42. Patching Things Up

Patching Things Up

Lola: Okay, tea set, glitter spray, and backup hair clips. As it says in the brochure, Bluebell Scouts have to be prepared for anything.

Lana: Yep. That's why I packed my toolbox, bug spray and backup roll of TP.

Lola: I can't believe we're gonna be Bluebells!

Lola and Lana: Together! EEEEE!

Lola: We can't get ahead of ourselves. We gotta pass the tryouts first. Which is why I'm giving you my lucky princess wand. [holds up said wand]

Lana: Aww, thanks sis. [takes the wand] And I'm giving you my lucky plunger. [holds up said plunger as a foghorn sounds and gives it to Lola] Oh, don't worry, I only use this one for sinks.

Just then Laney entered the room wearing an official Bluebell scout uniform. As you can see she's an intermediate Bluebell, and she was so excited to see two of her sisters become scouts too.

Laney: Are you girls ready to join the Bluebell scouts?

Lola and Lana: Yes maam!

Laney: It's gonna be so great having you guys join the ranks of us Bluebells. When I was younger, I enrolled in camp and I worked my way up to getting every badge they had. [shows Lola and Lana her sash that was full of badges] The mountain climbing badge. The bird calling badge. The arts and crafts badge...

Lana: [points at a red badge with spots on it] Ooh! Is that your bug catching badge?

Laney: No. That's just a ladybug. [blows on the Ladybug and it flies away]

Lola: Oh, that sash is gonna look so good on me!

Laney: Well, ladies. Let's hop to it! [the three get out of Lola and Lana's room, but Lincoln and Clyde are in their way]

Lincoln: Are we doing this, ladies?

Lola and Lana: We?

Laney: Um, Bluebell scouts are for girls only.

Lincoln: Can't a guy just want to support his sisters and cheer them on at tryouts?

Clyde: I thought we were going for the cookies.

Lincoln: [shuts Clyde's mouth] What Clyde means to say is, support, number one. But if we do happen to come across some of those world-famous Bluebell Scout cookies...

Clyde: The ones with crisp vanilla wafers, chocolate drizzle and toasted coconut crunchies...

[The boys start drooling like waterfalls]

Lola and Lana: A Bluebell is always prepared! [they take their umbrellas and duck under the drool-falls, and Laney put on galoshes so her feet won't get wet]

[Camp Bluebell]

Scout Leader: Who's ready to become a Bluebell?! Now if you wanna wear the periwinkle sash, you'll need to earn five different patches today.

Lola: Only five? Oh, we got this!

[Lola and Lana bump fists]

Scout Leader: Now, before we begin. We have an expert in our midsts. From North Hazeltucky bluebell camp, say hello to Laney Loud! [Laney waves to the scouts] She's gonna be helping me with getting your badges.

Laney: Thank you. Now our first badge is Wilderness Protection. [holds up said badge]

Scout Leader: To earn it, we're gonna hike up in the friendship trail and pick up all the icky sticky litter we find.

[Both Lola and Lana gasp; Lola horrified and Lana thrilled]

Lola and Lana: [at the same time] We have/get to pick up trash?

[Lana is collecting a lot of garbage and picks up an old sandwich]

Lana: [sniffing] Mmm, Spicy Italian.

[Lola is staggering while collecting her trash]

Lola: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! [she screams then runs away]

Scout Leader: All right. rubbish wranglers. Let's see how we did. [sees Lana's pile] That's trash-tastic, Lana! [gives Lana her first patch] Now, how about your sister?

[Enter Lola in a hazmat suit holding a soda can by a stick, still stagger]

Laney: Oh, Lola...

Scout Leader: Ooh. I don't think you got this one, honey.

[Lola gets sad]

Lana: Don't worry. You'll get the next patch.

[The trainees walk off and it cuts to a pair of binoculars]

Clyde: You see anything?

Lincoln: [searching] Not a crumb.

Clyde: I don't get it. This is the Bluebells. They gotta have cookies.

Lincoln: Maybe we need to get closer.

