51. Pulp Friction

Pulp Friction

[The episode opens up on a city at night. In a warehouse, Lincoln as Ace Savvy, Clyde as One-Eyed Jack, and Laney as Lady Solitare are hanging over a shark tank with the shark leaping up, trying to devour them.]

Wild Card Willy: [laughing evilly] Game over, Ace Savvy, One-Eyed Jack, and Lady Solitare!

Ace Savvy: Think again, Wild Card Willy! I've got a few more cards up my sleeve!

[Ace drops a handful of cards on the ground with his sisters. Just then, a horn blazes and the van comes in with Lori's persona at the wheel.]

The High Card: Alright, girls, [lifts up her mask] let's deal with these losers!

THE HIGH CARD

[The van opens up revealing the rest of the girls in their Ace Savvy personae.]

Wild Card Willy: Eep! [hides behind one of his henchmen.] Get them!

[The girls leap into action with Lily and Lola's personae starting the fight off.]

Henchman #1: [to his partner] You take the baby, I'll take the princess.

The Queen of Diamonds: Excuse you. I am the queen. [She flicks her hair as her tiara sparkles.]

THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS

[The Queen tosses her diamond tiara and knocks out Henchman #2. Henchman #1 comes charging at them as Lily holds up some stinky diapers.]

THE DEUCE

[The Deuce tosses her diapers that act as stink bombs and nails the other goon. Luna's persona turns up the volume.]

The Night Club: Get ready to do the Bad Guy Shuffle!

THE NIGHT CLUB

[The Night Club blares her guitar at the minions and knocks them into a hole dug up by Lucy's persona.]

The Eight of Spades: No aces in this hole.

THE EIGHT OF SPADES

[Lynn's persona charges via comic panels into the goons with a headbutt.]

The Strong Suit: 52 Pickup!

THE STRONG SUIT

[One of the goons lands on a pile of other defeated minions with Lisa's persona keeping an accurate count.]

The Card Counter: Or more precisely, six. [smashes another henchman's face with her calculator.] Make that seven.

THE CARD COUNTER

[As Ace, Jack, and Lady draw closer to the tank, they notice Leni's persona.]

The Eleven of Hearts: Hey, guys, check out my new outfit. It's perfect for fall weather and springing into action! [uses the sash on her outfit as a utility rope, swings over the tank and saves the trio.] Ugh, these belts are so 90's! [pulls their chains off and sets them free, she drops them.]

THE ELEVEN OF HEARTS

[Wild Card Willy makes for the exit.]

Ace: Wild Card's getting away!

[Lana's persona is working on the shark tank.]

The Royal Flush: Hey, Willy, go fish! [loosens the bolt on the pipe.]

THE ROYAL FLUSH

[The tank comes loose with the water and sharks coming out; Wild Card evades it but gets knocked back by a jack-in-the-box style weapon set up by Luan's persona.]

The Joker: I see your bet and raise you! [laughs]

THE JOKER

Wild Card Willy: You haven't won yet, Savvy! I have one trick left up my sleeve! [Willy holds out a gun]

Lady Solitare: So have I!

LADY SOLITARE

[With a flash of lighting, Lady Solitare grabbed the chain and dashed through Willy's minions and tied the villain up]

Lady Solitare: Ready for anything!

Ace: Excellent work, Lady Solitaire. [Ace and Jack jump over to the captured villain] Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards?

Willy: 'Cause that's the only way to clean up. So, I guess it's off to jail for me.

[It then shows Willy in a jail cell with a caption reading END in the lower right corner and it was a comic Lincoln and Clyde made, they were showing it to Liam, Girl Jordan, and Rusty.]

Lincoln and Clyde: The end.

Liam and Girl Jordan: Awesome!

Rusty: That was sick. Where'd you get the idea for all those butt-kicking super ladies?

Lincoln: From my sisters. They've always got my back. [perturbed] Except for Lola. You never turn your back on Lola.

Girl Jordan: I really like Lady Solitare. She's so smart and quick. Which sister inspired her?

Lincoln: Laney. Because out of all my sisters, she's a real hero.

Liam: So, if you fellas win the contest, they'll make this here into a real Ace Savvy comic?

Clyde: And we'll get to meet the creator, Bill Buck! [holds out a photo of said creator.]

Heavenly voice: Bill Buck~...

Girl Jordan: Well, I think your comic's totally gonna win.

Liam: Darn tootin'.

Rusty: Word.

[At that moment, Principal Huggins grabs the comic book away from them.]

Principal Huggins: Loud, McBride, school time is meant for learning, not for doodling degenerate fantasies! This trash belongs to me now!

Lincoln: But Principal Huggins, you can't take our comic!

