Chapter 32: It's Not My Fault And I'm Not Afraid

I don't know if you ever get this, hon, but you look like jailbait"

"I could say the same about you" I smirk

"Fair enough" She smiles and takes the wad of cash that I earned hustling, from my hand and bolts the door. I sit on the bed and watch her as she tries to walk seductively from the door.

"You're a good looking kid" She whispers when she's in front of me, "you could probably have any girl you want"

She smells strongly of fruit and I like it. I move one of the straps on her spaghetti straps from off of her shoulder.

"You're not a virgin. Are you?" She smiles

"This isn't a date. You're wasting time that I paid for."

"I don't want this to be some kind of trap, that's all."

"Do I look like a cop to you?"

"No, but you're the first kid I've met with a wad of cash that thick who wasn't a bumbling virgin so excuse me if I'm a little wary."

"Your wariness sounds a lot like nosiness. Are you going to give me what I want or should I take my business elsewhere?"

She straightens up and gives me a scrutinizing look. My mouth is a hard line as I look back at her.

"Alright. I believe you." She says with a half smile and brushes off the spaghetti strap on her other shoulder. "Happy Valentine's day, baby" She coos.

I get back to the motel two minutes before they do.

"So? Any leads on Hannibal and… is there a famous female cannibal?" I ask, "the bride of Frankenstein?"

"The bride of Frankenstein wasn't a cannibal."

"She wasn't?"

"No, she was the chick with the really big hair" Dean says pointing to the top of his head

"Oh. Well what about that girl the bad one with the team of magic circus freaks or whatever?"

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about"

"The girl. The blue fish girl, she eats people and then she can turn into them?"

Sam and Dean furrow their brows at me.

"The blue fish lady? She had scales and she was married to the flying metal man? In that movie we saw?"

Sam squints, "Are you talking about Mystique from X-men?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Mystique"

Dean's eyes widen "you thought Mystique from X-men was a magic cannibal fish lady? Wow. I don't know whether to laugh or cry right now"

"What?" I frown

"Right" Sam says, "Well, I checked out the house. No EMF, no sulfur. Ghost possession and demonic possession are both probably out"

"So what is it?"

"Beats the hell out of me" Dean says, "I was putting my money on that. I don't know what else it can be? You didn't see the bodies. I mean, their stomachs were full. Like, Thanksgiving dinner, full. Talk about co-dependent."

"Well… I mean, we got our feelers out. Not much more we can do tonight. All right, Evan, ready to pull some weight and help me go through these files?" Sam says and takes a seat. I join him.

"What, am I not invited?" Dean asks

"I thought you'd want to get going"

"Sorry?"

Sam shrugs "You know, go on. Unleash the kraken. See you tomorrow morning"

"Where am I going?"

"Dean, it's Valentine's day. Your favorite holiday, remember? I mean, what do you call it?

"Unattached drifter Christmas" I offer

"Oh, yeah. Well… be that as it may… I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year"

"Is that an innuendo?" I snicker

"That's when a dog doesn't eat- That's when you know something's really wrong.

"Remarkably patronizing concern duly noted. Nothing's wrong. We gonna work or what?" He huffs and sits down with us. After a minute of reading over the case files Dean shakes his head at me

"Cannibal fish lady"

"Sorry I'm not a geek." I say without taking my eyes off of what I'm doing

"It's not about geekiness, you actually watched the movie from beginning to end thinking she was a circus fish."

"She had scales. You know what else has scales, Dean?"

"Mutants, moron."

"Fish"

"He's right" Sam says absently

I smirk triumphantly "See? I'm right"

"Nope. Dean's right. You're a moron." Sam says with a quick flick of the brow. I roll my eyes but I don't mind the teasing. It means that they like me.

"Guys, I'm stumped. I have no idea what we're up against."

"We just got here. Something's bound to turn up eventually" I yawn and stretch.

"Yeah, maybe" Dean sighs

I get up from the table, lay on one of the beds, and close my eyes. For a split second I hear a chime like a music box and an image of Reggie bleeding on his knees in front of me rips through my mind. I'm filled with rage and then I'm okay again.

"Night guys" I say and fall asleep.

Sam and Dean sneak me into the coroner's office after he leaves. Most of the organs from the corpses are in Tupperware containers already so we don't have to do any digging, which I don't mind. It's kind of cool. Dean pushes the container with a heart in it to Sam

"Hey. Be my Valentine?" He says and smirks stupidly

Sam just sighs and ignores him.

"That's what you get when you give your heart away" I cluck

"Tell me about it"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second" Sam says and pulls the container back. It turns out there are identical markings on both of the vic's hearts. They look Enochian so Dean calls up Cas, who appears in front of him within seconds.

"So we get to kill cupid?"

"It's the only way to stop it" Cas says gravely

We get to kill an angel. Maybe if we do this right, it'll be practice for icing those douchebags trying to steal my brothers from me. I blink and I see Lucifer screaming, blood stains his teeth. Michael in Dad's young self is on the floor with his stomach ripped open. I shudder as anger ripples through my body. A chime from the music box plays. I open my eyes and everyone is staring at me.

