Jacob

I don't feel great about what I told Ana earlier, but I was being honest. Every time that I think about that day, I feel my heart crumble. There are so many questions in my head.

Why did Gisele have to be on that ledge? Why did Ana try to convince her she could jump? Why didn't she jump farther?

The memory of her face, blue, ice cold, it still haunts me. Her beauty was gone in that moment, and she'd left behind only the faintest shell of who she was. I'd imagined Gisele carrying my children as my Luna. Leading the pack alongside me. Now, that would never happen.

A piece of my soul was torn out that day, and it will never come back to me. I don't think that I can forgive Ana for that. Maybe I'm blaming her to avoid blaming myself. I agreed to that stupid race, after all.

But I wasn't the one who convinced Gisele to take some stupid shortcut. I wasn't the one who dragged her up on that cliff, or who watched her fall without doing anything. I tried to save her, and I was too late.

These thoughts swim around my head almost constantly, and it drives me insane every day. I don't think I can move on so easily. I don't want to, either.

I want to bury myself in the bitterness, if only so that I don't have to face any truths that I might be fighting to hide from myself.

The night is cold tonight. It is so quiet that I can hear the ocean in the deep distance. Even the owls are not willing to come out. Yet, here I am, walking to the Healer's building, to go and see Ana.

My head fills with simpler times as I walk. Life was easy and the future certain. We didn't know what would happen to us. We were friends, the three of us. Ana, Gisele, me. Maybe I should have listened to the others, and rejected Ana as a friend.

She's not an Alpha, and she didn't belong with us. If we'd chased her to her rightful place back then, then maybe that race would not have happened.

But we were children, and we didn't know any better. We didn't know that that cliff would end it all.

~Six years earlier, on the beach.

"Tag! You're it!" I laugh as I push Ana into the ground. She splutters, spitting sand from her mouth.

"Don't you think we're too old for that?" Grumpily, Ana throws a handful of the golden stuff at me, but it lands harmlessly at my feet. "It's a stupid game."

"It's a stupid game." I stick my fingers in my ears and taunt her by wiggling my hands. "You're just afraid you're going to lose."

"Am not. I'm the best at tag." Ana is on her feet, in a stance that she copies from the pack's hunters. "If I wanted to, I could catch you right now."

"Then do it!" Already running, my feet splash in the shallow waves. I can hear her behind me, so I purposefully slow down for her to get me.

Ana crashes into me, causing us to roll across the sand, becoming covered in it. We laugh as we wrestle haphazardly. She ends up on top, the grin of a victor forming on her face.

"Hey, guys! I thought I heard you." Gisele has come over the dunes, and is running towards us. I shove Ana while she is distracted and she tumbles off of me. I notice that she looks disappointed, somehow, but the expression quickly vanishes.

"You took your sweet time getting here," I waggle my finger at her, copying the way that the older teachers speak to us. "I hope you're sorry!"

~Present day, at the healer's building

I have to walk through the emergency section of the healer's building. I get several confused stares from people in the waiting area. Not only am I clearly uninjured, but it's a strange thing for the Alpha to simply show up here.

"I'm here to see Anastasia," I announce to the receptionist. "She's in a ward upstairs."

"You know which room she's in?" The receptionist asks politely. I forgive her for forgetting my title. It can't be fun to work in an emergency room this late at night.

"Yeah," I answer, and trundle past. If I was anyone else, they might have stopped me there, and told me it was too late to visit, to come back in the morning. But no one here would stand in the Alpha's way, even if I wished that they would.

It seems like a very long walk to get to Ana's room, despite the short distance. I am apprehensive, and my anger is still right underneath the surface. I don't know what I'm going to say to her, or why I'm even really here.

Finally, I reach the hallway that contains her room. I give myself a short pep talk in my head, about how it's my duty as her Alpha to care, whether I want to or not. Gisele would have been furious if I turned my back on Ana entirely.

I have to do this. I reach her room. The door is closed, but I silently swing it open and walk into Ana's room. It's late, and all of the lights are off, except the one above her bed. It forms an eerie illumination over her figure.

The only color comes from her hair, spread out across her pillow as if it is a crown of fire.

She is asleep, so I simply sit down in the chair beside her without saying anything. Despite everything that has happened, I can't help but think that she is beautiful. Her hair spreads out across the bleak pillows like fire. Her skin, bruised as it is, almost glows in the dim light.