Principal Huggins: Oh, and now you're giving me sass? That's detention! Today! Till 5:00!

Clyde: But we have to get to the post office by 4:00. That's the contest deadline.

Principal Huggins: [sarcastically] Oh, I didn't realize. I'll just give it back to you. [serious] NOT!

[Detention]

Principal Huggins: I've got just the thing to keep those doodling hands of yours busy: cleaning erasers. [gives them the erasers and leaves.]

Lincoln: [throws the erasers aside.] But we're not criminals. All we did was make a comic. And we're getting it back. [tries to open the door but can't.] Dang it. He locked us in from the outside.

[Lincoln tries to get out via the window, but Huggins stops him by welding it shut. He snarls while Lincoln starts cleaning the erasers nervously.]

Lincoln:[throws the erasers away again.] Okay, Plan B. We'll sharpen a bunch of pencils and dig our way out.

[Just then, the door opens to show it's Lola.]

Lola: [twirling her tiara] Or I could just pick the lock. [puts the tiara back on.] Not that your idea wasn't great.

Lincoln: Lola? Why are you busting us out?

[Lana and Laney appear]

Lana: 'Cause we heard about Huggins confiscating your comic book.

Lola: The one starring me as Queen of Diamonds!

Lana: And me as the Royal Flush!

Laney: And me as Lady Solitare, your dashing sidekick. I really like how you made me part of your superhero team by the way. Made me feel like I could actually be a hero.

Lincoln: Why, Thank you Laney.

Lola: And besides, you think we're gonna let some power-tripping principal take away our chance to get famous?

Lincoln: Sweet! Now we just gotta find a way to sneak into Huggins' office and get our comic back.

Clyde: Maybe we could use your pencils.

Lana: Forget that. [brings in janitorial equipment] Hop on!

Clyde: [defeated] I tried, buddy.

[They get into the waste bins with Lana pushing them toward Huggins' office while he's doing his work.]

Clyde: We gotta find a way to get Huggins out of his office.

Lana: It's taken care of.

[Principal Huggins' secretary Cheryl comes running by.]

Cheryl: Principal Huggins! Principal Huggins! We have got a situation in the gym!

[In the gym, Coach Pacowski is being chased by bats summoned by Lucy in the rafters with her arm sticking out with three bats on it.]

Principal Huggins: [heading for the gym] I'm on it!

[Cheryl goes to her desk.]

Lincoln: Now we have to distract Cheryl.

Laney: That's where I come in?

Lola: No. Already taken care of.

[Lisa is at Cheryl's desk.]

Lisa: Hello, Cheryl. I took the liberty of assessing the school budget, and encountered numerous instances of wasteful spending.

Cheryl: Oh, that's very cute, sweetie, but I'm sure everything here is in order.

[Lisa places a ton of files of such spending on Cheryl's desk.]

Lisa: Item one: the two dozen fresh cut roses you sent yourself on Secretary's Day. Put on a pot of coffee, sweetie. We're gonna be here a while.

[While she has Cheryl distracted, Lincoln and Clyde sneak into Huggins' office. While Laney stood by the door with Lola and Lana]

Laney: Um, isn't anything I can do to help in this heroic mission?

Lana: You can distract Huggins. Make sure he doesn't get in his office. [Laney gives them a thumbs up and the twins leave, just as Principal Huggins walks in to to get inside]

Laney: Oh! Hello, Mr Huggins.

Principal Huggins: Say, haven't I seen you before?

Laney: Well, yes. I was one of the frog heroes remember?

Principal Huggins: Oh yeah, Laney was it? Hmm. Hey, while I have you here, I have an important discussion about your school.

Laney: Sure! Anything to keep you distracted...

Principal Huggins: What?

Laney: I mean, what about my school?

[Meanwhile in Huggins' office, Lincoln and Clyde were searching every nook and cranny for their comic]

Lincoln: Come on. Come on. Where is it?

Clyde: [pointing] There!

[They find it in his satchel, but before they can grab it...]

Principal Huggins: [unaware that Lisa took Cheryl's place.] Problem solved, Cheryl. We got rid of the bats, and Coach is resting comfortably after his rabies shot. Also I talked to Laney Loud about the transfer to see if she's on board. [grabs his coat which Lincoln was hiding under as he grabs his trench coat to hide in.] I'm headed home for the day. [gets a file from Clyde's arm while he's not looking.] You can let Loud and McBride out of detention at 5:00, but only if the erasers are clean. [takes his satchel and leaves]

[Lincoln sees the satchel is gone and gasps.]

Lincoln: Oh no! Huggins just took our comic home with him!