"You okay?" Sam asks wearily

"Yeah. Can we eat? I'm starving"

We meet Cupid in an alleyway behind the restaurant where we had dinner. A large naked man scoops me up into his arms and squeezes Dean from behind. He hugs each of us tightly. His soft flesh and chest hair rub against me and I feel like gagging. This is not what I expected of him but he'll certainly be easier to kill. I keep thinking Cas is going to stab him with the blade but he doesn't. It turns out the cupid has nothing to do with the recent deaths, he's just making people fall in love with each other. He says Mary and John were set up by a cupid too so Sam and Dean could be born. Just thinking about it pisses me off. As if I needed anymore proof that Dad didn't love my mother.

Sam and Dean leave me alone the next day. Sam goes to the coroner and Dean to the police station. They're taking so long. They've been gone for most of the day. I didn't sleep last night. They were all screaming too loud. Even when the blood got so high that it covered their mouths and noses, they screamed. I'm tired and the lack of sleep only makes me angrier. I can hardly sit still in the motel room. I grab my gun, because Dean gets mad when I don't bring a weapon with me, and I go for a walk.

The fresh air helps. I inhale it deeply and let the cool air fill my lungs. I walk until I find a small bridge. I stop and rest my arms over the ledge when I hear them moaning from underneath. I hear them sucking the lips off of each other's face from underneath the bridge. The smacking and squishing assault my ears and I close my eyes tight to shut it out, but all I see is that couple from the morgue eating each other and pretending it's because they're in love. It's disgusting. The music chimes. When I open my eyes I can't take it anymore. I walk around the bridge and down the grassy slope to the base of the dried up riverbank. They don't notice me. They're too busy licking each other's faces like dogs. I end their obnoxious slobbering in two swift shots to the skull and they fall to the ground in a heap. Somehow, knowing I saved them from slow painful cannibalistic deaths does nothing for the fury welling inside of me. I walk over to the young couple and set their clothes on fire. My phone rings when the flames begin to consume their bodies.

"Hey" Dean says, "We're back at the motel, where are you?"

"I went for a walk."

"Well get back here, we know what we're dealing with"

I watch the glow of the fire warms my body. I reach my hand over it. It feels so nice.

"What is it?"

"Famine. The horseman. It's making everyone starve for things. Love, food, drugs-"

"Blood" I whisper

"What?"

"I'm coming." I say and hang up. Burning flesh smells terrible but it's a small price to pay. They're lucky I saved them. I spared them from such a painful end. How very, very lucky.

When I get back, Cas has a burger mashed into his face hole and Dean is handcuffing Sam to the bathroom sink.

"Wow. Am I interrupting something?" I grin in the doorway. Dean isn't amused.

"What's with the cuffs?"

"It's not safe for me to go." Sam says, "Famine. Demon blood"

"Yikes. So, I guess only Dean and I are immune to this thing"

"Maybe" Cas narrows his eyes and stalks towards me, "where were you today?"

I take a step back "I went out for a walk"

"Your clothes smell like accelerant."

"What?" Dean squints

"So, where were you?"

If I could, I'd kill him right now. I clench my jaw and glare at him.

"Where were you, Evan?" Dean asks and raises an eyebrow.

Dean cuffs me to the radiator on the other side of the room across from the bathroom where he blocked Sam in.

"Come on, Dean. You're being crazy"

"Maybe" he says as he slips the key into his pocket, "but it'll give me peace of mind until I get back."

"Great. Take Mr. Munchies over there. He looks competent"

"Mr. Munchies is an angel and I know where he's been all day." Dean and the angel leave Sam and me alone.

My arms and wrists ache after a few minutes of hanging from the handcuffs. I let my wrists dangle to give them a rest but the cuffs just dig in. I hear Sam sigh from inside of the bathroom.

"So, what happened? Did you go all vamp on another demon?" I ask

"Nope… So, where were you today?"

"Walking."

"Right. Forgot."

"Yup"

There's an uncomfortable silence that follows but I think he's dropped it.

"You killed someone and burned their body, didn't you?" He blurts out

"What? Why would you think-"

"Yeah that's what I thought."

I frown hard and bang my head against the back wall. Now he thinks I'm really crazy and he's going to tell Dean and they're going to send me back to school. Maybe they'll leave me at Bobby's house so I can't hunt with them anymore.

"Sam?" My voice cracks and wavers when I speak so I clear my throat.

"Yeah."

"Are you mad?"

Silence.

"Don't. Don't tell Dean, okay? Please?"

Silence.

"Sam?" I whimper. I can't help it.

"I won't, Evan." He says quietly

"Promise?"

"…Yeah. Yeah, I promise"

I feel instantly better and heave a sigh of relief.

