92. Relative Chaos

This episode revision was requested by my friend NashWalker. Believe me. He wouldn't stop begging me to do this. Luckily for him I was feeling extra inspired tonight! Enjoy!

Relative Chaos

[Episode begins with Vanzilla driving away.]

Lincoln: Can't I just stay in the car?

Lori: No. You are saying goodbye to your girlfriend in person!

Lincoln: For the millionth time, Ronnie Anne is not my girlfriend!

Laney: Don't worry about it, Lincoln. I'm only coming for moral support. Besides, you know how she gets when It comes to long goodbyes.

Lincoln: What long goodbye? They're only going away for the weekend.

Lori: [sobbing] It might as well be forever. I don't know what I'll do without my Bobby Boo-Boo Bear! [takes her hands off the wheel and covers her face.]

Lincoln: [grabs hold of the wheel and steers.] Lori! Get it together, woman!

[The Santiago's residence. Lori and Bobby are holding each other while crying]

Bobby: Here, babe. This is for you. [takes out a hoodie with a cat dressed as a businessman.] I wore it all week under my uniform.

[A cat's meow sound is played.]

Lori: Ah, Boo-Boo Bear. [embraces it] It smells like love. And corndogs.

[As they cry again, Lincoln, Laney, and Ronnie Anne are watching them, having gotten tired of it.]

Ronnie Anne: [looks at her watch] Ugh. It's been 20 minutes. I'm calling it.

[Lincoln and Laney nod in agreement and the two of them go up to their older siblings and try to pull them away, which proves to be a task with them holding each other tightly.]

Laney: You excited to meet your grandparents, Ronnie Anne?

Ronnie Anne: [to Laney while prying Bobby] Yeah. And my aunt and uncle, and their four kids. It's crazy. You guys would like it.

Lincoln: How are you gonna deal with it?

Ronnie Anne: It's only two days, then everything's back to normal.

Lori: [wailing] TWO DAYS!

Lori: [devastated] BOBBY!

Bobby: [dejected] LORI!

Lori: I'LL THINK OF YOU EVERY MINUTE!

Bobby: EVERY SECOND!

Laney: This is getting annoying! [Laney holds up a coatrack an uses it as a battering ram] CHAAAAARGE! [Laney rams into Lori out the door nd the oldest Loud girl runs back to Vanzilla crying while Bobby looks out the window downtrodden.]

Lincoln: Well, have a nice trip.

Ronnie Anne: [punches Lincoln's shoulder playfully] Smell you later, Lame-o.

Lincoln: [chuckles] Not if I smell you first. [leaves]

Laney: Call me anytime, okay?

Ronnie Anne: I will, Lanes.

[Ronnie Anne waves as she closes the door. Timeskip back at the Loud house, Laney was comforting Lori, who was wearing the hoodie Bobby gave her]

Laney: Lori, you're being too ridiculous here. You do know he never broke up with you, right?

Lori: [sniffs] Yeah.. I know... I just can't handle the thought of being away from Bobby.

Laney: Away from Bobby? You constantly talk and text to him all the time on the phone. No matter how far you are from him you'll never be apart from him.

Lori: Huh. I guess you're right. My Boo Boo Bear would never want to be away from me. Besides, he'll only be with his grandparents for two days, it's not like he's staying there forever... [Just then, Lincoln comes down the stairs holding a laptop with Ronnie Anne's video chat window] Hey, Ronnie Anne. What's up?

[Cut to outside the Loud House after she hears the unfortunate news.]

Lori: [furious] YOU'RE WHAT?! [starts driving all the way to the Casagrande's] I don't know what Bobby's thinking, but I am gonna tell him what he should be thinking!

[Lincoln and Laney are with her.]

Laney: Uh, do you think maybe you could slow down a bit?

Lori: NO!

Lincoln: I still don't get why I have to come along.

Lori: [rioting] BECAUSE RONNIE ANNE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

Lincoln: She is not my girlfriend!

Lori: Lincoln, we are literally crossing a bridge. Do you really want to get into an argument WITH ME RIGHT NOW?! [makes an intimidating face to her brother and sister.]