Clyde: And worse: we didn't finish cleaning the erasers! [holds out the erasers]

Lincoln: [As Laney came in] Laney! You were supposed to keep him distracted! What happened?

Laney: Uhh, there's something you should know about that...

Clyde: No time! We gotta get that comic back!

[The kids burst out the door and see Huggins leaving on his golf cart.]

Lincoln: There goes Huggins! How are we gonna catch up to him?

Lana: It's taken care of.

[Vanzilla drives up and they all hop in.]

Lori: Lincoln, where have you been? The post office closes in 30 minutes!

Lincoln: Change of plans. Principal Huggins has the comic. Follow that golf cart, High Card!

Luna: Let's rock, dudes!

[Luna starts playing some action music on her guitar and Lori, with determination in her eyes, chases after Principal Huggins.]

Principal Huggins: [singing along] Ooh, girl! / If I could / Ooh, girl!

Lynn: [holding a boomerang out the window] I got eyes on the comic!

[She tosses the boomerang, but Huggins hits a pothole and the boomerang misses.]

Principal Huggins: Yeesh!

[The boomerang instead picks up a raccoon.]

Lynn: [ducks down] RACCOON!

[The raccoon lands in Vanzilla and attacks the Loud kids and Clyde for a little turbulence. Laney brings out a chocolate bar, attracting the racoon.]

Laney: Here boy! You want it? Go get it! [Laney throws the choclate bar out of the window and the racoon chased after it]

Lana: Thanks, Laney.

Laney: Ready for anything!

[Principal Huggins comes to a stop at an intersection, sees it's clear and goes. Vanzilla comes to a stop because Scoots is passing the crosswalk and taking a little too long. Lori honks the horn.]

Lola: [impatient] MOVE IT, LADY!

Scoots: [sarcastically] Oh, am I going too slow for you? [sets her scooter in slow reverse.]

Laney: I got this! [Laney gets out of the van and pushes Scoots' scooter across the crosswalk]

Scoots: Quit pushing me! [she hits Laney over the head with a cane]

Laney: Ow! [As soon as the reach to the other side of the crosswalk, Laney ran back inside the van and sat on her seat exhausted and rubbing her sore head]

Lynn: You okay, Laney.

Laney: Just fine! Nothing that Lady Solitare can't handle!

Lori: Guys, we're literally losing him!

Luan: Don't worry. He won't give us the slip! [grabs Lola's banana and Lana's slingshot and fires the banana ahead of Huggins.]

Principal Huggins: [still singing] Ooh, girl / Doo-doo-doo [hits the banana peel and loses control.] Whoa!

[As he tries to regain control, the comic falls out of his satchel and Lincoln and Clyde get it back.]

Clyde: [checking his watch] We still have five minutes to get it to the post office.

[They get back in Vanzilla.]

Lincoln: Let's roll.

Luna: And rock!

[But before she can get into the music, the van doesn't start.]

Luna: Dudes, I can't play action music if there's no action.

[Lori and Lana check the engine, it's completely damaged.]

Lana: Bad news, guys. We pushed Vanzilla too hard.

Lincoln and Clyde: [aghast] NOOOOOO!

Leni: Hey, guys! Check out the new look! [sporting a sash like The Eleven of Hearts'.]

Lynn: Leni, this isn't the time to talk about fashion!

[Leni takes off the sash and reveals that she's using it to tie Vanzilla to a passing pickup truck to tow them to the post office.]

Lucy: I never thought I'd say this, but... [kind] good thinking, Leni.

Leni: I got the idea from Lincoln's coloring book.

Laney: It's a comic book.

[They arrive at the post office just in time.]

Lincoln: [to the pickup truck driver] Thanks for the tow!

[It reveals to have been a pig driving and his farmer in the passenger seat giving a thumbs up.]

Lola: Just hurry up and make us famous!

[Lincoln pulls out his cards like Ace. He, Clyde, and Laney enter the post office and run up to the mailing window.]

Lincoln: [at the same time as someone else.] This needs to be mailed by four o'clock!

[Lincoln and Clyde turn around and find out that the other person is Principal Huggins.]

Lincoln and Principal Huggins: [shocked] "What are you doing here?!"

[Principal Huggins drops something in his state of surprise.]

Lincoln: [pointing at it] Is that a comic book?

Principal Huggins: A what? No! I mean, shouldn't you boys be in detention?

[Lincoln picks it up.]

Clyde: It is a comic book! "The Adventures of Ace Savvy and the Principal Valiant by Wilbur T. Huggins".

Lincoln: [gasps] You're entering the Ace Savvy contest?

Clyde: And your name is Wilbur?

Laney: Wow, Mr. Huggins. I didn't know you're into comics.

