an old state of mind

few things bring me joy anymore in this depressive state

even those closest to me make me feel nothing as the void inside of me continues to grow

i struggle to understand those around me and what i once was

the child i used to be

it seems that the only things that i can feel are loneliness and fear

fear of those around me

fear of abandonment

fear of loss

i long to be the kind and sympathetic child i once was

but that child is gone

never to be seen again

the shine in the eyes of what was once a young and innocent little girl

the little girl who knew nothing but love and kindness

the little girl who has grown into a vicious monster surrounded by darkness with no way to escape

there is nowhere for me to run but i can't turn around and face my problems

i wish for the dark abyss of death

my sweet relief

perhaps then i might be satisfied