"I still care about you, you know, even after everything…" I whisper, the sound flowing through the room like a breeze. "I just wish that we could go back to how it was. You remember that day we sneaked out of training? You took the fall for all of us."

Something changes in Ana's face. I wonder if she hears me, but that isn't it. She is frowning, her limbs twitching at her sides. Is she having a nightmare?

"Ana." I try gently saying her name, hoping it would wake her, but it doesn't. She settles for a moment, and I relax, thinking that I might have soothed her.

Then, Ana moans, a deep, unpleasant, torturous sound. Something is wrong. She begins to twist and turn, complaining in a voice that has no words.

"Ana?" I am standing now, worried about what is going on in her head. "Anastasia!"

The louder I say her name, the wilder her writhing becomes. This is no ordinary nightmare. It looks like her body is trying to fight with her mind, trying to get her to wake up.

She does not. Her muscles tense, and her breath becomes hurried.

"Gisele!" The scream reaches the roof and pushes its way upwards to the night sky. It curls into me like an icy tendril of desperation, clawing at my heart. I have never heard so much pain rolled into a single word.

Ana begins to thrash, fighting something that only she can see. It is so violent that I become concerned that she will rip the medical tubes from her body. I cannot let that happen.

I clamber on top of her and straddle her waist, using my hands to hold down her arms. Her legs kick behind me and her whole body continues to fight. I keep her pinned, despite her fighting as if I am the monster. Again, she shouts.

"Gisele!" It intersperses with screams of frustration and sorrow, but the word itself is clear each time.

Despite the wounds that she has suffered, she is strong. Three times, she almost manages to dislodge me, but I keep my hold. I wonder if she goes through this every night. How many times has she ripped the tubes from her veins? How many times has she seen Gisele die?

"Ana, calm down, you're alright!" I shout in return, barely audible over her screams. "Please, stop this!"

In her sleep, she cannot hear me. No matter how loud my voice, she is too far inside of her own unconsciousness to come up for air. I decide to ride it out and wait for it to end, even if it takes every ounce of strength that I have.

The thrashing finally slows after several agonizing minutes. Bit by bit, it is replaced by sobs that wrack her body almost as harshly. I soften my grip, thinking that she has awoken. When I release her and get down, she sits up immediately.

Her hands are over her face, and she is crying. "Ana, it was just a dream."

It doesn't look like she heard me. When she drops her hands to her side, she is looking at something above her. Her eyes are glassy, despite the presence of tears. This makes me realize that she is still asleep, even through her sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob." Ana is speaking to whatever she sees above her, and her words sear right through my heart. "I'm so sorry, I didn't… I didn't want this."

"I know," I answer, but she doesn't look at me. What is she seeing in her dream? Am I angry? Vengeful? Hateful?

"I tried to save her," Ana glances down for a second, before her gaze returns to the Jacob in her mind. "I promise, I tried as hard as I could."

I want to answer, but I don't know if it will help her. I have no idea what will.

"Please, I promise you, I didn't want this." Ana reaches out towards the ghost that only she sees. Her arms reach ever upwards, but grasp at nothing. "Please, Jacob."

Her sobs intensify, as if the version of me that she was seeing had rejected her pleas and walked away. I stand beside her bed, filling with the same sorrow that she expresses.

"Please!" A desperate last attempt escapes her in a whisper. "Forgive me."

I can no longer stand there and watch the scene that unfolds in front of my eyes. I step forward, put one hand on her back, and pull her towards me. Without hesitation, Ana crashes into my chest, crying uncontrollably.

I don't think about whether she is awake any longer. All that I want to do is comfort her, despite my doubts and my inability to let go of the past. I hate that she is suffering and I want it to stop.

One hand on her back and the other stroking her flaming hair, I try to speak to her again. "You're okay, Ana, I promise you that."

It seems like she is calming down. The sobs have softened, even though her tears have soaked my shirt. She clings desperately to it nonetheless, like a child who has been frightened by a monster.

"Can you hear me?" I ask, and continue even when I don't get a response. "You're going to be alright. Everything heals if you give it time. Just breathe, and go back to sleep. No one can hurt you here."

Her breathing evens and her grip on my shirt loosens. I gently push her back and she willingly allows me to do so. She is still looking down, but her body seems limp and suddenly heavy.

I lay her back until she is on her side, her eyes closed and her limbs calm. She is asleep again. The nightmare is over. I decide to keep sitting there for a while, just to make sure that she's alright. Hopefully she would not remember her dreams in the morning, but I would be haunted by them for a long time to come.