[Clyde stands closer to Lincoln, much to his confusion]

Scout Leader: To earn the Car Care patch. you must change a tire on the Bluebell bus.

Lana: [holding a power ratchet] Oh, oh! Me first! [She changes all the tires, tunes up the engine and starts the bus] Might wanna get that fan belt checked.

Scout Leader: [gives Lana the patch] Now aren't you just the cutest little grease monkey! Okay, Lola, let's see how you change a tire.

[Lola holds out a business card]

Lola: My auto club. Ask for Darcy, she is terrific.

Scout Leader: Hmm, sorry dear, That's not the Bluebell way.

Lana: Come on, Lols. You gotta up your game if we're gonna be Bluebells together, You got this girl. [slaps her]

Lola: [in pain] OW!

Laney: To earn your Rod and Reel patch, you must catch a fish.

Scout Leader: [pulling out a bucket full of worms] Everybody grab a squiggly wiggly worm!

[Lola, on the verge of throwing up, runs off the dock and vomits into a tote bag a couple times]

Scout Leader: [off-screen] That's a real whooper there!

[Lana returns with a fish and another patch]

Lana: Three down, two to go. Caught him with my bare hands so I could keep this guy for myself.

[She prepares to eat a worm she saved. Lola feels nauseous at this sight, and vomits into the tote bag once again. Lincoln and Clyde are resuming their cookie search. They spot the tote bag in the distance]

Lincoln: Target sighted, Clyde. I'm going in! [hands Clyde the binoculars and sneaks around to get to the tote bag] Let me wallow in your tasty morsels... [He looks in the bag, but he sees something not so tasty] GUUUUHHHH! [returns to Clyde and starts to gasps deeply]

Clyde: What happened? No cookies?

Lincoln: Oh, there were cookies. But not the kind you eat, the kind you toss.

[The boy's cheeks puff up, knowing that they're disgusted]

Scout Leader: Now, for the Primitive Survival patch. To earn it, you must dig a latrine.

Lola: That sounds French. A latrine, what is this?

Lana: [smiling widely] It's a hole you poop in!

Laney: Here we go... [puts on noise cancelling headphones]

[Upon hearing that, Lola screams in sheer horror at the top of her lungs. Her scream was so incredibly loud, that it echoes and scares the birds away. All the girls are now having lunch at the picnic area. Lola shaking in terror]

Lana: Lola, the day's half over and you don't have any patches yet. If you don't start trying harder, we're not gonna be Bluebells together.

Lola: [in little anger] I am trying! I just didn't know we'd have to do all this gross...poop and worm stuff!

[Lana starts eating the Spicy Italian she collected]

Lana: [with her mouth full] Aww, come on. It's not so bad.

Lola: Yeah, for you, the girl who eats trash hoagies.

Lana: [belches] You know. sometimes you just gotta step out of your comfort zone.

Lola: I'm already out of my comfort zone! I am eating without a tablecloth!

Laney: Don't worry, Lola. I'm sure you'll get your chance at these patches. You just need to find something you're good at.

Lola: You really think so?

Laney: I know so.

Lola: Well, what's the next patch going to be? [cut to later]

Scout Leader: Our next Bluebell Challenge will be the Fashion Forecast patch. [holds up said patch]

[Lola gasps and Lana sulks at the mentioning of fashion]

Scout Leader: Bluebell scouts are prepared for any kind of weather. So I'll give you a forecast, and you'll have to put on the proper attire. [opens up trunk of different outfits] Snow and ice.

[Snow starts to blow. Lola shows off her outfit consisting of an Ushanka, a scarf, a snow robe, and shades. She lowers her shades. Lana digs up from the snow in her usual outfit]

Scout Leader: Sunny and hot. [turns on a heat lamp]

[Lola wears sunglasses, a dress and a sunhat. But Lana only wears sunglasses while lounging on a rock with a lizard]

Scout Leader: Rainy and wet.

[She sprays water. Lola wears a raincoat and uses an umbrella. But Lana rolls in mud]

Scout Leader: Well, aren't you the prepared fashionista! Great work, Lola! [She spots Lana in her original clothes] Oopsie dopsie. Those don't look like the proper rainy day clothes.