[Lincoln realizes just how furious his oldest sister is and just stops.]

[Back at the Casagrande's, Rosa is finishing up the cake and everyone else except Ronnie Anne is getting ready. She hears Lincoln, Laney, and Lori drive up and is happy to see them.]

Ronnie Anne: [acting] Oh, I wonder who that could be. I'll just let them in.

[She presses the buzzer, hears Lincoln, Laney, and Lori knock, and lets them in, however, they seem slightly torn up.]

Lincoln: [coming in] Did you guys know there's a vicious gang of cats trying to get in here?

[Lalo whimpers in fear.]

Laney: Wow. A dog afraid of cats? Now I've seen everything.

[Carl notices Lori and Laney and pretends to have done a lot of one-armed push-ups.]

Carl: [feigning] Five thousand- [sees Lori and Laney] Oh. How embarrassing. I didn't see you guys walk in.

Ronnie Anne: [ignoring Carl] Anyway, this is Lori, Bobby's girlfriend. [hearing that last part upsets Carl] This is Lincoln. And this his sister, Laney.

Laney: You must be Ronnie Anne's parents. So nice to meet you all.

Carl: Plesure's all mine, seniorita. [Kisses Laney's hand. Laney feels disturbed]

Frida: [excited] Your boyfriend! [takes a photo of them]

[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne speak in unison while nervously sweating.]

Lincoln: No, I'm not!

Ronnie Anne: No, he's not! [introducing the Casagrande's to the Loud's] This is my mom's brother, Carlos, his wife, Frida, their kids Carlota, CJ, Carl, and Carlitos, and my grandma and grandpa. Anyway, Lori, you must really miss Bobby. He's in the bodega. Let's go. [takes Lori to the bodega, leaving Lincoln with the rest of the family.]

Rosa: Lincoln, after such a long drive, you must be famished.

Lincoln: I could eat.

Laney: Why not?

[In the bodega, Bobby is labeling the items prices with a pricing gun, with his face covered in price tags. Enter his sister and girlfriend.]

Ronnie Anne: Bobby, look! It's your beautiful, devoted girlfriend. She came all this way to see you. [leaves the two of them alone.]

Bobby: Wow, babe, this is the best day ever. First, I get a sticker gun, and now you're here?

Lori: [serious tone] Bobby, what is all this about you moving away?

Bobby: I know it may seem like a shock, but don't worry. I have everything figured out. My grandpa said I could work in the bodega with him, and this place is really rad. Let me show you around. You're gonna love where I put the milk. [takes her]

Lori: [stammering over his talking.] But-but-but... [gets pulled into the tour.]

[Lori now has price tags on her face.]

Ronnie Anne: What do you mean you didn't convince him?

Lori: He talked about the bodega for 40 minutes until the beef jerky guy showed up, and at that point, I had literally reached my limit.

Ronnie Anne: [sighs and ponders] We need to do something to get Bobby's attention. [Remembers something; gasps] I know! [grabs and pulls Lori's arm.]

[Lincoln and Laney had just finished Rosa's food and are feeling bloated.]

Lincoln: [pats his belly and groans nauseously.] I think I ate too much.

Laney: I haven't eaten this much since the Burpin' Burger contest last year...

[Enter CJ acting like a pirate.]

CJ: Hey, Lincoln, wanna play Pirates?

Lincoln: Aw, I'd love to play Pirates, CJ, but I have a stomachache.

Rosa: I can take care of that. [licks her finger and puts it in Lincoln's bellybutton.]

Lincoln: What are you- [suddenly feels better] Oh. [to CJ] Let's do this! [starts playing with CJ] En garde!

Rosa: [To Laney] Now you.

Laney: Uh, no thanks I... [Rosa licks her finger and puts it in Laney bellybutton.] Ugh.. Uh.. Actually that feels a lot better. Thanks you, Rosa.

Rosa: No problema, mija. [Ronnie Anne comes back and grabs Carlota and takes her to Lori. Laney noticing this]

Laney: Hm?

