Lofty Goals

Before I knew it, training had started. It wasn't that bad though, I had nothing against a light jog. Especially since I was setting the pace. Still, the darkness made me uneasy, unsure of my footing in the mud.

"I know why I had to start years earlier than everyone else, but why do I have to start this early in the morning…" 

"It builds resolve for your goals."

I groaned. 'That answer isn't satisfying at all.' I gritted my teeth. 'What even are my goals? I guess to get strong enough to survive and change the world right, but that's so vague.'

"Siya, focus on the run."

"Right…" I said between puffs of air. 'If I can still speak I could probably go faster.' I picked up the pace. 'If I had one goal. I want to make her acknowledge me, and be able to surpass what she tells me to do, just once.'

Keeping my new goal in mind I ran until my chest felt like it was catching fire, and my throat had dried out from the cold air. My legs burned and all I wanted to do was quit, but I kept going. '45 minute pace. This should be fast enough. I just have to keep going.'

I was only 16 years old when my previous life ended. My sister had died not long before me. My past life was filled with memories that were hard to carry, but I still wanted to remember them. 

I felt like my past life was who I truly was, and this life I was living now was fake. My birthday, my sister's birthday, our names, these were all useless memories logically speaking, but I found myself clinging to them dearly as time went on.

December 6th, July 9th. Rikki… Suzuki. Just thinking of her name made me smile, to think my dad named her after a motorcycle and then complained when she became a biker.

"Focus, keep your head on, your breathing is off." Mara's voice snapped me out of my thoughts again. 'She must have noticed something was bothering me.'

  She was the last person I wanted to talk about it with though. I had a feeling she didn't want to be bothered with it anyway.

I groaned in response, too out of breath to speak and my pace started to slow down, slowly falling behind.

She looked back at me and slowed down to match. "Are you sure you're alright? This can't still be from the poison, can it? Siya?"

I waved her off and kept running. The reason didn't matter. I was sick of making excuses for myself, I was already running, and I wasn't going to stop until I made it to the well. 

The aggravation I felt that had built up inside of me pushed me forward until we made it to the well.

  When we finally arrived I grabbed my knees, panting. My lungs were burning, but my body was frigid from the cold air. I slowly ended up taking a knee, and then before I knew it I was on all fours.

"Here, cool down some." She poured cold water from the river over my head and it sent shivers down my spine.

I tensed up and didn't say a word. 'Just take it…' There was no point in telling her I was cold already, it was just a waste of breath that I didn't have. Besides, the bucket had already been poured.

"You have to focus on the run, your breathing, your stride length. Don't cling to any unnecessary thoughts. It's fine to have your mind empty, but you can't let yourself get distracted."

I felt nauseous, but not enough for anything beyond discomfort. We were only halfway done and all the motivation I had built up was already starting to fade. 'This can't be all I have…'

"Stand up, and start walking, when you're ready, set the pace."

It hadn't been long, but I had recovered enough to stand at least, even if I felt a little lightheaded.

  'This is how it is, no point in trying to imagine it's not so bad. It is what it is, and I'll make it through like I always do.' "Let's just get going." If I wanted to make it back in time, I would need to set a pace I could hold, and the only way to do that was to start early.

'Stride length, breathing, pace, every muscle in my body firing in unison.' I slipped into an almost trance-like state, managing to avoid all thought. There were a few times I faintly heard Mara's voice, but I couldn't even make out what she was saying.

When I saw the castle growing closer I still felt nothing. It wasn't until I crossed the imaginary finish line I came out of it. All of the fatigue and exhaustion hit me at once.

"I'm… done… Mara," I said, panting. My legs may have felt good at first, with the blood rushing to them, but at the end of the run, they were cramping and screaming at me. I was starting to lose my balance and my breathing was becoming shaky as a cold sweat covered my body.

She glanced at the clock tower again unphased by the exercise, not even seeming to break a sweat. "Hm. 50 minutes, you've gotten faster."

My eyes widened as I fell onto my back. I was too exhausted to care that I was lying in the mud. '5 minutes too slow… Maybe she set it high on purpose, it's possible that I still impressed her. She said I was faster at least.'

I could tell from my pacing I wasn't going to make it, but actually crossing the finish line and hearing her tell me I failed made it real, no matter how she said it. 'That was just the first exercise, I can't let it get to me, I have to stay focused.'

Before I could even catch my breath I felt her foot nudge me. "150 push-ups, Go." She looked down at me with a stern face and eyes like daggers. It was far from the face of someone who was proud. 

I rolled over, obeying. 'Should have known better.'

I could feel the mud squish into my hands. It was as cold as the air but still didn't stop my muscles from burning while I continuously moved up and down.

I still wasn't worried about the mud, it was better than snow at least, but the goal was far past anything I had ever done in the past. 'It doesn't matter how high it is, I'll do it. Even if it's just to see the look on her face.

'I'm going to do it.'