Lana: These are "all weather" clothes. I don't need to change into no silly outfits!

Scout Leader: Oh, sorry, sweetie. That's not the Bluebell way.

Lola: Don't worry, Lans. You'll get the next one. You got this, girl! [she slaps her]

Lana: [in pain] OW!

[The moment they leave, Lincoln and Clyde pop out of the trunk in fashion items]

Lincoln: There's no cookies in here either.

Clyde: I'm starting to lose it, Lincoln. The crisp vanilla wafers...

Lincoln: The chocolate drizzles...

Clyde: Toasted coconut crunchies...

[both moan in ecstasy]

Scout Leader: Whoopsie doodle, almost left all those goodies behind! [retrieves her backpack]

Lincoln: [gasps] Of course! She's had them on her the whole time.

Clyde: Follow that backpack!

[They jump out of the trunk while Clyde is still wearing the dress he got stuck in]

Lincoln: Uh...Clyde?

Clyde: Oh, right, what was I thinking?

[Clyde puts on a tiara, lifts his dress up and charges off. Lincoln looks to the viewers confused and follows]

Scout Leader: To earn the Music Makers patch, you must perform the Bluebell song.

Laney: [tests the microphone] Testing... Okay, Lola. Ready when you are.

Lola: Ahem. We are the Bluebells / Loyal, kind, and true-bells / A better friend you'll never know!

Scout Leader: [applauds Lola] Next up. Lana!

Lana: [on a mic, singing poorly and off-key] We are the Bluebells, uh, uh...Loyal glue and shoebells E-I-E-I-O! [makes noises with her armpit and drops the mic]

[Laney The Scout Master is aghast at Lana's performance]

Lola: Lana, what was that?

Lana: You know I'm not good at this prissy sing-y dress-y junk!

Lola: Well, maybe you just need to...step outside your comfort zone!

[She walks off. Lana is shocked at what she said and blows a raspberry at her]

Scout Leader: To earn the Sewing Smarts patch, you must make a comfy-womfy sit-upon. [shows a sit-upon] Bluebells take these on camping trips so we don't have to sit upon the wet ground.

[Later, Lola shows her sit-upon]

Scout Master: Very good, Lola! Excellent use of pom-pom fringe! [gives Lola the patch]

Laney: Okay, Lana. Let's see... Oh. [sees Lana covered in tears, scratches, and sewing equipment from failing to make a proper sit-upon] Where's your sit-upon?

Lana: This is dumb! I already have a sit-upon! It's called my butt! [sits down]

Scout Leader: Time for the Fitness Fun patch! [wears an aerobics outfit, turns on the music, and puts her backpack aside]

[Lincoln and Clyde peek behind the curtain]

Lincoln: Goodies in range!

Scout Leader: To earn this patch, get your buns in gear and boogey oogey woogey!

[She and the trainees are doing aerobics. While the rest are doing fine, Lana keeps tripping over and falls on Lola]

Lana: [losing balance] Whoa!

[A push broom pulls in the backpack, courtesy of the boys]

Lincoln: Yes! We finally got the- [opens the bag only to find sashes] What? It's just a bunch of blue sashes!

Clyde: Actually, they're more of a periwinkle.

[Lana trips one more time, knocking all the trainees and the scout leader about. The Scout Leader grabs hold of the curtain which tears down and reveals Lincoln and Clyde]

Laney: Ahem! [Lincoln and Clyde see Laney not happy about destroying the stage]

Lincoln: Hey, Laney. How are the twins doing? [Laney continued to glare at them as she grabbed back the sashes]

Clyde: Uh, we weren't looking in that bag for cookies or anything. [Lincoln nudges him]

Scout Leader: Laney, dear. I'll handle them. [Cut to the camp gate, off-screen] AND STAY OUT! [kicks Lincoln and Clyde out]

Lincoln and Clyde: [land in a bush] OOF!

Scout Leader: Well, girls, only one patch to go. And this one's a mystery challenge. [Laney holds up five envelopes] You must choose an envelope and complete the task inside.