Ronnie Anne: I need you to do a makeover.

Carlota: [cheers] Finally! We'll start by throwing out all of these clothes. [tugs on her cousin's clothes] I usually donate, but nobody is gonna want these.

Ronnie Anne: Not me, her! [referring to Lori]

[Lori waves to Carlota.]

Carlota: Oh. See, I didn't mean that. You have just a really...unique look. It's sorta rugged, yet-

Ronnie Anne: [irritated and fed up] Dude, move on.

Laney: [Enters] What are we taking about?

Ronnie Anne: We're giving Lori a makeover so she can impress Bobby into moving back home.

Laney: Ooh, makeovers? Mind if I help? I've been meaning to brush up on my hairstyling skills.

Carlota: Yeah, I'm sorry. But they asked for me personally so If you and your scarf can just move it along.

Ronnie Anne: No, Carlota. She can help. I actually seen her make great fashion styles.

Laney: It helps when you have two fashion crazy sisters. Leni and Lola have given me a lot of pointers. I even took pictures. [Shows Carlota her pictures]

Carlota: Wow! These are good! Okay, you're in. But you answer to me!

Laney: That's the same thing Lola said to me.

[In the bodega, while Bobby is stocking some of the fruit, Carl takes a peanut out of his pocket and hits Bobby with it. Bobby turns and Carl whistles casually. As Bobby walks off, Lori comes in with an all new look, which catches Carl's eye.]

Carl [infatuated on a stool] Va-va-voom! Bonita chiquita! Forget about Bobby. You're too beautiful for him. You're a ten! He's a four.

Lori: You're very cute, but I really need to talk to Bobby.

Carl: Ah, playing hard to get? Challenge accepted. You will be the gazelle, and I will be the puma. [roars playfully and then trips over the store, knocking over the flour and covering Lori in it.]

Bobby: Whoa, babe! Are you okay? [notices the mess] Uh...I'm gonna have to charge you for that flour.

[Lori looks annoyed by that. Scene cuts back the living room]

Laney: I don't see why you're so desperate to move back to Royal Woods. I mean, you're grandparents are so happy to have you live here.

Ronnie Anne: You don't understand, Laney! Everyday in this house is constant challenge! I can't sleep anywhere without being woken up by the sound of a speeding train or yowling cats! And it's always crowded wether I watch TV or go to the bathroom! Do you even know what It's like to share a small building with a big family?

Laney: You do know you're talking to a Loud sibling, right?

Ronnie Anne: Ugh! [pounds her fist on the table.] We need a new plan, and fast.]

Lori: But what?

[A promo for the Dram Boat finale comes on.]

Announcer: Tune in tonight for the finale of the Dream Boat. Can Bryant keep hope afloat with his one-on-one dinghy date with Karen? Or will it be man overboard?

Sergio: [squawks] Dinghy date!

[This gives Lori and Ronnie Anne an idea.]

[On the rooftop, Lori, dressed in a sailor get-up, brings a blindfolded Bobby up and he takes the blindfold off.]

Lori: Ta-da! [shows him a replica of the dinghy date.] A one-on-one dinghy date. Sort of.

Bobby: Wow. Just like the Dream Boat. It's so romantic, babe.

Lori: I know. Because we're so romantic. I mean, we literally have such a great connection. Don't you think?

Bobby: Totally. And I was gonna tell you-

Delivery Guy: HELP!

[Bobby sees that the delivery guy's cargo is being attacked by the cat gang.]

Delivery Guy: Ay, my mangoes!

Bobby: My mango guy's in trouble! I'm sorry, babe. Bodega business calls.

[He leaves and Lori sighs with disappointment.]

[Ronnie Anne and Lori sneak into her grandparents' room.]

Ronnie Anne: You keep an eye out for my grandma. [checks under the bed and finds a case.]

Laney: Why are we looking through your grandma's case?

Ronnie Anne: She's got cures and potions for everything.

Laney: Cures and potions?

