm not worried one bit" he said and started cutting his steak.

Belladonna watched him as he popped a chunk of meat into his mouth, the way he said it still made her doubt, in her heart she felt he will run, he will as they all did, every human who ever saw that wolf surface, screamed and fled.

"You know, I was planning on asking you that myself" he said and she rose her hunch.

"You were?"

"Bella I'm not afraid of you..."

She blinked.

"I don't want to be, I feel like facing any fear I have with you, and if you think I'll shiver when witnessing your transformation... Then I'd be glad to watch, I will get over that fear"

She smiled "I want you to watch so you know not to fear me"

He chuckled, but couldn't help break a laugh "You know, I'm only human remember? We're fragile things, but I promise, I will stand my ground, I will not run"

Bella warmed up feeling her heart start to pick up again, she felt mischievous, wanting to tease him a little "If you run I'll catch you"

He choked on a slice of meat "Excuse me?"

"If you run... You're in for a licking then human"

"A licking!?"

"I'll pin you down, and lick your face till you drown in my drool"

Nicolas burst with laughter waving his hand "Okay, okay, now I'm actually looking forward to see this!"

She giggled with him "You've been warned"