Principal Huggins: [pointing the other way] Look! New commemorative stamps!

[When the three have their backs turn, Wilbur grabs his comic and runs only to bump into Scoots and pratfall.]

Lincoln: So, that's why you confiscated our comic book and put us in detention: to knock us out of the running!

Principal Huggins: Okay, okay, I did it. But I had to. When I heard how great your comic was, I knew mine wouldn't stand a chance.

Clyde: But, sir, why is a comic book contest so important to you? You're a successful school administrator. You've got your own golf cart.

Principal Huggins: Yes, it's true. I have it all. But it wasn't always this way.

[Flashback to Huggins' childhood]

Principal Huggins: [narrating] When I was your age, I didn't have a lot of friends. But I had Ace.

Young Wilbur: [reading his comic] Yeah, get 'em, Ace! Way to deal out some justice!

[The other kids playing baseball hit the ball through his comic book and laugh at him.]

Batter: Look at him!

[End flashback]

Principal Huggins: Those comics meant the world to me. I wanted to win the contest so I could meet Bill Buck and thank him for getting me through a lonely childhood. But I went too far. I'm sorry, boys. You deserve to win, not me. As Ace Savvy would say, deal me out. [takes his comic and leaves forlornly.]

Clyde: Wow. I guess there's more to Huggins than meets the eye.

Laney: It must be so sad to not have friends when growing up.

Lincoln: Yeah. And his story just gave me an idea.

[Principal Huggins hops in his golf cart for home.]

Lincoln and Clyde: Principal Huggins, wait!

Principal Huggins: Oh, yes. Of course. You'll need my administrator ID to report me to the school board.

Lincoln: No. We're not reporting anyone. We get it. Ace has gotten us through some tough times, too.

Clyde: Yeah. Like when Lori first got together with Bobby. It was a rainy Tuesday. I wore suede shoes. That was a mistake.

Lincoln: I think he gets the idea, Clyde. [to Principal Huggins] And we're not mad, because you just gave us a much better ending for our comic.

Principal Huggins: I did?

Clyde: You did. [checks his watch] But we gotta hurry. We only have a minute.

Principal Huggins: I think I can buy you a few minutes.

[Back in the post office, Wilbur walks up toward the the mailing window where the lady there pulls the curtain down.]

Lee: I'm sorry, sir. We're closing. [Wilbur pulls it back up.] Ooh.

Principal Huggins: [smoothly] Hello, Mrs... [reads her name tag] ...Lee, is it? I believe your son Wyatt attends my school. How would he like a little... [nudges eyebrows] ...extra recess? Maybe a get-out-of-gym pass?

[He holds up the pass and Lee likes where he's going; he gives the thumbs up, giving the boys time to change the ending to their comic.]

[Return to the comic with the new ending.]

Ace: Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards? [takes off his handkerchief.]

Willy: [downtrodden] I'm not an evil guy. I was just dealt a bad hand. As a lonely kid, the only game I knew was Solitaire. So, I guess it's off to jail for me.

Ace: I have a better idea.

[Cut to a heist having been pulled by Scoots' Ace Savvy villain persona.]

Jack: The Old Maid's making off with the jackpot!

Old Maid: You'll never catch me, Savvy! [laughs]

Ace: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, 'cause we've got a new card to play.

[Willy appears by Ace, Jac, and Lady]

Willy: Time to deal out some justice!

WILD CARD WILLY

[The comic stops with Buck Bill reading it in his studio.]

Bill: I love the ending! Especially when we learn Wild Card was a lonely kid. I read a lot of entries with great action sequences, but none with this kind of heart.

Lincoln: It was inspired by our principal here. He really wanted to meet you.

Principal Huggins: [speechless] Sir, it is an honor. I just never-ah, this is the best day of my- [passes out from the excitement]

[Lincoln and Clyde just shrug it off; enter Lincoln's sisters.]

Laney: How did you like Lady Solitare?

Lola: Hey, what did you think of the Queen of Diamonds? Wasn't she your favorite part? Here! Let me show you some of my ideas for an action figure and a bed sheet set.

[The rest of the kids gather around Bill and talk to him about the comic.]

Bill: Whoa! This is kind of a...full house!

Epilogue

[The Loud kids exit Bill's comic studio]

Lincoln: Thanks to you guys, my comic's gonna be a bestseller.

Lola: And so are all the eventual merchandising!

Laney: It just so awesome just to be part of your adventure Lincoln. And to think I get to be more involved with you every day at school!

Lincoln: That's gonna be hard since we go to separate schools.

Laney: Not anymore! I'm being transferred to your school!

Lincoln: WHAT!? [faints like Huggins. Laney looks at the rest of her sister and they shrug]