Ronnie Anne: Yeah, she always making stuff like this because it's all magic.

Laney: Magic? This stuff really is magic? The only thing I got close to magic potions is all the chemicals Lisa always mixes back home. And they have some pretty crazy results...

Ronnie Anne: How crazy?

Laney: One time Lisa made me taste test one of her serums and it made my butt grew the size of a bookcase!

Ronnie Anne: Woah!

Laney: I know! It was embarrassing! I was grateful no one else saw.

Ronnie Anne: Well you don't need to worry about these. I'm pretty sure they don't have any weird side effects. [Roots through the chest] There must be something for clueless boyfriends. Hmm. [holds up a bottle in a heart-shaped vale.] This looks interesting.

[Later, they have a cookie with Bobby's name on it and Ronnie Anne dabs the love potion on it with a heart-shaped smoke cloud coming out.]

Ronnie Anne: Remember, it's very important that you're the first person Bobby sees after he eats this.

Lori: Got it.

[Outside the bodega, Lori goes to Bobby who is sweeping the area, sneaks up behind him and gives the OK to Ronnie Anne.]

Lori: [feigning casualty] Hi, Boo-Boo Bear. I thought you might be hungry. I baked you a cookie.

Bobby: Oh, chocolate chip! Score!

[Enter another customer]

Vito: Uh, excuse me. Can you tell me where you put the milk? [smiles with his teeth giving off a gleam.]

Laney: [Blinded] Ah! I haven't seen teeth this shiny since the Yates' moved in!

Bobby: You must be Vito.

Vito: How did you know?

Bobby: Uh, just a lucky guess. [to Lori] One sec, babe. I gotta help this customer. [goes to help Vito]

[Both Lori and Ronnie Anne groan in complete frustration and Sergio comes flying out the window and snatches the cookie]

Laney: No! Sergio! Don't eat that! [Segio eats the cookie and sees Bobby] And he ate it...

Bobby: Alright, Mr. Filliponio, have a great rest of your day.

[Vito leaves with a big smile on his face. Bobby turns and sees Sergio eyeing him romantically.]

Sergio: [under the power of the love cookie; squawks passionately.] Who's the hunk? Hubba, hubba!

[Bobby doesn't like the sound of that and runs away with Sergio in hot pursuit.]

Laney: Well, on the bright side, at least we know the potion works...

[Lori is dragging Lincoln and Laney by their arms]

Lincoln: We're leaving? But Mrs. Casagrande's baking a cake.

Lori: [heartbroken] Lincoln, I literally just lost my boyfriend. [angrily] Do you really wanna argue with me right now?

Laney: Lori. I'm sure you didn't lose him...

Lori: [Heartbroken] YES I DID!

[Enter Bobby covered in feathers thanks to Sergio.]

Bobby: Babe, where are you going?

Lori: [furious] What do you care? Why don't you just go back to your precious bodega? You obviously care about it more than you care about me! [starts sobbing]

Lincoln: I'm just gonna go help Mrs. Casagrande with the frosting. [chuckles and rushes back into the apartment.]

Laney: Yeah, I'm gonna go help too... [Runs back into the apartment as well]

Ronnie Anne: Lincoln, Laney, what's happening out there?

Lincoln: I don't know. But it was too much drama for me.

Ronnie Anne: [notices something] Wait a minute. They're hugging, and Lori's smiling. She must have finally convinced him! Yes!

[Lori comes back in and Ronnie Anne comes running up to her.]

Ronnie Anne: Thank you, thank you, thank you! [hugs Lori] I knew we could do this! I'll go pack up my stuff.

Lori: [sheepishly] Uh, actually...

Ronnie Anne: [not happy] What?

Lori: I know I came here to convince Bobby not to move, but after talking to him, I think he should stay.

Ronnie Anne: [aghast] After he totally forgot about you?

Lori: But he didn't. He's actually been thinking really hard about how we can make this work. We'll only be apart for a year, and then we can both go to the college here where your Uncle Carlos teaches.

Lanye: See? I told you he'd never forget about you. No matter how far apart you two are.