"It's Famine." He says, "It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah" I say. It is Famine's fault that I had to kill them. He poisoned them so I had to put them out of their misery. I'm so relieved that Sam agrees with me. I love my big brother so much that it tugs at my insides. I try to pull my hands out of the cuffs but they don't budge. It's so frustrating. Infuriating. I scream and yank with all of my strength to break the cuff chain. The metal cuts into my raw burning skin. Blood drizzles from my wrists down my arms.

"Hey! Hey!" Sam shouts at me, "Relax!"

"Ah!" I shout and pull with every ounce of strength against my restraints. I'm so angry that I can't see straight. Music blaring. Why won't these chains break?

"Evan! Stop!" Sam is panting and grunting. Famine's poison is hitting him hard.

I hear the doorknob and I look over just in time to see it turn. A woman walks into the room followed by a man.

"Well well well, what do we have here?" The woman smiles. Her eyes are black.

"Sam?" I shout

"What's going on? Evan?"

The man demon unblocks the bathroom and swings open the door. The lady winks at me "Hang tight, cutie, we'll be right with you"

They walk into the bathroom with Sam and I wonder if they'll be dumb enough to undo Sam's restraints. They are and they pay for it. Sam tackles the lady demon and cuts her neck while the guy tries to get him off but he's no match for doped up Sam. When he's done sucking them dry he breaks me out of my cuffs without even touching them.

"Whoa, Sam!" I gasp at him. He has blood smeared all over his face and I've got it dripping off of my fingertips. It's funny. I guess we're blood brothers.

"Let's go." He says. His voice is deeper now.

"To help Dean?"

He doesn't answer but I can tell that I'm right. We speed down to the restaurant where we ate before.

I didn't expect him to be so old and fragile looking. He's a horseman but he looks like he can turn to dust at any moment. This is the big bad we have to fight? It's such a waste of time. Before I know it, I'm scream out loud at him. I can feel the blood pumping through my body and making my skin hot as I empty my magazine into his chest.

"Evan, don't!" Sam roars and pushes my arms down. Famine laughs a wheezy cackle.

"Evan Winchester" He breathes, "The angry one. The most frightened. You're so fascinating. There is so much blinding rage inside of you. So much wrath and fear of what will happen when your brothers see you."

Suddenly I'm terrified that Sam and Dean are going to send me away and leave me. My hand finds the bottom of Sam's jacket and clings on. I wish Dean would come closer.

"Hey!" Sam barks, "if you have something to say, say it to me"

"Sam, my sweet little boy. I see you got the snack I sent you"

"You sent?"

"Don't worry. You're not like everyone else. You'll never die from drinking too much. You're the exception that proves the rule. Just the way...Satan wanted you to be. So cut their throats." He says and gestures to the demons around us "Have at them"

Dean seems to spring back into life then, "Sammy, no!"

"Please, be my guest." Famine urges

Sam raises his hand and all of the demons are lifted from their host bodies and gathered in a black cloud on the floor.

"No." Sam says and lowers his hand

"Fine. If you don't want them, then I'll have them." The old man croaks and inhales all of the smoke from the floor. Bad move. Sam couldn't kill Famine with his mind but he was able to pull all of the souls out of that wrinkled bag, killing him. My heartbeat is steady and I don't feel so mad anymore.

I take out my pocketknife and slice off the horseman's finger. He was wrong. I'm not afraid of anything.

I don't understand why we went straight to Bobby's house at first, but when they throw Sam into the panic room, it becomes clear. Detox.

Castiel tries to cheer up Dean, who is beyond bummed at this point while he stitches and wraps my wrists, but it doesn't help. Dean goes outside right after and leaves me alone with the angel while Sam begs to be let out of the room. I sit on the steps and clean the blood off my blade. My wrists hurt but I won't let Castiel touch them. I can heal on my own.

"Guess you weren't all that much help after all" I say without looking up from my task

"My vessel." He says, "It wasn't strong enough to withstand Famine's influence"

"Well, you know what they say, you are what you wear"

Cas's eyes squint at me but not out of anger. It's as though he's trying to read me.

"You're not fond of me." He says.

"I don't trust you" I shrug

"And yet you called on me to heal you"

"I didn't say you were completely useless. I said I don't trust you. You have my brothers thinking you're some kind of… angel or something" I smirk at my joke

"I am an angel." He says flatly

"You've already betrayed us once, Castiel, angel of the Lord. You'll do it again, and when you do-"

"I gave up everything I had. Everything I was. I rebelled and was cast out of heaven and lost my family" Cas growls, I guess I ruffled his feathers. He towers over me where I sit, "I have done everything for you and your brothers. It's clear where my loyalty lies." He takes a step back, "And though I rebelled, I am still an angel and you are just a boy. I'm not intimidated by you." He says and disappears.

I put my knife back in my pocket and walk over to the panic room door. Sam is yelling in agony. As I open the little window and peer inside at my big brother, I hope he remembers to keep his promise.