[The girls all get their envelopes]

Lana: We each got four patches, so we both have to get this last one.

Lola: I know, so please don't blow it.

Lana: Me? You don't blow it.

Lola: I'm just saying, you'd better hope the challenge doesn't require you to act like a proper lady, or we're never gonna be Bluebells together.

Lana: Well, you'd better hope it doesn't require you to get your precious princess paws dirty, or we won't be Bluebells together.

Lola: [angry] Maybe I don't want to be Bluebells together!

Lana: [angry as well] Maybe I don't either!

Lola: FINE!

Lana: FINE!

[The two then part ways to do their challenges]

Lola: Your challenge is to host a fancy schmancy tea party! YES! Now, where'd I pack that sugar bowl? [rummages through her backpack]

[Meanwhile]

Lana: Your challenge is to set up a cozy wozy campsite! YES! Now where'd I pack that bug spray? [rummages through her backpack]

Lola: I am totally in! I don't care if Lana makes it or not.

Lana: Oh, I'm totally in! I don't care if Lola makes it or not.

[Just then, to their surprise, they pull out from their packs the lucky charms they gave each other. Later, Laney and the Scout Leader are checking on Lola's tea party]

Laney: Wow, Lola. Very elegant.

Scout Leader: Indeed. This looks yummy yummy in my tummy!

Lola: Cop a squat. Tea's getting cold. [chugs the whole kettle and belches]

Laney: That's... not very elegant.

Lola: And now, the entertainment! [pulls the tablecloth and spills the dining ware and makes noises with her armpit]

Laney: Maybe Lana has better luck with her challenge. [They move on to Lana]

Scout Leader: Hey, sunshine, where's your campsite?

Lana: [holds out a business card for a motel] Uh, right down the road. Super 9 Motor Inn. Ask for a clean ice bucket.

[The Scout Leader and Laney look at each other perplexed]

Scout Leader: Lola, you failed the tea party challenge. And Lana, you failed the campsite challenge. So I'm afraid neither of you gets a patch.

Lola and Lana: [shocked] WHAT?!

Lana: You had a tea party? How'd you mess that up?

Lola: And you had a campsite? How could that go wrong?

[The two of them pick up each other's lucky charms]

Lola and Lana: [at the same time] I thought you might have the same challenge as me and you'd never be able to do it and I didn't wanna be a Bluebell without you! Really? Aw! [hug each other]

Lola: Sorry for being so hard on you today.

Lana: Me too. We're just good at different stuff.

Lola: Bluebells or not Bluebells, I don't care. As long as we're together.

[They hug again]

Laney: Actually, you two earned your Bluebell petals after all.

Lola and Lana: We did?

Scout Leader: [touched and in tears] Yes. You two cutie patooties just earned your fifth patch... [holds up a special patch] ...for your Faithful Friendship. [puts sashes on them] Oh, congratulations. You are both Bluebells. Now if you'll excuse me... [bawling] ...I HAVE TO GO CALL MY SISTER WISTER! [runs off to do so]

Laney: Welcome to the Bluebells!

[The twins start celebrating]

Lola: Woo-hoo!

Lana: We did it!

Lola: Bluebells!

Lana: We rock! Yes!

[The twins are carrying boxes]

Laney: I'm so proud of you girls today. Now we can all be Bluebells together!

Lola: Thanks, Laney. Now if we sell both these boxes...

Lana: ...we get the sixth Bluebell patch!

[The boys leap out of the bushes and land with a thud]

Lincoln: You got the cookies? How much are they?

[He and Clyde take out their money]

Lola: What you have in your hands will do.

Lincoln and Clyde: Take our money! [pay up and take the boxes]

[Inside the box is not cookies, but some kind of different treat]

Lincoln: Reduced sodium Kale Puffs? Where are the cookies?

Laney: Oh, I forgot to tell you. It's our new Bluebell healthy eating initiative.

[The twins start walking away with their money]

Lola: All sales are final.

Lana: No refunds.

Lincoln and Clyde: [crushed] NOOOOOOOOO!

[The sound echoes so loudly that it scares the birds away]