Lori: You got that right.

Ronnie Anne: Well, that's great for you guys, but what about me? Lincoln, come on, help me out here.

Lincoln: [licking the leftover frosting on the whisk.] I don't know, Ronnie Anne. I think your family's pretty awesome. [licks the frosting again] I mean, who can make a cake like this?

Ronnie Anne: [smacks the whisk out of Lincoln's hand.] UGH! [stomps away]

Laney: [sighs] Too bad Ronnie Anne can't be as happy as we are about all this. I mean, she's got it totally made. Her grandma cooks so much food, loving family. All she needs now is her own room and she's complete...

[Someone taps Laney's shoulder and the three Loud siblings turn around to see the remaining Casagrande family, minus Maria, who smile at them]

[Later that night, Ronnie Anne is sitting outside on the steps upset that nothing worked.]

Maria: [comes outside] Are you okay, honey? Lincoln said you were out here.

Ronnie Anne: Mom, I don't wanna move. I like my life back home. I have my own room. I can do my own thing. Here, I can't even go to the bathroom without an audience.

Maria: I know it would be an adjustment, but think how nice it would be to be part of a big family, and they all love you so much.

Ronnie Anne: I love them, too. I just... [makes big pleading eyes]

Maria: Honey, I would never make you move if you didn't want to. I really wanted this to feel like home for you, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. Why don't you pack up while I break the news?

Ronnie Anne: Thanks for understanding, mom.

[They hug and step back into the building, but they forgot to close the door with a note attached to it.]

DON'T FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR!

[At that moment, the cat gang sees this as an opportunity. Ronnie Anne runs to the closet to get her things, but to her surprise, it's been converted into her own room, just like Lincoln's.]

Carlos: So, what do you think?

[Frida takes a photo of Ronnie Anne in her new room.]

Ronnie Anne: What is this?

Carlos: Well, we thought you might need a space of your own.

Carl: [referring to the skateboards and skateboarding posters.] I put those up. And if you ever wanna go skating, I have been known to shred like a boss.

Carlota: And I picked out some hoodies for you. We'll work our way up to dresses.

Hector: And I stocked the fridge with those ice pops you like. [shows her a mini-fridge with them in it.] You can pay me back later.

Rosa: [nudges her husband for that last statement and holds up an incense container.] I cleansed the room of evil spirits. [holds up a container of bug spray.] And spiders.

Frida: [showing her photos] And I hung some pictures of our beautiful family. [points to a specific one] I even put up one of you and your boyfriend.

[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne deny in unison.]

Lincoln: I'm not her boyfriend!

Ronnie Anne: He's not my boyfriend!

Laney: Okay, that denial is really starting to get old.

CJ: [holding up a sign] And I made this. It says Ronnie Anne's Room: Keep out! [gives it to her]

Ronnie Anne: [touched] Wow, guys. This is incredible. I don't know what to say.

Maria: Don't worry, honey. I'll handle it. I'm sorry, everyone, but I think we're going to

Ronnie Anne: [interrupting] Need more snacks for the moving in party!

Rosa: [screams in a panic] THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH SNACKS?! I AM SO EMBARRASSED!

[The others, Lincoln and Lori go to help with the snacks while Maria and Ronnie Anne stay behind.]

Maria: So, you wanna stay? [Ronnie Anne nods] What changed your mind?

Ronnie Anne: You're right, Mom. It is gonna be an adjustment, but maybe it will be nice being part of a big family. Especially this one.

[They hug again, but the precious moment is cut when a thud is heard.]

Ronnie Anne and Maria: [horrified] Oh no. WE LEFT THE DOOR OPEN!

[Lalo hears it and the cats barge into the apartment much to the dog's horror. They shred up Carlos and go after the others.]

Laney: Uh... Nice kitties? [The cats attack Laney] AAAAAHHH! BAD KITTIES! BAD KITTIES!

[Rosa and Carlota attack with brooms, but the cats get them and they run away. Lincoln and CJ attack with their pirate play. The cats strip Hector of his pants, revealing he wears chili pepper boxers.]

