To Ride or Not.

"AGH!" A tall burly man hovered over the gate with a roar, trying to scare me. "Found you!"

Fritz glared up at him unamused, while I just waved timidly "Caught red handed." I smiled nervously. 'Well I'm found… Maybe he won't tell?'

"Congrats on your first monster kill." He paused and looked at me and Fritz "So… you gonna take her for a ride finally?" With that comment alone it became clear I could get off the hook for being in her stall. Most of the guards were pretty loose with what they "saw" when they talked with Mara. However, not all of them were.

I shushed him and pulled him into the stall, "You know i'm not supposed to be here let alone ride her why would you say that!" I yelled as quietly as I could. Fritz was a little bit more antsy with him so close, but I put my hand on her back and she calmed down again.

He must have noticed, and pointing to my hand, he took a knee so that we were closer to eye level. "A good horse deserves to be ridden."

"You shouldnt be encouraging little girls to break the rules…" I said looking away. It was hard for me to look at his smile for some reason, it left a warm feeling in me, but also an aching. I didn't like it.

He stood up and rubbed his hand in my hair tossing it around. "You can only break your limits if you break a few rules too. How long are you going to make her wait… You know, she knows how to open her own stall, she could have left a long time ago if she wanted to."

I placed my head against her chest. "You're incorrigible." Admittedly it didn't take much to convince me anyway. Fritz had wanted me to ride her before, and the only thing that ever stopped me was Mara, but she wasn't there.

"And your words are far too big for a little girl… You should be a kid while you still can, I won't tell anyone, just make sure you don't go too far away from the castle alright." He quieted his voice, he knew the rules I had to follow, everyone did.

I didn't know what the consequences could end up being for him, but I knew what they would be for me, and it was getting harder to care. It almost felt like even if I got flogged it would be worth it.

Still not knowing anything about the poison, I was afraid of going back to the house, and I was exhausted from all the emotional interactions I had been having. Clearing my mind with a ride seemed like just what I needed.

I climbed onto Frits' back regardless of what might end up happening. She was so warm and soft. She stood up as fast as lightning shaking me around and I could feel adrenaline pumping through my veins again. "N-no no no!" I screamed jumping off.

The guard caught me before I touched the ground and made sure I landed gently. Luckily, Fritz somehow stayed calm the whole time and didn't move after she stood up.

I looked up at the two of them. "S-sorry, I can't. You know what happens if I get caught right? And If I get hurt… I'm afraid Mara would put her down… I just…"

He patted me on the head with a smile, "hey it's alright. Being able to care about others is a good thing."

I looked at Frits. 'If she reared or kicked, it could have gotten dangerous…' "I… want to ride her… I want to become strong enough to ride her."

He chuckled, "That's your promise?"

"I'll do it…" I turned to him, seeing his soft smile hurt for some reason. It wasn't anything like my fathers, it was far less intimidating, but that only made the fact that it made my heart ache even stranger. I looked him in the eyes. "It's a promise."

"Adda girl." He patted my head again and left out the main gate. As I watched him leave I couldn't help but think about it. Why was it so hard to look at his face… He was so kind. Even if he was trying to get me to do something bad.

"Do you know, girl?" I turned back to Frits who just snorted and looked away. "Sorry…" I collapsed backwards against the wall again and sat down resting my arms on my knees. "I really am useless aren't I…"

Frits kicked over the bucket of food.

"Still hungry? Guess it has been a while hasn't it."

She kicked it across the stall.

"I said I'm sorry alright, geez I'll get you some more. I used up all I could find already though so it'll just be oats this time." As I walked over to grab the bucket she knocked it away again and snorted, putting her head to my chest. "Fritz… I get your trying to tell me something… But I'm not getting the message if it isn't I want more food."

She pushed me back against the wall and I sank to the ground how I was sitting before.

"Now you're just being mean!"

She waved her head like she was rolling her eyes at me and snorted again.

"Fine, I'll sit down." 'What made her act like this all the sudden. If it isn't food it must have been something I said. What did I say? Oh… "Fritz… Are you just mad because I said I was useless?"

She snorted, confirming my suspicion. I wasn't sure how or why she was able to understand concepts and emotions so well, much less communicate like she did. It was almost more like she was a person reborn as a horse rather than anything else.

'Could it… no, that's impossible right?' I paused, wondering about whether or not that might have actually been the case. 'Maybe Agis would know.' I decided I would ask him next time we saw each other and left it at that.

I couldn't help but let out a sigh, but it still brought a smile to my face. Ever since I got back even the horses were being nice and comforting me. I rolled my eyes at her. "I guess you're right, I am the only one that can feed you after all. But that's just because you're as stubborn as a mule, it has nothing to do with me."

She kicked the wall behind her

"Ok calm down, it's not like I said you were a mule."

She kicked the wall again and snorted. It almost looked like she was about to charge me. I knew she was just joking though so I couldn't help but laugh.

She was surprisingly clean for not being taken care of for 3 weeks and despite the commotion earlier she was calm. By the time I had finished, my arms were exhausted yet again. I looked down at them. Life was beginning to return to my skin, but my fingers were still so slender. I held the brush in my hand and held it away from my face.

'Have I gotten bigger?' It wasn't out of the question, children grew rapidly until they reached adulthood, even more so during puberty. Still though, it was unusual for me to grow, and kind of exciting when I did. A bigger body meant a stronger body, it also meant it would be easier to eat more. "Hey Fritz, what do you think, am I taller?"

She placed her chin on top of my head and I couldn't help but feel like I was being the but of a joke. "Hey! You don't have to be so mean about it, you're a horse, I know I'm never going to be taller than you."

It was moments like those that I wish could have lasted forever.