Bobby: [notices them] Grandpa, sick boxers! [takes his pants off revealing a pair of his own.] We should sell them at the bodega!

Hector: Great idea!

Frida: [screaming and taking a quick photo.] I'M ALLERGIC ON TOP OF EVERYTHING! [wails]

[The cats chase Lalo who runs under the table and knocks the cake into the air.]

The Casagrande's: THE CAKE!

Ronnie Anne: [runs in] I've got it! [catches it]

[The Casagrande's sigh with relief, but the cats pass Ronnie Anne, making her trip and drop the cake on her. The cats head out the door and Maria shuts it just as they're all gone. Ronnie Anne is covered in frosting. Lalo licks her and everyone laughs at that. Ronnie Anne joins in on the laughter. Laney is seen with her clothes completely shredded and covered in scratches and bruises by the cats, weakily laughing before passing out. Everyone looked in concern]

[The next day, Lori and Bobby are hugging farewell.]

Lori: I'm really gonna miss you, Boo-Boo Bear, but I'm so excited about our future together.

Bobby: Me too, babe. I'll be counting down the days until I see you again.

Carl: [hugging Lori's legs] As will I.

Bobby: [chuckles] Carl, could we have a minute?

Carl: Fine. But remember, my gazelle, if he ever mistreats you... [opens his jacket and reveals a tattoo of Lori on his stomach labeled "Mi Amor."] ...this puma will be ready to pounce!

Carlota: [angrily off-screen] WHO USED UP ALL OF MY LIMITED EDITION BLACK EYELINER?!

Carl: [covers himself up and chuckles sheepishly.] Gotta run! [goes back inside]

[Lori and Bobby chuckle at that little moment and hug one more time. Lincoln and Laney are getting their and Lori's stuff into Vanzilla.]

Lincoln: [to Ronnie Anne] So, I guess this is goodbye.

Ronnie Anne: [holds her fist out] Yeah. Smell you later, lame-o.

[Lincoln flinches at the possible punch, and then Ronnie Anne hugs him instead, and he hugs her back.]

Lincoln: Whoa. You've never hugged me before.

Ronnie Anne: Don't get used to it. [Laney hugs her]

Laney: I'm really gonna miss you, Ronnie Anne. You've been a great friend and I wish I had more time to hang out with you.

Ronnie Anne: No worries, Lanes. You can always video chat with me. I'm always open. And you can also come back and visit if you want.

Laney: Sounds great. Just as long as I'm not near any cats. The only frazzled feline I want touching me is Cliff.

Ronnie Anne: [laughs] Okay. See ya 'round.

[Laney leaves. Lincoln was about to do the same but stops]

Lincoln: Oh, before I go, here's something that might help you out. It always helps me. [whispers it into Ronnie Anne's ear.]

Ronnie Anne: Really?

Lincoln: Trust me. [Leaves. Sits next to Laney]

Laney: What did you tell her?

Lincoln: Something that's always been a help to me.

Laney: Hm. I wonder what that is?...

[Later that night, in her room with Lalo, Ronnie Anne is enjoying an ice pop.]

Ronnie Anne: [to the viewers] Well, things are definitely gonna be different for me. My whole family just quadrupled in size. My backyard is now a fire escape, and I definitely need a lock for that bathroom door. It's gonna be quite an adventure, but I'm up for it. Huh. Lincoln was right. It does help talking to you guys.

[Enter Sergio]

Sergio: [squawks] Dream Boat!

Ronnie Anne: Ooh! Guess our show's on. Gotta run! [hops on Lalo] Giddy up, Lalo!

[Lalo carries her off to watch the show while Sergio looks at a picture of Bobby.]

Sergio: [looks at a picture of Bobby, still under the cookie's spell; squawks.] I meant Bobby. [grabs a photo of Bobby and flies off.]

[Rosa closes her door and opens up her dresser which has pictures of the Santiago's and her Elvis candle.]

Rosa: I told them my candle works every time. [blows it out, fading the episode out.]